A.N. Chappie two! Done out of complete boredom and I don't have any needles
to stick in myself coz ma took them all away. All of 'em. She says I scare
her, but she's the one who scares me. Anywho, it's Saturday, I just came
back from the beach a few hours ago (I don't much like beaching.) and there
is no food in the house. I have no idea where my parents or sisters are but
then they'd never bother to tell me would they? Imma done ranting..... get
me fired up on these characters insanity!
~
'She said she loved me. Not in those words exactly, I love her too. Does she know? Was she just mocking me? She wouldn't, would she? She already loves me as a friend, why not a lover? Why not? Because she's my niece. My NIECE. My niece who is 13 years younger than me. So not only is it very much incestuous, but it's also pedofilic. I am a sinner. Undoubtedly a sinner. I'm in love with a woman born to my brother over a decade after me.'
~
[Open chat room]
[Boopadop enters the conversation]
[Saiyagirl enters the conversation]
Boopadop: Pan-chan!
Boopadop: Pan-chan, talk to me.
Boopadop: Pan-chan, are you angry with me?
Boopadop: Talk to me dammit!
Boopadop: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to swear at you, forgive lil Goten- woten?
Boopadop: Still not talking?
Boopadop: Pan, why are you angry with me?
Boopadop: Did I do something wrong?
Boopadop: Pan-chan!
Boopadop: All right then, please talk to me.
Boopadop: Didn't work?
Boopadop: Panny-chan!
[Saiyagirl is having temporary connection problems and has been removed from the conversation]
Boopadop: Pan, don't block me.
Boopadop: Aishiteru.
[Boopadop has left the conversation]
[Close chat room]
~
'Why did have to be her? Why can't she be an ugly, snobbish, hateful person so I can complain to someone about my terrible relatives? But this I cannot complain about. People I complain to would hate me. Her father, my brother, would hate me. She would hate me, and I wouldn't be able to stand that. She is all that matters anymore. Not that that alone is a bad thing, I've always cared for her. I've cared for her since before her first breath. I've cared for her since her first heartbeat. I knew my brother and sister- in-law would make me something special.'
~
[Open chat room]
[Boopadop enters the conversation]
[Saiyagirl enters the conversation]
Boopadop: Ha! You couldn't block me for long, could ya?
Boopadop: Hello?
Boopadop: You're not ignoring me again, are you? .
Boopadop: Please, just tell me why you're pissed!
Boopadop: Whatever I did, I didn't mean it.
[Saiyagirl has left the conversation]
Boopadop: Why, Dende, why are you doing this to me?
[Boopadop has left the conversation]
[Close chat room]
~
'My life is wasting away; the only thing keeping me going is her presence, even if that presence is only over the phone or the net. Her presence is on this plane, not the afterlife. She keeps me from suicide. She keeps me sane. But she drives me insane. I've often thought about killing her and me, so we can be together forever. But I cannot bring myself to do it. It might hurt her, and I couldn't harm a hair on her head without killing myself ten times over.'
~
*Phone rings, call taken by answering machine*
"Hey, you've reached Pan's house but she's not available so leave your name, number, age, height, eye colour, hair colour, gender and income, and if she likes what she hears, she'll call you back. *Beep*"
"Pan, it's Goten. I know you're there. Pick up the phone, Pan. Are you avoiding me? *Sigh* Is it about the chat the other day? Was it too impersonal? I'm sorry. Was it something I said? Forget that. I know what's up. *Sigh* If it makes you feel any better. Aishiteru."
*Click*
~
'I need to know what she's doing, where she's going, who she's seeing, how she is. It kills me to thing that she might need me for anything and I'm not there for her and she might think that I don't care for her, oh, but I do, I care for her so much! I need to know if she'd alright, if she's eating properly, if she's sleeping well, if she's earning enough, if she's looking after herself, because if she isn't then she'll need me because no- one loves her as much as I do. I need to be there for her. I need to be with her.
'I've tried to contact her, but she won't answer. Is it because she's ignoring me or she's angry with me or someone's got her caught? Is she in trouble, locked up in some basement of a cruel man taking from her what should be mine? Does she hate me because I love her and she thinks I don't but I do. oh how I love her! She is my guardian angel, my shining horizon, my light at the end of this cold tunnel of life! How can she think I don't love her?'
~
Goten landed on the roof of Pan's apartment block after a flight halfway around the world, the world that they together fought to protect. It was past dusk, and he could hear the nocturnal insects beginning their chorus. They were singing for a mate. 'Easy for them,' he thought, 'they didn't have to worry about dramatic age differences or be damned for incestuous relationships. Hell, they didn't even have to worry about relationships. Just mate and be off with it.'
Brushing the thought aside, he found the stairwell and descended the few flights of stairs to bring him to the door of Pan's modest apartment, rehearsing in his head again what he'd say when she opens the door. Taking a deep breath, he rapped sharply on her door. No answer.
He rapped again, then called out, "Open the door, Pan, no matter how well you hide your ki, you know I can sense it." Still no answer. He tried again. "If you don't open the door this instant, I'll call Mum." As he said this, he knew, and so, he assumed, did she know, that this was an empty threat. He was as afraid of Chi Chi as she was, probably more.
Still without an answer from his niece, he heaved a sigh and banged his head on the door. "Alright," he began, now leaning his head and an arm against the wretched door, "I get the point you're not coming out, but I know you're in there and I know you're awake, so I'll just say what I have to say to the door and not your face." He paused for a reaction, a rustling of clothes, perhaps; even a growl would make him happy. None came, but he continued.
"Somehow, I'm getting the feeling you don't want to talk to me," he started sarcastically, but changed his tone. He didn't want Pan any angrier than she was. "I've left you message after message and still no reply. I'll forgive you for that, but what I want is for you to forgive me for whatever I did wrong, or at least for you to tell me exactly what it was. I hope you got my messages, in any case. Actually, I'm pretty sure you did, you're just not answering them." This was getting unpredictable, not what he'd rehearsed. His rehearsals included Pan giving some form of a response, but she didn't stir.
He sighed again before pressing on. "Pan, you did get my messages and I'll repeat them if I have to. You're younger than me. I know. We're related, that I am also aware of. But it doesn't matter. It can't stop the way I feel about you. It can't stop the way you feel about me. When two people experience each other that way, it doesn't matter what race they are, their social status, their income, their sex or their age. And in our case, our family. If two people feel the same way, they can't help but l-"
He stopped short when he heard a noise behind the offensive door, the barrier between him and his niece. It sounded like a tape being rewound. A click, then, in a static replay in his own voice, "Aishiteru."
That alone made his heart leap for joy, but his brightened mood took a sudden drop when a ferocious looking Pan furiously flung open the door. Her wrists sported wide, deep, open gashes accompanied by an array of crescent- shaped, fingernail imprints, all of which were bleeding profusely. Goten watched in horror as drip after drip of deadly crimson splattered onto the old worn carpet of Pan's apartment. Looking behind her, he saw splashes of rust red all over the apartment. It was dizzying. The offensive colour invaded everywhere he looked, and the smell of blood assaulted his nostrils.
He couldn't stand properly; the scene was so terrifying to him. His Pan. Hurt. Hurt so much that souvenirs of the pain littered her apartment. He saw the greatest concentration at the door of the bathroom, and fighting his nauseating vertigo to peer inside, he saw the douses of blood there was so thick, the tiled floor had a deep red, almost black puddle of dried blood. Flecks of the liquid were sprayed onto the mirror and across the basin. If he could have thought strait then, he would have wondered how Pan ever survived alone when she was her own greatest danger.
He felt a stinging in his eyes, and when he brought his hand up to investigate; it came away with fat drops of painful tears. He smudged the rest off his face, and only just noticed that she'd been screaming at him.
". And how dare you come in and mock me?! After all that trouble I went through to try and stay away from you, to keep me from making a fool of myself, to keep me from disgracing the family. Goten, we can't! You didn't finish what you were saying to me, mocking me no doubt, but I know we can't so won't you shut the fuck up! Don't come and throw it in my face, then preach to me about stuff you don't even understand!"
She was in hysterics, but at least she was still alive. She barely made any sense, and Goten attempted in vain to calm her down. Finally, it seemed like she ran out of steam, or blood, or both, and she collapsed in a sorry heap onto a growing stain of red.
~
She thinks we're not allowed to love each other, but we should be because isn't there a saying that goes 'love knows no boundaries' and that should include blood! Blood. why do I keep seeing that? It's not mine, but I'm standing beside someone in front of a mirror but I'm not really there and the reflection in the mirror was only one person who is crying and bleeding and hurting herself. The girl in front of the mirror doesn't move, or is it just that she's thinking she's not moving and I only see her scary scary thoughts including the girl in the mirror in flashes like flashes of memory but it's not something I remember because it's never happened to me before, but maybe it's happened to the girl or maybe it's in the future. I'd hate to be in that future if it is a future because it's so sad and heart wrenching just watching a mirror where a girl just hurts herself over and over again making herself bleed and crying everywhere while all the time she just... stares back with her sad, black eyes. Black as death... like the eyes of my love... because they are the eyes of my love... so the girl must be... Pan?
~
A. N. Don't worry, darlings, there's more coming. It's currently 1:30 in the morning and somehow, most of it spilled out in the last half hour. I've got a few ideas for chapter three, but if you want to put something in, tell me! We've got the summer holz in Aussieland so don't be surprised if you see the next chapter really really soon.
BTW Thankyou all my reviewers! Flattery gets you everywhere.
~Opal~
~
'She said she loved me. Not in those words exactly, I love her too. Does she know? Was she just mocking me? She wouldn't, would she? She already loves me as a friend, why not a lover? Why not? Because she's my niece. My NIECE. My niece who is 13 years younger than me. So not only is it very much incestuous, but it's also pedofilic. I am a sinner. Undoubtedly a sinner. I'm in love with a woman born to my brother over a decade after me.'
~
[Open chat room]
[Boopadop enters the conversation]
[Saiyagirl enters the conversation]
Boopadop: Pan-chan!
Boopadop: Pan-chan, talk to me.
Boopadop: Pan-chan, are you angry with me?
Boopadop: Talk to me dammit!
Boopadop: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to swear at you, forgive lil Goten- woten?
Boopadop: Still not talking?
Boopadop: Pan, why are you angry with me?
Boopadop: Did I do something wrong?
Boopadop: Pan-chan!
Boopadop: All right then, please talk to me.
Boopadop: Didn't work?
Boopadop: Panny-chan!
[Saiyagirl is having temporary connection problems and has been removed from the conversation]
Boopadop: Pan, don't block me.
Boopadop: Aishiteru.
[Boopadop has left the conversation]
[Close chat room]
~
'Why did have to be her? Why can't she be an ugly, snobbish, hateful person so I can complain to someone about my terrible relatives? But this I cannot complain about. People I complain to would hate me. Her father, my brother, would hate me. She would hate me, and I wouldn't be able to stand that. She is all that matters anymore. Not that that alone is a bad thing, I've always cared for her. I've cared for her since before her first breath. I've cared for her since her first heartbeat. I knew my brother and sister- in-law would make me something special.'
~
[Open chat room]
[Boopadop enters the conversation]
[Saiyagirl enters the conversation]
Boopadop: Ha! You couldn't block me for long, could ya?
Boopadop: Hello?
Boopadop: You're not ignoring me again, are you? .
Boopadop: Please, just tell me why you're pissed!
Boopadop: Whatever I did, I didn't mean it.
[Saiyagirl has left the conversation]
Boopadop: Why, Dende, why are you doing this to me?
[Boopadop has left the conversation]
[Close chat room]
~
'My life is wasting away; the only thing keeping me going is her presence, even if that presence is only over the phone or the net. Her presence is on this plane, not the afterlife. She keeps me from suicide. She keeps me sane. But she drives me insane. I've often thought about killing her and me, so we can be together forever. But I cannot bring myself to do it. It might hurt her, and I couldn't harm a hair on her head without killing myself ten times over.'
~
*Phone rings, call taken by answering machine*
"Hey, you've reached Pan's house but she's not available so leave your name, number, age, height, eye colour, hair colour, gender and income, and if she likes what she hears, she'll call you back. *Beep*"
"Pan, it's Goten. I know you're there. Pick up the phone, Pan. Are you avoiding me? *Sigh* Is it about the chat the other day? Was it too impersonal? I'm sorry. Was it something I said? Forget that. I know what's up. *Sigh* If it makes you feel any better. Aishiteru."
*Click*
~
'I need to know what she's doing, where she's going, who she's seeing, how she is. It kills me to thing that she might need me for anything and I'm not there for her and she might think that I don't care for her, oh, but I do, I care for her so much! I need to know if she'd alright, if she's eating properly, if she's sleeping well, if she's earning enough, if she's looking after herself, because if she isn't then she'll need me because no- one loves her as much as I do. I need to be there for her. I need to be with her.
'I've tried to contact her, but she won't answer. Is it because she's ignoring me or she's angry with me or someone's got her caught? Is she in trouble, locked up in some basement of a cruel man taking from her what should be mine? Does she hate me because I love her and she thinks I don't but I do. oh how I love her! She is my guardian angel, my shining horizon, my light at the end of this cold tunnel of life! How can she think I don't love her?'
~
Goten landed on the roof of Pan's apartment block after a flight halfway around the world, the world that they together fought to protect. It was past dusk, and he could hear the nocturnal insects beginning their chorus. They were singing for a mate. 'Easy for them,' he thought, 'they didn't have to worry about dramatic age differences or be damned for incestuous relationships. Hell, they didn't even have to worry about relationships. Just mate and be off with it.'
Brushing the thought aside, he found the stairwell and descended the few flights of stairs to bring him to the door of Pan's modest apartment, rehearsing in his head again what he'd say when she opens the door. Taking a deep breath, he rapped sharply on her door. No answer.
He rapped again, then called out, "Open the door, Pan, no matter how well you hide your ki, you know I can sense it." Still no answer. He tried again. "If you don't open the door this instant, I'll call Mum." As he said this, he knew, and so, he assumed, did she know, that this was an empty threat. He was as afraid of Chi Chi as she was, probably more.
Still without an answer from his niece, he heaved a sigh and banged his head on the door. "Alright," he began, now leaning his head and an arm against the wretched door, "I get the point you're not coming out, but I know you're in there and I know you're awake, so I'll just say what I have to say to the door and not your face." He paused for a reaction, a rustling of clothes, perhaps; even a growl would make him happy. None came, but he continued.
"Somehow, I'm getting the feeling you don't want to talk to me," he started sarcastically, but changed his tone. He didn't want Pan any angrier than she was. "I've left you message after message and still no reply. I'll forgive you for that, but what I want is for you to forgive me for whatever I did wrong, or at least for you to tell me exactly what it was. I hope you got my messages, in any case. Actually, I'm pretty sure you did, you're just not answering them." This was getting unpredictable, not what he'd rehearsed. His rehearsals included Pan giving some form of a response, but she didn't stir.
He sighed again before pressing on. "Pan, you did get my messages and I'll repeat them if I have to. You're younger than me. I know. We're related, that I am also aware of. But it doesn't matter. It can't stop the way I feel about you. It can't stop the way you feel about me. When two people experience each other that way, it doesn't matter what race they are, their social status, their income, their sex or their age. And in our case, our family. If two people feel the same way, they can't help but l-"
He stopped short when he heard a noise behind the offensive door, the barrier between him and his niece. It sounded like a tape being rewound. A click, then, in a static replay in his own voice, "Aishiteru."
That alone made his heart leap for joy, but his brightened mood took a sudden drop when a ferocious looking Pan furiously flung open the door. Her wrists sported wide, deep, open gashes accompanied by an array of crescent- shaped, fingernail imprints, all of which were bleeding profusely. Goten watched in horror as drip after drip of deadly crimson splattered onto the old worn carpet of Pan's apartment. Looking behind her, he saw splashes of rust red all over the apartment. It was dizzying. The offensive colour invaded everywhere he looked, and the smell of blood assaulted his nostrils.
He couldn't stand properly; the scene was so terrifying to him. His Pan. Hurt. Hurt so much that souvenirs of the pain littered her apartment. He saw the greatest concentration at the door of the bathroom, and fighting his nauseating vertigo to peer inside, he saw the douses of blood there was so thick, the tiled floor had a deep red, almost black puddle of dried blood. Flecks of the liquid were sprayed onto the mirror and across the basin. If he could have thought strait then, he would have wondered how Pan ever survived alone when she was her own greatest danger.
He felt a stinging in his eyes, and when he brought his hand up to investigate; it came away with fat drops of painful tears. He smudged the rest off his face, and only just noticed that she'd been screaming at him.
". And how dare you come in and mock me?! After all that trouble I went through to try and stay away from you, to keep me from making a fool of myself, to keep me from disgracing the family. Goten, we can't! You didn't finish what you were saying to me, mocking me no doubt, but I know we can't so won't you shut the fuck up! Don't come and throw it in my face, then preach to me about stuff you don't even understand!"
She was in hysterics, but at least she was still alive. She barely made any sense, and Goten attempted in vain to calm her down. Finally, it seemed like she ran out of steam, or blood, or both, and she collapsed in a sorry heap onto a growing stain of red.
~
She thinks we're not allowed to love each other, but we should be because isn't there a saying that goes 'love knows no boundaries' and that should include blood! Blood. why do I keep seeing that? It's not mine, but I'm standing beside someone in front of a mirror but I'm not really there and the reflection in the mirror was only one person who is crying and bleeding and hurting herself. The girl in front of the mirror doesn't move, or is it just that she's thinking she's not moving and I only see her scary scary thoughts including the girl in the mirror in flashes like flashes of memory but it's not something I remember because it's never happened to me before, but maybe it's happened to the girl or maybe it's in the future. I'd hate to be in that future if it is a future because it's so sad and heart wrenching just watching a mirror where a girl just hurts herself over and over again making herself bleed and crying everywhere while all the time she just... stares back with her sad, black eyes. Black as death... like the eyes of my love... because they are the eyes of my love... so the girl must be... Pan?
~
A. N. Don't worry, darlings, there's more coming. It's currently 1:30 in the morning and somehow, most of it spilled out in the last half hour. I've got a few ideas for chapter three, but if you want to put something in, tell me! We've got the summer holz in Aussieland so don't be surprised if you see the next chapter really really soon.
BTW Thankyou all my reviewers! Flattery gets you everywhere.
~Opal~