OPEN YOUR EYES

Chapter 11: Sorry – Amy

                Amy, Amy…what are you doing here? I asked myself. Have you completely lost your mind?

                I had tried, I really did. I took Colin to the diner with me, alone, in a desperate attempt for him to remember all the lazy days we'd spent there.

                We'd been sitting at a table for two, and our conversation was going no where.

                "Do you remember anything?" I asked, almost pleadingly.

                "I came here a lot," he nodded, glancing around as he took a sip of his Coke.

                "With…?" I was losing my patience. He couldn't even keep his eyes on me for two seconds.

                "You." He looked at me, and then in this honest, serious voice, asked me, "Why didn't Bright ever come with us?"

                He might as well have taken his hand and physically slapped me across the face. I meant nothing to him. Bright's sister. I guess I wasn't important enough for him to remember. Finally all the frustration and anger I'd been feeling deep down all this time, over the past few months…I couldn't take it anymore. I'd spent six months, in and out of hospitals…for what? For this? To be Bright's little sister? It hurt so much. I wanted to cry, right then and there.

                But the frustration didn't come out as tears. Instead, I found this girl who was not me raising her voice and harshly informing Colin that I had been his girlfriend.

                "You…were?" A mix of bewilderment and confusion and realization filled his eyes and then the girl who wasn't me snapped, "Yes, I was. But then you had your accident and I guess you don't remember. I guess you'll never remember."

                "Wait, so Amy…why didn't you tell me?" he asked. His voice held such confusion, and he looked at me with such sad eyes…

                "Why? So you could feel bad and pretend to like me because you'd feel obliged to?" God, the girl who wasn't me was really bold. She took a final look at Colin, and saw a sadness in his eyes.

                And the message read, loud and clear, I'm sorry. And it was obvious, so obvious what he was sorry for…but by then, the girl who wasn't me…well, she couldn't take it anymore, so she ran out with as fast as she could. But the girl who wasn't me was supposed to go home…but instead she'd taken a detour and ran somewhere else.

And now, she was standing in front of the Brown's house.

I took a deep breath, trying to think about what the hell I was doing. You can't run to Ephram anymore. You're out of his life…he hates you.

"Amy."

I lifted my head, only to find Ephram, holding a huge garbage bag and staring straight at me. Oh, shit.

"Um…hi," he began nervously, dropping the bag to the curb. "What are you…doing here?"

I laughed uneasily. "Honestly, I don't really know." Then, hesitantly, I added, "Can we…um…sit?"

"Sure," he agreed tentatively, gesturing towards the porch swing. I followed him to it, and when we sat down, we were both pressing ourselves against the end. There was room for about another person between us, on a two-seater swing.

Like our relationship. Pushed apart, I mused.

"So..." he began, raising both eyebrows, but not looking at me. "Anything I should know? I mean, we haven't exactly been…talking."

This was crazy. You don't share so much with one person and then never talk to them again, and when you finally do, it's not supposed to be this awkward. Do something! "I'm sorry," I blurted out.

His head slowly turned and I saw that the expression he wore was one of shock, but he quickly covered it. "Me too…for yelling at you. I guess you had some good points…and I'm sorry we haven't been talking." He sighed, and during his last sentence, his eyes darted away from mine.

"No," I asserted. "It wasn't your fault; don't blame it on yourself. Ephram, I…I did things to you that someone should never do to a friend. I used you, I lead you on, I yelled at you for doing something that was just as much of my fault as it was yours." I felt tears rushing to my eyes, but forced them away. "And now that Colin's back I've been ignoring you, and he doesn't remember even just liking me, but that's beside the point. Because looking back, I just keep asking myself over and over again what kind of person I am, because I don't know what kind of person does those things to someone she's…"

I glanced down at the space between us. It was nearly gone.

Oh, God, I was just going to say…do I? Have I? Is it possible that I...don't say it Amy, don't say it…

I took a deep breath and, for once, spoke with my heart.

"Fallen in love with."