VII
"No, the worst mistake is the one that kills you. All the rest are small potatoes."
--Instructor Aki

Kamalyn slipped into the main room of his family's suite silently, half-hoping that there was no one around. His hopes were dashed, however, as he saw Raijin lounging on the couch, watching a news report on the television screen with a rapt fascination that was almost comical. He glanced up as Kamalyn came it, pounding an open hand on the couch in invitation. "Man, you look beat," he pointed out.

"Aya," Kamalyn said, as if that explained everything. Raijin gave him a sympathetic look.

"Hmm," he said. "Squall's comin' by later on to talk about some things with Fujin. Nineteen hundred tonight, he said."

Kamalyn winced. "Thanks for the warning. Any chance he'll be gone by curfew?"

"Probably," Raijin said, eyeing his adoptive son. "You really are scared of the guy, aren't you?"

Kamalyn stared for a moment. "Raijin," he said carefully, then paused as he considered how to phrase the next part. "He terrifies me."

Raijin let out a healthy laugh. "He's not so bad if you get to know him," he guffawed. "Was the debriefing that bad?"

Kamalyn winced. "He asked me questions I didn't know anyone would consider asking. 'Estimate the assessed level of the two GFs. Can you relate them to figures from preCentran mythology? Did they speak verbally or mentally? Did we see signs of a Weapon? Or machinery? How far could you see into the flooded stairwell? Could you identify the source of the light in the Deposit?' Raij, I think I answered more questions with 'I don't know' and 'No, sir' then I have in my entire life up to this point! I must have looked like an idiot."

Raijin glanced sideways, and Kamalyn looked to see that Fujin had come out of her room and was leaning against the doorframe. She seemed to be listening with an air of patient calculation.

Kamalyn sighed. "Do you think they'll take points off of my exam score if I go the Infirmary for some tranquilizers?" he asked.

There was a brief knock at the door, and Fujin slipped over to answer it. The door slid open to reveal Aya, who had a look on her face that would belong on someone who had just summoned a demon and didn't know the right words to send it back.

"Are you all right?" Fujin asked before Kamalyn could, soft voice barely audible. Aya shook her head.

"I need to hide out for a while," she said. "Mind if I visit you guys?"

"Sure, come in," Kamalyn burst. "What happened?"

Aya stepped forward, and the door closed behind her. "I quit SeeD," she said, still wearing that vaguely haunted look. She chuckled for a moment, sounding as if she was forcing on the chuckle to see how it would sound. "Twelve years in training, and I quit SeeD."

Kamalyn gaped. So did Raijin. Fujin's face seemed to have softened. "Aya," Kamalyn began. "H-how?"

"Da and I got into an argument," Aya said, leaning back against a wall. "And I spouted something about orders and puppets and said 'Screw SeeD' and walked out of the room. That's how."

Raijin made a soft whistling noise through his teeth.

"Can't you just apologize?" Kamalyn asked. "I mean, I'm sure he'll let you reconsider--"

"Apologize? To him?" Aya shook her head. "Can't do that. That's admitting defeat."

"You're not serious," Kamalyn said.

"Oh, no," Aya said. "I'm quite serious. Check the date, Kam, it's not April First."

Kamalyn backed up to the couch, collapsing on it with a thud. "Wow," he muttered, staring at his friend. "What are you going to do now?"

"I dunno," Aya said, studying some small spot of the carpet. She managed a wry smile. "I'm sure as hell not going to get a spot in regular army."

Kamalyn opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the voice ringing over the intercom. "Will all students who have participated in today's SeeD exam please report to the second floor hallway? Repeat, will all students who have participated in today's SeeD exam please report to the second floor hallway."

Kamalyn looked uncomfortable. Aya waved him off. "Go on," she said. "Don't mind me. I'm going to stay here and gripe for a while--if you two don't mind," she finished, glancing at Fujin and Raijin.

"Nah," Raijin said, giving Kamalyn a small push and motioning Aya to come sit. "But you might want to run by seven. Your dad's coming over then."

Aya grimaced. "I just can't ever get away," she muttered. "See you after the SeeD ball, Kam."

"Right," Kamalyn said, stepping out of the door. Only when it had closed did he realize what exactly she had meant--she was already sure that he had passed.

Now if only I was so confident, he thought. As he made his way to the elevator and up to the second floor hall, he ran over every possible reason to be unsure. He probably blames me for failing Aya, he mused uncertainly. I should have been a better leader. Kept her under control. And I should have been more observant. Should have anticipated all the questions he was going to ask...

By the time he had gathered with all the other students, he had already convinced himself that he was in no way going to graduate. His palms were sweating, and he had the vague idea that he shouldn't be getting so worked up over something he couldn't change now--but he couldn't just convince himself not to worry. Should've stopped by and asked Doctor Sable for some tranquilizers, after all...

Minutes were passing--or, at least, it seemed that way. Several of the students were pacing; there was no idle banter. Kamalyn wondered if it was some kind of test, to call up the testing SeeDs and then leave them hanging for such a long time without ever telling them what was going on. It would certainly weed out the ones who couldn't take suspense.

That thought in mind, Kamalyn quietly moved to a wall and leaned back against it, trying not to fidget, trying not to look as if he harbored any of the doubts he felt.

Finally, one of the Faculty--dressed in the traditional robes--came down off the elevator and into the hall, holding a datapad in one hand. Approaching the assembled students, he waited until they had all come to some form of attention. After reading over the list of names silently--probably just to prolong the entire thing--he finally began reading from the top of the list.

"Squad A graduates: Lora, Egart, Haler. Squad B graduates: Laertes. Squad C graduates: Nattaka, VanJarim. Dismissed."

The faculty member turned and stalked back to the elevator, leaving the dumbfounded SeeDs--and students--behind. Kamalyn blinked.

I... made it?

Some of the graduates were beginning to break off from the group and move toward the elevator, and Kamalyn followed them shakily. VanJarim turned to give him an encouraging grin, and he returned it out of a sense of obligation.

They had to wait as the elevator came down again, and then the six graduates filed in. There was a bit of elbowing, but the ride was mercifully short. They stepped out into the Third Floor Office, falling into a line and coming to attention in front of the two highest authorities in Balamb Garden: Commander Squall Leonhart and, beside and slightly ahead of him, his one superior, Headmaster Quistis Trepe.

Quistis looked over them for a moment, strict look soon dissolving into a look of pride. She gave a warm SeeD salute--she was probably the only one in Garden who could make a salute look friendly--and stepped forward.

"Congratulations," she said, meeting the eyes of each and every one of them. "You've come a great distance to be here today. But this is only where the journey starts." Tucking one hand behind her back, she gestured amiably with the other as she continued.

Kamalyn glanced over at the Commander, noting with chagrin that Squall seemed to be watching him. Their eyes met for a moment, and Kamalyn quickly returned his to the Headmaster. He felt more than a little unsettled.

"...SeeD, Garden's elite mercenary force. But that is not all there is to SeeD." This speech had probably been given time after time, to group after group of student. However, Quistis was a good orator--she managed to make the scripted words seem like easy conversation. "SeeD was formed with the aspiration to become the guardians of the world against sorcery and malignant powers. The missions you are dispatched on around the world are merely training for the final battle, which we must be willing to fight at any time, in any place and by any fashion. We place the confidence of Garden and the trust of the world in you."

Squall stepped forward, rank reports in hand. Moving to the end of the line, he handed one of the reports to the new SeeD. Leaning forward, he clapped him on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear, in the time-honored tradition of graduation. Kamalyn tensed as he came down the line. Oh, Hyne, don't let me look as anxious as I feel...

He jumped as Squall's hand landed on his shoulder, and he took the offered rank report. Locking his eyes on the envelope in attempt not to meet the commander's gaze, he waited for whatever advice he was to receive. The sooner this was over and he could go hide in his room, the better.

"Don't be afraid," Squall whispered, and then he was on to the next student. Kamalyn froze--What did he mean by that?--and glanced over at him. Two students later, and the Commander was finished. He returned to his earlier spot behind Quistis, and this time his eyes fixed on some indefinite spot behind the SeeD party.

"Well," Quistis said, noting that some of the SeeDs were acting anxious to open their rank reports, "I hope you have your graduation speeches written. I'll see you at the SeeD ball tonight. Good work, and dismissed."

Each of the SeeDs saluted, and headed for the elevator in various states of enthusiasm or dignity. Kamalyn hesitated, glancing at Squall, but the Commander wasn't watching him any more. Instead he wore the slightly-blank look of someone engaged in an earnest conversation with one of their GFs, and seemed to be completely oblivious to Kamalyn's existence.

Kamalyn couldn't complain.

Turning to leave, he had made it halfway to the elevator before he was interrupted by Quistis's smooth voice calling his name. Faltering in step, he turned to see her in the door, smiling gently. Offering a salute, he pulled himself into attention. "Sir?"

Quistis waved the salute off. "I want to tell you something sometime," she said. "Stop by my office if you ever have about an hour to lose."

Kamalyn nodded without bothering to think about what that could possibly imply. "Yes, sir."

"Good work on making SeeD," Quistis said. "You had better get going now."

Ah. Going. Kamalyn turned, only to see the elevator doors closing as the car began its descent. Glancing back to see Quistis, he only saw that the door to the office was swinging shut.