Dear Mom and Dad,
Today was a very beautiful day. I've gotten over that nasty cold, so no more sneezing and being noticed when I'm trying to be quiet! Times couldn't be better. At lunch, which was at this wonderful little place where they serve great salmon sandwiches, I saved a waitress from two thugs, who were both twice (!!!) my size! Life certainly has been exciting. It got even more exciting when I saw Theo the Hamstringer walking down the street. Yes, that Theo! The one worth $$30,000! And he was just walking around in full daylight! So I shot him through the ankles. I've included some of the reward money so that Mom can buy that new oven.
You've heard about that legendary gunman, right? Well apparently he was just in the next town over! And boy, did he leave a mess. I think it would be neat to go after him, but I don't think I'd know what to do with so much money even if I could get him. Still, it's nice to daydream.
Oh, Dad, thanks for teaching me that aiming-behind-you trick. It was useful when I had to fend off Theo's assassin compatriot, Slitter Bolan. Don't worry, it wasn't much of a fight. But I lost my cool hat.
Love,
Your Son,
Zachary "Silent Stalker" Damascus
P.S. The cookies were delicious.