Part Five
Will's... a drug addict.
How am I supposed to respond to this? How am I supposed to feel?
This is ironic more than anything else, and I fail to see how my presence would've prevented it.
"I know you're wondering why this happened. Well, do you remember the day you met Will?" Kate asks me. I think back.
"Yes. It was five years ago. I was having a bad day so I went under the bleachers on the football at UCLA. Will had been there too."
Kate nods. "Ever wonder why?"
"Not really," I admit.
"Will, if you recall, was not always the comfortable, charming, social person he is now, or was while you existed."
"I remember," I say. If the situation were not so dire, I'd probably laugh at the memory of geeky, awkward Will.
Kate continued. "He finally decided that there was only one way to feel confidant and become more accepted, and that day under the bleachers he decided to try it out."
And it sinks in. "Dope."
"By some strange twist of Fate, you decided that those bleachers were a good place to relax. You being there and offering immediate friendship and acceptance to Will stopped him from making the worst mistake of his life."
I say nothing.
Everything is... nothing is right in this world.
How is it possible that I've affected so much? I'm just one person, one insignificant little dot moving about the millions of others. What makes me so wonderful?
This has to be a mistake, a screw up. Kate must have gotten me confused with someone else. Angels can make mistakes, can't they?
Can't they?
I feel a mist of tears building up but I refuse to let them fall. They will not fall.
I don't want to go back to that life.
I can't go back.
Before I can allow myself to let the drops break through, I suck in a shaky breath and speak over the noise of the scene before me. "Where are my parents?"
"Sydney... are you sure?"
I don't know.
Am I sure?
"Yes."
Am I?
I'd better be.
I hold my breath and shut my eyes, not even knowing I'm doing so until my eyes open and I breathe again.
We're in a field, large and stretching off into unseen oblivions.
Cold wind whips around me, sweeping my hair across my face and into my eyes. The breeze whistles through the trees and an eerie wail blows along with it. I shudder.
It's only now that I notice the cold gray structures spread across the plain.
A graveyard.
"What are we doing here?" I manage a whisper, the moan of the wind through the trees still sending shivers down the back of my neck.
"You wanted to see your parents," Kate calmly replies.
"My... my parents are dead?"
"No."
We are suddenly standing directly in front of a small black headstone.
I read.
LAURA D. BRISTOW
LOVING WIFE AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
HER WISH FOR A BEGINNING CAME TO AN END
BUT SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN A WONDERFUL MOTHER
OCTOBER 19TH, 1955-
DECEMBER 20TH, 1981
"My mother... my mother's dead. But how...?
"You were five years old. You were at home decorating a Christmas tree with your mother. You're father was on a business trip. You went into the kitchen to see if your hot chocolate was ready," Kate begins the familiar story.
I swallow hard and recall the rest. "I noticed that a napkin that had been too close to the stove had caught a flame. I got scared and yelled to my mom. She raced in and put out the flame with one little puff, and I thought she was the most magical woman ever."
I tuck a hair behind my ear and wince as I remember what happened next. "She just smiled down at me and said 'See? Just like blowing out birthday candles, Sydney. Don't be scared of fire. It will only burn you if you get too close.' I will never forget that. I didn't even notice until now how meaningful those words were..."
I stop talking and Kate doesn't have to explain anymore. I knew. Had I not been there, she wouldn't have noticed the flame in time. The house had caught on fire and she hadn't escaped.
"You burn me, I burn you..."
I glance wistfully at the single rose amongst the tall grass. It looks like it could have been red once, ruby red as a drop of blood.
But too many things, cold, long winters, trampling feet, perilous storms, have robbed it of its beauty. Its petals are curled and dry, discolored. It has darkened to a purplish brown, with crackling brown edges.
"What happened to my father after that?" I hear my voice flatly question.
"Your father... your father changed."
"Thank you for clearing that up."
Kate sighs and although I'm still staring down at the rose, I can see her looking over at me from the corner of my eye.
"Alright..." she agrees. "I'll show you. But first there's one more thing you need to see while we're here." She points to a grave stone a few feet away from my mother's.
I carefully step over to it and lean down to read its engraving, shadowed beneath the wings of a marble angel.
DANIEL HECHT
STEP SOFTLY, AN ANGEL LIES HERE
JULY 6TH, 1973- SEPTEMBER 25, 2001
"Danny is not supposed to be dead," I murmur firmly. "He wouldn't have died if I hadn't been there to tell him..."
"How can you be so sure?" Kate responds. "That night, September 25, 2001... that night, had Danny not stayed home to drink and pine over the truth about you, he would have gone out to a party being held for the hospital staff. His car would have been pushed of the road when a drunk driver swerved into it. The car would have flipped three times before bursting into flames."
"But..."
"Danny was meant to die that night. No one could have prevented it. It was Fate. You can't stop Fate."
I bite my trembling lip. The tears are a stubborn army, gaining power and preparing to defeat. I surrender to just one and let it slide down.
"Just show me my father," I whisper as I trace the engraved letters with my fingertips. The teardrop splashes onto the cool white surface. I stare then repeat, "Just show me my father."
"Very well."
And the graveyard fades and dissolves. In an instant, the 'Oak Road Cemetery" sign flickers like an old TV set.
Standing before us now is a silver, razor sharp barbed wire fence, ready to devour its next opponent.
A wooden sign blows about from two metals posts.
Woodland Psychological Infirmary
I look past the sign and through the gate. A large gray building towers over us, surrounded by an eerie mist.
Before I can react, we're inside the building. Nurses and doctors scurry about, while people in wheel chairs roll down the endless hallways. What they say about the 'men in white jackets' is true.
That's when I see him. He is in a lounge of some sort, appearing to be watching the TV showing 'Hollywood Squares.' But he's staring off into space, not really paying attention to anything at all, his lips moving to form silent words that no one will hear but are impossible to escape.
"Daddy?" I whisper. "Kate, what happened to him?"
A voice sweeps through the room and fills my thoughts. You know, it softly informs. You know...
Is this really what would have happened to my father without me? Would the death of my mother then discovering the truth really have driven him to the point of insanity?
Is having me for a daughter really what keeps him grounded?
Or have I just been driving him there more slowly?
My mind is a swirl of abstract thoughts, distorted wonders, buzzing and ringing in my ears. My father, so strong and stern, is now weak and ineffectual.
This is not how I expected a life without me to be at all.
I know that before I return, there is just one more person I have to see.
I've tried to hold that thought aside because I am afraid of the truth it may reveal, but now it is the only thing that can decide my path.
I stare tearfully at my father one last time and my mind calls out to Kate for one last request to her.
***
A/N: And we all know who her final visit will be to, right? Lol. Stick around because things are gonna get pretty fun w/ 'you- know- who' in the next chap Review! :-D