Disclaimer: There is no way in Mordor you want this plot, so why do I bother? Garbage isn't mine either, it belongs to my English class. I happen to like Newfies, leave it at that. Though I do want to blow up Garbage Island! *claps hands in delight* If you sued me all you'd get was a pile of homework, so by all means do so! And this is all a good (or rather bad if you wish to get technical) parody of a Mary Sue landing in Middle Earth. I am not responsible for any parentage she claims.

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The first thing that Phoenix felt was a rock so conveniently digging in the most lovely back in all of Garbage, Newfoundland. She sat up, regarding her surroundings.

"Jesus…" she said, and closed her eyes again. This could not be happening. Really. There was no way in Heaven or Hell she was in the middle of a forest. It was not happening. She couldn't even stand to spend the night in her back yard. Had she mentioned it was not happening?

"It's happened," Nick said behind her.

"What?"

"I'm officially crazy. I thought for a moment I was in a forest"

"I would usually doubt that, but we are."

Phoenix's eyes shot open. "Shut up!!!!!!! James! Don't tell us stuff we don't want to hear."

"There is no use denying the simple fact of the matter. We are in the midst of a forest, most likely somewhere in New Zealand if the vegetation is any indication."

"You actually paid attention when Mrs. Kiss-My-Back-Cheeks was lecturing us on the natural growth patterns of ecology?" Nick said in disgust.

"Of course not," replied his comrade. "But I happened to note the plants in the Lord of the Rings film. It was shot in New Zealand. I made an assumption-"

"Well, it may have been a little premature," said Phoenix, who had been the first to look to the right. "What's with those statues?"

The two boys turned and let out a small gasp. On either side of the river stood magnificent guardians, approaching an easy 200 feet.

"The Argonath!" Exclaimed James in awe.

"The Argo-Whata-Whoa?" asked Nick.

"The Argonath. A statue to the Lords of Gondor, Isildur and Anárion."

The two boys turned and stared at Katie –er, Phoenix. She blanched, and gave a nervous twitter.

"How did you know that? Is my cousin reading in her spare time?"

"I, I don't…Well, I don't know! All I know is that we're in Middle Earth, along the river Anduin. I don't know why I know this, but I do. Approaching in boats is what remains of the Fellowship, and Gollum follows behind."

"Riiight," said Nick.

It was James turn to turn white. "That's pretty accurate…But can anyone explain why we're here? I would really like to know. Because if I was ever to land in Middle Earth, you would think I'd have enough sense to land somewhere safe."

"Don't look at me," said Nick. "I couldn't stand that movie. Not enough sex."

Phoenix looked down, and let out a small Eep! of surprise.

"Why am I wearing a dress?" She managed to ask. "I mean you guys landed with your normal clo…" she trailed off as she caught her reflection in a nearby puddle. "MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!"

"Who cares about your hair, we're in Middle Earth for the love of Elbereth!"

Phoenix stood whimpering, and touched her tresses. The burnt auburn she had kept it coloured for the past three years was replaced by a shining ebony. Her face, once tanned and lively, was now pale. Unearthly pale, as if she had never seen the sun.

Meanwhile, James and Nick had been discussing their current, erm, predicament.

"It's always possible that there was a rip in the time space continuum that we fell through as we…well, fell."

"Riiight," said Nick.

"No, no. That just won't do," muttered James. "Even if other worlds were created in a separate dimension by thought, there is little chance of a hole being in the staircase of 452 Peaknick Drive. And why would we land in Middle Earth? There are millions, billions of fantasy realities out there…Why here?"

A heroic (yet feminine) voice replied. "Perhaps it was meant to be. Perhaps there is a reason. Pehaps it is my destiny!"

"Perhaps you've seen too many late night horror movies Katie."

Phoenix glared at her cousin.

"How dare you use such a degrading name, you pompous… Dwarf!" She yelled, tossing her hair back angrily.

James gasped, and turned to Nick. "Nicky, we have a problem…you know you're girlfriend? Well, I think she's an elf. A temperamental one at that."

A darkness grew around Phoenix. "I am greater then an elf! I am the daughter of Elbereth and Sauron! Bow before me!"

But even as she finished, light returned to the forest and her manner grew once again polite and royal like.

James gave a stricken look to Nick. Could it be? Was his cousin truly becoming a really bad Mary Sue? Would he ever return home, where there were run of the mill thieves and murderers? Or would he be stuck with fulfilling a yet unknown destiny?

"Well, at least she didn't turn green."

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R&R if you like the story, hate the story, or think I'm a complete idiot trying to destroy the genre of Mary Sue's and their parodies! So pretty much, if you read please review so I'm not completely lonely. *sniffles* Kate stole my elves, so I made her a MS!

Next chapter: ^-^ We finally have real conflict—the Fellowship needs a place to rest for the night