I Told You It's Dangerous
Chapter five: Old Acquaintances
A/N: As I wrote this, ff.net had banned me from updating due to a non-story help plead that they obviously considered violating towards the guidelines. I ask you now, how am I supposed to get any help with a story unless I ask you guys? And just how am I supposed to ask you guys if I can't post the question for a short while? The plead for help in question had been taken down by ff.net. I'm sorry for my loyal readers (should there be any) for the delay.
To all who guessed; Lockhart: Congratulations! It indeed is the return of Gildylocks. You may claim your fizzy whizbeez at Honeydukes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor any of the characters. Jane Moathill DOES belong to me, as she *is* me.
---
Two weeks after the changes, the school awoke to a scream, or more like to a very surprised yelp, again. One could only imagine what a rush it made to the Great Hall, as the smoke cloud had finally faded away. Once there, all could very clearly see that McGonagall, Hooch and Sprout had returned to normal, to women, that is, whereas Snape and Lupin were still ladies. The former were caught into a fierce conversation with the latter. Harry found himself wondering whether Sirius had been changed back or not. Well, seeing how friendly terms Sirius had with Snape, Harry figured that he could ask his potions professor in the potions class today. The sex change had really done wonders to old Snape; She was a lot nicer than as a male, and the silky voice was now soothing, rather than threatening. She had not once made an attempt to make Neville nervous or pin something he'd screwed up on Harry. She was, in fact, steadily climbing up the ladder of Harry's favourite teachers. Lupin she could not surpass, but she'd most probably get to the second place. Harry's thoughts were interrupted by Hermione, who was tugging his sleeve impatiently.
"What is it, Hermi?" Harry asked. Hermione pointed to the Slytherin table, where Draco was talking to a girl, whose brown hair struggled with itself between the choices of straight and curly. The outcome was a weird mix of wavy hair that curled in the ends. She was tall for a girl. 170 centimetres (about 5 1/3 feet, I'd think) or so. On a closer look, it was wrong to say that Draco was talking to her. He had no change of speech whatsoever, as the girl's mouth was moving at most certainly inhuman speed. Harry hoped that the chatterbox wasn't on the fifth year like she seemed to be.
"Who is she? Where did she come from?" Hermione asked
"Dunno, but I hope she keeps it to herself." Harry muttered
"She looks like our year, so she will most probably be attending potions, flying and DADA with us."
"Waitasecond, Hermi. Defence Against Dark Arts? She's obviously in Slytherin."
"Yes, but the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins exchanged some timetable places and Slytherins are now in the DADA with us."
"This is going just great." Harry muttered.
"Oh, cheer up, Harry", Ron said, "Besides, Malfoy hasn't been so bad ever since his Dad divorced from his mum."
"Quite true", Harry agreed, "But there are always the other Slytherins. Not that they would do much, anyway."
The rest of the breakfast they were talking about various things; Classes, friends, mischief. the usual.
---
The day had passed incredibly fast and Harry & Gang soon found themselves in front of the potions classroom. Soon after they'd taken their seats, Harry's worst fears became true; The new girl *was* a fifth year. She left Draco's side and came to introduce herself.
"Moi, c'est Jane Moathill. C'est qui?" She said, smiling
"Beauxbatons", Hermione whispered
"Oh, non! Je nes venirs pas de Francé", she exclaimed, "Je venirs de Finland. Je suis Finlandaisé."
"What did she say?" Ron asked
"Oh, you don't understand me?", she said, in perfect English accent (everything is possible when you're an Auror, I mean, Author)
"We do now", Hermione said, "Are you French?"
"Not really. I'm studying French. I'm really from Finland."
"Then why the hell did you speak French?" Ron asked.
"Dunno, I've always wanted to speak French to people who don't know whether I'm making any sense."
"Were you?" Harry asked
"Beats me. I think so, though." She smiled, "Jane Moathill." She offered her hand
"I believe you said that at some point", Ron said, "What does it mean?"
"It means my name's Jane Moathill, you - you - Weasley!" She nearly screamed in his face.
"That's it!" Ron shouted, "No one, and I mean *no one* calls me Weasley and lives!"
"Uh, Ron." Hermione interrupted.
"WHAT?!"
"You are a Weasley",
"Huh? Oh, so I am. Cool." Ron sat down, humming the tune of Teletubbies.
---
After Snape had introduced the new member of his house to the Gryffindors, the potions class went on pretty nicely, until Jane caught Snape's eye.
"Hey!" Snape shouted, as she chased her around the classroom, "Give me my eye back! I need it!"
Jane ran fast, although not even half as fast as she talked, "Nope, but I can exchange these funny black eyes of yours with these weirdly coloured ones of mine. The left one has a bit blurry view, but you can see stuff with the right one"
****okay, so that didn't happen. Let's go back to where Jane caught Snape's eye****
"Miss Moathill, have you been paying any attention to my teaching at all?"
"Hardly", she replied and resumed stirring the cauldronful of cold water, "But I have managed to create a temporary whirlpool in my potion, wanna see?" She offered the cauldron to her view
"Miss Moathill, I would rather go out with Cornelius Fudge than call *that* a potion"
"Yes, well, a bit watery, isn't it?" She admitted, "Maybe if I add more water."
"May I inquire how in the name of Merlin did you make it to Hogwarts in the first place?" Snape said. This girl was really bringing out the worst of her and that was indeed not very good.
"I have my ways. But it doesn't mean I don't know about things. Ask me anything."
"Very well. Where would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoaar?"
"Depends", she said
"On what?" Snape growled.
"Well, the first thing I would do would be to break into your storage room and turn it upside down in search. If I would not find it, I suppose the nearest farmer would find his goat with its stomach slit open and hung upside down in his barn."
"Removing a bezoaar doesn't necessarily require killing the goat that bears it, and it most certainly does not require such ritual manners."
"Not the way you do it, but I want to give the farmer something to think about, too." Jane sunk her hand into her cauldron and absent-mindedly patted some water on the top of her head.
"To make my hair stay in place", she explained, "And it can also be used to was one's hair, you know."
"That's it!" Snape bellowed, "OUT! And ten points from Slytherin!"
"What, no detention?" Jane asked
"It would be a horrible punishment to any teacher to counsel it." Snape answered, starting to calm down.
"Um, professor Snape?" Harry asked, when that Moathill girl had got lost. (Shouting; "Arvaa muututko sä siitä enää takaisin!")
"What is it, mister Potter?"
"Um, I was wondering. Is Sirius.?"
"She hasn't changed back. We all took the antidote last night. Dumbledore reckons that oestrogen, the female hormone, is deflecting everything we try. Professors McGonagall and Sprout, and Hooch didn't have any when they took the potion, so they experienced no trouble at all, whereas we - me, Sirius and professor Lupin - found it ineffective for us.
"Oh." Harry said.
---
There you are. Now the translations:
"Moi, c'est Jane Moathill. C'est qui?" French, It means "I'm Jane Moathill, Who are you" (not a direct translation)
"Oh, non! Je nes venirs pas de Francé --- "Je venirs de Finland. Je suis Finlandaisé." French, I think it means "Oh, no! I'm not from France" --- "I'm from Finland, I'm Finnish"
"Arvaa muututko sä siitä enää takaisin!" Finnish, means "Just guess are you ever going to change back!"
So, Gildylocks didn't have the time to interfere, but he will. And Jean Lamb said it would be funny to see Lucius Malfoy on a date with lady Snape. If you find it a bad idea, then for god's sake, stop me from writing it!
And another thing. If you would like to make an appearance in this story, tell me your name, gender, house and year (you don't need to tell the truth). A description of yourself would be nice, too. If you don't want to be a student, then just tell me what you want to be and who do you want to meet.
Chapter five: Old Acquaintances
A/N: As I wrote this, ff.net had banned me from updating due to a non-story help plead that they obviously considered violating towards the guidelines. I ask you now, how am I supposed to get any help with a story unless I ask you guys? And just how am I supposed to ask you guys if I can't post the question for a short while? The plead for help in question had been taken down by ff.net. I'm sorry for my loyal readers (should there be any) for the delay.
To all who guessed; Lockhart: Congratulations! It indeed is the return of Gildylocks. You may claim your fizzy whizbeez at Honeydukes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor any of the characters. Jane Moathill DOES belong to me, as she *is* me.
---
Two weeks after the changes, the school awoke to a scream, or more like to a very surprised yelp, again. One could only imagine what a rush it made to the Great Hall, as the smoke cloud had finally faded away. Once there, all could very clearly see that McGonagall, Hooch and Sprout had returned to normal, to women, that is, whereas Snape and Lupin were still ladies. The former were caught into a fierce conversation with the latter. Harry found himself wondering whether Sirius had been changed back or not. Well, seeing how friendly terms Sirius had with Snape, Harry figured that he could ask his potions professor in the potions class today. The sex change had really done wonders to old Snape; She was a lot nicer than as a male, and the silky voice was now soothing, rather than threatening. She had not once made an attempt to make Neville nervous or pin something he'd screwed up on Harry. She was, in fact, steadily climbing up the ladder of Harry's favourite teachers. Lupin she could not surpass, but she'd most probably get to the second place. Harry's thoughts were interrupted by Hermione, who was tugging his sleeve impatiently.
"What is it, Hermi?" Harry asked. Hermione pointed to the Slytherin table, where Draco was talking to a girl, whose brown hair struggled with itself between the choices of straight and curly. The outcome was a weird mix of wavy hair that curled in the ends. She was tall for a girl. 170 centimetres (about 5 1/3 feet, I'd think) or so. On a closer look, it was wrong to say that Draco was talking to her. He had no change of speech whatsoever, as the girl's mouth was moving at most certainly inhuman speed. Harry hoped that the chatterbox wasn't on the fifth year like she seemed to be.
"Who is she? Where did she come from?" Hermione asked
"Dunno, but I hope she keeps it to herself." Harry muttered
"She looks like our year, so she will most probably be attending potions, flying and DADA with us."
"Waitasecond, Hermi. Defence Against Dark Arts? She's obviously in Slytherin."
"Yes, but the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins exchanged some timetable places and Slytherins are now in the DADA with us."
"This is going just great." Harry muttered.
"Oh, cheer up, Harry", Ron said, "Besides, Malfoy hasn't been so bad ever since his Dad divorced from his mum."
"Quite true", Harry agreed, "But there are always the other Slytherins. Not that they would do much, anyway."
The rest of the breakfast they were talking about various things; Classes, friends, mischief. the usual.
---
The day had passed incredibly fast and Harry & Gang soon found themselves in front of the potions classroom. Soon after they'd taken their seats, Harry's worst fears became true; The new girl *was* a fifth year. She left Draco's side and came to introduce herself.
"Moi, c'est Jane Moathill. C'est qui?" She said, smiling
"Beauxbatons", Hermione whispered
"Oh, non! Je nes venirs pas de Francé", she exclaimed, "Je venirs de Finland. Je suis Finlandaisé."
"What did she say?" Ron asked
"Oh, you don't understand me?", she said, in perfect English accent (everything is possible when you're an Auror, I mean, Author)
"We do now", Hermione said, "Are you French?"
"Not really. I'm studying French. I'm really from Finland."
"Then why the hell did you speak French?" Ron asked.
"Dunno, I've always wanted to speak French to people who don't know whether I'm making any sense."
"Were you?" Harry asked
"Beats me. I think so, though." She smiled, "Jane Moathill." She offered her hand
"I believe you said that at some point", Ron said, "What does it mean?"
"It means my name's Jane Moathill, you - you - Weasley!" She nearly screamed in his face.
"That's it!" Ron shouted, "No one, and I mean *no one* calls me Weasley and lives!"
"Uh, Ron." Hermione interrupted.
"WHAT?!"
"You are a Weasley",
"Huh? Oh, so I am. Cool." Ron sat down, humming the tune of Teletubbies.
---
After Snape had introduced the new member of his house to the Gryffindors, the potions class went on pretty nicely, until Jane caught Snape's eye.
"Hey!" Snape shouted, as she chased her around the classroom, "Give me my eye back! I need it!"
Jane ran fast, although not even half as fast as she talked, "Nope, but I can exchange these funny black eyes of yours with these weirdly coloured ones of mine. The left one has a bit blurry view, but you can see stuff with the right one"
****okay, so that didn't happen. Let's go back to where Jane caught Snape's eye****
"Miss Moathill, have you been paying any attention to my teaching at all?"
"Hardly", she replied and resumed stirring the cauldronful of cold water, "But I have managed to create a temporary whirlpool in my potion, wanna see?" She offered the cauldron to her view
"Miss Moathill, I would rather go out with Cornelius Fudge than call *that* a potion"
"Yes, well, a bit watery, isn't it?" She admitted, "Maybe if I add more water."
"May I inquire how in the name of Merlin did you make it to Hogwarts in the first place?" Snape said. This girl was really bringing out the worst of her and that was indeed not very good.
"I have my ways. But it doesn't mean I don't know about things. Ask me anything."
"Very well. Where would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoaar?"
"Depends", she said
"On what?" Snape growled.
"Well, the first thing I would do would be to break into your storage room and turn it upside down in search. If I would not find it, I suppose the nearest farmer would find his goat with its stomach slit open and hung upside down in his barn."
"Removing a bezoaar doesn't necessarily require killing the goat that bears it, and it most certainly does not require such ritual manners."
"Not the way you do it, but I want to give the farmer something to think about, too." Jane sunk her hand into her cauldron and absent-mindedly patted some water on the top of her head.
"To make my hair stay in place", she explained, "And it can also be used to was one's hair, you know."
"That's it!" Snape bellowed, "OUT! And ten points from Slytherin!"
"What, no detention?" Jane asked
"It would be a horrible punishment to any teacher to counsel it." Snape answered, starting to calm down.
"Um, professor Snape?" Harry asked, when that Moathill girl had got lost. (Shouting; "Arvaa muututko sä siitä enää takaisin!")
"What is it, mister Potter?"
"Um, I was wondering. Is Sirius.?"
"She hasn't changed back. We all took the antidote last night. Dumbledore reckons that oestrogen, the female hormone, is deflecting everything we try. Professors McGonagall and Sprout, and Hooch didn't have any when they took the potion, so they experienced no trouble at all, whereas we - me, Sirius and professor Lupin - found it ineffective for us.
"Oh." Harry said.
---
There you are. Now the translations:
"Moi, c'est Jane Moathill. C'est qui?" French, It means "I'm Jane Moathill, Who are you" (not a direct translation)
"Oh, non! Je nes venirs pas de Francé --- "Je venirs de Finland. Je suis Finlandaisé." French, I think it means "Oh, no! I'm not from France" --- "I'm from Finland, I'm Finnish"
"Arvaa muututko sä siitä enää takaisin!" Finnish, means "Just guess are you ever going to change back!"
So, Gildylocks didn't have the time to interfere, but he will. And Jean Lamb said it would be funny to see Lucius Malfoy on a date with lady Snape. If you find it a bad idea, then for god's sake, stop me from writing it!
And another thing. If you would like to make an appearance in this story, tell me your name, gender, house and year (you don't need to tell the truth). A description of yourself would be nice, too. If you don't want to be a student, then just tell me what you want to be and who do you want to meet.