(A/N, My chapters are getting longer and longer, I wonder if I'll be able
to keep it up.)
-xxx-ies Polgara
Chapter 11, Expelled
When the four of them had taken their seats, Dumbledore began speaking, 'I now know the truth. Mr. Malfoy you have been lying; not only did you try to rape Miss Evans, you used the Imperius-curse on her as well. As is well known the use of one of the Unforgivable Curses means a life-sentence in Azkaban. Fortunately for you, you are underage so you won't be given that extreme punishment, I will expel you from this school instead.'
Malfoy looked even paler than usual, 'My dad'll have something to say about that.'
'No, he will not. Your father may be school governor but I'm still the Headmaster here, the final decision lies with me. There will be no attempted rape or Dark Arts in this school while I am it's Headmaster.'
Malfoy protested of course, but to no avail; he was expelled the next day.
******
Under normal circumstances the Marauders would have celebrated, but they (especially James) had other things to worry about. Lily was behaving strangely; she wasn't paying attention in class and after classes directly went up to her dormitory to study, she skipped meals and, as far as they were able to make out from the bags under her eyes, sleep as well. Her eyes more often than not had a far away-look in them, if they didn't they were dull and devoid of anything even remotely resembling joy. They rarely ever saw her out of their classes, so talking to her was practically impossible.
After spending a week of trying to get her to talk, James tried it another way; he got the invisibility cloak out of his trunk and well after one o' clock sneaked to the 7th year girls dorms. He cast a silencing-spell on the door so it wouldn't creak and entered. The curtains around her four-poster were open and were glowing faintly, he assumed she'd put a lighting charm on it and, as he had half-expected her to be, Lily was still awake; sitting on her bed with her back against the wall, bent over her Transfiguration book, her hair falling around her face like a veil, hiding her expression. She hadn't noticed him entering, after watching her stare at her book for a while without reading it he prepared to take of the cloak when she suddenly started singing softly;
~~~
I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder.
As they tear your hopes apart,
As they turn your dreams to shame.
He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder.
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came.
And still I dreamed he'd come to me,
That we would live the years together.
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather.
I had a dream my life would be,
So diff'rent from this hell I'm living.
So diff'rent now from what it seemed,
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
~~~
'Lil?' he asked softly, taking off the cloak.
When she looked up he was shocked to see the look of self-loathing and misery in her eyes, which were glittering strangely before her face snapped back into its usual blank expression.
'James, what're you doing here?' she yawned.
He ignored her question and sat down next to her, 'Lil, what's wrong?'
She refused to meet his eyes, 'Nothing's wrong. Why do you keep asking me that?'
'Because every time I ask you, something is wrong.'
'This time there isn't.'
'Why've you been avoiding me and the others then?'
'I need to study for my N.E.W.T.'s, you guys aren't exactly the best company for that.'
'Lil, it's January. Come up with a better excuse.'
'I'm just playing it safe, I have to get the best results for those test James, I won't be able to be an Auror otherwise.'
He gave her a very direct look, 'Let's go to Gryffindor's, we'll be able to talk freely.' He said, glancing suspiciously at the sleeping forms of her roommates.
'Alright.' She said, without enthusiasm.
They got up, hid under the cloak and walked to the portrait hole, when James looked at Lily he could see she still wore her blank incurious expression. They began walking down the secret passages of Hogwarts and came out on the grounds. It was bitterly cold, both of them were only in their pyjamas and slippers and the searing wind was little help. They hurried to the round stone and stepped up. When they were down he could see Lily was fighting not to run to the chamber to get out of the oppressing passageway.
Without thinking he slung his arm around her shoulders causing her to flinch and stiffen, but she did not pull away. They continued to walk but James frowned, she never flinched like that, never. When they entered the room he sat on the couch; if she flinched when he touched her, he didn't want her to get the wrong idea when they both sat on the bed. Lily sat down next to him; close, but not touching.
'Lil, you haven't been yourself since Malfoy... I understand that it's very hard for you, but it'll be harder on your own. Please Lil, don't shut me out.'
She refused to meet his eyes and when he lifted her chin to look at her, the tears started flowing. She leant forward; elbows on her knees, head between her arms, hands in her hair which was once again hiding her face, her back shaking with silent sobs.
James slung his arm around her again and she didn't flinch or stiffen this time. He gently moved her hair out of the way and asked, 'Lil, what is it?'
She tried to stop crying, 'I didn't think you'd still want me after Malfoy... touched me.'
'God Lil, how could you think that? I love you, and it wasn't your fault. What he did to you in no way makes you less. Please tell me you haven't been blaming yourself.'
She looked down, she had been.
'Come 'ere.' He said pulling her up into a hug.
They stayed like that for quite some time, then as they leaned back James took one of her hands and lightly traced the lines of her hand, he brought her hand to his mouth to kiss the palm but saw something that disturbed him quite a bit. There were lines on the insides of her wrists as well, only these were fresh newly forming scars.
'Lil?' he whispered, hardly able to believe what he saw. 'Did you do that?'
Her eyes filled again, 'Yes.' She breathed.
'Why?'
'At first I wanted to... to... But I couldn't, and I was angry with myself for being too weak to do it. So instead I did that.'
'Look at me.'
She lifted her face and looked at him, her eyes still streaming tears.
'Please promise me you'll never do or think something like that again. If you were gone.' His face was very pale now, 'I don't know what I'd do. " 'Till death us part." Remember? And I won't let it part us for a long time yet.'
'I should hope not.' She said, smiling for first time in days. She hesitated, then kissed him, a real kiss, not some quick peck on the lips. Lily was tingling all over when the kiss ended; it felt like their first kiss had. 'I love you.'
'I love you too, Lil. Do you want to stay here tonight?' When he saw the fear returning in her eyes he said, 'I didn't mean it like that, Lil. I just want to be near you.'
'That would be nice.'
'Let's try to sleep, then.'
They both walked to the bed on the other side of the room and crawled in. They fell asleep a few moments later, James spooning Lily who was feeling peaceful for the first time that week.
(A/N, I know it's a bit fluffy but hey! I like writing fluff. The song is from the musical "Les Miserables". I know I probably don't have to ask but could you all please review?)
Bye! -xxx-ies Polgara
-xxx-ies Polgara
Chapter 11, Expelled
When the four of them had taken their seats, Dumbledore began speaking, 'I now know the truth. Mr. Malfoy you have been lying; not only did you try to rape Miss Evans, you used the Imperius-curse on her as well. As is well known the use of one of the Unforgivable Curses means a life-sentence in Azkaban. Fortunately for you, you are underage so you won't be given that extreme punishment, I will expel you from this school instead.'
Malfoy looked even paler than usual, 'My dad'll have something to say about that.'
'No, he will not. Your father may be school governor but I'm still the Headmaster here, the final decision lies with me. There will be no attempted rape or Dark Arts in this school while I am it's Headmaster.'
Malfoy protested of course, but to no avail; he was expelled the next day.
******
Under normal circumstances the Marauders would have celebrated, but they (especially James) had other things to worry about. Lily was behaving strangely; she wasn't paying attention in class and after classes directly went up to her dormitory to study, she skipped meals and, as far as they were able to make out from the bags under her eyes, sleep as well. Her eyes more often than not had a far away-look in them, if they didn't they were dull and devoid of anything even remotely resembling joy. They rarely ever saw her out of their classes, so talking to her was practically impossible.
After spending a week of trying to get her to talk, James tried it another way; he got the invisibility cloak out of his trunk and well after one o' clock sneaked to the 7th year girls dorms. He cast a silencing-spell on the door so it wouldn't creak and entered. The curtains around her four-poster were open and were glowing faintly, he assumed she'd put a lighting charm on it and, as he had half-expected her to be, Lily was still awake; sitting on her bed with her back against the wall, bent over her Transfiguration book, her hair falling around her face like a veil, hiding her expression. She hadn't noticed him entering, after watching her stare at her book for a while without reading it he prepared to take of the cloak when she suddenly started singing softly;
~~~
I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder.
As they tear your hopes apart,
As they turn your dreams to shame.
He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder.
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came.
And still I dreamed he'd come to me,
That we would live the years together.
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather.
I had a dream my life would be,
So diff'rent from this hell I'm living.
So diff'rent now from what it seemed,
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
~~~
'Lil?' he asked softly, taking off the cloak.
When she looked up he was shocked to see the look of self-loathing and misery in her eyes, which were glittering strangely before her face snapped back into its usual blank expression.
'James, what're you doing here?' she yawned.
He ignored her question and sat down next to her, 'Lil, what's wrong?'
She refused to meet his eyes, 'Nothing's wrong. Why do you keep asking me that?'
'Because every time I ask you, something is wrong.'
'This time there isn't.'
'Why've you been avoiding me and the others then?'
'I need to study for my N.E.W.T.'s, you guys aren't exactly the best company for that.'
'Lil, it's January. Come up with a better excuse.'
'I'm just playing it safe, I have to get the best results for those test James, I won't be able to be an Auror otherwise.'
He gave her a very direct look, 'Let's go to Gryffindor's, we'll be able to talk freely.' He said, glancing suspiciously at the sleeping forms of her roommates.
'Alright.' She said, without enthusiasm.
They got up, hid under the cloak and walked to the portrait hole, when James looked at Lily he could see she still wore her blank incurious expression. They began walking down the secret passages of Hogwarts and came out on the grounds. It was bitterly cold, both of them were only in their pyjamas and slippers and the searing wind was little help. They hurried to the round stone and stepped up. When they were down he could see Lily was fighting not to run to the chamber to get out of the oppressing passageway.
Without thinking he slung his arm around her shoulders causing her to flinch and stiffen, but she did not pull away. They continued to walk but James frowned, she never flinched like that, never. When they entered the room he sat on the couch; if she flinched when he touched her, he didn't want her to get the wrong idea when they both sat on the bed. Lily sat down next to him; close, but not touching.
'Lil, you haven't been yourself since Malfoy... I understand that it's very hard for you, but it'll be harder on your own. Please Lil, don't shut me out.'
She refused to meet his eyes and when he lifted her chin to look at her, the tears started flowing. She leant forward; elbows on her knees, head between her arms, hands in her hair which was once again hiding her face, her back shaking with silent sobs.
James slung his arm around her again and she didn't flinch or stiffen this time. He gently moved her hair out of the way and asked, 'Lil, what is it?'
She tried to stop crying, 'I didn't think you'd still want me after Malfoy... touched me.'
'God Lil, how could you think that? I love you, and it wasn't your fault. What he did to you in no way makes you less. Please tell me you haven't been blaming yourself.'
She looked down, she had been.
'Come 'ere.' He said pulling her up into a hug.
They stayed like that for quite some time, then as they leaned back James took one of her hands and lightly traced the lines of her hand, he brought her hand to his mouth to kiss the palm but saw something that disturbed him quite a bit. There were lines on the insides of her wrists as well, only these were fresh newly forming scars.
'Lil?' he whispered, hardly able to believe what he saw. 'Did you do that?'
Her eyes filled again, 'Yes.' She breathed.
'Why?'
'At first I wanted to... to... But I couldn't, and I was angry with myself for being too weak to do it. So instead I did that.'
'Look at me.'
She lifted her face and looked at him, her eyes still streaming tears.
'Please promise me you'll never do or think something like that again. If you were gone.' His face was very pale now, 'I don't know what I'd do. " 'Till death us part." Remember? And I won't let it part us for a long time yet.'
'I should hope not.' She said, smiling for first time in days. She hesitated, then kissed him, a real kiss, not some quick peck on the lips. Lily was tingling all over when the kiss ended; it felt like their first kiss had. 'I love you.'
'I love you too, Lil. Do you want to stay here tonight?' When he saw the fear returning in her eyes he said, 'I didn't mean it like that, Lil. I just want to be near you.'
'That would be nice.'
'Let's try to sleep, then.'
They both walked to the bed on the other side of the room and crawled in. They fell asleep a few moments later, James spooning Lily who was feeling peaceful for the first time that week.
(A/N, I know it's a bit fluffy but hey! I like writing fluff. The song is from the musical "Les Miserables". I know I probably don't have to ask but could you all please review?)
Bye! -xxx-ies Polgara