Wonderful

By: Celtic Fang

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop. ::sniff:: All original characters belong to their respective owners, and not me. ::sigh:: But . . . the plot is mine!!! All mine!!! Muahahahahah ::hack, cough, sputter:: Damn allergies . . . ^^;

Warnings: Still a lot of cussing.

A/N: Hey. Sorry updates take so long. ::sigh:: I'm lazy and busy so I don't do much when I should, and when I want to I can't. Anyway, because of that, I decided that I won't do anymore story editing. For those of you who've read this story before, that means the lemon later on in the story stays. Eventually I'll get around to rewriting and stuff, but until them I don't have time. ^.^; In the meantime, though, please read, enjoy, and review! ^.~

Chapter Three: Wishful Thinking



What kind of things does a person regret? Often times too many to count. Sometimes little things, like not calling someone lately, when you told them you'd keep in touch. Sometimes they're big things, like not telling a loved one just how much they meant to you before they died.

Then there are the things that really shouldn't be regretted. It wasn't as if they were really wrong. They weren't crimes, they weren't heinous acts of violence. They were just things that happened that someone wishes, or maybe knows, shouldn't have.

Those are the worst feelings of regret. Because, while what was done shouldn't have been done, you can't really regret doing it. Because at the time you were glad you were doing it. And you know that if you had it to do over, you'd do it again. And you regret that thought, because you shouldn't have enjoyed it in the first place. And then you regret having regrets, because they don't allow you to enjoy life to the fullest or to have fun.

Or to move on.

~*~

"Have you ever done something you really regret, even if there's no real reason to regret it?"

Jet glanced sideways at Spike and then shrugged. "Sure, I guess everyone regrets doing something even if it was a perfectly okay thing to do. So what'd you do this time?"

Spike sighed. "It doesn't matter. I can't take it back, no matter how much I want to."

"But I thought that this whole conversation started because you don't *really* want to take it back." Jet said, snipping off an errant branch on one of his precious bonsai trees.

Spike leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. "That's the thing though. I did something that, at the time, seemed like a good idea. Hell, it still seems like it was a good idea now. But I know I shouldn't have done it and that's where this regret is coming from, I guess."

"Does this have anything to do with Faye's leaving so suddenly?" Jet asked, keeping his gaze carefully trained on the tree before him.

"Yeah."

"And I take it it wasn't a fight that pushed her away, am I right?"

"Yeah."

Jet set down his small garden tool and turned to face Spike. "Look, what you and Faye do? I don't really want or need to know. You're not kids and even if you were, I'm not your old man or your legal guardian. So frankly, whatever's going on isn't my business. But, if I was your dad I'd tell you something like, you need to do right by her or at least let her know where you stand. Or maybe, instead, I'd call you a jackass and go on and on about how maybe you should give her a chance because she's a great woman who probably doesn't deserve you but for whatever reason wants you anyway."

He shrugged again and turned back to his tree. "I have no hand in your life Spike, you've made that apparent before. But take my advice when I say, don't leave her hangin' and don't lead her on. You know how good Faye is with a gun. You're taking your life in your hands if you decide to pull shit like that."

Spike chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah. Thanks Jet."

But Jet wasn't listening, he was too busy with his plants.

~*~

Faye hopped out of the Red Tail after it had docked in the Bebop and glanced around. Good, no one. She had to admit that she was happy for that. She wasn't quite ready to see anyone, namely Spike, just yet.

She tugged on the hem of her shorts nervously as she thought about just what it would be like to have to talk to him. Tense, it'd be tense. Definitely. And she'd blush. Yes there would be a lot of blushing. She rolled her eyes and started walking. Hell, if things went the way she thought they would, he'd just walk right past her without saying a word. Look through her like she didn't exist. And she didn't need that. Of all the reactions she could possibly get from him, she didn't need that one.

"So, where'd you go?"

Faye stopped suddenly and stiffened. Damn! She hadn't seen him anywhere. She hadn't sensed him, hadn't heard him. She'd thought she was home free. Obviously she wasn't.

"I went," she said. "To a bar, if it's any of your business."

"Oh? Meet any interesting people?"

She turned around, her hands on her hips. "As a matter of fact I did. I ran into a couple of horny bozos who wanted me to screw them senseless for free."

Spike raised an eyebrow and leaned against the wall. "And you didn't go with them?"

"Of course I didn't!" Faye cried, glaring at Spike. "God, what do you take me for? A slut?"

"If the shoe fits." He told her.

Her eyes blazed. "Look, I already kicked some complete stranger's ass for calling me a slut in so many words. But I know you. And I hate you. And I'll do a lot worse than kick your ass if you don't stop being such a jerk."

Spike grinned. "You can't even throw a punch right, how are you possibly going to manage to hurt me?" He said, his voice sounding smug and annoying in Faye's ears. "And besides, I don't think you hate me. You certainly didn't hate me the other night."

She clenched her fists. "Obviously dying twice didn't do anything to improve your manners." She muttered. "You're still a complete asshole."

Spike shrugged. "At least I've come to terms with my short comings. You, on the other hand, are still in denial."

Faye rolled her eyes and forced her fingers to relax. "At least I don't walk around knowing I'm a son of a bitch and not doing anything about it."

How on earth could Faye have ever thought he'd walk right past her? She grimaced inwardly. She'd thought that that was the worst reaction she could get. She was wrong. Him completely ignoring her wasn't a horrid reaction. It was wishful thinking.

Faye turned away from him with a disgruntled sigh. "You know what? I'm not in the mood for this right now, okay? I've put up with your crap ever since I've met you and I'm beyond tired of it. So today, I'm not gonna put up with it anymore."

He sighed. "Don't be like this Faye."

She turned on him. "Be like what? I know you hate independent women Spike. You like women you can order around. Or women who follow you around like lovesick bitches with their snouts constantly up your ass. Women like Julia. But I'm not like her. I'm nobody's bitch. I'm nobody's slut. And I'm tired of you treating me like I'm both!"

Spike's russet eyes narrowed and Faye's own eyes widened and clashed with his as his hand lashed out and he gripped her upper arm. Hard. He yanked her against him, pulled her up his body until they were face to face and there was hardly any room between them.

"Maybe I've only been treating you like you deserve to be treated, did you ever think of that? Or maybe that's all I see when I look at you. A slutty, idiot, bitch of a woman who I wish I'd never laid eyes alone, let alone *known* for the past six years."

Faye's own eyes narrowed and sparked with emerald flames. "Oh, you think I'm a slut huh? And I'm an idiot? Well, maybe I'm mistaken but *I'm* not the chick who decided to sex up her boyfriend's best friend behind his back, causing an internal war that would eventually go down in syndicate history. *I'm* not the one who ruined the relationship between two best friends who, in the end, almost killed each other, destroying an entire syndicate in the process. And *I'm* not the one who went and got herself *shot* causing the love of her life more grief than her entire being was probably worth. So then, who is the *real* idiot?"

Spike glared at her. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Faye glared back. "I think that I do. Now let go of me."

"Gladly." He muttered, thrusting Faye away from him.

She staggered a couple of steps before righting herself.

"I don't know why I even came back. I was so much happier when you were dead." She growled.

"Believe me, I was much more content without you around too. And if your boyfriend was still alive I'd have been more than glad to leave you to him."

"He wasn't my boyfriend." Faye said softly before turning and stalking out of the hangar.

~*~

Spike watched her go and then plowed a hand through his hair. He didn't understand just what had happened. Why they'd fought like that. Why, as completely stupid as it sounded, they couldn't get along. The animosity they felt toward each other made no sense.

Spike knew on some level that they should have been best friends. They were so alike it was uncanny. Both stubborn, both lazy, both of their internal rage mechanisms were over sensitive. They'd both been through hellish lives. They'd both lost people they'd loved. They'd both been betrayed and hurt. But maybe that was the problem. They were too much alike.

Because it wasn't as if either of them were the most open of people. They didn't like to share their feelings and emotions. They didn't want people to know what they were thinking, when they were thinking it, and why. But while they didn't want that, they needed it. Even if they kept denying it.

Spike sighed and thought back. So, maybe he was the one who denied it. Faye had tried to reach out to him and Jet a few times. She'd done it so subtly though, that neither of the lunkheads had a chance of figuring it out. And when they didn't pick up on it Faye had been demoralized. At least that's what Jet had told Spike one day, after they had all been reunited and he had figured out just why Faye was the way she was.

The theory did hold water. And maybe that was why they didn't get along. Spike didn't want a companion who wanted to talk to him about things. He didn't want a partner or a life mate. And Faye, well, Faye both wanted and needed those things. And even though Spike had known that she wanted those things from him, he didn't want any part of it.

So Faye was resentful because Spike kept pushing her away. And until he could accept her as a part of his life, neither of them would be happy with each other.

Spike rolled his eyes. Okay, so he'd figured that out. Now what? He supposed he could apologize. But that wasn't his style. He could at least try to talk to her as if she was a human being instead of an annoying brat, but he didn't know if that was physically, mentally, or emotionally possible for him.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and made his way to the kitchen where he could hear, and smell, Jet cooking. Oh well, there really was no use in stressing about it. Faye would cool down and then Spike would talk to her. And hopefully it would be a calm, rational conversation that didn't involve either of them yelling their heads off or pissing the other off.

But as he made his way to the kitchen, he realized that a rational conversation that involved him and Faye wasn't just impossible. It was wishful thinking.

Dream on, Space Cowboy

~*~

A/N: okay, so what did you think? I know it wasn't the greatest and I didn't even use the word 'wonderful' once. ^^; I'm so pathetic. BTW, about Faye's 'boyfriend' it isn't anyone you'd know. He's an original character that I'm the process of making up. He'll show up in Awakenings. Anyway, that's all folks! Don't forget to R&R.