OPEN YOUR EYES

Chapter 5: Gone – Amy

                Ephram's lips were on mine. Something wasn't right. No, something was wrong with this picture.

                I shot back at my first instinct that something wasn't right. And when I looked back and saw Ephram's eyes, confused and lost, I did what my instinct told me to, without a second to think in between.

                "Who the hell do you think you are?" I spat out, uncharacteristically raising my voice and speaking unkindly. "I trust you as a friend, and every time I'm the slightest bit vulnerable, you take that as an opportunity to move in and kiss me?"

                I watched the look in his eyes change drastically from confusion to hurt in a matter of two seconds. My stomach churned. Suddenly I felt awful for being so harsh, but before I got a chance to rephrase it, the look changed again—the anger. I knew in an instant—he was fed up.

                "No!" he lashed out at me ruthlessly. "No, Amy! Don't pretend you don't know that you aren't 'just a friend' to me! Don't do that! You know damn well what you mean to me, and you just use me as this a shoulder to cry on whenever something goes wrong with your precious little Colin. Well, you know what? I'm sick of it! I'm not gonna be your fallback guy anymore, Amy! You've done nothing but toy with me. You're selfish, conniving, manipulating, you—" He bit his tongue visibly, then drew a deep breath and glared at me. "Just go." He nodded his head towards the stairs, spun on his heel and ran into his house, slamming the door behind him.

                Well, Amy, your game's finally over. Ephram finally got smart. I felt tears springing to my eyes. Why? I wasn't supposed to cry. His loss, right? I still had Colin.

                Yeah, Colin, who remembers me so well. Okay, so maybe I didn't have him as of this moment, but I would. Or maybe not. I finally gave in and let the tears fall.

                Was Ephram right? Of course he was. I was using him. I…think? I loved Colin. Not Ephram. So why did I run to Ephram's when Colin didn't remember me? Why had I told the bus driver to drop me off at the stop by Ephram's street? Why had that been my first instinct? Well…it didn't matter anyway now. He hated me. You're supposed to hate him too, Amy, I reminded mysef.

                I slowly got up, and took one final look at the house. It was like I was saying goodbye to Ephram forever. That was what I wanted…? I think I was supposed to be happy that Ephram was gone from my life. I mean, ever since he came, he's done nothing but damage…or has he done the opposite? Why can't I make up my mind lately? What's wrong with me?

                I looked at Ephram's window. I saw him through the blinds, and made out a vision of him walking in and throwing his coat on the floor. Then I noticed out of the corner of my eye that another room had been dark, and now a light was on.  Strange…I focused back to Ephram's window, but the light was back on.

                When he'd kissed me, I'd thought Ephram was the thing wrong with the picture. And now that he was gone, I wasn't so sure. So what exactly was wrong? I knew something was. It had to be Ephram.

                "You don't need him," I murmured aloud. But I had a hard time believing it.

                As I began the short walk home, I'm sure even the trees and the wind and the snow were laughing at me, laughing at the pathetic little mess I finally realized I had become.