A/N: Don't kill me, this is all Liz's fault. She just *had* to make me
watch that Muppet movie. lol. So this idea just kinda popped into my head.
Oh, well here it is as a special holiday treat. lol.
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**IT'S A WONDERFUL DOUBLE LIFE**
PART ONE~ 'Oh, Christmas Tree'
I have a smile plastered onto my face as I lift a metallic red ball out of the old cardboard box. I place it onto the stiff green needles and reach for another.
Francie laughs as Will tells some story about a guy in his NA group, and I only half listen. Eventually, my attention turns away from the colorful tree and to the window.
I wish it were snowing. I wish I could run outside like a child and let the soft, glittering specks melt on my coat and lashes. But it doesn't snow in L.A., not even at Christmas. Outside it grows windy, but it's been a very long time since the ground was white and the palm trees have been coated in frost.
I turn back towards my friends and attempt to make my smile more genuine. I breathe in deep the scents of the cinnamon and bayberry candles burning on the mantle, and listen to the gentle sounds of the Christmas carols playing on the radio and the laughter from my friends.
It's one of those warm and comforting nights before Christmas Eve that you always read about and see in movies. But I can't feel happy. All I feel is emptiness.
I stare at the tree and I see my reflection in one of the silver ornaments. It's funny how I've become so distant and pensive that I can relate to a Christmas tree. When you look at one, you see brightness and color and beauty. You see happiness and the excitement of tomorrow.
But behind the plastic, behind the shiny decorations and artificial sweetness, you see just a dark green. A blanket of needles, sharp to the touch. Don't get too close to it or it'll leave you bleeding. And when the fun is over and the job is done, the pretty cover comes off and you're left with a vacant, sorrowful tree, which is thrown away and tossed out, the only remnants a mass of emerald needles sprinkling the floor.
My life is so screwed up. It's times like these, times when I should be celebrating and full of love and hope, that I realize the truths that I try to hide, even from myself.
The truth that because of me, Will was tortured and his life was ruined. Because of me, Danny is dead. Because of me, Vaughn almost suffered a painful, slow, and agonizing fate. Because of me, Sloane has a higher rank than ever and SD-6 may be even closer to domination.
It's times like these when I realize that everyone would be better off without me. And I find myself wishing I were never brought into this world by the very person prophesized to destroy it.
I stare up at the golden angel Francie had just placed at the top of the tree and the words float across my mind. "My guardian angel."
That's it. I can call Vaughn. He's been there for me countless times. He can help me.
Then I remember Alice. I know I'm not Vaughn's girlfriend, nor am I in any type of relationship with him that can be considered any more than friendship. But somehow, I feel like the presence of any other woman, especially because of the fact that he never told me about her, is breaking the bond I felt we so strongly shared.
And the thought of losing the connection we'd so deeply based our relationship on, the trust and openness we had with each other that I'd assumed would always be there, was a final breaking point. I couldn't bear to lose the light that sometimes help me to get up in the morning and make it through the day.
With all the other shit going on, I couldn't lose my confidant and last tie to sanity too, but it looked like that's the way it was headed.
At this point, I think it would be better for me and everyone else if I had just never been born.
***
End Part One *** A/N: If you've seen "It's a Wonderful Life" you probably know where this is going. Lol. Like it so far? Please review and tell me! I'm going to try and have the next part up soon. I wanna get this one done before Christmas is over. Lol.
PART ONE~ 'Oh, Christmas Tree'
I have a smile plastered onto my face as I lift a metallic red ball out of the old cardboard box. I place it onto the stiff green needles and reach for another.
Francie laughs as Will tells some story about a guy in his NA group, and I only half listen. Eventually, my attention turns away from the colorful tree and to the window.
I wish it were snowing. I wish I could run outside like a child and let the soft, glittering specks melt on my coat and lashes. But it doesn't snow in L.A., not even at Christmas. Outside it grows windy, but it's been a very long time since the ground was white and the palm trees have been coated in frost.
I turn back towards my friends and attempt to make my smile more genuine. I breathe in deep the scents of the cinnamon and bayberry candles burning on the mantle, and listen to the gentle sounds of the Christmas carols playing on the radio and the laughter from my friends.
It's one of those warm and comforting nights before Christmas Eve that you always read about and see in movies. But I can't feel happy. All I feel is emptiness.
I stare at the tree and I see my reflection in one of the silver ornaments. It's funny how I've become so distant and pensive that I can relate to a Christmas tree. When you look at one, you see brightness and color and beauty. You see happiness and the excitement of tomorrow.
But behind the plastic, behind the shiny decorations and artificial sweetness, you see just a dark green. A blanket of needles, sharp to the touch. Don't get too close to it or it'll leave you bleeding. And when the fun is over and the job is done, the pretty cover comes off and you're left with a vacant, sorrowful tree, which is thrown away and tossed out, the only remnants a mass of emerald needles sprinkling the floor.
My life is so screwed up. It's times like these, times when I should be celebrating and full of love and hope, that I realize the truths that I try to hide, even from myself.
The truth that because of me, Will was tortured and his life was ruined. Because of me, Danny is dead. Because of me, Vaughn almost suffered a painful, slow, and agonizing fate. Because of me, Sloane has a higher rank than ever and SD-6 may be even closer to domination.
It's times like these when I realize that everyone would be better off without me. And I find myself wishing I were never brought into this world by the very person prophesized to destroy it.
I stare up at the golden angel Francie had just placed at the top of the tree and the words float across my mind. "My guardian angel."
That's it. I can call Vaughn. He's been there for me countless times. He can help me.
Then I remember Alice. I know I'm not Vaughn's girlfriend, nor am I in any type of relationship with him that can be considered any more than friendship. But somehow, I feel like the presence of any other woman, especially because of the fact that he never told me about her, is breaking the bond I felt we so strongly shared.
And the thought of losing the connection we'd so deeply based our relationship on, the trust and openness we had with each other that I'd assumed would always be there, was a final breaking point. I couldn't bear to lose the light that sometimes help me to get up in the morning and make it through the day.
With all the other shit going on, I couldn't lose my confidant and last tie to sanity too, but it looked like that's the way it was headed.
At this point, I think it would be better for me and everyone else if I had just never been born.
***
End Part One *** A/N: If you've seen "It's a Wonderful Life" you probably know where this is going. Lol. Like it so far? Please review and tell me! I'm going to try and have the next part up soon. I wanna get this one done before Christmas is over. Lol.