WHEN THE SCRIPT IS THROWN AWAY...Chapter Two
This chapter is as crazy as the first was, but this time I have a plot to
go with it!
Okay, first chapter I forgot to give credit to J.K.Rowling for creating the
characters, although I take full credit for my plot and my characters that
I made up. If anyone tells you differently, well, then you can shove it up
their *ring ring * Ahem, enjoy the story! *Runs to the teli *
Oh, yeah.Guess who's back? Back again..Kat is back..tell a friend! Guess whos back, guess whos back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, da-nene nene.. ((if your stupid and don't know what this is, its Eminem))
Scene 1-
Kat walks over beside the Fat Lady portrait and turns to the camera.
Kat- Hello, all. And welcome back to "When the Script is Thrown Away". I'm sorry its been a while since we have filmed. I had to attend a friend of mines funeral.Poor Fizzy Sparx.Darn that Frank! Well anyway, I have a new camera man!
* the camera man zooms the camera in on himself, revealing a really hot Latin guy. The really hot Latin guy waves to the camera *
Really hot Latin guy- Hi!
* Zooms it back in on Kat. *
Kat- So, right now, I'm-
Lee, who comes up out of nowhere- Whats the camera mans name?
Kat- Where did you come from?
Lee- There. *points to a blank wall * So whats his name?
Kat- What? Err, um.. Why do you wanna know?
Lee- Cuz he's hot, dude..I mean its not every day you come across a hot Latin camera man and he is REALLY hot!
Kat- Yeah, okay.um.his name is John.
Lee- John what?
Kat- *laughs dryly * John Leguizamo..
Oliver, who also comes up out of nowhere, with bandages wrapped around his head- What is a really hot famous Latin guy doing at this crummy old place?
Kat- Wha-...Where did you come from?
Oliver- There. So whats he doing here?
Kat- Can I please get on with the story?
Oliver- Okay...*looks at John Leguizamo, AKA the really hot Latin camera guy * Man, you were awesome in Sexaholix, The Pest, and Silence of the Lambs, man! *walks away *
Lee, while walking away- Hmm..Lee Leguizamo...? John Jordan? *ponders *
*crickets chirp *
John Leguizamo- I wasn't in Silence of the Lambs...
Kat-Okay then. So what are you doing here, John?
John- You tied me up and said if I wasn't your camera man you would shove a swizzle stick up my pinga.
Kat- Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I? So anyway, I will now attempt to get inside the Gryffindor Tower! *once again, puts on the rbes and the fake mustache *
Fat Lady- Whats the password?
Kat- Swizzle stick?
Fat Lady- Nope. * sees the camera* Oh.oh my goodness, are we on air?
Kat, while wondering how a 3 thousand year old fat hag would know about television- Umm. Yeah....
Fat Lady puffs up her hair and waves- Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Uncle Mary! Hi Aunt Tom! Hi-
Kat slams the portrait open, flattening the flat- I mean, fat lady.
Kat- That was easier than I thought.
A few moments later, Kat and that really hot Latin guy appear in the GCR, while Ron and Harry are, you guessed it, playing chess and Hermione is sitting on the chair by them, with 4 broken brushes stuck in her hair.
Ron sees Kat- Hey, arent you that girl that mouthed off Snape?
Kat- I guess you could say that.
Ron- Wow.I find you.very amazing and and.you know.smart and cool and.really hot.
Kat- Do me a favor?
Ron- ANYTHING!
Kat- Go up stairs, take off all your clothes, and I'll be there in 3 minutes!
Ron- YES! *runs upstairs, tripping on a toilet in the middle of the room * Hey, whats this toilet doing here?
Harry looks off, innocently. Ron goes off upstairs.
Kat- Took care of that.
Hermione-Men.
Harry- What are you doing here?
Kat- Filming my show whats it look like, brain-dead?
Hermione- Hey! Hes not brain-dead!
Harry and Hermione look into each others eyes and smile like 4 year olds. They pucker their lips and get closer, closer, and closer until.
Kat, into the camera- And Harry and Hermione suddenly look like they're about to eat each other's faces, and-
Hermione looks away, and Harry falls off the chair from leaning too far.
Hermione- That's nasty! Im going to bed! *stomps off *
Kat- At 11 in the morning? Eh, British people.. Never did quite get them.
Harry gets up from the floor and sits in a slump- Noone ever likes me..
Kat- Yes, they do.
Harry- Really?
Kat- Of course! Havent you seen the way Draco has been looking at you lately?
Harry- Uh, um...what?
Ron, from upstairs- Im waiting, my little sugar plumb fairy!
Kat- Time to go! * runs out, but trips on the toilet * Damn toilet..
Scene 2
Later, in the courtyard
Fred, George, Oliver, Lee, and Gary are discussing the eccentric reporter.
Oliver- Yeah, and you know that guy that plays the totally gay killer in Silence of the Lambs?
Fred- Yeah?
Oliver- He's with her!
Fred- Really? Dude, that is off da hook!
Lee- *background rap music starts up * WORD! *music ceases *
Oliver- You know what?
Fred- What?
Oliver- I feel this odd connection with the name "Biggerstaff."
George snickers- Biggerstaff? Your ego really is huge.
Oliver- No, the name.I don't know I think I should have been named Sean Biggerstaff for some reason.
Lee- I know what you mean! I think I should be called like Luke Littleblood or Youngblood or something, you know?
Gary- Meow!
All eyes turn to Gary
George- Dude, the Spongebob Squarepants set is over there. *points over there *
Gary turns and starts to leave.
Fred- So whats he doing with that freak, anyway?
Lee- He's probably twurking her twurk-u-later.
George- You mean..
Oliver- Lucky-ing her charms?
Everyone looks at Oliver, then looks away.
Fred-Huffling her puff?
George- Leaking her cauldron?
Lee-Gryffing her dor?
Oliver-Catching her snitch?
George- Hitting her quaffle?
Fred- Screwing her cork?
Lee- Crunching her captain?
George- Fruiting her loops?
Oliver- Picking her clovers?
All eyes turn to stare at Oliver again and he turns red.
Oliver- Hehe. Its an Irish thing..
Lee- Jerking her gerkin?
A very creepy voice-Frenching her fry?! *evil laugh *
Everyone blinks, then looks over at . OMIGOSH! Voldemort in a pink pixie suit!
Lee- Frenching her fry? Dude that is a bad euphemism.
Fred- Yeah, try icing her cake or something, man.
Voldemort glares- Fools! Do you not know who I am?
Crickets chirp.
George- Little girl scout?
Oliver- Selling girl scout cookies??
Voldemort- Idiots!!!!! I am..Voldemort!!!! *evil laugh *
Fred walks up to him and pokes him.
Voldemort- Argggh! *sets Fred on fire and watches Fred run around the courtyard screaming as passerby's stand and stare.
Lee- You cant be Voldemort. Voldemort doesn't wear frilly pink tutus.
Voldemort- Well I just got back from ballet lessons, okay?
Fred runs into Voldemort. Voldie takes his wand and magically takes a bucket of water out of his tutu and pours it on him. *Sizzle, sizzle *
George- Can I have your autograph?
Voldemort- NO, you cannot have my-. *sighs and shakes his head * Look, you ignorant fools-. *walks toward them and trips on Gary, who has already traveled a whole 3 inches.
Voldemort- Evil snail! *fries Gary *
Lee-Oh my god! You killed Gary!
George- You bass terd.
Oliver- Aww, Voldie..
Voldemort- Don't call me Voldie! Now listen, Im here to include you buffoons in my evil plan against Harry Potter *shudders , then passes around some multi colored construction paper with some instructions on them *
The paper reads- HarRy PootTerR = DiE.
Oliver- Wow. This is a very organized plan.
Voldie- Yes, ha. I know. So are you going to help me or are you going to stand there just looking all.appetizing?
Fred, from the ground- Appet-
Voldie- I mean um.stupid, yeah, stupid.
Lee, heroically- And if we refuse?
Voldie- If you refuse I shall turn you into gerbils and feed you to the old men! Ah-hahaha, eh...
George- But uh..Gerbils are cool.
Voldie- BROWN..gerbils.
George- NO! Not brown! Not that!
Voldie- Okay then. Now, meet me in the "secret place" at 8 PM and find some way to lure Harry there as well!
Oliver- Where is it?
Voldie passes out more paper. This one reads- Yo iS heRr (------------------ ----------(SekRit PlAse
Lee- Oooh.
Fred- Ahh.
Voldie- G-. *crumples up the script * WHY DOES THIS EVIL WORM PAPER READ VOLDIE?!
Script- Because I do, now please let me go.
Voldie- Oh, Im sorry, poor little paper. *uncrumples the paper * I didn't mean to hurt you.
Script- I understand.
Oliver- We will be there! If you can get that reporter-
Lee- And that really hot Latin guy, don't forget him!
Oliver- Oh, yeah..and that really hot latin guy... to come, too!
Voldie- And if I refuse?
Oliver- Than you will be depriving a really lonely and desperate Irish boy..um. .not me, though...of a warm-hearted love!
Voldie- So? That would be awesome!
George- Aw, just get the poor boys the girl!
Lee- And the really hot Latin guy!
George- And the guy!
Voldie- Eh, okay, fine. Meet you at 8, okay? *pats Georges butt *
George- Em. Okay?
Fred, while chipping the dead skin off- Okay.
Lee- As long as I get the really hot Latin guy, sure.
Oliver-I would do anything to see her again. If only I could-
Voldie- Okay, that's Cheerie.Seeya at 8!
Voldie vanishes in a puff of pink smoke and passerby's are silent and staring.
Crickets chirp
George, while rubbing his butt- That was a massive invasion of my personal space.
Scene 3-
Kat- And where were you when you first met Harry Potter?
Blade of grass-..
Kat- I see.So what led you to be so interested in him?
Blade of grass-..
Kat throws her pen and paper up in the air- INGENIUS!
Someone taps her on her shoulder. Kat turns around
Kat- Yeeeess..
Little boy- I have a message for you.
Kat- Inform me, brain child.
Little boy- Don't you want to hear my joke first?
Kat- I am uninterested.
Little boy- Knock knock.
Kat- It is not a very funny joke is it?
Little boy- You're supposed to say "Who's there?"
Kat- Okay. Who's there?
Little boy- Not yet! I have to say "Knock knock!"
Kat- You are angering me!
Little boy- Horseradish.
Kat- What?
Little boy- Horseradish, that was the joke.. wasn't it funny?
Kat- Do you take medication, kid?
Little boy- I might..
Kat- What is the message?!
Little boy- Some green guy in a tutu said he wanted you to come up to the secret place at 8 PM tonight.Okay?
Kat- Where is this.. Secret place?
The little boy hands her a note, which reads- Yo iS heRr (------------------ --------------------------------------------(SekRit PlAse
Kat immediately looks into the camera- Are you getting this, John?!
John- *looking at a magazine vertically * Oh, yeah..
Kat- FOCUS, JOHN!
John- Yes, ma'am.
Kat turns back to the boy, who has mysteriously disappeared.
Kat- You know John.. This whole secret thing smells a little ominously fishy to me, don't you think?
John tosses his tuna salad over his shoulder- Fishy, uh. Yeah..yes, very fishy.
Kat- I must investigate. But I cannot do it alone. I must ask you to accompany me, John. Up for it?
John- Well not really. I-
Kat holds a swizzle stick up.
John- was just kidding, I would love to come with you!
Kat- Good. I will need a more fool-proof disguise, though.
John- What did you have in mind?
Kat puts on a mustache AND a goatee- Okay. And what to do with you?
John- Err..
Kat shoves a sombrero on his head and attaches fairy wings to his back.
Kat- Brilliance..sheer brilliance..
John- 0.o (((weewoo)))
Scene 4-
Draco is looking at a Hamster Today magazine when 4 shadows creep up behind him.
Draco turns around- What do you want?
Lee- Well.
Draco- Besides a life.
Lee- :- (
Fred- Well, we were kind of reluctant to ask, but-
George- We need your help.
Draco- With what?
Oliver- Well it involves bringing very serious pain to Harry Potter, so we thought you might want in on it.
Draco- Um, well..
Lee- What, you don't WANT to hurt him??
Draco- Well um, of course I want to hurt him!
Lee- So whats the problem?
Draco- There is no problem! I'll do it!
George- Good!
Draco- And he looks so cute when he's in pain.
Oliver-Draco, are you gay or something?
Draco- *crickets chirp *So where should I bring him?
Fred- At the.* looks up, down, left and right * Secret place.
Draco- Where is that?
George hands him the multi-colored construction paper that reads Yo iS hErR(--------------( SekRitt PlaSeE
Draco- Its so amazing.
Lee- We know.
Scene 5..at the Secret Place
Harry Potter walks out onto the grass in an orange thong and looks around the yard, seeing signs everywhere that read "Thiis iss nut the sekrit plasee."
Harry- There are so many places that arent the secret place. How will I find the real secret place?
Harry trips over a sign that says "Thiis iss the sekrit plasee"
Harry- Eureka!
George, Oliver and Fred stand there with a bowl of popcorn. Lee is desperatley trying to make a pass at Ginny, but Ginny seems to be interested in Kat's camera man. Draco sits on the grass, fiddling with a piece of tape.
Harry- Hey, whats going on? Malfoy, you said Hermione wanted to meet me here!
Draco- Well, I have the choice to lie if I want to , don't I?
Harry- Oh, this is just great! I get all dressed up-
Everyone cant help but notice the thong
Harry- -and for what? Nothing!
Kat- Harry Potter seems very enraged, and-
Harry rips the mic out of her and breaks it like a twig.
Kat- Well, that wasn't very nice. Not to worry! I have a spare! *takes out a new mic * And he is wearing a particularily non- flattering orange thong.
Oliver to Lee- Lee! Shes here! What do I DO?!
Lee- I don't know.
Oliver- What do you mean you don't know?! You told me you were the love doctor of Hogwarts!
Lee- Oops..
Oliver- Aw, great!
Ginny suddenly backs up into the woods, unnoticed.
Harry- Draco, why did you lie to me?!
Draco- Cuz they told me to. *points to Oliver, Lee, George and Fred *
Harry- WHY?!
Lee- Sorry, man.some ballerina girl scout named Voldemort told us to.
Harry- Ballerina? Hmm.Girl Scout? *ponders * The name Voldemort sounds vaguely familiar.
Lee- I wonder why?
Harry- I don't know. I just don't know.
A very creepy voice laughs evilly somewhere off in the woods.
John- That happens a lot around here, doesn't it?
Oliver- Only recently.* stares at Kat*
Voldemort suddenly appears with Ginny. Ginnys hair is messed up and Voldemort has lipstick all over him.
Kat- And it looks like Ginny has been snogging Harry Potters arch nemesis. What next?
Voldemort- You are angering me, girl. *rips off her mustache and her goatee *
Kat- OW! *rips off a piece of his skin *
Voldemort- Argh!
Oliver- Shes even more beautiful without the facial hair.
Voldemort picks up his wand and aims it at Kat- Now its your turn to feel my wrath!
Oliver- NOOOOOOO! *runs over heroically, but trips on a rock on the way and falls unconscious.
Kat- Sweet, but oh so sad.
Voldemort- Fertonium Canteniosaum!
Kat ducks down just in time and the spell goes hay-wire and hits the really hot Latin camera guy's butt.
John instantly dies and burns into ash and is carried away by the wind.
Kat- You jerk! I really liked that camera man! *pulls a matrix stunt on Voldie and kicks him in the head
Voldemort- Why you little-
Kat- Hey, watch it! I still got to keep this PG-13!
Voldie mumbles- BIMBO!
Kat- I know he did not!
Lee- I think he did!
Kat- No he aint!
Lee- Yeah, he did!
Kat- Well, Voldie-
Voldie- SHE CALLED ME VOLDIE!
Kat- I guess Im going to have to make you pay.
Voldie- How much?
Kat- How much ya got?
Voldie- 3 quarters and a nickel.
Kat- Deal.
Voldie gives her the money and then turns to Harry, who is winking at Ginny.
Voldie- And as for you, my little brother-
Harry- Im your brother?!
Voldie- Yes! You are the sole reason I turned evil! Mommie dearest and Daddy-kins rejected me for you, an orphan!
Harry- I was adopted?!
Voldie- Then your bimbo girlfriend Britney Spears spills that Pepsi on me and just.ARGH!!
Harry- I was Britney Spears' boyfriend?!
Voldie- No, I just made that up.
Harry- Oh.
Voldie- So now Im finishing you off and doing what I should have done a long time ago..*pulls out his wand*
Lee holds the camera up for Kat- What is to become of Harry? Will Ginny quit seducing men and start seducing women? *looks over at the unconscious Oliver * What could me more pathetic than that? Who is Britney Spears' real boyfriend? What WAS I doing with a really hot Latin camera man? Was John jerkin my gerkin? All these questions and more will be answered when we return to When the Script is Thrown Away. My personal account of the Hogwarts schools. Come again, please.
Voldie- Now your going to pay for everything you got that should have been mine.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Thanks for checkin my story! Please post reviews!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, yeah.Guess who's back? Back again..Kat is back..tell a friend! Guess whos back, guess whos back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, da-nene nene.. ((if your stupid and don't know what this is, its Eminem))
Scene 1-
Kat walks over beside the Fat Lady portrait and turns to the camera.
Kat- Hello, all. And welcome back to "When the Script is Thrown Away". I'm sorry its been a while since we have filmed. I had to attend a friend of mines funeral.Poor Fizzy Sparx.Darn that Frank! Well anyway, I have a new camera man!
* the camera man zooms the camera in on himself, revealing a really hot Latin guy. The really hot Latin guy waves to the camera *
Really hot Latin guy- Hi!
* Zooms it back in on Kat. *
Kat- So, right now, I'm-
Lee, who comes up out of nowhere- Whats the camera mans name?
Kat- Where did you come from?
Lee- There. *points to a blank wall * So whats his name?
Kat- What? Err, um.. Why do you wanna know?
Lee- Cuz he's hot, dude..I mean its not every day you come across a hot Latin camera man and he is REALLY hot!
Kat- Yeah, okay.um.his name is John.
Lee- John what?
Kat- *laughs dryly * John Leguizamo..
Oliver, who also comes up out of nowhere, with bandages wrapped around his head- What is a really hot famous Latin guy doing at this crummy old place?
Kat- Wha-...Where did you come from?
Oliver- There. So whats he doing here?
Kat- Can I please get on with the story?
Oliver- Okay...*looks at John Leguizamo, AKA the really hot Latin camera guy * Man, you were awesome in Sexaholix, The Pest, and Silence of the Lambs, man! *walks away *
Lee, while walking away- Hmm..Lee Leguizamo...? John Jordan? *ponders *
*crickets chirp *
John Leguizamo- I wasn't in Silence of the Lambs...
Kat-Okay then. So what are you doing here, John?
John- You tied me up and said if I wasn't your camera man you would shove a swizzle stick up my pinga.
Kat- Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I? So anyway, I will now attempt to get inside the Gryffindor Tower! *once again, puts on the rbes and the fake mustache *
Fat Lady- Whats the password?
Kat- Swizzle stick?
Fat Lady- Nope. * sees the camera* Oh.oh my goodness, are we on air?
Kat, while wondering how a 3 thousand year old fat hag would know about television- Umm. Yeah....
Fat Lady puffs up her hair and waves- Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Uncle Mary! Hi Aunt Tom! Hi-
Kat slams the portrait open, flattening the flat- I mean, fat lady.
Kat- That was easier than I thought.
A few moments later, Kat and that really hot Latin guy appear in the GCR, while Ron and Harry are, you guessed it, playing chess and Hermione is sitting on the chair by them, with 4 broken brushes stuck in her hair.
Ron sees Kat- Hey, arent you that girl that mouthed off Snape?
Kat- I guess you could say that.
Ron- Wow.I find you.very amazing and and.you know.smart and cool and.really hot.
Kat- Do me a favor?
Ron- ANYTHING!
Kat- Go up stairs, take off all your clothes, and I'll be there in 3 minutes!
Ron- YES! *runs upstairs, tripping on a toilet in the middle of the room * Hey, whats this toilet doing here?
Harry looks off, innocently. Ron goes off upstairs.
Kat- Took care of that.
Hermione-Men.
Harry- What are you doing here?
Kat- Filming my show whats it look like, brain-dead?
Hermione- Hey! Hes not brain-dead!
Harry and Hermione look into each others eyes and smile like 4 year olds. They pucker their lips and get closer, closer, and closer until.
Kat, into the camera- And Harry and Hermione suddenly look like they're about to eat each other's faces, and-
Hermione looks away, and Harry falls off the chair from leaning too far.
Hermione- That's nasty! Im going to bed! *stomps off *
Kat- At 11 in the morning? Eh, British people.. Never did quite get them.
Harry gets up from the floor and sits in a slump- Noone ever likes me..
Kat- Yes, they do.
Harry- Really?
Kat- Of course! Havent you seen the way Draco has been looking at you lately?
Harry- Uh, um...what?
Ron, from upstairs- Im waiting, my little sugar plumb fairy!
Kat- Time to go! * runs out, but trips on the toilet * Damn toilet..
Scene 2
Later, in the courtyard
Fred, George, Oliver, Lee, and Gary are discussing the eccentric reporter.
Oliver- Yeah, and you know that guy that plays the totally gay killer in Silence of the Lambs?
Fred- Yeah?
Oliver- He's with her!
Fred- Really? Dude, that is off da hook!
Lee- *background rap music starts up * WORD! *music ceases *
Oliver- You know what?
Fred- What?
Oliver- I feel this odd connection with the name "Biggerstaff."
George snickers- Biggerstaff? Your ego really is huge.
Oliver- No, the name.I don't know I think I should have been named Sean Biggerstaff for some reason.
Lee- I know what you mean! I think I should be called like Luke Littleblood or Youngblood or something, you know?
Gary- Meow!
All eyes turn to Gary
George- Dude, the Spongebob Squarepants set is over there. *points over there *
Gary turns and starts to leave.
Fred- So whats he doing with that freak, anyway?
Lee- He's probably twurking her twurk-u-later.
George- You mean..
Oliver- Lucky-ing her charms?
Everyone looks at Oliver, then looks away.
Fred-Huffling her puff?
George- Leaking her cauldron?
Lee-Gryffing her dor?
Oliver-Catching her snitch?
George- Hitting her quaffle?
Fred- Screwing her cork?
Lee- Crunching her captain?
George- Fruiting her loops?
Oliver- Picking her clovers?
All eyes turn to stare at Oliver again and he turns red.
Oliver- Hehe. Its an Irish thing..
Lee- Jerking her gerkin?
A very creepy voice-Frenching her fry?! *evil laugh *
Everyone blinks, then looks over at . OMIGOSH! Voldemort in a pink pixie suit!
Lee- Frenching her fry? Dude that is a bad euphemism.
Fred- Yeah, try icing her cake or something, man.
Voldemort glares- Fools! Do you not know who I am?
Crickets chirp.
George- Little girl scout?
Oliver- Selling girl scout cookies??
Voldemort- Idiots!!!!! I am..Voldemort!!!! *evil laugh *
Fred walks up to him and pokes him.
Voldemort- Argggh! *sets Fred on fire and watches Fred run around the courtyard screaming as passerby's stand and stare.
Lee- You cant be Voldemort. Voldemort doesn't wear frilly pink tutus.
Voldemort- Well I just got back from ballet lessons, okay?
Fred runs into Voldemort. Voldie takes his wand and magically takes a bucket of water out of his tutu and pours it on him. *Sizzle, sizzle *
George- Can I have your autograph?
Voldemort- NO, you cannot have my-. *sighs and shakes his head * Look, you ignorant fools-. *walks toward them and trips on Gary, who has already traveled a whole 3 inches.
Voldemort- Evil snail! *fries Gary *
Lee-Oh my god! You killed Gary!
George- You bass terd.
Oliver- Aww, Voldie..
Voldemort- Don't call me Voldie! Now listen, Im here to include you buffoons in my evil plan against Harry Potter *shudders , then passes around some multi colored construction paper with some instructions on them *
The paper reads- HarRy PootTerR = DiE.
Oliver- Wow. This is a very organized plan.
Voldie- Yes, ha. I know. So are you going to help me or are you going to stand there just looking all.appetizing?
Fred, from the ground- Appet-
Voldie- I mean um.stupid, yeah, stupid.
Lee, heroically- And if we refuse?
Voldie- If you refuse I shall turn you into gerbils and feed you to the old men! Ah-hahaha, eh...
George- But uh..Gerbils are cool.
Voldie- BROWN..gerbils.
George- NO! Not brown! Not that!
Voldie- Okay then. Now, meet me in the "secret place" at 8 PM and find some way to lure Harry there as well!
Oliver- Where is it?
Voldie passes out more paper. This one reads- Yo iS heRr (------------------ ----------(SekRit PlAse
Lee- Oooh.
Fred- Ahh.
Voldie- G-. *crumples up the script * WHY DOES THIS EVIL WORM PAPER READ VOLDIE?!
Script- Because I do, now please let me go.
Voldie- Oh, Im sorry, poor little paper. *uncrumples the paper * I didn't mean to hurt you.
Script- I understand.
Oliver- We will be there! If you can get that reporter-
Lee- And that really hot Latin guy, don't forget him!
Oliver- Oh, yeah..and that really hot latin guy... to come, too!
Voldie- And if I refuse?
Oliver- Than you will be depriving a really lonely and desperate Irish boy..um. .not me, though...of a warm-hearted love!
Voldie- So? That would be awesome!
George- Aw, just get the poor boys the girl!
Lee- And the really hot Latin guy!
George- And the guy!
Voldie- Eh, okay, fine. Meet you at 8, okay? *pats Georges butt *
George- Em. Okay?
Fred, while chipping the dead skin off- Okay.
Lee- As long as I get the really hot Latin guy, sure.
Oliver-I would do anything to see her again. If only I could-
Voldie- Okay, that's Cheerie.Seeya at 8!
Voldie vanishes in a puff of pink smoke and passerby's are silent and staring.
Crickets chirp
George, while rubbing his butt- That was a massive invasion of my personal space.
Scene 3-
Kat- And where were you when you first met Harry Potter?
Blade of grass-..
Kat- I see.So what led you to be so interested in him?
Blade of grass-..
Kat throws her pen and paper up in the air- INGENIUS!
Someone taps her on her shoulder. Kat turns around
Kat- Yeeeess..
Little boy- I have a message for you.
Kat- Inform me, brain child.
Little boy- Don't you want to hear my joke first?
Kat- I am uninterested.
Little boy- Knock knock.
Kat- It is not a very funny joke is it?
Little boy- You're supposed to say "Who's there?"
Kat- Okay. Who's there?
Little boy- Not yet! I have to say "Knock knock!"
Kat- You are angering me!
Little boy- Horseradish.
Kat- What?
Little boy- Horseradish, that was the joke.. wasn't it funny?
Kat- Do you take medication, kid?
Little boy- I might..
Kat- What is the message?!
Little boy- Some green guy in a tutu said he wanted you to come up to the secret place at 8 PM tonight.Okay?
Kat- Where is this.. Secret place?
The little boy hands her a note, which reads- Yo iS heRr (------------------ --------------------------------------------(SekRit PlAse
Kat immediately looks into the camera- Are you getting this, John?!
John- *looking at a magazine vertically * Oh, yeah..
Kat- FOCUS, JOHN!
John- Yes, ma'am.
Kat turns back to the boy, who has mysteriously disappeared.
Kat- You know John.. This whole secret thing smells a little ominously fishy to me, don't you think?
John tosses his tuna salad over his shoulder- Fishy, uh. Yeah..yes, very fishy.
Kat- I must investigate. But I cannot do it alone. I must ask you to accompany me, John. Up for it?
John- Well not really. I-
Kat holds a swizzle stick up.
John- was just kidding, I would love to come with you!
Kat- Good. I will need a more fool-proof disguise, though.
John- What did you have in mind?
Kat puts on a mustache AND a goatee- Okay. And what to do with you?
John- Err..
Kat shoves a sombrero on his head and attaches fairy wings to his back.
Kat- Brilliance..sheer brilliance..
John- 0.o (((weewoo)))
Scene 4-
Draco is looking at a Hamster Today magazine when 4 shadows creep up behind him.
Draco turns around- What do you want?
Lee- Well.
Draco- Besides a life.
Lee- :- (
Fred- Well, we were kind of reluctant to ask, but-
George- We need your help.
Draco- With what?
Oliver- Well it involves bringing very serious pain to Harry Potter, so we thought you might want in on it.
Draco- Um, well..
Lee- What, you don't WANT to hurt him??
Draco- Well um, of course I want to hurt him!
Lee- So whats the problem?
Draco- There is no problem! I'll do it!
George- Good!
Draco- And he looks so cute when he's in pain.
Oliver-Draco, are you gay or something?
Draco- *crickets chirp *So where should I bring him?
Fred- At the.* looks up, down, left and right * Secret place.
Draco- Where is that?
George hands him the multi-colored construction paper that reads Yo iS hErR(--------------( SekRitt PlaSeE
Draco- Its so amazing.
Lee- We know.
Scene 5..at the Secret Place
Harry Potter walks out onto the grass in an orange thong and looks around the yard, seeing signs everywhere that read "Thiis iss nut the sekrit plasee."
Harry- There are so many places that arent the secret place. How will I find the real secret place?
Harry trips over a sign that says "Thiis iss the sekrit plasee"
Harry- Eureka!
George, Oliver and Fred stand there with a bowl of popcorn. Lee is desperatley trying to make a pass at Ginny, but Ginny seems to be interested in Kat's camera man. Draco sits on the grass, fiddling with a piece of tape.
Harry- Hey, whats going on? Malfoy, you said Hermione wanted to meet me here!
Draco- Well, I have the choice to lie if I want to , don't I?
Harry- Oh, this is just great! I get all dressed up-
Everyone cant help but notice the thong
Harry- -and for what? Nothing!
Kat- Harry Potter seems very enraged, and-
Harry rips the mic out of her and breaks it like a twig.
Kat- Well, that wasn't very nice. Not to worry! I have a spare! *takes out a new mic * And he is wearing a particularily non- flattering orange thong.
Oliver to Lee- Lee! Shes here! What do I DO?!
Lee- I don't know.
Oliver- What do you mean you don't know?! You told me you were the love doctor of Hogwarts!
Lee- Oops..
Oliver- Aw, great!
Ginny suddenly backs up into the woods, unnoticed.
Harry- Draco, why did you lie to me?!
Draco- Cuz they told me to. *points to Oliver, Lee, George and Fred *
Harry- WHY?!
Lee- Sorry, man.some ballerina girl scout named Voldemort told us to.
Harry- Ballerina? Hmm.Girl Scout? *ponders * The name Voldemort sounds vaguely familiar.
Lee- I wonder why?
Harry- I don't know. I just don't know.
A very creepy voice laughs evilly somewhere off in the woods.
John- That happens a lot around here, doesn't it?
Oliver- Only recently.* stares at Kat*
Voldemort suddenly appears with Ginny. Ginnys hair is messed up and Voldemort has lipstick all over him.
Kat- And it looks like Ginny has been snogging Harry Potters arch nemesis. What next?
Voldemort- You are angering me, girl. *rips off her mustache and her goatee *
Kat- OW! *rips off a piece of his skin *
Voldemort- Argh!
Oliver- Shes even more beautiful without the facial hair.
Voldemort picks up his wand and aims it at Kat- Now its your turn to feel my wrath!
Oliver- NOOOOOOO! *runs over heroically, but trips on a rock on the way and falls unconscious.
Kat- Sweet, but oh so sad.
Voldemort- Fertonium Canteniosaum!
Kat ducks down just in time and the spell goes hay-wire and hits the really hot Latin camera guy's butt.
John instantly dies and burns into ash and is carried away by the wind.
Kat- You jerk! I really liked that camera man! *pulls a matrix stunt on Voldie and kicks him in the head
Voldemort- Why you little-
Kat- Hey, watch it! I still got to keep this PG-13!
Voldie mumbles- BIMBO!
Kat- I know he did not!
Lee- I think he did!
Kat- No he aint!
Lee- Yeah, he did!
Kat- Well, Voldie-
Voldie- SHE CALLED ME VOLDIE!
Kat- I guess Im going to have to make you pay.
Voldie- How much?
Kat- How much ya got?
Voldie- 3 quarters and a nickel.
Kat- Deal.
Voldie gives her the money and then turns to Harry, who is winking at Ginny.
Voldie- And as for you, my little brother-
Harry- Im your brother?!
Voldie- Yes! You are the sole reason I turned evil! Mommie dearest and Daddy-kins rejected me for you, an orphan!
Harry- I was adopted?!
Voldie- Then your bimbo girlfriend Britney Spears spills that Pepsi on me and just.ARGH!!
Harry- I was Britney Spears' boyfriend?!
Voldie- No, I just made that up.
Harry- Oh.
Voldie- So now Im finishing you off and doing what I should have done a long time ago..*pulls out his wand*
Lee holds the camera up for Kat- What is to become of Harry? Will Ginny quit seducing men and start seducing women? *looks over at the unconscious Oliver * What could me more pathetic than that? Who is Britney Spears' real boyfriend? What WAS I doing with a really hot Latin camera man? Was John jerkin my gerkin? All these questions and more will be answered when we return to When the Script is Thrown Away. My personal account of the Hogwarts schools. Come again, please.
Voldie- Now your going to pay for everything you got that should have been mine.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Thanks for checkin my story! Please post reviews!!!!!!!!!!!