Hey, guys! This is going to be really short. Well, it's not a short
chapter, but it's short considering the fact that this is the entire story.
Well, enjoy!
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James Potter, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black sat together in the back of Transfiguration. (A/N: Peter has no purpose, thus he is forgotten and left out.) All of them had finished transfiguring their various critters and were planning and perfecting the next prank. Transfiguration was spent with the Slytherins, not a good idea, and was an ideal time for pranking the stupid, slimy gits. Even if Professor McGonagall did give them detention.
As the Marauders planned the next prank, Lily Evens sat frustrated in the front of the classroom. She simply could not get her damned pig to transfigure. It was being a stubborn asshole, whish was entirely not her fault. She glanced back and saw Professor McGonagall patrolling the rows, looking for screw-ups.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck. I am royally fucked. Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo. Finger bang an orangutan, orgy at the zoo," she sang softly to herself. "Dammit! Transfigure you fucking stubborn pig!" Lily prodded the pig and just after it squealed irritably it became a pick fuzzy handbag. Lily sighed in relief as McGonagall passed her desk. Jest then, she felt somebody staring at her and turned around. Severus Snape quickly averted his eyes.
"Better turn around, damn Slytherin. He's not even remotely cute, the slimy git. It would be nice if he took a shower every once in awhile, then maybe some girl would go after him and he'd stop staring at me," Lily muttered. She then seemed to realize that she was talking aloud and quickly shut her trap.
Sirius watched the little play between Lily and Snape happily. He had the perfect prank in mind. "Guys, gather round," he said to Remus and James. "I know the perfect way to prank Snape. It's simply golden."
"Don't leave us in suspense, Padfoot," James said grumpily.
"Yeah, give us the info, Padfoot," Remus said eagerly.
"All right, all right. Well, Snape is head over heels in love with Lily Evens. And she totally hates his guts. So this is what we do . . ." Sirius continued, not noticing the quick breath James let out. James was head over heels in love with Lily Evens too, but nobody knew it. And because nobody knew it and because he didn't what anybody to know, he listened and whispered conspiritably with his pals until the plan was perfected.
Snape left the class with Lucious Malfoy, slightly behind Lily. The entire time, he didn't take eyes off of the redhead who had mesmerized him. Then, suddenly Snape was pushed from behind and he fell directly into . . .
Lily fell on the ground and felt the weight of two people on top of her. "S - sorry, Lily," she heard Snape say. "Get off me, whoever's on me."
"Yeah, get off Snape, you stupid fucking git, so I can get up," Lily demanded. She heard grunts behind her and both people got up. Rolling around, she saw James Potter grinning sheepishly and the rest of the Marauders behind him. Lily looked next to then and saw Snape. And groaned. "Well, how about somebody helping me up?" Lily suggested and held out her hand.
Much to her relief, James grabbed her hand before Snape could. "Sorry about that, Lily. I must have tripped."
"No problem, James," Lily said and batted her eyelashes at him. She kept her hand in his as they continued down the hallway. Hopefully, that would be a big enough hint to keep Snape away. Hopefully, but not likely.
Snape was furious. How dare Lily scorn him like that? It wasn't right. James Potter was a - a - a womanizer, for Merlin's sake! He didn't give a flying fuck about a woman like Lily Evens. Lily deserved better. Lily deserved . . . him.
"Yo, Sev! Look at this," Malfoy said as he held up a book. "Lily must have dropped it."
"Gimme that!" Snape snarled and snatched the book out of Malfoy's hands. He opened it greedily to the first page.
Dear Diary, I just saw Severus Snape. He is so handsome and nice. I just know he is the one for me. I can't believe I've known Severus all these years and only just realized it. But I cannot work up the courage to ask him out. What if he was to say no? I think I would simply die on the spot. Oh, I don't know what to do! Maybe he'll ask me out. Then I could say yes and we'd be together. Forever. I simply love Severus. What am I to do?
Lily
When he finished reading this, Snape clutched the book to his heart and sighed. Lily liked - no, loved! - him! Oh, they would be so perfect together. Lily Snape had a rather nice ring to it. Him and Lily. "I'm coming, my little love! So we can be together! Forever!" Snape called and waltzed down to the Great Hall. (A/N: Snape is such a stupid jackass. How can he really believe that Lily likes him? Stupid git.)
In the Great Hall
Lily sat down next to her best friend, Kim Knowles. For some odd reason, Kim had the hugest of crushes on Sirius. Lily was constantly trying to talk her out of it, but was rapidly giving up. As Lily informed Kim about the happenings after Transfiguration, the Marauders walked in. Kim squealed in innocent delight and disaster struck.
Kim went to shake Lily and knocked her elbow against her goblet, tipping it over. Her water went all over the table and onto Lily's lap. Oblivious to the damage done, she leaned over to get a better look at Sirius. Kim's long blonde curls went right into her food and a piece of chicken got caught in it. When she whipped her head back up (A/N: Is it just me, or do blondes always "whip"?) the chicken flew out and hit the approaching Snape directly in the face. And James, not watching where he was going, walked into Snape and they fell onto the floor together. Sirius and Remus ran over to see if James was okay and slipped in Kim's spilled water. They fell flat on their backs on top of the already suffering Snape and James.
Lily just covered her eyes and shook her head. Could it get any worse? She peeked cautiously through her hands and started cracking up. Oh, yeah, it could definitely get worse. Kim, in a flustered fit, accidentally knocked her plate off the table. Directly into Sirius's face! Beneath the chicken bits and mashed potatoes, Sirius couldn't help but laugh at Kim's horrified face.
He got up and almost fell once again while trying to help Remus up. Seeing the piece of chicken still stuck on Snape's face, Remus doubled up in laughter and sat down next to Lily before he fell down. He weakly handed Sirius a napkin so he could wipe off his face. Lily was still soaked and Kim was still flustered. Snape and James got up, Snape looking rather grumpy and irritated.
Damn Gryffindors screwed up his entrance. His plan had been to walk up all cool like to Lily, then ask her out and hand her back her diary. But nooo, stupid James Potter had to make him look like a fool. Stupid Gryffindor. Snape took a deep breath and walked over to the now calm and dry Lily.
"Uh, hi Lily," Snape said nervously, not looking in her eyes.
"Hmm? Oh, hi Snape," Lily said distractedly. Great. Goddamn fucking great. Not him again.
"Could I talk to you?"
"Sure. Sit down," Lily said and gestured the empty seat next to her. The sooner he talks, the sooner he would leave. Stupid git.
Snape sat down and looked at he floor. "Uh, Lily, um, would you go out with me?"
Lily was momentarily stunned. Snape had just asked her out. Then it sunk in. Snape had just asked her out. Then she started laughing. Lily didn't think she had ever laughed harder in her entire life. Snape had asked her out! What a gem! This was one for the scrapbook! Call the Dally Prophet!
"Um, Lily? What's so funny?" Snape asked, obviously not seeing the humor in the situation. This only made Lily laugh harder. The freaking idiot thought she liked him! What an imbecile! Oh, yeah, definitely call the Daily Prophet.
"It's just that for a second, I thought you were serious," Lily replied, gasping for breath. It was going to be interesting how this little episode turned out.
"But I am serious."
"Oh, really? Oh, I'm sorry, Snape. I thought you were joking."
"I guess that's a no, then," Snape said, sounding extremely disappointed.
"Uh, yeah. That's a no."
"But what about what you wrote in your diary?"
"My diary? I don't keep a diary. I have nosy roommates."
"You don't - but I read - then who -" Snape stuttered. He looked at the diary he held and turned to the second page.
Dear Snape, Hey, you slimy git! How's it going? Life's good from where we're standing. We hope you don't read this before you make a fool of yourself. That should be a good show. One that we hope we get a front row seat to. And just to inform you, Lily quite frankly hates your disgusting Slytherin guts. And so do we. Have a nice day!
The Marauders
P.S. - Please take a shower. If you did once in awhile, you might be able to get a date. With a blind wizard.
Snape gasped and threw down the book. He jumped up and fully intended to curse those bloody interfering Marauders. Instead, he found himself running past Remus and out of the Great Hall. Crying. Lily and Kim watched him leave with wide eyes. Then they looked at each other from across the table and busted out laughing.
"He runs like a girl!" Kim exclaimed through gasps of breath.
"And he was crying!" Lily replied. And so was she, only from laughing so hard. "What a fucking loser!"
Beside her, Remus was laughing just as hard. The plan had worked perfectly. Snape had even cried! He was so predictable! James sat down in the seat Snape had just vacated next to Lily, who was clutching Kim's hand across the table.
"What did he do?" James asked, eager for information. "I couldn't see his face."
"He was so angry!" Lily bubbled happily.
"And angry!" Kim added.
"And he cried!" they finished together. Immediately the stopped laughing at looked at each other. They really had to stop reading each other's minds. It was getting scary.
"He cried?" Sirius asked incredulously as he sat down next to Kim. He didn't seem to notice how she blushed when his knee hit hers. "What a freaking idiot."
"So, did you guys write it?" Lily asked. She had no idea the Marauders could be so brilliant.
"Yeah. But it was Sirius's idea," Remus admitted.
"Yeah. And let me tell you, we were amazed that Sirius could actually use his brain," James agreed.
"Stop making me look bad in front of the ladies, guys. It's bad for my rep."
"Well, if you would go with a girl longer than a week, we wouldn't have to question your stability, Sirius." This little comment earned a swift under table kick to the shins.
"Anyway, Lily. I've got a little question to ask you about some information that I acrid this afternoon, since my friend is too chicken to ask you himself," Remus said casually. He was rewarded with a glare from the friend in question. "What I want to know is if -"
"Oh, hush, Remus. I can do it myself."
"Just don't start singing. When James gets nervous, he sings," Remus told Lily. James tried to stop himself from singing aloud, and satisfied the urge by singing in his head: I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle - dee - dee. There they are standing in a row, bum bum bum. Big ones, small ones, ones as big as your head.
"That's okay," Lily replied. "I either sing or curse when I'm frustrated. Sometimes I do both. You should have heard me in Transfiguration today. It was rather interesting. I was freaking horrible."
"It does get rather amusing. But then it gets to the point where every other word is 'fuck'. Then she has to quickly shut up so McGonagall doesn't notice. Like I said," Kim finished, "rather interesting." She seemed to be getting used to Sirius's presence and wasn't blushing every time he looked at her.
"Will you go out with me, Lily?" James suddenly asked. Everybody turned to look at him, a little unsure of what he said.
"Huh?" Lily asked. She thought James had just asked her out.
"Will you go out with me?"
"Uh, yes. I suppose so," Lily replied. Kim and the Marauders began applauding and James was charmed by Lily's red face.
"Good. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle - dee - dee," James started singing. "There they are standing in row."
"Bum bum bum," Sirius and Remus sang, happily joining in.
"Big ones, small ones, ones as big as your head. Just give it a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said!" the all finished together. And they weren't the least bit daunted when the Great Hall became eerily quiet as they sang it once again. The only sound, besides them singing, was Professor Dumbledore's clapping hands that kept the time.
Who cares that they were all mad?
They didn't.
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So, how did you guys like it? It's not as funny as I hoped it would be, but all in all I thought it was rather amusing. Please review and tell my what you think of it. I live on your review! I must live!
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James Potter, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black sat together in the back of Transfiguration. (A/N: Peter has no purpose, thus he is forgotten and left out.) All of them had finished transfiguring their various critters and were planning and perfecting the next prank. Transfiguration was spent with the Slytherins, not a good idea, and was an ideal time for pranking the stupid, slimy gits. Even if Professor McGonagall did give them detention.
As the Marauders planned the next prank, Lily Evens sat frustrated in the front of the classroom. She simply could not get her damned pig to transfigure. It was being a stubborn asshole, whish was entirely not her fault. She glanced back and saw Professor McGonagall patrolling the rows, looking for screw-ups.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck. I am royally fucked. Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo. Finger bang an orangutan, orgy at the zoo," she sang softly to herself. "Dammit! Transfigure you fucking stubborn pig!" Lily prodded the pig and just after it squealed irritably it became a pick fuzzy handbag. Lily sighed in relief as McGonagall passed her desk. Jest then, she felt somebody staring at her and turned around. Severus Snape quickly averted his eyes.
"Better turn around, damn Slytherin. He's not even remotely cute, the slimy git. It would be nice if he took a shower every once in awhile, then maybe some girl would go after him and he'd stop staring at me," Lily muttered. She then seemed to realize that she was talking aloud and quickly shut her trap.
Sirius watched the little play between Lily and Snape happily. He had the perfect prank in mind. "Guys, gather round," he said to Remus and James. "I know the perfect way to prank Snape. It's simply golden."
"Don't leave us in suspense, Padfoot," James said grumpily.
"Yeah, give us the info, Padfoot," Remus said eagerly.
"All right, all right. Well, Snape is head over heels in love with Lily Evens. And she totally hates his guts. So this is what we do . . ." Sirius continued, not noticing the quick breath James let out. James was head over heels in love with Lily Evens too, but nobody knew it. And because nobody knew it and because he didn't what anybody to know, he listened and whispered conspiritably with his pals until the plan was perfected.
Snape left the class with Lucious Malfoy, slightly behind Lily. The entire time, he didn't take eyes off of the redhead who had mesmerized him. Then, suddenly Snape was pushed from behind and he fell directly into . . .
Lily fell on the ground and felt the weight of two people on top of her. "S - sorry, Lily," she heard Snape say. "Get off me, whoever's on me."
"Yeah, get off Snape, you stupid fucking git, so I can get up," Lily demanded. She heard grunts behind her and both people got up. Rolling around, she saw James Potter grinning sheepishly and the rest of the Marauders behind him. Lily looked next to then and saw Snape. And groaned. "Well, how about somebody helping me up?" Lily suggested and held out her hand.
Much to her relief, James grabbed her hand before Snape could. "Sorry about that, Lily. I must have tripped."
"No problem, James," Lily said and batted her eyelashes at him. She kept her hand in his as they continued down the hallway. Hopefully, that would be a big enough hint to keep Snape away. Hopefully, but not likely.
Snape was furious. How dare Lily scorn him like that? It wasn't right. James Potter was a - a - a womanizer, for Merlin's sake! He didn't give a flying fuck about a woman like Lily Evens. Lily deserved better. Lily deserved . . . him.
"Yo, Sev! Look at this," Malfoy said as he held up a book. "Lily must have dropped it."
"Gimme that!" Snape snarled and snatched the book out of Malfoy's hands. He opened it greedily to the first page.
Dear Diary, I just saw Severus Snape. He is so handsome and nice. I just know he is the one for me. I can't believe I've known Severus all these years and only just realized it. But I cannot work up the courage to ask him out. What if he was to say no? I think I would simply die on the spot. Oh, I don't know what to do! Maybe he'll ask me out. Then I could say yes and we'd be together. Forever. I simply love Severus. What am I to do?
Lily
When he finished reading this, Snape clutched the book to his heart and sighed. Lily liked - no, loved! - him! Oh, they would be so perfect together. Lily Snape had a rather nice ring to it. Him and Lily. "I'm coming, my little love! So we can be together! Forever!" Snape called and waltzed down to the Great Hall. (A/N: Snape is such a stupid jackass. How can he really believe that Lily likes him? Stupid git.)
In the Great Hall
Lily sat down next to her best friend, Kim Knowles. For some odd reason, Kim had the hugest of crushes on Sirius. Lily was constantly trying to talk her out of it, but was rapidly giving up. As Lily informed Kim about the happenings after Transfiguration, the Marauders walked in. Kim squealed in innocent delight and disaster struck.
Kim went to shake Lily and knocked her elbow against her goblet, tipping it over. Her water went all over the table and onto Lily's lap. Oblivious to the damage done, she leaned over to get a better look at Sirius. Kim's long blonde curls went right into her food and a piece of chicken got caught in it. When she whipped her head back up (A/N: Is it just me, or do blondes always "whip"?) the chicken flew out and hit the approaching Snape directly in the face. And James, not watching where he was going, walked into Snape and they fell onto the floor together. Sirius and Remus ran over to see if James was okay and slipped in Kim's spilled water. They fell flat on their backs on top of the already suffering Snape and James.
Lily just covered her eyes and shook her head. Could it get any worse? She peeked cautiously through her hands and started cracking up. Oh, yeah, it could definitely get worse. Kim, in a flustered fit, accidentally knocked her plate off the table. Directly into Sirius's face! Beneath the chicken bits and mashed potatoes, Sirius couldn't help but laugh at Kim's horrified face.
He got up and almost fell once again while trying to help Remus up. Seeing the piece of chicken still stuck on Snape's face, Remus doubled up in laughter and sat down next to Lily before he fell down. He weakly handed Sirius a napkin so he could wipe off his face. Lily was still soaked and Kim was still flustered. Snape and James got up, Snape looking rather grumpy and irritated.
Damn Gryffindors screwed up his entrance. His plan had been to walk up all cool like to Lily, then ask her out and hand her back her diary. But nooo, stupid James Potter had to make him look like a fool. Stupid Gryffindor. Snape took a deep breath and walked over to the now calm and dry Lily.
"Uh, hi Lily," Snape said nervously, not looking in her eyes.
"Hmm? Oh, hi Snape," Lily said distractedly. Great. Goddamn fucking great. Not him again.
"Could I talk to you?"
"Sure. Sit down," Lily said and gestured the empty seat next to her. The sooner he talks, the sooner he would leave. Stupid git.
Snape sat down and looked at he floor. "Uh, Lily, um, would you go out with me?"
Lily was momentarily stunned. Snape had just asked her out. Then it sunk in. Snape had just asked her out. Then she started laughing. Lily didn't think she had ever laughed harder in her entire life. Snape had asked her out! What a gem! This was one for the scrapbook! Call the Dally Prophet!
"Um, Lily? What's so funny?" Snape asked, obviously not seeing the humor in the situation. This only made Lily laugh harder. The freaking idiot thought she liked him! What an imbecile! Oh, yeah, definitely call the Daily Prophet.
"It's just that for a second, I thought you were serious," Lily replied, gasping for breath. It was going to be interesting how this little episode turned out.
"But I am serious."
"Oh, really? Oh, I'm sorry, Snape. I thought you were joking."
"I guess that's a no, then," Snape said, sounding extremely disappointed.
"Uh, yeah. That's a no."
"But what about what you wrote in your diary?"
"My diary? I don't keep a diary. I have nosy roommates."
"You don't - but I read - then who -" Snape stuttered. He looked at the diary he held and turned to the second page.
Dear Snape, Hey, you slimy git! How's it going? Life's good from where we're standing. We hope you don't read this before you make a fool of yourself. That should be a good show. One that we hope we get a front row seat to. And just to inform you, Lily quite frankly hates your disgusting Slytherin guts. And so do we. Have a nice day!
The Marauders
P.S. - Please take a shower. If you did once in awhile, you might be able to get a date. With a blind wizard.
Snape gasped and threw down the book. He jumped up and fully intended to curse those bloody interfering Marauders. Instead, he found himself running past Remus and out of the Great Hall. Crying. Lily and Kim watched him leave with wide eyes. Then they looked at each other from across the table and busted out laughing.
"He runs like a girl!" Kim exclaimed through gasps of breath.
"And he was crying!" Lily replied. And so was she, only from laughing so hard. "What a fucking loser!"
Beside her, Remus was laughing just as hard. The plan had worked perfectly. Snape had even cried! He was so predictable! James sat down in the seat Snape had just vacated next to Lily, who was clutching Kim's hand across the table.
"What did he do?" James asked, eager for information. "I couldn't see his face."
"He was so angry!" Lily bubbled happily.
"And angry!" Kim added.
"And he cried!" they finished together. Immediately the stopped laughing at looked at each other. They really had to stop reading each other's minds. It was getting scary.
"He cried?" Sirius asked incredulously as he sat down next to Kim. He didn't seem to notice how she blushed when his knee hit hers. "What a freaking idiot."
"So, did you guys write it?" Lily asked. She had no idea the Marauders could be so brilliant.
"Yeah. But it was Sirius's idea," Remus admitted.
"Yeah. And let me tell you, we were amazed that Sirius could actually use his brain," James agreed.
"Stop making me look bad in front of the ladies, guys. It's bad for my rep."
"Well, if you would go with a girl longer than a week, we wouldn't have to question your stability, Sirius." This little comment earned a swift under table kick to the shins.
"Anyway, Lily. I've got a little question to ask you about some information that I acrid this afternoon, since my friend is too chicken to ask you himself," Remus said casually. He was rewarded with a glare from the friend in question. "What I want to know is if -"
"Oh, hush, Remus. I can do it myself."
"Just don't start singing. When James gets nervous, he sings," Remus told Lily. James tried to stop himself from singing aloud, and satisfied the urge by singing in his head: I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle - dee - dee. There they are standing in a row, bum bum bum. Big ones, small ones, ones as big as your head.
"That's okay," Lily replied. "I either sing or curse when I'm frustrated. Sometimes I do both. You should have heard me in Transfiguration today. It was rather interesting. I was freaking horrible."
"It does get rather amusing. But then it gets to the point where every other word is 'fuck'. Then she has to quickly shut up so McGonagall doesn't notice. Like I said," Kim finished, "rather interesting." She seemed to be getting used to Sirius's presence and wasn't blushing every time he looked at her.
"Will you go out with me, Lily?" James suddenly asked. Everybody turned to look at him, a little unsure of what he said.
"Huh?" Lily asked. She thought James had just asked her out.
"Will you go out with me?"
"Uh, yes. I suppose so," Lily replied. Kim and the Marauders began applauding and James was charmed by Lily's red face.
"Good. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle - dee - dee," James started singing. "There they are standing in row."
"Bum bum bum," Sirius and Remus sang, happily joining in.
"Big ones, small ones, ones as big as your head. Just give it a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said!" the all finished together. And they weren't the least bit daunted when the Great Hall became eerily quiet as they sang it once again. The only sound, besides them singing, was Professor Dumbledore's clapping hands that kept the time.
Who cares that they were all mad?
They didn't.
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So, how did you guys like it? It's not as funny as I hoped it would be, but all in all I thought it was rather amusing. Please review and tell my what you think of it. I live on your review! I must live!