Renee Helmer's Little Black Book
(Otherwise Known as a Diary)


25 September

12:08 am

First thing's first. To repulse him, I must make myself repulsive. It's a dirty job, but it must be done. So! Here I am, staying up all night. This was Crys' idea. Since I don't want to make myself ugly for an extended period of time, she says the best things to do is stay up for a few days straight. You end up with big circles under your eyes, and, if you don't eat on top of that, you turn this sickly pale color. And your hands shake all the time. Kind of like you might keel over and die any minute.....

Wait a second....

Maybe that's not such a good idea after all.

Oh well, two days. It couldn't really kill me.

Could it?

6:11 am

Crys helped to keep me company for a while, but she dozed off a couple of hours ago. I decided to read a Muggle fashion magazine I picked up at the train station. I love to get Muggle magazines, they're hilarious!!

That's what I can do! Dress in silly Muggle clothes! Better yet, Muggle schoolgirl clothes! He'll never want to see me again! Ha!

8:06 am

Crys likes my Muggle outfit idea. She's got some friends who come from Muggle families in other Houses that she thinks she can bum a decent outfit from.

I never knew Crys had... well... Mudbloods for friends. Okay, so that's not a nice word, but that's what my parents always refer to them as. I personally don't see why it matters. Honestly, if pure wizarding families are turning out guys like Rupert, I'll marry a Muggle myself!

Or Ollie will always do...

5:01 pm

I think... I'm going to die.

I look at a person and their head turns into a delicious looking turkey leg. And I'm so tired! This being repulsive business is much more difficult than I imagined. And I'm not even half way there yet!

Crys got me this crazy Muggle outfit from some Sixth Year Ravenclaw girl named Laura. It consists of this incredibly short black wrap skirt that you close up with this giant safety-pin. Yes, a giant safety-pin. How weird is that?! Then this shirt is made of some strange material with a snakeskin print on it, which would be fine in itself except that it's hot pink and black snakeskin. Did I mention the black leather boots which practically go up to my thighs? I personally wish there was more room in the foot part itself. Laura has little feet.

Oh, and it's amazing what I have to do to top it all off.

I have to make my beautiful black hair all weird looking by rubbing gel in it and making it all spiky, and then... and then...

...oh, I can't bear to think about it...

...I have to put a pink ribbon in my hair! A pink ribbon!!!

I ask Crys' friend, Laura, Do you actually wear this stuff?!

She nodded and explained that she lives in London. What she's giving me to wear is mild.

So maybe I won't marry a Muggle. They sound like very strange people.

11:13 pm

My life is over as we know it.

Crys thought it would be fun to test out this gel she borrowed from Laura, just so we would know how to do it on Saturday when Rupert's here. Laura neglected to tell us that it would turn my hair an oily purplish-blue color.

...But now that I think about it, Crys rather seemed to be enjoying herself at my expense. She probably knew all along. I might just have to kill her first.

Anyway, I had smuggled her into the special baths only meant for special people like me, so no one else was in there, especially at ten o'clock at night. When we realized what it had done to my hair (made it look like I had a spiky purple porcupine on my head), she grabbed some shampoo, a special kind that supposedly can strip anything out of your hair.

We didn't read the fine-print until later.

Do not mix with Muggle products.

Who knew that mixing the two would have any strange side-effects?

I'm sure Laura knew.

So anyway, instead of a purple porcupine, I now appear to have a windblown black Persian cat curled up on my head.

Perfect.

I kicked Crys out because she wouldn't stop laughing. This was a bad idea because then I had to make it all the way back by myself. And of course the worst thing that could possibly happen did happen.

I cautiously poked my head out to be sure no one was around. The coast was clear, so I ventured out.

But then I heard the door to the boys' bath open.

What guy actually takes a refreshing bath 10:30 at night?!

Oliver Wood.

I tried to die on the spot, but I didn't have much success with it. I just managed to sputter and stagger around a bit. He probably thought the windblown Persian was sucking my brains out at first.

Um... hello, Renee...

Blink. Blink.

Is... everything alright?

Nod.

He laughed. You're such a strange girl, I won't even ask.

And he was gone. Just like that.

I don't think I can ever show my face in public again, or at least my hair.