Title: And nobody knows it but me
Author: Vina
Warnings: For now 1x2 (of course), implied suicide and many mentions of
rape.
Description: While Duo was guarding the safehouse when the others were on
a mission, something terrible happens...
Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, simple as that. I also don't own Tidus or
FFX.
I just want to die. Right here on the floor. I don't want anyone to know what happened, they either wouldn't care at all or would care too much. I never wanna see myself again. I can barely stand thinking of myself as being alive, much less look into a mirror to prove it. I just had to take all of the razorblades out of the house. Someone dulled the kitchen knives, they used to be able to cut anything. I was once told by a goth I met online one night that the skin around the wrists is too tough to cut anyway. Maybe I could slit my throat then. Or hang myself. Or jump from the door that opens to the cockpit of my gundam. Something besides sit here alive and wait for the others to come home. Heero took my gun, said I didn't need it now and they would need it as back up in case theirs ran out of ammo or something, we've been low on ammo for weeks now. They all want me to get an civilian job so we'd have enough money to buy the ammo we need. Oo, it hurts so bad... Not only does it hurt were it's obvious, but it hurts to know that my first time was ruined. I always thought my first time would be special. With my wife or my serious girlfriend or playing truth or dare with the guys while we're all drunk. I never thought it'd be like this. Never. I know why it was done, but I wonder, why me? Why not anyone else? Am I that gullible? Am I that much of a push over? Am I just that weak? God only knows why it was me. I hear the front door open as the other four of us came piling through the door exhausted. I try to force a smile like that guy Tidus did in Final Fantasy X. Time for a cheery act. "Hey guys! How'd it go?" I wonder if that was too cheery. "We barely escaped" Oh, really, maybe you could've used my help instead of leaving me here to guard the safehouse only to get-- Haha, I'm being hysterical again. "So, Duo, what did you do while we were gone? Lay around and watch MTV?" They're laughing at me? If they knew what kind of fucking torture I went through then maybe they wouldn't laugh. Maybe they would be comforting me. Maybe they would go after the guy that did this to me. I can't tell them however or they'll think I'm weak. I just need to stay alive a bit longer until something comes up that everyone knows about and then they'll think I killed myself over that instead of what I really killed myself over. But what would the other thing be? I'm the cheerful optimist, not many things would make me wanna commit suicide. Unless... "Hey, your unusually quiet, who'd you kill and where's the body?" Of all people, Trowa had to make it worse. This smiling is starting to take it's toll, I'd better leave before someone realizes something's wrong. "I'm going out to the corner store, I'll be back"
I just want to die. Right here on the floor. I don't want anyone to know what happened, they either wouldn't care at all or would care too much. I never wanna see myself again. I can barely stand thinking of myself as being alive, much less look into a mirror to prove it. I just had to take all of the razorblades out of the house. Someone dulled the kitchen knives, they used to be able to cut anything. I was once told by a goth I met online one night that the skin around the wrists is too tough to cut anyway. Maybe I could slit my throat then. Or hang myself. Or jump from the door that opens to the cockpit of my gundam. Something besides sit here alive and wait for the others to come home. Heero took my gun, said I didn't need it now and they would need it as back up in case theirs ran out of ammo or something, we've been low on ammo for weeks now. They all want me to get an civilian job so we'd have enough money to buy the ammo we need. Oo, it hurts so bad... Not only does it hurt were it's obvious, but it hurts to know that my first time was ruined. I always thought my first time would be special. With my wife or my serious girlfriend or playing truth or dare with the guys while we're all drunk. I never thought it'd be like this. Never. I know why it was done, but I wonder, why me? Why not anyone else? Am I that gullible? Am I that much of a push over? Am I just that weak? God only knows why it was me. I hear the front door open as the other four of us came piling through the door exhausted. I try to force a smile like that guy Tidus did in Final Fantasy X. Time for a cheery act. "Hey guys! How'd it go?" I wonder if that was too cheery. "We barely escaped" Oh, really, maybe you could've used my help instead of leaving me here to guard the safehouse only to get-- Haha, I'm being hysterical again. "So, Duo, what did you do while we were gone? Lay around and watch MTV?" They're laughing at me? If they knew what kind of fucking torture I went through then maybe they wouldn't laugh. Maybe they would be comforting me. Maybe they would go after the guy that did this to me. I can't tell them however or they'll think I'm weak. I just need to stay alive a bit longer until something comes up that everyone knows about and then they'll think I killed myself over that instead of what I really killed myself over. But what would the other thing be? I'm the cheerful optimist, not many things would make me wanna commit suicide. Unless... "Hey, your unusually quiet, who'd you kill and where's the body?" Of all people, Trowa had to make it worse. This smiling is starting to take it's toll, I'd better leave before someone realizes something's wrong. "I'm going out to the corner store, I'll be back"