Scene 5
Rocky as Link
Ginger as Saria
Navi
Mac as Ruto
Lord Jabu Jabu
Evil owl
Narrator
A whole bunch 'o' Zora's
Alice and Ginny, the directors
(On top of death mountain)
Rocky: So we have to go to Zora's fountain?
Navi: That's what the fairy-girl said.
Rocky: She's NOT a fairy-girl!
Navi: Sure she is, just like you're a fairy-boy!
Rocky: I am NOT I repeat NOT a fairy-boy, you...you...Insect!!
Navi: Oh, I'm like, so not insulted.
Narrator: Look, I can see this going on for a long time if I don't butt in...
Evil owl: *Appearing outta nowhere* Hoo hooo! Here's OWLY!!!
Rocky and Navi: *Run away screaming*
Narrator: Gee, you need to work on your people skills.
Evil owl: it got them moving though.
(Ten minutes later rocky and Navi are standing in Hyrule field)
Rocky: I hate that owl.
Navi: Join the club... He's just CREEPY!
Rocky: Yeah, so which way to Zora's fountain?
Navi: Like I said, I ain't a road map!
Rocky: *Sigh* I guess this means I havta talk to Saria again, right?
Navi: You got it.
(Rocky plays Saria's song, far away we can hear nick groovin' out)
Ginger: Mido sod off! I don't want to go out with you!
Rocky: Er... It's me, Link.
Ginger: Wha? Oh, sorry. What is it then?
Rocky: I was wondering how we get to Zora's fountain?
Ginger: Oh it's simple, just go left from Kakariko Village.
Rocky: (Looks around) but, there's only a river left of Kakariko village!
Navi: Well the Zora's inhabit the water of Hyrule, so what'd you expect?
Ginger: Exactly Navi, I gotta go now, Bye!
*Ocarina hangs up or whatever*
Rocky: I guess this isn't a good time to tell you that I hate water?
Navi: Don't matter, you're going in either way pal!
Narrator: And so link began the long trek to the Zora's domain...
(Rocky walks along, suddenly an octo-thingy hops out the water!)
Octo-thingy: Keekeee!! *spits rock at rocky*
Rocky: *Runs away screaming*
Navi: What a loser. Oh octo-thingy! *holds up a familiar looking wallet.* how many rupee's do ya want to leave us alone?
Octo-thingy: Keecookee
Navi: Really? That much?
Rocky: *Walking back slowly* since when can you talk to octo- thingys?
Navi: My mother was half octo-thingy. *Hands over a purple rupee to octo-thingy*
Rocky: HEY! That's mine!
Navi: Not anymore bub.
Rocky: Remind me again why I don't just shove you in a bottle with a poe?
Navi: Because I can electrocute you.
(They keep walking until they reach the waterfall)
Rocky: Neat. (Reading sign on ground) when the king sleeps so does this waterfall? I guess I better play that lullaby then?
Navi: That would be the obvious solution.
(Rocky takes out the ocarina, then Navi gets an evil look and pushes him into the water!)
Rocky: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Navi: *Evil grin* that was SO much fun!
Rocky: *Climbing back up* Navi, why did you do that?
Navi: because I can! In fact, I'll do it again! *Waves hands*
(The ladder Rocky was climbing disappears)
Rocky: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Sits up in the water, spits out fish)
Rocky: I'll get you for that Navi!
Narrator: Can you both just get inside already?
(Rocky climbs back up and plays that damn lullaby)
Narrator: As Link played the song the waterfall stopped, revealing a doorway, into the unknown world of the Zora's.
(Dramatic music plays, close-up on Rocky, it looks like he's gonna say something really dramatic like all hero's do...)
Rocky: I'm SO not impressed.
Navi: Let's go Linky!
Narrator: And so they entered.
Zoras Domain
(A peaceful waterfall trickles in the huge cave filled with water)
Rocky: It's a bit...empty isn't it?
Navi: You expected the Zoras to leap out dressed in drag and doing the hula?
(Some Zora in drag go past behind them dancing the hula, one of them stops and walks over to them)
Zora: Hey kid, what're you doing here?
Rocky: GAAAAHH!!!! EVIL MUTANT FISH!!!!!!!!! *Grabs a stick and tries to hit the Zora with it. The Zora just holds him away with one hand* DIE MUTANT! DIE!!!!!!
Navi: Ignore him.
Zora: What the hell are you guys doing here anyway?
Navi: *Glances at Rocky* looks like he's trying to kill you.
Zora: Yeah, I meant why did you come here?
Navi: We need to get your spiritual stone.
Rocky: DIE EVIL MUTANT FISH DUDE!!!!!!!!!
Navi: *Grabs rocky by the tunic* down boy. That's no mutant, it's a Zora.
Rocky: Oh. Er... You're....wierd looking.
Zora: WHAT?????
Rocky: Well...er...Navi, help me out here?
Zora: How dare you?!?!?!? So what if we don't rule the land like the Hylians???
(Other Zoras are popping out of the water now)
Zora2: And so what if we don't have cool gardian doohickys like the Koriki???
Zora3: And so what if we're not accomplished thief's like the Gurudo???
Zora4: And so what if we aren't mysterious like the Shieka?
Navi: *Getting into it* and so what if you guys basically SUCK compared to the annoying but slightly cute Gorons? AND you smell of fish!
*All Zora have turned red and have steam coming out of their ears*
Zora1: Say that again.
Navi: Well, they live on a cool volcano; you live in a cave with water. They have really cute little faces, you are... big mutated fish...
Zoras: GRRRRRR!!!!! FOR THAT YOU MUST SIT THROUGH THE ZORA SONG!!!!
Rocky: Why do I get the feeling this will hurt?
Navi: *Gulp* we're dead.
["Under The Sea" from "The Little Mermaid" starts up. All the Zoras don spicy Caribbean-style clothing and the Zora that Rocky and Navi just finished talking to grabs a microphone]
Zora: AHA!
The forest always looks greener
If you're up above the shore
But there's seaweed under water
It's that hue green, and so much more!
Just look at this big blank cave place!
That looks like an outhouse floor!
So what if it's not that interesting?
Plus we've got that stone you're looking for!
[They all start salsa dancing]
Zoras:
UNDER THE WATER!
UNDER THE WATER!
GO TELL YOUR COUSIN, GO TELL YOUR MOTHER, DON'T FORGET VATTER!
Those Hylians, all they do is work!
The Gorons ain't all that cool, you jerk!
So just be smarty
Have a Zora party
Under the Water!
[Big groovy dance scene, with Zoras throwing a big hat on Navi]
Rocky: NO! NO! NO MORE SINGING!
Navi: [muffled screaming]
Rocky: WHAT?
Navi: DISNEY'S GONNA SUE US!
Rocky: [pulls out his empty wallet] ... Uh oh.
Zora Group 1: Those Gorons on land ain't happy
All they do is eat and roll
Their leader is ultra sappy
Zora 3: And you wanna talk about ROLLS?!
Zora Group 2:
So they eat rocks and dance much better?
We don't care, we think we're great!
Did they chase us in the water?
Zora 4: Maybe it was a touch of fate.
Zoras: NO WAY!
UNDER THE WATER!
UNDER THE WATER!
WE'RE SAFE IN HERE FROM DISEASE AND BEER AND SOME EVIL PLOTTER!
YEAH!
The Kokiri are immature!
Gerudo sweat smells just like manure!
We are the cooliest
Others are drooliest!
Under the water!
[Great explosion of spicy salsa sound]
Rocky: NO, NO, STOP THE MUSIC!
Navi: [On the phone with a lawyer] ...Yeah, we need to counter- sue Disney... hello? HELLO??? Did you hang up too?
ROCKY, OUR LAWYERS WON'T ANSWER ME! *Pause* Aw screw them, this music is cool!
[Navi jams along with the Zoras, singing back-up, Rocky is trying to shut them all up]
All: YEAAAAH!
UNDER THE WATER!
UNDER THE WATER!
THERE IN THE SUMMER, IT'S NOT A BUMMER, IT DON'T GET NO HOTTER!
THE SHEIKAH HAVE ALL BUT DISAPPEARED!
MOST FAIRIES CAN'T TALK, EAT, OR GROW BEARDS!
SO WE REQUIRE
YOU THINK OF US HIGHER!
UNDER THE WATER!
DON'T YOU IGNORA
ALL US, THE PROUD ZORA!
UNDER THE WATER!
SCREW THOSE OTHER RACES!
WE TAKE THE TOP PLACES!
WE'VE GOT SPUNK AND MOXIE-GEN
DON'T FORGET OXYGEN!
DON'T BE A SQUATTER
IT'S JUST SO MUCH HOTTER!
UNDER THE WATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!
[A big explosion of music and sound and dancing Zoras in salsa outfits]
All: WE'RE FISH!
Zora1: *Panting* whoa... So... What... Do...you... Think... Of.... Zoras... Now?
Navi: Hmmmmmm, sorry, but the Gorons are still cooler! I mean, their leader isn't a gaint Frog, their leader ROCKS DA HOUSE!!!!
Rocky: Navi, shut up before they start singing again.
(Rocky grabs Navi, shoves her in his hat and runs to King Zora's throne)
Rocky: Your magestical fish-dudeness! (bows deeply)
Navi: Since when do you respect royalty? You didn't bow to Zelda!
Rocky: *Whispering* shut up Navi, this guy's huge!
King Zora: Hello. Have you found Ruto?
Rocky: What's a Ruto?
King Zora: *Begins crying* MY PRINCESS!!!!!!! WERE CAN LITTLE RUTO BE???!!!
Rocky: Okay okay, don't cry slime everywere, where did ya see this princess last?
King Zora: I think she was at lake Hylia.
Narrator: And Link ran to lake Hylia to search for Ruto.
(Navi is sitting on the edge of the water, she appears to be looking for someone)
Navi: He's been down there an awful long time...
(Rocky suddenly surfaces with a fish in his mouth)
Rocky: *Muffled cause of fish* shee Navi? I stold you I scould catch a sfish swith my teesh!
Navi: Congratulations.
(Rocky puts the fish in a bottle)
Navi: Why on earth are you keeping it?
Rocky: Ya never know when you're gonna need a fish next. *pause* Oh, and I found another bottle down there!
Navi: Hey, it's got something in it!
(They pull out the note and read it)
Navi: (Reading) Dear whoever finds this note, HELP ME! That giant fish-god we worship has swallowed me!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T HELP ME I'LL HAVE A HISSY FIT!!!!!! Love, princess Ruto ^_^ p.s. Don't tell my fat-ass father!
Rocky: Sounds like a seven-year old, damn!
Navi: Why, because if she was older you'd ask her out?
Rocky: ummmmmm, maybe? Nah. Spoken for.
Narrator: *Evil voice* he lies.
Rocky: Just narrate or whatever it is you do before something bad happens.
Narrator: very well. Link swam back to Zora's domain and took the letter to King Zora...
Navi: Are you going to bow to him again?
Rocky: Navi, the guy could eat me if he felt like it.
(They enter the king's throne room)
Rocky: Your royal fish-kingliness, I've found a letter from your daughter!
King Zora: *Reads letter* But... This cannot be true! Lord Jabu- Jabu would never harm our princess, it's her duty to feed him!
Rocky: Maybe he didn't like her cooking?
King Zora: If this is true then... You! Link, messenger of the royal family, go save my princess!
Rocky: Hold up a second, I'm just a messenger, going inside gaint fish-gods is NOT in my job description!
King Zora: I'll just move out the way...
(He begins to move, a process which will take about 10000 years.)
*10000 years later....*
King Zora: Phew, there you go, now go save the princess!
Rocky: *Asleep*
Navi: Hold on just one sec. *zaps rocky*
Rocky: JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Shoots about five hundred feet into the air*
King Zora: Now you, link, can go save my daughter from lord Jabu- jabu. Go Link, messenger of the royal family!
Rocky: *Sigh* let me guess, this is gonna hurt?
Navi: More than likely.
(And so they enter Jabu Jabu's fountin)
Rocky: EWWW!! What's that smell? Navi was that you?!
Navi: NO! That's the fish you moron!
(Rocky starts wandering around the fish)
Rocky: How exactly are we supposed to get in?
Navi: Well the girl who's supposed to feed him has been missing, I bet he's really hungry.
Rocky: So should I feed him the fish?
Navi: Actually I thought you could fry yourself...
Rocky: *Wierd look* Navi, are you by any chance a defective guardian fairy?
(He walks over to the fish's mouth and opens the bottle with a fish in.)
Jabu-Jabu: WOAAAAAARRRR!!!!! *sucking noise*
Rocky: (Desperately hanging on to the ground as he's almost sucked in) NAVI! DID YOU KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN??????
Navi: (Flying against the wind) NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly the camra crew go flying past)
Narrator: Someone stop the fish or we're all dead!!!!!
Alice: Ginny, stop the fish!
Ginny: What makes you think I know how to stop it???
*Everyone gets sucked into lord jabu-jabu*
Rocky: Oww.... Is everyone okay?
Narrator: I think I'm sitting in a pool of spit, but otherwise I'm fine.
Rocky: I meant people who I might worry about, not you.
Ginny: ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!! OCTO-THINGY!!!!!!!
Alice: HELP!!!!!!!!
(Both girls are being attacked by octo-thingy's)
Rocky: *Pulls out sword and saves their butts* Phew, you girls okay?
Ginny: I...I...think I'll be okay...
Alice: Me scared? What are you talking about?
Rocky: Good, wouldn't want you two getting hurt...
*Ginny and Alice suddenly faint at the IDEA that he likes them*
Rocky: ...Because you two are paying me for this.
*Alice and Ginny get up and look miserable*
Narrator: Anyway, the first monster Link met was a bubble-demon.
Rocky: Can I just point out that this is a bubble? It's hardly a challenge for a great warrior like m- (bubble floats over and electrocutes him)
Rocky: SON OF A B-(Ginny claps hand over his mouth)
Ginny: you can't say that, this is PG rated.
Rocky: oh sh... Shizzle.
Narrator: After facing more bubble demons and some electrocuting eels he came across a room in which there was.... PRINCESS RUTO!!!!
Rocky: Yes! Bring on the princess! (Starts trying to get rid of bloodstains in tunic) Navi, do ya think she's pretty?
Navi: She's a zora, she'll look like a fish, eat like a fish, sweat like a fish...
Narrator: And don't forget the smell!
Ginny: And everyone knows that kissing a Zora is like kissing a squid.
Rocky: You know what, you guys could make Christmas sound awful if you put your heads together.
Navi: Thank you.
Narrator: Anyway, Enter, princess Ruto!
Mac: Hello.
Rocky: You don't look like those other Zoras.
Mac: Aye.
Rocky: What did you just say?
Mac: Ach laddie! Cannea you understand anythin?
Rocky: Er... I'm gonna need a translator over here!
Navi: Oh for the love of pete! She said can't you understand anything?
Narrator: Just get on with your lines!
Mac: Okay. What are ya doin here? Ma father sent ya right? Well go back and tell him I don't need to be rescued! Ah just need ta find ma treasure...!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: I really don't think that's a good idea, what with the electric eels and things...
Mac: Ah dunnea care, ah can look after meself! *Walks off and falls down a yuck-hole* ARRRGGGGGHHHH!
Rocky: Something tells me she does need help.
*Jumps down after her*
Mac: You again! Ah told ya a dunnea need ya help!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: Look princess, there's nothing I'd like better than to go home, but I can't, because this fairy and a princess and a load of other guys are forcing me to save the whole flipping world! So kindly shut your mouth and come with me!
*Shocked pause*
Mac: Okay then. But ah'm not leaving without my treasure! So while we search for it ya can have the hounour of carring me.
*Navi translates*
Rocky: CARRY YOU???? You have got to be kiddin!
Mac: Ah never kid. Zora's don't have great senses of humor.
Narrator: And so Link travelled around Lord jabu-jabu, beat some giant horrible eels, got a cool boomerang and finally found a room with Ruto's jewel in.
Mac: Throw me onto the platform, then ah can get the Zora's sapphire get outta here!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: No way! I want that jewel!
*Massive fight as they both try and get it suddenly Rocky is thrown to one side and the platform goes up*
Mac: Ach! What's happening? What's this? An OCTOPUS!!???!! HELP!!!!
(The platform goes down)
Rocky: Oh my god....
Navi: That's one big kalamari!
Rocky: It's times like these I wish I had a huge rocket- launcher!
BOSS: ELECTRICAL OCTOPUS, ZORAK!!!!
(If that's not it's real name then I made it up k?)
Navi: Get your boomarang out! Quickly!!!!!!! *Hides in his hat*
Rocky: Okay, NOW WHAT?????!!!!
Navi: *Inside hat* I dunno! Improvise!
Rocky: Oh thanks for the help!
(Rocky dodges the octopus)
Rocky: Hey! This thing's electrical right?
Navi: Duh!
Rocky: Then what happens if I do this? *Pulls plug outta wall*
(Octopus screams and dies, leaving blue blood everywhere)
Rocky: Aw man, I just got this tunic cleaned!
Navi: *Is doing happy little fairy dance* Yay! You won for a change! Now, where's that little princess brat?
Mac: *Appears out of nowhere* Hi! Well doone Link. Now let's get outta here!
(They both walk into that transporty-thingy)
Narrator: Link suddnely found himself standing outside on a log, a few seconds later Princess Ruto appeared beside him.
Mac: *Giggle* Thank ya fer savin me, anything ah can do fer you? *giggle* how aboot a kiss?
*Navi translates*
Rocky: Uhh.... Won't Ginger kill you for that?
Ginger: Damn right I will!!!
Mac: *Wacks him over the head* No ya dufus! Ah'm acting!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: Oh, right. In that case I'd rather have the spiritual stone of water.
Mac: *giggle* Okay, but you do know that the stone is the engagment stone of the Zora royal family?
*Navi translates, but leaves out the part about engagement*
Rocky: Great, gimmie the stone!
Mac: YASIES! *Give him the stone and dances off to arrange her wedding*
Rocky: What's she so happy about?
Navi: *Looks at him for a second* HAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE ENGAGED TO A FISH-GIRL!!! FISH- GIRL AND FAIRY-BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rocky: You WHAT?????? Navi, you better start flying.
Navi: Why?
Rocky: Because when I catch you I'm going to rip your little wings off and grind you into fairy dust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: And with the three stones collected Link headed back to Hyrule.....
End of scene 5
Rocky as Link
Ginger as Saria
Navi
Mac as Ruto
Lord Jabu Jabu
Evil owl
Narrator
A whole bunch 'o' Zora's
Alice and Ginny, the directors
(On top of death mountain)
Rocky: So we have to go to Zora's fountain?
Navi: That's what the fairy-girl said.
Rocky: She's NOT a fairy-girl!
Navi: Sure she is, just like you're a fairy-boy!
Rocky: I am NOT I repeat NOT a fairy-boy, you...you...Insect!!
Navi: Oh, I'm like, so not insulted.
Narrator: Look, I can see this going on for a long time if I don't butt in...
Evil owl: *Appearing outta nowhere* Hoo hooo! Here's OWLY!!!
Rocky and Navi: *Run away screaming*
Narrator: Gee, you need to work on your people skills.
Evil owl: it got them moving though.
(Ten minutes later rocky and Navi are standing in Hyrule field)
Rocky: I hate that owl.
Navi: Join the club... He's just CREEPY!
Rocky: Yeah, so which way to Zora's fountain?
Navi: Like I said, I ain't a road map!
Rocky: *Sigh* I guess this means I havta talk to Saria again, right?
Navi: You got it.
(Rocky plays Saria's song, far away we can hear nick groovin' out)
Ginger: Mido sod off! I don't want to go out with you!
Rocky: Er... It's me, Link.
Ginger: Wha? Oh, sorry. What is it then?
Rocky: I was wondering how we get to Zora's fountain?
Ginger: Oh it's simple, just go left from Kakariko Village.
Rocky: (Looks around) but, there's only a river left of Kakariko village!
Navi: Well the Zora's inhabit the water of Hyrule, so what'd you expect?
Ginger: Exactly Navi, I gotta go now, Bye!
*Ocarina hangs up or whatever*
Rocky: I guess this isn't a good time to tell you that I hate water?
Navi: Don't matter, you're going in either way pal!
Narrator: And so link began the long trek to the Zora's domain...
(Rocky walks along, suddenly an octo-thingy hops out the water!)
Octo-thingy: Keekeee!! *spits rock at rocky*
Rocky: *Runs away screaming*
Navi: What a loser. Oh octo-thingy! *holds up a familiar looking wallet.* how many rupee's do ya want to leave us alone?
Octo-thingy: Keecookee
Navi: Really? That much?
Rocky: *Walking back slowly* since when can you talk to octo- thingys?
Navi: My mother was half octo-thingy. *Hands over a purple rupee to octo-thingy*
Rocky: HEY! That's mine!
Navi: Not anymore bub.
Rocky: Remind me again why I don't just shove you in a bottle with a poe?
Navi: Because I can electrocute you.
(They keep walking until they reach the waterfall)
Rocky: Neat. (Reading sign on ground) when the king sleeps so does this waterfall? I guess I better play that lullaby then?
Navi: That would be the obvious solution.
(Rocky takes out the ocarina, then Navi gets an evil look and pushes him into the water!)
Rocky: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Navi: *Evil grin* that was SO much fun!
Rocky: *Climbing back up* Navi, why did you do that?
Navi: because I can! In fact, I'll do it again! *Waves hands*
(The ladder Rocky was climbing disappears)
Rocky: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Sits up in the water, spits out fish)
Rocky: I'll get you for that Navi!
Narrator: Can you both just get inside already?
(Rocky climbs back up and plays that damn lullaby)
Narrator: As Link played the song the waterfall stopped, revealing a doorway, into the unknown world of the Zora's.
(Dramatic music plays, close-up on Rocky, it looks like he's gonna say something really dramatic like all hero's do...)
Rocky: I'm SO not impressed.
Navi: Let's go Linky!
Narrator: And so they entered.
Zoras Domain
(A peaceful waterfall trickles in the huge cave filled with water)
Rocky: It's a bit...empty isn't it?
Navi: You expected the Zoras to leap out dressed in drag and doing the hula?
(Some Zora in drag go past behind them dancing the hula, one of them stops and walks over to them)
Zora: Hey kid, what're you doing here?
Rocky: GAAAAHH!!!! EVIL MUTANT FISH!!!!!!!!! *Grabs a stick and tries to hit the Zora with it. The Zora just holds him away with one hand* DIE MUTANT! DIE!!!!!!
Navi: Ignore him.
Zora: What the hell are you guys doing here anyway?
Navi: *Glances at Rocky* looks like he's trying to kill you.
Zora: Yeah, I meant why did you come here?
Navi: We need to get your spiritual stone.
Rocky: DIE EVIL MUTANT FISH DUDE!!!!!!!!!
Navi: *Grabs rocky by the tunic* down boy. That's no mutant, it's a Zora.
Rocky: Oh. Er... You're....wierd looking.
Zora: WHAT?????
Rocky: Well...er...Navi, help me out here?
Zora: How dare you?!?!?!? So what if we don't rule the land like the Hylians???
(Other Zoras are popping out of the water now)
Zora2: And so what if we don't have cool gardian doohickys like the Koriki???
Zora3: And so what if we're not accomplished thief's like the Gurudo???
Zora4: And so what if we aren't mysterious like the Shieka?
Navi: *Getting into it* and so what if you guys basically SUCK compared to the annoying but slightly cute Gorons? AND you smell of fish!
*All Zora have turned red and have steam coming out of their ears*
Zora1: Say that again.
Navi: Well, they live on a cool volcano; you live in a cave with water. They have really cute little faces, you are... big mutated fish...
Zoras: GRRRRRR!!!!! FOR THAT YOU MUST SIT THROUGH THE ZORA SONG!!!!
Rocky: Why do I get the feeling this will hurt?
Navi: *Gulp* we're dead.
["Under The Sea" from "The Little Mermaid" starts up. All the Zoras don spicy Caribbean-style clothing and the Zora that Rocky and Navi just finished talking to grabs a microphone]
Zora: AHA!
The forest always looks greener
If you're up above the shore
But there's seaweed under water
It's that hue green, and so much more!
Just look at this big blank cave place!
That looks like an outhouse floor!
So what if it's not that interesting?
Plus we've got that stone you're looking for!
[They all start salsa dancing]
Zoras:
UNDER THE WATER!
UNDER THE WATER!
GO TELL YOUR COUSIN, GO TELL YOUR MOTHER, DON'T FORGET VATTER!
Those Hylians, all they do is work!
The Gorons ain't all that cool, you jerk!
So just be smarty
Have a Zora party
Under the Water!
[Big groovy dance scene, with Zoras throwing a big hat on Navi]
Rocky: NO! NO! NO MORE SINGING!
Navi: [muffled screaming]
Rocky: WHAT?
Navi: DISNEY'S GONNA SUE US!
Rocky: [pulls out his empty wallet] ... Uh oh.
Zora Group 1: Those Gorons on land ain't happy
All they do is eat and roll
Their leader is ultra sappy
Zora 3: And you wanna talk about ROLLS?!
Zora Group 2:
So they eat rocks and dance much better?
We don't care, we think we're great!
Did they chase us in the water?
Zora 4: Maybe it was a touch of fate.
Zoras: NO WAY!
UNDER THE WATER!
UNDER THE WATER!
WE'RE SAFE IN HERE FROM DISEASE AND BEER AND SOME EVIL PLOTTER!
YEAH!
The Kokiri are immature!
Gerudo sweat smells just like manure!
We are the cooliest
Others are drooliest!
Under the water!
[Great explosion of spicy salsa sound]
Rocky: NO, NO, STOP THE MUSIC!
Navi: [On the phone with a lawyer] ...Yeah, we need to counter- sue Disney... hello? HELLO??? Did you hang up too?
ROCKY, OUR LAWYERS WON'T ANSWER ME! *Pause* Aw screw them, this music is cool!
[Navi jams along with the Zoras, singing back-up, Rocky is trying to shut them all up]
All: YEAAAAH!
UNDER THE WATER!
UNDER THE WATER!
THERE IN THE SUMMER, IT'S NOT A BUMMER, IT DON'T GET NO HOTTER!
THE SHEIKAH HAVE ALL BUT DISAPPEARED!
MOST FAIRIES CAN'T TALK, EAT, OR GROW BEARDS!
SO WE REQUIRE
YOU THINK OF US HIGHER!
UNDER THE WATER!
DON'T YOU IGNORA
ALL US, THE PROUD ZORA!
UNDER THE WATER!
SCREW THOSE OTHER RACES!
WE TAKE THE TOP PLACES!
WE'VE GOT SPUNK AND MOXIE-GEN
DON'T FORGET OXYGEN!
DON'T BE A SQUATTER
IT'S JUST SO MUCH HOTTER!
UNDER THE WATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!
[A big explosion of music and sound and dancing Zoras in salsa outfits]
All: WE'RE FISH!
Zora1: *Panting* whoa... So... What... Do...you... Think... Of.... Zoras... Now?
Navi: Hmmmmmm, sorry, but the Gorons are still cooler! I mean, their leader isn't a gaint Frog, their leader ROCKS DA HOUSE!!!!
Rocky: Navi, shut up before they start singing again.
(Rocky grabs Navi, shoves her in his hat and runs to King Zora's throne)
Rocky: Your magestical fish-dudeness! (bows deeply)
Navi: Since when do you respect royalty? You didn't bow to Zelda!
Rocky: *Whispering* shut up Navi, this guy's huge!
King Zora: Hello. Have you found Ruto?
Rocky: What's a Ruto?
King Zora: *Begins crying* MY PRINCESS!!!!!!! WERE CAN LITTLE RUTO BE???!!!
Rocky: Okay okay, don't cry slime everywere, where did ya see this princess last?
King Zora: I think she was at lake Hylia.
Narrator: And Link ran to lake Hylia to search for Ruto.
(Navi is sitting on the edge of the water, she appears to be looking for someone)
Navi: He's been down there an awful long time...
(Rocky suddenly surfaces with a fish in his mouth)
Rocky: *Muffled cause of fish* shee Navi? I stold you I scould catch a sfish swith my teesh!
Navi: Congratulations.
(Rocky puts the fish in a bottle)
Navi: Why on earth are you keeping it?
Rocky: Ya never know when you're gonna need a fish next. *pause* Oh, and I found another bottle down there!
Navi: Hey, it's got something in it!
(They pull out the note and read it)
Navi: (Reading) Dear whoever finds this note, HELP ME! That giant fish-god we worship has swallowed me!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T HELP ME I'LL HAVE A HISSY FIT!!!!!! Love, princess Ruto ^_^ p.s. Don't tell my fat-ass father!
Rocky: Sounds like a seven-year old, damn!
Navi: Why, because if she was older you'd ask her out?
Rocky: ummmmmm, maybe? Nah. Spoken for.
Narrator: *Evil voice* he lies.
Rocky: Just narrate or whatever it is you do before something bad happens.
Narrator: very well. Link swam back to Zora's domain and took the letter to King Zora...
Navi: Are you going to bow to him again?
Rocky: Navi, the guy could eat me if he felt like it.
(They enter the king's throne room)
Rocky: Your royal fish-kingliness, I've found a letter from your daughter!
King Zora: *Reads letter* But... This cannot be true! Lord Jabu- Jabu would never harm our princess, it's her duty to feed him!
Rocky: Maybe he didn't like her cooking?
King Zora: If this is true then... You! Link, messenger of the royal family, go save my princess!
Rocky: Hold up a second, I'm just a messenger, going inside gaint fish-gods is NOT in my job description!
King Zora: I'll just move out the way...
(He begins to move, a process which will take about 10000 years.)
*10000 years later....*
King Zora: Phew, there you go, now go save the princess!
Rocky: *Asleep*
Navi: Hold on just one sec. *zaps rocky*
Rocky: JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Shoots about five hundred feet into the air*
King Zora: Now you, link, can go save my daughter from lord Jabu- jabu. Go Link, messenger of the royal family!
Rocky: *Sigh* let me guess, this is gonna hurt?
Navi: More than likely.
(And so they enter Jabu Jabu's fountin)
Rocky: EWWW!! What's that smell? Navi was that you?!
Navi: NO! That's the fish you moron!
(Rocky starts wandering around the fish)
Rocky: How exactly are we supposed to get in?
Navi: Well the girl who's supposed to feed him has been missing, I bet he's really hungry.
Rocky: So should I feed him the fish?
Navi: Actually I thought you could fry yourself...
Rocky: *Wierd look* Navi, are you by any chance a defective guardian fairy?
(He walks over to the fish's mouth and opens the bottle with a fish in.)
Jabu-Jabu: WOAAAAAARRRR!!!!! *sucking noise*
Rocky: (Desperately hanging on to the ground as he's almost sucked in) NAVI! DID YOU KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN??????
Navi: (Flying against the wind) NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly the camra crew go flying past)
Narrator: Someone stop the fish or we're all dead!!!!!
Alice: Ginny, stop the fish!
Ginny: What makes you think I know how to stop it???
*Everyone gets sucked into lord jabu-jabu*
Rocky: Oww.... Is everyone okay?
Narrator: I think I'm sitting in a pool of spit, but otherwise I'm fine.
Rocky: I meant people who I might worry about, not you.
Ginny: ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!! OCTO-THINGY!!!!!!!
Alice: HELP!!!!!!!!
(Both girls are being attacked by octo-thingy's)
Rocky: *Pulls out sword and saves their butts* Phew, you girls okay?
Ginny: I...I...think I'll be okay...
Alice: Me scared? What are you talking about?
Rocky: Good, wouldn't want you two getting hurt...
*Ginny and Alice suddenly faint at the IDEA that he likes them*
Rocky: ...Because you two are paying me for this.
*Alice and Ginny get up and look miserable*
Narrator: Anyway, the first monster Link met was a bubble-demon.
Rocky: Can I just point out that this is a bubble? It's hardly a challenge for a great warrior like m- (bubble floats over and electrocutes him)
Rocky: SON OF A B-(Ginny claps hand over his mouth)
Ginny: you can't say that, this is PG rated.
Rocky: oh sh... Shizzle.
Narrator: After facing more bubble demons and some electrocuting eels he came across a room in which there was.... PRINCESS RUTO!!!!
Rocky: Yes! Bring on the princess! (Starts trying to get rid of bloodstains in tunic) Navi, do ya think she's pretty?
Navi: She's a zora, she'll look like a fish, eat like a fish, sweat like a fish...
Narrator: And don't forget the smell!
Ginny: And everyone knows that kissing a Zora is like kissing a squid.
Rocky: You know what, you guys could make Christmas sound awful if you put your heads together.
Navi: Thank you.
Narrator: Anyway, Enter, princess Ruto!
Mac: Hello.
Rocky: You don't look like those other Zoras.
Mac: Aye.
Rocky: What did you just say?
Mac: Ach laddie! Cannea you understand anythin?
Rocky: Er... I'm gonna need a translator over here!
Navi: Oh for the love of pete! She said can't you understand anything?
Narrator: Just get on with your lines!
Mac: Okay. What are ya doin here? Ma father sent ya right? Well go back and tell him I don't need to be rescued! Ah just need ta find ma treasure...!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: I really don't think that's a good idea, what with the electric eels and things...
Mac: Ah dunnea care, ah can look after meself! *Walks off and falls down a yuck-hole* ARRRGGGGGHHHH!
Rocky: Something tells me she does need help.
*Jumps down after her*
Mac: You again! Ah told ya a dunnea need ya help!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: Look princess, there's nothing I'd like better than to go home, but I can't, because this fairy and a princess and a load of other guys are forcing me to save the whole flipping world! So kindly shut your mouth and come with me!
*Shocked pause*
Mac: Okay then. But ah'm not leaving without my treasure! So while we search for it ya can have the hounour of carring me.
*Navi translates*
Rocky: CARRY YOU???? You have got to be kiddin!
Mac: Ah never kid. Zora's don't have great senses of humor.
Narrator: And so Link travelled around Lord jabu-jabu, beat some giant horrible eels, got a cool boomerang and finally found a room with Ruto's jewel in.
Mac: Throw me onto the platform, then ah can get the Zora's sapphire get outta here!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: No way! I want that jewel!
*Massive fight as they both try and get it suddenly Rocky is thrown to one side and the platform goes up*
Mac: Ach! What's happening? What's this? An OCTOPUS!!???!! HELP!!!!
(The platform goes down)
Rocky: Oh my god....
Navi: That's one big kalamari!
Rocky: It's times like these I wish I had a huge rocket- launcher!
BOSS: ELECTRICAL OCTOPUS, ZORAK!!!!
(If that's not it's real name then I made it up k?)
Navi: Get your boomarang out! Quickly!!!!!!! *Hides in his hat*
Rocky: Okay, NOW WHAT?????!!!!
Navi: *Inside hat* I dunno! Improvise!
Rocky: Oh thanks for the help!
(Rocky dodges the octopus)
Rocky: Hey! This thing's electrical right?
Navi: Duh!
Rocky: Then what happens if I do this? *Pulls plug outta wall*
(Octopus screams and dies, leaving blue blood everywhere)
Rocky: Aw man, I just got this tunic cleaned!
Navi: *Is doing happy little fairy dance* Yay! You won for a change! Now, where's that little princess brat?
Mac: *Appears out of nowhere* Hi! Well doone Link. Now let's get outta here!
(They both walk into that transporty-thingy)
Narrator: Link suddnely found himself standing outside on a log, a few seconds later Princess Ruto appeared beside him.
Mac: *Giggle* Thank ya fer savin me, anything ah can do fer you? *giggle* how aboot a kiss?
*Navi translates*
Rocky: Uhh.... Won't Ginger kill you for that?
Ginger: Damn right I will!!!
Mac: *Wacks him over the head* No ya dufus! Ah'm acting!
*Navi translates*
Rocky: Oh, right. In that case I'd rather have the spiritual stone of water.
Mac: *giggle* Okay, but you do know that the stone is the engagment stone of the Zora royal family?
*Navi translates, but leaves out the part about engagement*
Rocky: Great, gimmie the stone!
Mac: YASIES! *Give him the stone and dances off to arrange her wedding*
Rocky: What's she so happy about?
Navi: *Looks at him for a second* HAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE ENGAGED TO A FISH-GIRL!!! FISH- GIRL AND FAIRY-BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rocky: You WHAT?????? Navi, you better start flying.
Navi: Why?
Rocky: Because when I catch you I'm going to rip your little wings off and grind you into fairy dust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: And with the three stones collected Link headed back to Hyrule.....
End of scene 5