Chapter 2- Rory's POV
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or anything in Gilmore Girls.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I hope this is better than chapter 1. This one is sort of between Rory/Dean and Rory/Jess, but it isn't actually either, I think. Again, it's Rory's thoughts after she goes to talk to Dean.
When I left Luke's to go meet Jess, I was kind of nervous. I wasn't sure what to say. All I knew was that I liked Jess a lot. Maybe even loved him. I wasn't sure. I came up, and he was holding a cigarette. He was about to smoke it, and then he stopped. He looked like he was thinking about something. I asked him if he was going to smoke it. Jess sort of shook his head. He kissed me. I was so happy right then.
Then I thought of something, and I told Jess I had to go, pulling away. He looked really worried and asked me if he'd done anything wrong. I really knew, then, how much Jess cared about me. And I really did care about him, too. I assured him that I'd loved it.
"Come here," he said. Jess pulled me closer and kissed me again. I let go of Jess after a while and left to go to Dean's-not that Jess knew that.
Climbing up to Dean's window, knowing how much I'd hurt him, was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I knocked softly on his window and tried to smile. Dean looked so upset, just sitting there. It took everything I had not to start crying.
He asked me why I was there. I said, truthfully, that I wanted to apologize. I started talking about everything Dean had done for me. He told me he didn't need the whole list. I realized that this was probably twice as painful for Dean as it was for me. I was more than sorry I had hurt him, and I wished so much that there had been some way I wouldn't have had to. I told him so, told him he was the best boyfriend ever. I saw Dean's eyes fill with tears. Mine did too.
I wanted, more than anything right then, to reach out and hug Dean and start crying and tell him that, somehow, I still loved him. But I couldn't. I told Dean that I really had loved him. The look on his face broke my heart. He asked if I was with Jess. I answered that I didn't want to talk about it.
It was almost too much-for both Dean and I, I knew. I said that I hoped someday Dean wouldn't hate me. He said he hoped so too. But he didn't sound angry. I've never seen Dean that sad. He closed the window, and I left. I cried the entire way home, as quietly as I could. I knew Dean was crying, and I felt awful that it was my fault. Dean was crying because of me. Rory.
I remembered all those times I'd spent with Dean. The Chilton formal, the Debutante Ball, the first time he kissed me. All of it had meant so much to me. And I knew it had meant just as much to Dean.
I hoped Dean believed how much I'd loved him. I knew perfectly well that he had always loved me. He was really wonderful. It was just-I wasn't sure.
When I was with Jess, I was happy, but it hurt too, thinking about how much I hurt Dean. I would never, ever want to, not for anything. No matter how much I liked Jess, no matter how much I knew he liked me, it would never be the same as it was with Dean. I really, really do like Jess, but still.
I know that somehow, I'll always love Dean. Maybe in a different way. I miss him, I know I do, and I don't want to completely lose him, ever. I guess that's hard to do in Stars Hollow.
I hope more than anything that sometime Dean and I can be friends again. I never want to hurt Jess. I already hurt Dean. I'm not going to do it again.
-Rory Gilmore
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or anything in Gilmore Girls.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I hope this is better than chapter 1. This one is sort of between Rory/Dean and Rory/Jess, but it isn't actually either, I think. Again, it's Rory's thoughts after she goes to talk to Dean.
When I left Luke's to go meet Jess, I was kind of nervous. I wasn't sure what to say. All I knew was that I liked Jess a lot. Maybe even loved him. I wasn't sure. I came up, and he was holding a cigarette. He was about to smoke it, and then he stopped. He looked like he was thinking about something. I asked him if he was going to smoke it. Jess sort of shook his head. He kissed me. I was so happy right then.
Then I thought of something, and I told Jess I had to go, pulling away. He looked really worried and asked me if he'd done anything wrong. I really knew, then, how much Jess cared about me. And I really did care about him, too. I assured him that I'd loved it.
"Come here," he said. Jess pulled me closer and kissed me again. I let go of Jess after a while and left to go to Dean's-not that Jess knew that.
Climbing up to Dean's window, knowing how much I'd hurt him, was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I knocked softly on his window and tried to smile. Dean looked so upset, just sitting there. It took everything I had not to start crying.
He asked me why I was there. I said, truthfully, that I wanted to apologize. I started talking about everything Dean had done for me. He told me he didn't need the whole list. I realized that this was probably twice as painful for Dean as it was for me. I was more than sorry I had hurt him, and I wished so much that there had been some way I wouldn't have had to. I told him so, told him he was the best boyfriend ever. I saw Dean's eyes fill with tears. Mine did too.
I wanted, more than anything right then, to reach out and hug Dean and start crying and tell him that, somehow, I still loved him. But I couldn't. I told Dean that I really had loved him. The look on his face broke my heart. He asked if I was with Jess. I answered that I didn't want to talk about it.
It was almost too much-for both Dean and I, I knew. I said that I hoped someday Dean wouldn't hate me. He said he hoped so too. But he didn't sound angry. I've never seen Dean that sad. He closed the window, and I left. I cried the entire way home, as quietly as I could. I knew Dean was crying, and I felt awful that it was my fault. Dean was crying because of me. Rory.
I remembered all those times I'd spent with Dean. The Chilton formal, the Debutante Ball, the first time he kissed me. All of it had meant so much to me. And I knew it had meant just as much to Dean.
I hoped Dean believed how much I'd loved him. I knew perfectly well that he had always loved me. He was really wonderful. It was just-I wasn't sure.
When I was with Jess, I was happy, but it hurt too, thinking about how much I hurt Dean. I would never, ever want to, not for anything. No matter how much I liked Jess, no matter how much I knew he liked me, it would never be the same as it was with Dean. I really, really do like Jess, but still.
I know that somehow, I'll always love Dean. Maybe in a different way. I miss him, I know I do, and I don't want to completely lose him, ever. I guess that's hard to do in Stars Hollow.
I hope more than anything that sometime Dean and I can be friends again. I never want to hurt Jess. I already hurt Dean. I'm not going to do it again.
-Rory Gilmore