**Sorry about the delay. Midterms and all that crap are behind me, though...I should have ch 4 coming soon...if I get more reviews. :P Thanks, though, I love you all!**

Revenge of the Parody
Chapter 3 – Christine Gets...Another Man?

Christine: Santa! Wa'cha bring me?

Phantom: Enough pretending. You know it's just a cover up.

Christine: Cover up? What's that?

We pause to sadly remind you that Christine's IQ does not match the frequency of her voice.

Phantom: It means I'm not Santa!

Christine: You're NOT?!


Phantom: You idiot. There's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Christine: (bashes head against the wall) There's NOT?!

Phantom: I was never good with small children.

Christine: I know! You killed him! MURDERER!

Phantom: No, Simba, I am innocent!

Christine: That sounds familiar. Maybe I saw it on Oprah.

Phantom: (shakes head) You need help. Do you have a 'reset' button?

Christine: Yeah, it's right here.

Phantom: (presses it)

Christine: (puts on a fake goofy smile) Welcome to McDonalds! Would you like fries with that?

Phantom: Oops. Wrong button. (pushes another button)

Christine: Raoul, baby, I love y—

Phantom: DAH! (randomly presses 5 million buttons in an instant)

Christine: This looks like a job for me, so everybody, just follow me...

Phantom: Eh?

Christine: (presses her reset button)

Phantom: This is getting scarier by the minute.

Christine: So where were we? Oh yes...Murderer! You killed Santa!

Phantom: Now let's not jump to conclusions. I was just playfully slapping him—

Christine: You slapped him?!

Phantom: Erm.

Christine: God, you are a stalker. Didn't he tell you that he was already taken by ME??

Phantom: ...

Christine: Santa, it's OVER, you player!

Phantom: Well, if I had known that you preferred bearded, fat, crusty old men...

Christine: You're going to hell.

Phantom: Duh. I live in hell.

Christine: Oh. Right.

Phantom: Hey, guess what?

Christine: You're getting a makeover and some flea shampoo?

Phantom: No.

Christine: Oh.

Phantom: But, I stole Santa's sleigh! Wanna go?

Christine: Where?

Phantom: Disneyland.

Christine: Yayy! I always wanted to go there!

Phantom: Too bad. I killed Mickey Mouse, too.

Christine: (takes out a butter knife to kill the Phantom)

Phantom: Now, my dear, violence is not the answer.

Christine: (obediently puts the knifee back in her butt without a thought that the Phantom is contradicting himself)

A little while later, Christine and Erik are gracefully cruising along like little pink poinies with—

Phantom: Enough! (raises light saber)

Narrarator: (gulp)

Christine: Why did we stop gracefully cruising?!

Phantom: Hmm.

Christine: Oh, I figured it out. Rudolph's just having a bab---D'oh!!! Rudolph's having a BABY?!

Phantom: They leave a few details out of the Christmas carol.

A little while later, Rudolf, Comet, and Baby are waving goodbye to Christine and Erik, now joined by more...supernatural beings.

Phantom: What? What are you looking at?

Christine: (snorts) Not much.

Phantom: I wasn't talking to you, chere. (waves to a random boa constrictor he sees)

Christine: We're never going to make it back to the "opera" in time. God dammit, we're still in China!

Phantom: Dah. Well, luckily, I know a shortcut through the center of the earth.

Christine: (coughs) No book hopping. You know I hate Frodo, anyway.

Phantom: Might I suggest learning how to read before underestimating the pleasantness of a pretty gay hobbit? Besides, we're in the right book—we have reindeer.

Christine: Plastic reindeer.

Phantom: I can't help the sexual impulses of real reindeer!!

Christine: (sigh) Why don't we just walk?

They walk, and walk, and walk, and walk, and walk, and walk, and walk, and walk and...

Phantom: Silence!

And walk?

Phantom: I think I've passed that sand pit before.

Christine: I like sandpits.

Phantom: Maybe it's time for a song...

Christine: ZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ.

Phantom: ...next episode.

Meanwhile, back at Christine's dressing room...

Meg: (wakes up) Oh God, what did Santa do with her?

Raoul: (from outside the door) Christine! Christine! Where art thou?

Meg: (opens door) Santa in a mask came and stole her.

Raoul: Oh. Well, in that case, let's have a party! (bounces)

Meg: I'm too scared to. Santa Claus gone wrong might come back. Besides, when I was little, my grandfather's cousin's girlfriend's brother's great grandneice's best friend's first cousin once removed's brother's mom's worst enemy came down my chimney and...

Raoul: My virgin ears! Agh!

Meg: And then his eyes started shining like an armadillo on crack's would...

Raoul: Stop!! I am not your psychiatrist!

Next Episode: We'll check on Firmin and Andre. If we dare. Maybe we'll even have the Phantom sing his famous song...

Meg: And he said..."Grovel, you insignificant worm!" and then I said...


Raoul: SECURITY!!!!

Ahem. Thanks for all your reviews, keep them coming! :D