Author's Notage: Final Fantasy VII does Austin Powers! Woo. I just thought this would be fun. D

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the FFVII characters, they belong to Squaresoft – though I would like to own Sephy, because then we could play foozball or something. But I don't own him, so blegh.

Barret Exposition shuts the large wooden door of his groovy 60s office and proceeds to take a seat behind his desk. He is dressed in a fine suit, complete with an adorable red bowtie. Somehow someone managed to find the guy a suit jacket that can fit over a gun-arm, but that my friends is the magic of fanfiction.

Anyway, he fumbles with the stacks of papers on his desk, unsure of exactly where to begin. Working for British Intelligence is a tough job. Yeah. Real tough. Suddenly, his adorable red phone (which matches perfectly with his adorable red bowtie, because Barret is the epitomy of style, of course) begins to ring.

Lifting the adorable red reciever to his ear, he half expects it to be another telemarketer calling to ask if he were interested in buying a Salad Shooter®.

"Hello?"

Barret blinks, puzzled at the sound of his own voice. Sure, it sounded like him .. but it had a distinctive British accent to it. Weird. Shrugging, he listens for the voice on the line.

"Mmhm. I see. Well, there's only one person who can handle a job like this.."

:: dramatic zooming in of camera ::

"..Cloud Powers!"

Barret drops the adorable red reciever onto the adorable red hook and flips on his nifty closed-circuit television, which automatically sets up a direct connection between himself and Mr. Powers.

Meanwhile, in the Shaguar..

Cloud Powers is speeding down the highway, the lovely scenery of the English countryside surrounding him (funny, how Southern California looks nothing like the English countryside!).

He is dressed in a groovy, blue, crushed velvet suit – complete with pointy black boots and a ruffled white shirt. He wears black glasses with thick rims and his hair, as always, is mocking Sir Isaac Newton .. wherever he may be.


Suddenly, an alert sound begins to .. sound .. and a screen in the dash switches on.

"Cloud!"


"Barret!"

"No .. Cloud!"

"Yes! .. Barret!"

"Shut up and listen to me for a second!"

Cloud flinches, afraid Barret might shoot him .. through the screen. Oh yes. How frightening.

"Dr. Evil is up to no good once again!"

Cloud stares.

"Dr. Evil? Is that a new brand of soft drink? I mean .. because you've got your Dr. Pepper, and your generic Dr. Thunder. But I've not heard of a Dr. Evil yet. I bet it's got enough sugar in it to cause you to go into diabetic shock! Dude! I want some!"

Cloud smiles brightly at Barret, glad that the British Intelligence has finally given him a fun mission.

"No! You retard! Dr. Evil is a person. And he wants to take over the world! You gotta stop him!"

Cloud hrms. Take. Over. The. World. Sounds familiar..

"SEPHIROTH!"

"Maybe. We don't know who he is right now. But you still need to stop him! You'll be teamed up with one of our top female agents, Miss Tifa Shagnowe."

Cloud blinks. "Tifa .. Shagnowe? Oh my shit."

"Yes. Now go. The fate of the Planet depends on you!"

"Gaaaah Barret. Not. Again."

Barret shrugs and switches the television off. Yes. Mr. Powers always finds a way to save the world..