Author's Notage Two: Did you like the first chapter? Well. There's more where that came from. I'll see how many I can do tonight. :P

Approximately One Hour Later. Kalm Tavern.

"So. Tifa. What're we gonna do about Dr. Evil?"

"Welll. We need to find out where his Super Secret Super Evil Lair of Impending DOOM is. Once we locate the Super Secret Super Evil Lair of Impending DOOM, we'll slip in .. unnoticed .. and get him. And kick his psuedo-evil ass. Because he's not even a cool villain.."

Cloud sips his drink thoughtfully.

"Oh? And who's a cool villain then..?"

"Sephiroth! Of course! Who could possibly be cooler than a guy who thinks an evil space alien is his mommy dearest and wields a six-foot long sword that he enjoys jabbing into people for no apparent reason and has dreams of becoming one with the Planet?! Not to mention the se-"

"Wait Tifa! Dude. Short, unnattractive balding man with clipboard. Fetch me the script..?"

Short, unnattractive balding man with clipboard obeys, and strolls on-set with the script in hand.

Cloud flips to the current scene and reads down the page.

"Ahah! Tampering with the script!"

Tifa leans over. "Who tampered with the script..?"

Cloud looks up. "Yo. Person with fantasic panel of lettered keys..?"

A booming voice calls from everywhere and nowhere (for I am the great author, and in my 'fic, I am God).

"Yeah. Okay. You got me.."

A few keystrokes later, the script is back to normal. For the most part..

Short, unnattractive balding man with clipboard takes the script back and strolls back off-set.

"Right. Proceed."

"Mm. As I was saying. He's not cool. I don't get that 'oh my god we're gonna DIE' feeling from him. He sounds like a brand of soft drink, come to think of it."

"Hahah! BooYAH Barret!"

Tifa cocks her head to one side. "Huh?"

Cloud shakes his head frantically. "Nothing. Forget it."

Tifa shrugs and drains the rest of the mug. "Ready t'go?"

Cloud nods, emptying his glass as well. He tosses a few Gil to the bartender and walks out, Tifa close behind.

Meanwhile, In the Super Secret Super Evil Lair of Impending DOOM..

"Dr. Evil, how do you like your new Lair of Impending DOOM?"

"#2 .. it is brilliant. No one would ever think to check inside of a giant, hollowed out volcano with my face carved into it! It's genius!"

#2, otherwise known as Yuffie nods. She still didn't know who her boss was yet, he liked to keep his identity secret. She wasn't even allowed to see the volcano. Damn secret identities..

Cid sits at the large table in the center of the chamber, arms crossed over his chest .. clearly miffed about something.

"Fucking HELL. Why do I have to do this?!"

#2 turns to Cid, giggling. And appropriately so.

Cid is dressed in a tight military uniform with a miniskirt that stops above the knees, the entire outfit fitted to hug his curves .. or lack thereof. Cid's crossed arms hide the best part though, for underneath his sexy military uniform is a WonderBra, to give the pilot an impressive bosom.

"Because, Cid .. we're paying you 300,000 Gil to do this, remember? Dr. Evil must have his masculine evil female working with him to keep with the storyline. And you look so sexy in that miniskirt!" Yuffie is forced to cover her mouth to stifle an outburst of laughter.

The other two seated at the table, Red and Vincent exchange amused looks.

Dr. Evil pushes a button on his chair, which still hides him from view. "Now, my evil friends .. here's the plan. We have successfully created a weapon known as the Extra Lethal Annilator X. Attempts A through W were complete failures .. but not X! No! So, this is project Ex-LAX."

A snort of laughter escapes from everyone present, save Dr. Evil.

"What? I'm missing something .. what's so hilarious about Project Ex-LAX?"

Once again, another volley of laughter from the group.

"Now. If I may proceed .. the Ex-LAX is a powerful weapon. It is capable of releasing massive amounts of destructive energy in a single, uncontrollable, unstoppable flood of power."

Cid begins to chuckle, sending the rest into fits.

"Eh. I give up.."

 
With that Dr. Evil hits another button, which causes the chair to move forward and disappear into the next room.

Red rubs his eyes with his paws. "That was too good. Too, too good. Woot."

The others agree, and sit back in their seats, taking an unauthorized break. Not that they cared much.