A Gangsta's A Gangsta
AN: NOOOOOOOOO! The time has come to talk of many things, wait wrong story. It'll still be in Spike's POV but not that stupid up in heaven shit just him finishin' his life story. So this chapter will be like third person but the third person will refer to the people like in Faye's case "My wife" and "my son" for lil Spike, then it'll change to lil Spike's POV. After reading this read Emotionless to fine further musings of lil Spike on his father's death. So the end has come.well maybe.you tell me. //song lyrics//
*Only Begotten Son*
//He that believeth not
Is condemned already
Only because
He has not believed
In the man and the only begotten son
My Lord//
I sacrificed myself to save my only begotten son.I remember what Faye once told me. "Love is pain they say. Pain is hurt. Hurt is death. Death is the end of love and life."
She stood there alone, in the bustling halls of the hospital in a trance. "I've done it again.." Zao had come the minute he heard. He told her what happened, but only enough for her to know she was the reason he died, she and my son. I wanted to call out to her and tell her I did it cause I loved her and that she shouldn't hate herself.but I was already dead. She stood there not seeing, not hearing, in a world of her own hate and love. Her world had come crashing down on her.
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
'Faye..'
"Mama? What's the matta wit dada?" A sweet innocent childish voice broke her world, bringing her back to realize he was the only thing she had left. "Spike honey Daddy was.." She paused not finding the words to tell him. Not finding the words true. "Daddy was.hurt real bad..and.." She bit her lower lip as a tear ran down her cheek. She was kneeling down to look into his miss-matched eyes. He was smiling, not having a clue he had lost something every little boy needs. She lost her words and pulled him into a comforting hug. "Mama?" Spike asked confused by his mother's actions. "Honey daddy isn't gonna come home with us.." Spike pulled away from his mother confused still. "Why?" He asked her not smiling any more. "Cause..he's dead honey.." Faye spoke those words that she now found; they hit her just as hard as they hit Spike. She broke down right there. The only one to comfort her was her son, my son. She had decided to not tell Spike why his father died; she knew if she did he would hate himself. She never thought that hate would still come to burn deep inside Spike, but it would not burn for himself but for me, his father.
All she had left in this world was our only begotten son. She kneeled there holding him in her arms until Zao came and told that I was legally dead. I died, but not in vain, I died for a reason. I told her before I would die for her and I have. Zao walked her out of the hospital and drove her home. She sat in the back holding lil Spike in her arms as he stared out the window. The car was silent with mourning. What was that little boy thinking off? Before when he didn't have a father he never spoke. What would happen now?
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
'Lil Spike..'
*20 Years Later-2093, The day before "Emotionless" lil Spike's POV*
I walked quickly through the halls of the busy building. Thousands of people working all around me as I walked. All waiting for the day their number came up. I wanted to be one of them, just like my dada. My mother had tried to stop me but nothing can keep me from my destiny.
//Yeah,
Why would you leave somethin' you love here to die//
I walked up the tiled stairs; the echo rebounded off the walls filling my ears. 'Why did ya leave me dad?' I looked around at the rooms that my father had once ruled over. All the lives he had controlled.
//In the cold
And it grows
Like a concrete rose
Beautiful ain't I?
Till I withered and died//
He controlled them till that night he died like every other man in the world. Mortal as the next. I won't be weak like him; I'll make it on my own no one will kill me.
//In them same streets you left me in
Screamin' Lord let me in//
I'm walking the same halls he did. The same halls he left me for, 'is that why you left? Your job?' I'm doing this because it's my destiny, I'll be better then you ever were!
//I don't know where to begin
Since I lost yo love
But then again your love
Was strictly for the drugs//
'Did you ever love me? Did you ever love mom? Or did you love your job more?' I saw the huge wooden doors my mother had told me once belonged to my father's office.
//I don't know whether to hug
Or to fill you with slugs
Fuckin' them whores
Instead of claiming what's rightfully yours//
I'm here to claim what is mine by birth! My father's position. 'Some of me wanted to be like you dad. But the other part of me never wants to hear your name again. But I hear it every time my mother cries, every time she sleeps she cries for you. I hear it every time someone says my name. I will hear it for the rest of my life; I'm just the son of a legend. I want to be my own legend. I don't want to be in the shadow of a man I hate and love.'
//Pierced a hole in my heart from all the pain you caused
With no direction you left your first born lost//
'You left your only begotten son.' I stepped closer to the door as people stared at me. I heard my name whispered, or did they just think I was my father.
//Give or take a few
Cause my hate for you
Grew, over the years//
All those years you were gone just made me hate you more. Made my pain burn deeper inside me.
//Through blood, sweat, and tears
I wanted to be just like you//
I wanted to be just like you dad. Like every little boy I wanted to be just like my daddy. I have your blood inside me. Tears I've shed for you. Sweat that's poured from my brow trying to be you.
//My father figure, now I want to fight you
You bitch, left me 'lone//
But you left my mother and me, why, why dad?
//And parts of me never out grown
The fact that you left home//
Some of me still hates you, most of me hates you.
//But moms was so strong//
Mom was strong and she didn't give into hate. But she is not strong enough to stop the silent tears I know she sheds at night.
//Don't let them get you fed
This world is yours she said//
She tried to keep me from coming here. I stood before the doors to his office.
//Now nothin is stoppin' me but two to the head
In life there's more to come when it's all said and done
You lost one love, your only begotten son//
There is nothing stopping me from this, you've lost your only begotten son dad. You've lost me just like I know you lost your father. You've lost me to the Red Dragon's
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
I'll die just like you dad. I'm only here to live and die. That's all life is to me. I have your blood father. You're gangsta blood flowing through my veins. You hated that blood; But I, I will use your blood to become the thing you never did. I will be a true syndicate leader!
//Broke wit nothin to live for
And damn ready to die young//
I grasped the doorknob and turned it. The hinges squeaked as I walked into the dimly lit office.
//I'm the shadow behind the gun
Look at what I've become//
'Look what you did to me father. The soulless monster you've created by dieing with out telling me why!'
//The fear of many
The floss of most bitches
The love that runs deepest
In the hearts of street
Raised in the ghetto
By the ghetto//
I looked around at the office my father had once used 20 years ago.
//Was taught young to pop the metal
That's how shit get settled
Learn to cook up the coke
Never leave home without toast
Learn to fly my bitches with birds, in first not coach
Never trust ya, from a toddler to hustla
I was trained as a youngsta, to cock back and slug ya//
When I was young my mother told me never to be like you, but I can't deny something that is inside me. I have to be true to my blood, my father's blood.
//Love me or hate me, ya only son
Let me live or kill me, the chosen one//
'Your only son.'
//Ja, under the gun, gotta kill 'em fo' sho'
If you want it you gonna get more then you askin' for
Life's got more to come, but when it's all said and done
You lost one love, tour only begotten son//
'your only begotten son will be just like you, just like you to prove you were nothing.' I hated him.
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
I will die a gangsta.like you, but I will be better then you ever were!
//I wanted to be forever yours
Look it now we're nothin more than two lost souls
Lookin to meet at the crossroads
I burn the hydro, lay back with my eyes closed
In deep thought like Brittany is somethin I'd die for
How the fuck do you sleep at night?
Knowin' you wronged the only thing you ever did right//
I was the only thing you did right in this world, and you've wronged me! So I will wrong your memory. Make them forget you and only think of me, of my glory, of my fame, of my blood.
//Despite the loss I stretch the length of a short
Now I got a new father whose name is New York//
I walked up to the large ebony desk where the old man sat. I slammed my hands on the desk making him jump.
//Runnin' wild in the streets
With heat, we don't talk
Cause when its cold you basically live life in dark
But light will shine from the heavens and bless one
Ja Rule; love, your only begotten son//
"Zao." I searched his old eyes. I will shine brighter then my father ever did. My star will burn bright. I will be better then him! "Spike Spiegel." The man croaked looking at me with mixed emotions. I kept my face blank, emotionless, like always. Emotions just got in the way. I looked at the old man and spoke those last words of an innocent man committing himself to a life of hell..
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
"I want my father's job Zao."
**************************************************************************** **
AN: Okee it's done..noooooooooo.okee well tell me what ya'll think of the end. Tell me if you want a sequel, it'd be called "Son Of A Legend." Also in like a few months or so I'll be done with phase 8 of editing and I'll repost and it'll be bigger and better then EVER! AHAHAHAHA Please review.
PS: I know the whole philosophy of Cowboy Bebop is that fate doesn't exist but this fic has a philosophy all it's own, it might be very angst but it is a true philosophy not a bohemian idealistic child's fantasy but cold harsh reality, we are all doomed to repeat our fathers mistakes, we just perpetuate the ongoing errors, we are all doomed to repeat history. "Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it." Don't forget this fic.and don't forget the past.
AN: NOOOOOOOOO! The time has come to talk of many things, wait wrong story. It'll still be in Spike's POV but not that stupid up in heaven shit just him finishin' his life story. So this chapter will be like third person but the third person will refer to the people like in Faye's case "My wife" and "my son" for lil Spike, then it'll change to lil Spike's POV. After reading this read Emotionless to fine further musings of lil Spike on his father's death. So the end has come.well maybe.you tell me. //song lyrics//
*Only Begotten Son*
//He that believeth not
Is condemned already
Only because
He has not believed
In the man and the only begotten son
My Lord//
I sacrificed myself to save my only begotten son.I remember what Faye once told me. "Love is pain they say. Pain is hurt. Hurt is death. Death is the end of love and life."
She stood there alone, in the bustling halls of the hospital in a trance. "I've done it again.." Zao had come the minute he heard. He told her what happened, but only enough for her to know she was the reason he died, she and my son. I wanted to call out to her and tell her I did it cause I loved her and that she shouldn't hate herself.but I was already dead. She stood there not seeing, not hearing, in a world of her own hate and love. Her world had come crashing down on her.
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
'Faye..'
"Mama? What's the matta wit dada?" A sweet innocent childish voice broke her world, bringing her back to realize he was the only thing she had left. "Spike honey Daddy was.." She paused not finding the words to tell him. Not finding the words true. "Daddy was.hurt real bad..and.." She bit her lower lip as a tear ran down her cheek. She was kneeling down to look into his miss-matched eyes. He was smiling, not having a clue he had lost something every little boy needs. She lost her words and pulled him into a comforting hug. "Mama?" Spike asked confused by his mother's actions. "Honey daddy isn't gonna come home with us.." Spike pulled away from his mother confused still. "Why?" He asked her not smiling any more. "Cause..he's dead honey.." Faye spoke those words that she now found; they hit her just as hard as they hit Spike. She broke down right there. The only one to comfort her was her son, my son. She had decided to not tell Spike why his father died; she knew if she did he would hate himself. She never thought that hate would still come to burn deep inside Spike, but it would not burn for himself but for me, his father.
All she had left in this world was our only begotten son. She kneeled there holding him in her arms until Zao came and told that I was legally dead. I died, but not in vain, I died for a reason. I told her before I would die for her and I have. Zao walked her out of the hospital and drove her home. She sat in the back holding lil Spike in her arms as he stared out the window. The car was silent with mourning. What was that little boy thinking off? Before when he didn't have a father he never spoke. What would happen now?
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
'Lil Spike..'
*20 Years Later-2093, The day before "Emotionless" lil Spike's POV*
I walked quickly through the halls of the busy building. Thousands of people working all around me as I walked. All waiting for the day their number came up. I wanted to be one of them, just like my dada. My mother had tried to stop me but nothing can keep me from my destiny.
//Yeah,
Why would you leave somethin' you love here to die//
I walked up the tiled stairs; the echo rebounded off the walls filling my ears. 'Why did ya leave me dad?' I looked around at the rooms that my father had once ruled over. All the lives he had controlled.
//In the cold
And it grows
Like a concrete rose
Beautiful ain't I?
Till I withered and died//
He controlled them till that night he died like every other man in the world. Mortal as the next. I won't be weak like him; I'll make it on my own no one will kill me.
//In them same streets you left me in
Screamin' Lord let me in//
I'm walking the same halls he did. The same halls he left me for, 'is that why you left? Your job?' I'm doing this because it's my destiny, I'll be better then you ever were!
//I don't know where to begin
Since I lost yo love
But then again your love
Was strictly for the drugs//
'Did you ever love me? Did you ever love mom? Or did you love your job more?' I saw the huge wooden doors my mother had told me once belonged to my father's office.
//I don't know whether to hug
Or to fill you with slugs
Fuckin' them whores
Instead of claiming what's rightfully yours//
I'm here to claim what is mine by birth! My father's position. 'Some of me wanted to be like you dad. But the other part of me never wants to hear your name again. But I hear it every time my mother cries, every time she sleeps she cries for you. I hear it every time someone says my name. I will hear it for the rest of my life; I'm just the son of a legend. I want to be my own legend. I don't want to be in the shadow of a man I hate and love.'
//Pierced a hole in my heart from all the pain you caused
With no direction you left your first born lost//
'You left your only begotten son.' I stepped closer to the door as people stared at me. I heard my name whispered, or did they just think I was my father.
//Give or take a few
Cause my hate for you
Grew, over the years//
All those years you were gone just made me hate you more. Made my pain burn deeper inside me.
//Through blood, sweat, and tears
I wanted to be just like you//
I wanted to be just like you dad. Like every little boy I wanted to be just like my daddy. I have your blood inside me. Tears I've shed for you. Sweat that's poured from my brow trying to be you.
//My father figure, now I want to fight you
You bitch, left me 'lone//
But you left my mother and me, why, why dad?
//And parts of me never out grown
The fact that you left home//
Some of me still hates you, most of me hates you.
//But moms was so strong//
Mom was strong and she didn't give into hate. But she is not strong enough to stop the silent tears I know she sheds at night.
//Don't let them get you fed
This world is yours she said//
She tried to keep me from coming here. I stood before the doors to his office.
//Now nothin is stoppin' me but two to the head
In life there's more to come when it's all said and done
You lost one love, your only begotten son//
There is nothing stopping me from this, you've lost your only begotten son dad. You've lost me just like I know you lost your father. You've lost me to the Red Dragon's
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
I'll die just like you dad. I'm only here to live and die. That's all life is to me. I have your blood father. You're gangsta blood flowing through my veins. You hated that blood; But I, I will use your blood to become the thing you never did. I will be a true syndicate leader!
//Broke wit nothin to live for
And damn ready to die young//
I grasped the doorknob and turned it. The hinges squeaked as I walked into the dimly lit office.
//I'm the shadow behind the gun
Look at what I've become//
'Look what you did to me father. The soulless monster you've created by dieing with out telling me why!'
//The fear of many
The floss of most bitches
The love that runs deepest
In the hearts of street
Raised in the ghetto
By the ghetto//
I looked around at the office my father had once used 20 years ago.
//Was taught young to pop the metal
That's how shit get settled
Learn to cook up the coke
Never leave home without toast
Learn to fly my bitches with birds, in first not coach
Never trust ya, from a toddler to hustla
I was trained as a youngsta, to cock back and slug ya//
When I was young my mother told me never to be like you, but I can't deny something that is inside me. I have to be true to my blood, my father's blood.
//Love me or hate me, ya only son
Let me live or kill me, the chosen one//
'Your only son.'
//Ja, under the gun, gotta kill 'em fo' sho'
If you want it you gonna get more then you askin' for
Life's got more to come, but when it's all said and done
You lost one love, tour only begotten son//
'your only begotten son will be just like you, just like you to prove you were nothing.' I hated him.
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
I will die a gangsta.like you, but I will be better then you ever were!
//I wanted to be forever yours
Look it now we're nothin more than two lost souls
Lookin to meet at the crossroads
I burn the hydro, lay back with my eyes closed
In deep thought like Brittany is somethin I'd die for
How the fuck do you sleep at night?
Knowin' you wronged the only thing you ever did right//
I was the only thing you did right in this world, and you've wronged me! So I will wrong your memory. Make them forget you and only think of me, of my glory, of my fame, of my blood.
//Despite the loss I stretch the length of a short
Now I got a new father whose name is New York//
I walked up to the large ebony desk where the old man sat. I slammed my hands on the desk making him jump.
//Runnin' wild in the streets
With heat, we don't talk
Cause when its cold you basically live life in dark
But light will shine from the heavens and bless one
Ja Rule; love, your only begotten son//
"Zao." I searched his old eyes. I will shine brighter then my father ever did. My star will burn bright. I will be better then him! "Spike Spiegel." The man croaked looking at me with mixed emotions. I kept my face blank, emotionless, like always. Emotions just got in the way. I looked at the old man and spoke those last words of an innocent man committing himself to a life of hell..
//For he so feared the word
He left his only begotten son
To shed his blood
Show that pain is love
But I wont cry
Cause I live to die
Wit my mind on my money
And my guns in the sky//
"I want my father's job Zao."
**************************************************************************** **
AN: Okee it's done..noooooooooo.okee well tell me what ya'll think of the end. Tell me if you want a sequel, it'd be called "Son Of A Legend." Also in like a few months or so I'll be done with phase 8 of editing and I'll repost and it'll be bigger and better then EVER! AHAHAHAHA Please review.
PS: I know the whole philosophy of Cowboy Bebop is that fate doesn't exist but this fic has a philosophy all it's own, it might be very angst but it is a true philosophy not a bohemian idealistic child's fantasy but cold harsh reality, we are all doomed to repeat our fathers mistakes, we just perpetuate the ongoing errors, we are all doomed to repeat history. "Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it." Don't forget this fic.and don't forget the past.