"Dear Diary"

Part II

Karasu's Diary I

Warning: DON'T READ IF PREVIOUS CHAPTERS SQUICKED YOU.

Day 1:

Since Toguro Ani has been nagging at me for ages to change my appearance, I went and got a complete makeover. He claimed that the whole rainbowy tie-dye thing was so fifties, so I went for the chic gothic dark look. That wasn't enough for him though. He forced me to get rid of my purple afro in favor of sleek long black locks. I guess the change hasn't been so bad – people keep ogling me, and I was propositioned by no less than fourteen youkai yesterday. Bui also seems to be seeing me in a whole different light.

Day 2:

Seems that Ani wanted me to look my best for the tournament thing that his brother has signed us up for, and I suppose I have to admit that the whole hippie 'peace-loving-tree-hugging-vegetarian' thing is a lot less intimidating than the pale-undead-vampirish look.

The hotel we're staying in is nice . . . I like the room service. Better watch my calories though – last time we came to one of these things, I gained ten pounds when I splurged on the eclairs.

Note to self: Make sure I tell Bui exactly when I'm taking a shower so he can't "accidentally" burst in on me. Damn cheap locks.

Day 3:

Whole team was extremely bored, so Otouto suggested a game of Spoons. [1] I hate it when we play these games – I always lose, and then they make me do the can-can in fishnet stockings, or something equally demeaning.

When we were playing, Ani wasn't sitting on Otouto's shoulders – I mean, how sanitary is that arrangement? I understand brotherly love and all that (I loved my own brother so much I pushed him off a cliff; unfortunately, sister dearest wasn't so lucky), but it still just looks . . . wrong.

Bui got four of something and grabbed one of the spoons, and then since I was contemplating the attractions of moving north, opening a shop, and becoming the neighborhood candy peddler, I was the last one to grab a spoon. Otouto, who's always been a little slow, seized my hand and squashed it. Being of a possessive nature, I wasn't about to let go, but when my hand started turning an interesting shade of purple and I heard a disturbing pop! I let go.

He smirked at me and got into a discussion with his little brother about what cruel and unusual punishment they should inflict on me this time. I dropped my poor, crushed hand into my lap and tried to flex my fingers (which I could not feel). Bui, who has been acting strangely nice towards me ever since I got my makeover, reached for my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

At least, I think he was reaching for my hand.

Day 4:

This time, they made me go down into the hotel lobby to randomly point at people while singing this song about "Daddy." I think it had something to do with one of Toguro Otouto's masturbatory trips down memory lane . . . he also insisted upon having my hair plaited, which Bui only too willingly obliged him in.

Great. Now I can't stop humming.

"Daddy . . . Daddy wasn't there . . . to take me to the fair . . . to change my underwear. Daddy . . . Daddy wasn't there . . . when I was criticized, ostracized, when I was cir – cum – cised . . ." [2]

All of a sudden that gives me bad mental images. Good God . . .

Day 5:

Went into the bar to get outrageously pissed . . . now, wherever I go, people snicker behind their hands when they see me . . . it's quite depressing. Found out that they've set up a betting ring. Interestingly enough, one of the things to bet on was: Karasu (of Team Toguro) will finally get laid and stop being such a stiff-necked bastard. 1: 1,000

Obviously Otouto's handiwork . . . he's just jealous that I'm so much sexier than him. Sure, he has huge muscles, but when they're so big that they look inflatable, it gets to be a turnoff.

I suggested to the bartender that they add: Otouto (Captain of Team Toguro) will finally be able to afford to have that pole surgically removed from his ass. 1: 1,000,000

Then, not wanting it to look like what Toguro said was true, I put a couple hundred yen on myself.

I also noticed that there were a lot of bets being placed on a certain Kurama of Team Urameshi. (Kurama will screw Hiei. 1: 10, Kurama will screw Yusuke. 1: 20, Kurama will screw Kuwabara. 1: 100, 000, 000)

I feel sorry for this Kurama person.

Day 6:

Went down into the bar again. They have cheap liquor that tastes like shit, but damnit, I need alcohol! I met the infamous Kurama, who seems to be really nice and undeserving of such unkindness. I told him how sad my life was (I'm Toguro's lackey for the rest of my life), and he told me his life story as well. It makes mine seem like a fairytale – he was born a youko to abusive parents who sold him to a brothel, where he was subjected to the perverted whims of countless youkai, and then, with cunning and ingenuity, he finally escaped. Only to then be shot by a hunter, but he was clever enough to flee to Ningenkai and be born to a loving mother. And then things take a turn for the worse again. He's forced to work for Koenma, with a bunch of lechers who keep trying to feel him up, and now he's at this tournament.

It was so touching . . . he's been through so much, and he's still so sweet and strong. We spent a while drinking and doing "male-bonding," and what seems especially cool is that when I told him about the mean joke that Otouto subjected me to (the one implying that I have trouble finding bed partners – which I don't, thank you very much), he smiled and put money down on that. He said, "I believe that you don't have any trouble getting laid."

I wonder if he was insinuating anything . . .

Day 7:

Met Kurama down at the bar again – I don't really have any interest in watching the fights, and our team won't have to fight for a while yet – and found that he was definitely insinuating something.

Even in that ningen body, he has the most incredible stamina. Can't wait to see what the youko's like.

Day 8:

Ahahahaha! That'll show Toguro! Went to the bartender with the evidence that I have, indeed, been getting some, and he got all white. Then he muttered something about him paying us after the tournament was over. I suppose we'll give him that time, since Toguro thoughtfully chose such high odds, and the pitiful bartender's going to need time to collect such a large amount.

By the way – Youko is amazing.

Day 10:

Although I'd been having a great time with Kurama, I suggested after one round that he let me be seme at least one time. He got all huffy and told me to leave. That upset me a lot – was it really so much to ask? But I decided to apologize, since he was obviously offended by my proposal, and he just yelled at me to get out of his room. He practically kicked me out (I even left my favorite sparkly purple thong under his bed!), and now I'm really, really despondent.

Why? Why? Just when I finally get someone I can love, I get rejected!!! I need to calm down . . . it wouldn't do to have the others see me crying my eyes out . . . but I'm suffering from a broken heart!

Day 11:

Spent hours analyzing our relationship from every possible angle. Then decided to call a psychic for advice. She told me that I needed to move on. I screamed and hung up. Need help . . . I need help . . .

Day 12:

Approached Bui with, "When one guy loves another guy -,"

Didn't get further than that. As soon as I pronounced "guy," Bui clutched my pointy collar tightly (thus wrinkling my lovely gothy jacket – which I happen to like because it has Kurama's smell on it) and yelled hysterically, "You're seeing someone!? YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE!?

Got away from Bui after assuring him multiple times that I was unattached.

Didn't get much help from him. And I'm definitely not getting advice on my love life from either of the Toguro brothers.

But I need counseling! Pulled out approximately 400, 061 strands of hair last night.

Day 13:

Carved an adorable figurine of Kurama from an onion in an attempt to make him fall in love with me again. (Magickal Remedies for Unrequited Love, Obsession, and All Other Forms of Affection, Claire Voyant, 5th edition) Then went through this whole ritual involving floral scented pink candles and a bar of soap the size of my head. I don't think it worked, but I sure smell good. Plus, I like Onion Kurama.

Day 14:

Talked to Onion Kurama for a long time. He seems to agree with me that I probably was too inconsiderate to the real Kurama, and all I have to do is be more romantic and caring, and I'll get him back.

Everyone else seems to be disturbed by the lengthy conversations I hold with Onion Kurama. Ani tried to take him away, but I blew up his blue fuzzy slippers and he backed off.

Oh, and also, we have to fight the Urameshi Team tomorrow. I'm sure that'll be an excellent time to show Kurama I really care about him.

Day 15:

I did everything that a tender, devoted lover should do when courting his sweetheart at the fight today – I laughed maniacally, tried very hard to kill him without ruining his face, and blew up random things every five seconds. Kurama might have forgiven me a little – he tried very hard to kill me too, using his exotic plants – but he didn't seem to care that much.

When I finally thought that I'd killed him (I didn't really want to kill him, but I had to show him how much I loved him) he summoned some evil blood-sucking plant and it drained the life out of me.

Great. Now I'm dead.

Day 16:

Being dead isn't so bad, if it weren't for the fact that you don't have a body. I followed Kurama around the whole day – while observing his teammates carefully for any feelings other than that of friendship – and noticed that the short, arrogant one who'd seemed to be burning up with jealousy the other day when I fought Kurama, is very interested in becoming more than friends. Thankfully, Kurama doesn't seem to return those feelings.

Mostly, itooshi sat around reading fashion magazines, but he wasn't really paying attention because he was extremely sorrowful. It made me so happy to see that he was suffering so because I am now dead – or maybe it was just because i'd ruined his last set of good clothes while fighting him yesterday.

Anyway, it's a lot more mourning than what those other bastards (my teammates) are doing. They got my body back after the fight, and Ani said just to throw it in the trash. Bui protested, and said he needed to mourn me properly. He took my body into his room and wailed and sobbed a lot. Then he came back out with my mutilated corpse, which now not only sported unattractive bloody wounds, but also had abnormally swollen lips, and tears and snot wiped all over my clothes (which I might add, I received as a thoughtful present from a store manager after I threatened to blow up his collection of women's undergarments). After that, they agreed to use me as firewood. Otouto was kind enough to note that it was the most use I'd ever put myself to. They're all so stupid they didn't know that burning flesh and hair give off a nauseating smell possibly worse than that of rotting meat. I hope they choke on my fumes.

Day 17:

Watched Kurama whole day today. Was rewarded for my vigilance by watching him shower for approximately 135 minutes. Had an excellent view until the steam obscured my vision. Left when the obnoxious pounding on the door and the complaints of his team members ruined the mood.

Saw Toguro Otouto toss Onion Kurama in trash. He'll pay for that.

Day 18:

Read over itooshi's shoulder when he was flipping through a magazine. Saw intriguing article labeled "Dump Him? Keep Him? How to Decide" which pointed out several signs for each scenario. I did the little quiz thingy, and with a score of 17, it said: "You may argue more than the normal couple, but deep down you know you're made for each other. Be patient, and try to make it work," blah blah blah.

That gave me some hope. I'm going to keep trying. After all, true love always perseveres.

A/N: Karasu-san! Ehehehe . . . I've always had a soft spot for him. He's a homicidal, psychotic stalker! What's not to like?

[1] Spoons is a card game where the cards are passed around, and the object is to collect four of one card. When you have collected four, you have to grab one of the spoons in the middle (other objects may be used), and the number of spoons is always one less than the number of players. So if you don't get a spoon, you lose.

[2] I believe it's a song from the newest Austin Powers movie. ^^;;

Ookay, there have been several disgruntled people (I don't really like to use the term flamer here) who have been telling me that I'm suffering from delusions. I'll address those issues here . . .

Yusuke's/Kurama's/Hiei's not gay!

Yes, I realize that Yusuke isn't gay. However, I didn't say he was gay, I stated that he was bisexual, which we really have no evidence against. And yes, I know he's in love with Keiko, but personally, I find Keiko weak and annoying, and since this is all one big parody, I thought it'd be funny to stick him with Kurama. As for the other two, I don't think they're gay either, but a lot of people do . . .

2) There are no gay people in YYH!

Actually, there are at least four canonly (yeah, I know that's not a word) gay people in YYH. They are: Sensui, Itsuki, Karasu, and Miyuki.

All the other stuff that I'm too dumb to know because apparently I never watched YYH!

Yes, I have watched it, for those of you who are wondering, and about all those liberties that I have taken with Togashi-sama's original plot – well, as I've stated above, this is one big parody. I'm not really a yaoi fan, and neither do I support any of the pairings I've got in here. It's all for fun, peeps . . .

Now that my frustrated ranting, erm, explaining, is over, it's time for a big glomp for my supportive reviewers! *glomps* Keep feeding my ego! ^__^