I Told You It's Dangerous
Chapter six: Old Acquaintances - for real this time!
To B-chan: I'm one of that ship, too. I just write other things as well. By the way, you didn't give me any other name than B-chan, so we'll just settle with that.
I can't remember who said they'd like to see Luc hitting on Sev, and funnily enough, that's exactly what I had in mind.
A/N: Yeah, well, what can I say? "I'm back, everybody!"? This time, Lockhart comes to make an appearance. Woo-Hoo!
Disclaimers: Are in the previous chapters.
---
It was a normal potions lesson, or as normal as it ever would have been with the Moathill girl. Snape was particularly angry at her and paired her up with a very annoyed sixth-year Slytherin, who was attending to both sixth and fifth year Potions because she hadn't passed the Potions test last year (Due to the fact that she was preoccupied with staring her Potions professor, who was male at the time, and in the end, had come out with a flawless love potion powerful enough to make a whole legion of Snapes fall in love, but it hadn't been the requested potion so it was an "F" and a terrified look on Snape's face for her). She was about 5ft2 tall and she had black eyes and shoulder length brown hair with red highlights. She and Jane were giggling and adding ingredients in their potion in random order and quantities. Snape stopped by their cauldron.
"For you two young ladies' information, the dyeing potion is not supposed to be a faint green. In fact, I have not seen a correctly-brewed potion that would be of that shade."
Jane giggled. "This is no dyeing potion."
B-chan smiled lovably at Snape, "As a matter of fact, we think we have come up with an antidote to whatever magic it was that affected you and some other teachers."
"It isn't affected by oestrogen", Jane finished. Snape's eyes widened.
"Even small quantity has effect. See for yourself", Jane said and sprinkled some of the potion on Snape's face, which immediately changed into the male Snape's face, but only long enough for him to see his reflection in the mirror B-chan offered him (plus the faraway looks on the two girls' faces), then she made her comeback. The girls looked disappointed.
"Well, a good try, girls. Could you give me your recipe?", Snape said.
"Sorry, but we were just randomly mixing stuff and there it was", B-chan said as she shrugged and smiled innocently.
"Well, ten points from Slytherin for not following the class, and five for a good try to create a new kind of potion", Snape said calmly.
The class was dismissed, and in the hallway B-chan charmed Malfoy immobile.
"Wait right there, don't move", she said and set off after Harry Potter and his gang. Jane pondered for a while and decided to first curse Crabbe and Goyle (just in case) as well and then ran after B-chan. They quickly caught the Gryffindor trio.
"Say, Potter", B-chan spat out Harry's last name like it was something filthy and tossed her hair, "Why did you grin at me when professor Snape turned back to woman, huh?" she bared her teeth at him.
"I was at the other end of the room and you couldn't possibly have seen the expression on my face, and besides, even if I would have grinned, I would have grinned at my friends", Harry answered.
"So you admit, POTTER! I know you're an idiot, but you just said too much."
"You're just assuming!" Harry nearly shrieked
"A little help?" Hermione pleaded Jane, "I know you're smarter than you look. Take that maniac away!"
"Sorry, Granger", Jane said, "But I've been wanting to get back at you guys ever since the third book."
"The third book?" Harry arched an eyebrow
"When Weasley called Snape with a very inappropriate name and when Potter hissed to Snape to 'keep his filthy hands off' his invisibility cloak. And do you really think I look stupid, Granger?"
"How do you know about the cloak thing and what Ron calls Snape on his own time?" Harry asked
"I-" Hermione begun
"Yes, you acted very nicely in those situations, but only because Snape's a teacher and because that was supposed to happen. Okay, maybe I won't let her beat you up too badly."
"But Potter's gonna get it!" B-chan shouted, but just then McGonagall appeared out of nowhere and took ten points from Slytherin.
"Has points taken by Snape!" Jane whined, but McGonagall did not give up. Jane made a mental note to hex her the day she would come up with a hex impressive enough.
"Oi, Draco of the apes!" Jane exclaimed and B-chan looked around to see Draco Malfoy's back disappear behind the corner. Both crazy Slytherin girls ran after him. Harry shrugged and all three Gryffindors proceeded towards the DADA class.
---
During Harry and gang's Defence Against Dark Arts lesson, where they were studying theory once again, Sirius stormed in the room with her hair curled by magical ways and wearing a lot of make-up.
"Remus! You might want to make a new name up for yourself and fast!" She exclaimed. She took a step closer and from the doorway in came something so unnatural that many started to cough, (despite the spiteful looks of two Slytherin girls we all know and love) as they were trying to suppress a burst of laughter. What they saw was professor Snape, who was wearing green robes on her black dress and had pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Her lipstick was red for a change and she was wearing darker make-up so she didn't look so pale.
"Go on", she said, smiling, "Laugh. I know you want to. As long as you won't be like that for the rest of the day." And so the class burst into laughter and only few were able to keep their eyes open long enough to see Sirius enchant Lupin's hair and clothes, when Snape created some make-up for her. The three witches then turned to each other and Sirius begun a countdown.
"Three, two, one."
"Eeeek! It's Gilderoy Lockhart!" All three screamed in unison and Harry finally understood. After he'd done laughing, that is.
"Lockhart? He's here?" he asked, surprised, "But why are you doing all that if it is just him?"
"Disguising ourselves, that's what." Snape explained.
"Excuse me for saying so, but I don't believe that was necessary in professor Lupin's case", Hermione said.
"Perhaps not, but Lockhart has been keeping a close eye on Hogwarts business and especially the DADA teachers ever since he got sacked from the school, and we don't want to take any risks", Snape said, "Besides, he is bound to be back even after this. Assuming that he's not going to mess with someone too mighty, that is."
"And it would have been unfair not to make Rem do the same", Jane said, but nobody paid any attention to her.
"I see", Hermione said and nodded, "So you're trying to act like an average Lockhart-obsessed witch to wipe out every change of recognition."
"Exactly", Sirius agreed, "Lockhart is not stupid."
".Just a self-obsessed jerk with the IQ of a troll", Snape finished. The whole class started laughing again. Even Draco, who was sitting next to Jane and B-chan. Snape glanced at him weird.
"He's not sitting there because he's under Imperius, is he?" she asked, but both girls shook their heads
"Women don't need Imperius to make men obey. It is one of the mysteries of the life. You'll learn how to do it the ladies' way if you stay that way long enough", B-chan said.
As Snape and Sirius returned into minding their own business, Lupin resumed teaching his class. Although not long after, Lockhart stormed into the classroom.
"Hello, again, young wizards and witches of tomorrow", he greeted happily and went straight to Lupin.
"Are you the new teacher of Defence Against Dark Arts?" he asked.
"Yes, that would be me. You - You're not the famous Gilderoy Lockhart, are you?" she said maybe a bit too excitedly, but Lockhart didn't notice that.
"Ah, yes. I am Gilderoy Lockhart. So you've read some of my books, then? "
"Well, yes, I have flipped through some of them."
"Dumb ass!" Jane interrupted.
"Loser!" agreed B-chan. Gilderoy, however didn't seem to know the meaning of these fine words, or he thought they were directed to Lupin, as he beamed a smile at his two 'admirers' and, assuring that he would return, left the classroom.
---
While every Slytherin was still in the Slytherin common room studying or otherwise up to no good, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black suddenly burst in.
"Sinna! Remelia!" Jane's face lit up, "Won't you have tea with me and B- chan?"
"No time", Sirius answered.
"I was going to pour some antidote in it." Jane said.
"Where's professor Snape?" B-chan looked around, "How did you get in without her?"
"She gave us the password", Lupin explained, "She didn't want to see this."
"Is this a raid?" asked a very suspicious-looking boy, who quickly hid a bag of dungbombs under the pile of cushions on the sofa.
Lupin scowled, "Those are forbidden, you know, but we are not here to raid the whole Slytherin dungeons. No, just the girls temporary dormitory."
The temporary dormitories were, despite their names, the places where more or less difficult students resided, separated from people they could have bad influence on. There were two temporary dorms for each house. One for girls and one for boys. In the Slytherin girls temporary dormitory, there were only to inhabitants; Jane and B-chan, for the obvious reason. The girls followed the professor and protégé to their dorm. Both had a pretty good idea of what they were looking for and who had tipped them off. B-chan made her mental note to hex Pansy Parkinson to Oblivion as soon as she could come up with a show-off summoning words for her new hex.
---
In the dorm, the two women began a frantic search for whatever it was they were looking for. The girls let out a relieved sigh, and soon after looked as if in great pain, wincing every time either one of them would go across the room.
"I don't understand", Sirius finally said, "We were told there was a Severus Snape shrine here. Teacher shrines are forbidden."
"Since when?" B-chan inquired
"Since Serena Snape found out." Lupin said.
"Well, there ain't one here", Jane said and pouted, "Although there would be one if you two wouldn't have tap danced all over it while searching it!" Her face was about as red as the crumbled paper hearts on the floor. And now they realized they indeed had destroyed a big Severus Snape shrine right in the middle of the room.
"Now how didn't we see that one?" Sirius mused.
"Because you are two blind idiots! Now out! Outoutoutout! GET OUT!" B-chan shoved the two from the room. When she turned, she saw Jane kneeling beside the destroyed shrine. She was biting back tears.
"Oh, please!" B-chan took out her wand and pointed it at the remainders of the shrine, "Reparo", she said and the shrine was as good as new.
"Oh, I forgot about that", Jane said as she wiped her tears away.
---
This is longer than others, no?
Chapter six: Old Acquaintances - for real this time!
To B-chan: I'm one of that ship, too. I just write other things as well. By the way, you didn't give me any other name than B-chan, so we'll just settle with that.
I can't remember who said they'd like to see Luc hitting on Sev, and funnily enough, that's exactly what I had in mind.
A/N: Yeah, well, what can I say? "I'm back, everybody!"? This time, Lockhart comes to make an appearance. Woo-Hoo!
Disclaimers: Are in the previous chapters.
---
It was a normal potions lesson, or as normal as it ever would have been with the Moathill girl. Snape was particularly angry at her and paired her up with a very annoyed sixth-year Slytherin, who was attending to both sixth and fifth year Potions because she hadn't passed the Potions test last year (Due to the fact that she was preoccupied with staring her Potions professor, who was male at the time, and in the end, had come out with a flawless love potion powerful enough to make a whole legion of Snapes fall in love, but it hadn't been the requested potion so it was an "F" and a terrified look on Snape's face for her). She was about 5ft2 tall and she had black eyes and shoulder length brown hair with red highlights. She and Jane were giggling and adding ingredients in their potion in random order and quantities. Snape stopped by their cauldron.
"For you two young ladies' information, the dyeing potion is not supposed to be a faint green. In fact, I have not seen a correctly-brewed potion that would be of that shade."
Jane giggled. "This is no dyeing potion."
B-chan smiled lovably at Snape, "As a matter of fact, we think we have come up with an antidote to whatever magic it was that affected you and some other teachers."
"It isn't affected by oestrogen", Jane finished. Snape's eyes widened.
"Even small quantity has effect. See for yourself", Jane said and sprinkled some of the potion on Snape's face, which immediately changed into the male Snape's face, but only long enough for him to see his reflection in the mirror B-chan offered him (plus the faraway looks on the two girls' faces), then she made her comeback. The girls looked disappointed.
"Well, a good try, girls. Could you give me your recipe?", Snape said.
"Sorry, but we were just randomly mixing stuff and there it was", B-chan said as she shrugged and smiled innocently.
"Well, ten points from Slytherin for not following the class, and five for a good try to create a new kind of potion", Snape said calmly.
The class was dismissed, and in the hallway B-chan charmed Malfoy immobile.
"Wait right there, don't move", she said and set off after Harry Potter and his gang. Jane pondered for a while and decided to first curse Crabbe and Goyle (just in case) as well and then ran after B-chan. They quickly caught the Gryffindor trio.
"Say, Potter", B-chan spat out Harry's last name like it was something filthy and tossed her hair, "Why did you grin at me when professor Snape turned back to woman, huh?" she bared her teeth at him.
"I was at the other end of the room and you couldn't possibly have seen the expression on my face, and besides, even if I would have grinned, I would have grinned at my friends", Harry answered.
"So you admit, POTTER! I know you're an idiot, but you just said too much."
"You're just assuming!" Harry nearly shrieked
"A little help?" Hermione pleaded Jane, "I know you're smarter than you look. Take that maniac away!"
"Sorry, Granger", Jane said, "But I've been wanting to get back at you guys ever since the third book."
"The third book?" Harry arched an eyebrow
"When Weasley called Snape with a very inappropriate name and when Potter hissed to Snape to 'keep his filthy hands off' his invisibility cloak. And do you really think I look stupid, Granger?"
"How do you know about the cloak thing and what Ron calls Snape on his own time?" Harry asked
"I-" Hermione begun
"Yes, you acted very nicely in those situations, but only because Snape's a teacher and because that was supposed to happen. Okay, maybe I won't let her beat you up too badly."
"But Potter's gonna get it!" B-chan shouted, but just then McGonagall appeared out of nowhere and took ten points from Slytherin.
"Has points taken by Snape!" Jane whined, but McGonagall did not give up. Jane made a mental note to hex her the day she would come up with a hex impressive enough.
"Oi, Draco of the apes!" Jane exclaimed and B-chan looked around to see Draco Malfoy's back disappear behind the corner. Both crazy Slytherin girls ran after him. Harry shrugged and all three Gryffindors proceeded towards the DADA class.
---
During Harry and gang's Defence Against Dark Arts lesson, where they were studying theory once again, Sirius stormed in the room with her hair curled by magical ways and wearing a lot of make-up.
"Remus! You might want to make a new name up for yourself and fast!" She exclaimed. She took a step closer and from the doorway in came something so unnatural that many started to cough, (despite the spiteful looks of two Slytherin girls we all know and love) as they were trying to suppress a burst of laughter. What they saw was professor Snape, who was wearing green robes on her black dress and had pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Her lipstick was red for a change and she was wearing darker make-up so she didn't look so pale.
"Go on", she said, smiling, "Laugh. I know you want to. As long as you won't be like that for the rest of the day." And so the class burst into laughter and only few were able to keep their eyes open long enough to see Sirius enchant Lupin's hair and clothes, when Snape created some make-up for her. The three witches then turned to each other and Sirius begun a countdown.
"Three, two, one."
"Eeeek! It's Gilderoy Lockhart!" All three screamed in unison and Harry finally understood. After he'd done laughing, that is.
"Lockhart? He's here?" he asked, surprised, "But why are you doing all that if it is just him?"
"Disguising ourselves, that's what." Snape explained.
"Excuse me for saying so, but I don't believe that was necessary in professor Lupin's case", Hermione said.
"Perhaps not, but Lockhart has been keeping a close eye on Hogwarts business and especially the DADA teachers ever since he got sacked from the school, and we don't want to take any risks", Snape said, "Besides, he is bound to be back even after this. Assuming that he's not going to mess with someone too mighty, that is."
"And it would have been unfair not to make Rem do the same", Jane said, but nobody paid any attention to her.
"I see", Hermione said and nodded, "So you're trying to act like an average Lockhart-obsessed witch to wipe out every change of recognition."
"Exactly", Sirius agreed, "Lockhart is not stupid."
".Just a self-obsessed jerk with the IQ of a troll", Snape finished. The whole class started laughing again. Even Draco, who was sitting next to Jane and B-chan. Snape glanced at him weird.
"He's not sitting there because he's under Imperius, is he?" she asked, but both girls shook their heads
"Women don't need Imperius to make men obey. It is one of the mysteries of the life. You'll learn how to do it the ladies' way if you stay that way long enough", B-chan said.
As Snape and Sirius returned into minding their own business, Lupin resumed teaching his class. Although not long after, Lockhart stormed into the classroom.
"Hello, again, young wizards and witches of tomorrow", he greeted happily and went straight to Lupin.
"Are you the new teacher of Defence Against Dark Arts?" he asked.
"Yes, that would be me. You - You're not the famous Gilderoy Lockhart, are you?" she said maybe a bit too excitedly, but Lockhart didn't notice that.
"Ah, yes. I am Gilderoy Lockhart. So you've read some of my books, then? "
"Well, yes, I have flipped through some of them."
"Dumb ass!" Jane interrupted.
"Loser!" agreed B-chan. Gilderoy, however didn't seem to know the meaning of these fine words, or he thought they were directed to Lupin, as he beamed a smile at his two 'admirers' and, assuring that he would return, left the classroom.
---
While every Slytherin was still in the Slytherin common room studying or otherwise up to no good, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black suddenly burst in.
"Sinna! Remelia!" Jane's face lit up, "Won't you have tea with me and B- chan?"
"No time", Sirius answered.
"I was going to pour some antidote in it." Jane said.
"Where's professor Snape?" B-chan looked around, "How did you get in without her?"
"She gave us the password", Lupin explained, "She didn't want to see this."
"Is this a raid?" asked a very suspicious-looking boy, who quickly hid a bag of dungbombs under the pile of cushions on the sofa.
Lupin scowled, "Those are forbidden, you know, but we are not here to raid the whole Slytherin dungeons. No, just the girls temporary dormitory."
The temporary dormitories were, despite their names, the places where more or less difficult students resided, separated from people they could have bad influence on. There were two temporary dorms for each house. One for girls and one for boys. In the Slytherin girls temporary dormitory, there were only to inhabitants; Jane and B-chan, for the obvious reason. The girls followed the professor and protégé to their dorm. Both had a pretty good idea of what they were looking for and who had tipped them off. B-chan made her mental note to hex Pansy Parkinson to Oblivion as soon as she could come up with a show-off summoning words for her new hex.
---
In the dorm, the two women began a frantic search for whatever it was they were looking for. The girls let out a relieved sigh, and soon after looked as if in great pain, wincing every time either one of them would go across the room.
"I don't understand", Sirius finally said, "We were told there was a Severus Snape shrine here. Teacher shrines are forbidden."
"Since when?" B-chan inquired
"Since Serena Snape found out." Lupin said.
"Well, there ain't one here", Jane said and pouted, "Although there would be one if you two wouldn't have tap danced all over it while searching it!" Her face was about as red as the crumbled paper hearts on the floor. And now they realized they indeed had destroyed a big Severus Snape shrine right in the middle of the room.
"Now how didn't we see that one?" Sirius mused.
"Because you are two blind idiots! Now out! Outoutoutout! GET OUT!" B-chan shoved the two from the room. When she turned, she saw Jane kneeling beside the destroyed shrine. She was biting back tears.
"Oh, please!" B-chan took out her wand and pointed it at the remainders of the shrine, "Reparo", she said and the shrine was as good as new.
"Oh, I forgot about that", Jane said as she wiped her tears away.
---
This is longer than others, no?