Renee Helmer's Little Black Book
(Otherwise Known as a Diary)


24 September

9:47 am

Phew! Ollie's not gay, I checked. Terry says he most definitely is not. As for Terry himself, yes, he prefers men.

Fascinating.

He almost started telling me about all the kinky things he and his boyfriends do, but I was suddenly struck with this huge desire to go to Potions. You know it's bad when you'd rather hang out with Snape.

So here I am.

Okay, so maybe at this point I'd rather listen to Terry.

What to do... What to do...

Potions lovely potions, la tee da!

Sparkly green purply orange neon potions!

.....I need something to do.......

........

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Renee of the land of Slytherin. She helped take care of all the annoying naughty children in the palace out of the goodness of her heart--and because she was the only one smart enough to do it. But one day Renee fell in love with an enemy of the realm, a knight of Gryffindor! GASP! When her father found out, he ordered his screwed up deformed drug-addict lackey--Seperus Snave--to capture and lock the princess away in the dungeons! Whatever shall a princess do?! Of course, her handsome knight came to her rescue. He took her deep into the forest to keep her safe. There they fell into the grass and

11:17 am

That was a close one!

Bloody hell, I can't even get Oliver Wood to kiss me in my own fairy tale!!!!!!! Curse that evil Seperus Snave! He's all going See it again-Mine-Read out loud-BLAH!

Psh. Whatever.

The man talks like my Potions notes sound!

Or maybe I just have incredibly concise hearing.

So if I do, does that mean my Potions notes are concisely concise? Ponder...

11:20 am

Things to do-
a) Get a life.

8:45 pm

Things to do-
a) Throw myself from the window of the highest room in the tallest tower.

8:50 pm

What kind of a name is Rupert?!

8:52 pm

I'm seventeen. Sure, there are some people out there who made grand wives, even mothers, at seventeen, but why me?!

Because you're the daughter of a pure wizarding family, and he is the son of one.

But he's like... thirty!!

You'll be thirty one day, too.

Honestly, parents can be so stupid at times. In any case, I'm not marrying him. I don't care if I have to join a Convent. Of course, Father's all I'm not saying you're getting married, I just want to see what you think of him.

So that I can marry him later, he just neglected to mention that part.

Well, I know exactly what I think of him.

He looks like a reject Pinnochio after Gepetto figured out he didn't have enough wood left to make the rest of the body proportional to the size of the nose.

Did I mention the receding hairline?

I might as well marry Snape. He'd probably take me in. At least he looks better, and smells better, which should really give you an idea of how bad Rupert is.

For crying out loud, his name is Rupert!!!

10:28 pm

Rupert's coming to meet me in two days for lunch.

Commence Operation Repulse Repulsive Rupert.