Renee Helmer's Little Black Book
(Otherwise Known as a Diary)


27 September

9:30 am

Finally. The day we've all been dreading.

Well, all except for Crys and Laura, who are majorly looking forward to this... and no one else really cares...

Finally. The day I've been dreading. It's here. I suppose I should escape from the comfort of the girls' room and go get ready.

Must feed Venny first!

Here's his potion... Here's his eyedropper....

Where's Venny?!?!

A bunch of Third Year girls just started screaming in the room below. Hm....

9:38 pm

It's okay. I went down there and pretended to be saving them from certain peril. They all gazed at me like I was some kind of goddess. Teehee.

Now Venom's been happily fed. I found a nice black shoulder-strap pouch for him to ride in. He seems to be growing rather fond of me--or at least how I taste.

Crys is dragging me out the door. Time to get ready for my date!

11:30 am

He's going to be here any minute... I'm so not ready for this!

Okay, so maybe I'm at least ready enough considering how awful my clothes and hair are. Laura added black fishnet hose, a spiked collar, and handcuffs to the ensemble.

Did I mention the tongue ring?

I think I'll kill her. She came up and was all like, Close your eyes, stick out your tongue, get a surprise!

Why am I so stupid?!

It doesn't hurt at least. She did it some special way using magic, it's not even swollen up at all. It's just that I'm talking like the guys Terry hangs out with. I have a

Laura assured me that it adds to my repulsiveness even though you can't see it. I guess this is when I figured out how she's a Ravenclaw. There's logic behind all the malicious things she does!

Reasons for the Tongue Ring-
a) It makes me sound stupid.
b) Self-defense in case he starts kissing me.

The very thought of Rupert sticking his tongue in my mouth is enough to make me hurl.

Uh-oh, speak of the devil, I think Prince Charming has arrived. Let's get this freak show over with.

12:49 pm

Sitting at a nice restaurant in Hogsmeade. Hey, even though the date's not going so well, at least I got a field trip out of it!

So far, so good. My outfit terrified him, so much so that I don't think he'd ever dream of sticking his tongue in my mouth.

He's so ugly! He smells gross, and he looks like he bathes in grease. Yuck! Yuck! YUCK!

Venny scored the next point. He got out of his pouch, scurried across the table, and knocked a full bottle of red wine on Rupert's lap! Oh, how I love my little Venom! So that's where Rupert is, trying to get the stain to-

-Oh, my God.

This can't be happening.

Why does he have to be here while I'm looking, acting, and talking like this?!

I hate my life.

Oliver and Terry just came in. What are the odds of that?! Terry has some... guy... on his arm, and Ollie has some anorexic slut.

Ahem.

Okay, so she's probably not an anorexic slut... Ollie's not like that....

They can stop kissing any day now!!!

Not Ollie and the girl, Terry and the guy. In fact, Ollie doesn't seem too interested in her. She's much more interested in him. What a relief!

What am I saying?! If he looks up and sees me here... like this... with Rupert...

...

Here comes Rupert. Alright, here goes something...

5:39 pm

Well... that was interesting...

At least I made it out alive. It took some quick thinking, but I did it!

When Rupert came back, I grabbed his hands and said, Oh, my Darling, must we stay here any longer? Wouldn't you rather go somewhere that we can be... alone...? Well, the volcanic eruption that seemed to be bubbling up on his face previously was quickly replaced by this look of ecstasy I will be having nightmares about for the rest of my life.

So we left, did a little bit of snogging in a nearby park (just let me die!!!!), and then I came home. Only real problem is now we've got another date planned.

10:17 pm

Life isn't fair.

Here I am, snogging with Rupert for the sole purpose of escaping Ollie's or Terry's attention, which results in the arrangement of another date, yet this still happened:

Ollie: Hey, was that you're uncle or someone who took you out to lunch at Hogsmeade today?
Me: (speechless)
Ollie: I was going to say hello, but you left in such a hurry and I didn't get a chance.
Me: Good.
Ollie: Good what?
Me: Good-bye.

I don't even want to know his thoughts on the outfit....