How can I begin to tell them that I let them down? After all those years of always trying to please them, and I let them down. But nobody is perfect. Nobody, of course, except for me. Isn't that what everyone thinks? Isn't that what I let them think?

I heaved a deep sigh as I put my journal away in its drawer. Today I had the task of announcing my unplanned pregnancy to the rest of my family. A weekend visit to Stoneybrook, to the old town of so many memories...

"Maybe if you'd leave your computer alone for fifteen minutes, you'd be closer to all of us! You act like you're married to that thing. Does it make a nice husband?"

"Mimi's sick again!"

"Mean Janine."

"You're right about Jerry. But he was my boyfriend for quite awhile and we spent most of our free time together. I lost touch with my other friends and I don't know how to reconnect with those people."

"Janine, you are so mean!"

"Mimi died during the night. Just a little while ago."

So many years just thrown away. And for what exactly? Did I have to study all of the time? No. Did I have to cut myself off from everyone who cared about me? No. Then why did I?

The best answer I could come up with was because I was scared to let anyone get to know me. There were only two people who ever saw any other side of me. One person was Jerry. I gave him a piece of my heart when I was his girlfriend, something I regret to say that I never got back.

The other person was Mimi. Something changed within me after her stroke. And when she died, it really melted my heart. I remember right after it happened, I went into her room and went through all of her things. I came across her jewelry and realized I needed something I could keep to remember her by. I kept two pair of her earrings, and I wore the diamond ones on my wedding day.

I was thinking about all of these things as James drove me back to the old town to confront the family about the news. I wondered what their reactions would be. It wasn't as if I had done anything wrong in society's opinion; I was already happily married to the father of my child. But I hadn't planned on getting pregnant so quickly. And this wasn't the right time for us to have a baby. We were still struggling to make our own pathways in life. We weren't ready for this. That would be the issue that would put a damper on my joy of having a child.

That's right. My joy. In spite of everything, it felt so right. It felt so good. And secretly, I was so very happy that my life was turning out this way. All I'd ever wanted was to be typical. All I'd ever wanted was to know what love was. And when I looked at James and when I thought about our baby, I could feel the love deep down inside of me.

James caught me looking at him as we drove into Stoneybrook. "What is it?" He glanced at me and then shifted his gaze back to the road. "Are you feeling sick again?"

I chucked. "No, I'm perfectly fine now. Nervous, though."

James heaved a big sigh. "Me too, Janine. What do you think they'll say?"

"I think we'll get a lecture." I said. "About being young and irresponsible. All those things that have always been said about people our age, but never about us."

"Never about us," James repeated my words omniously.

"James," I put my hand on his shoulder. "I know they'll disapprove, but suddenly it seems so right. Do you understand what I mean? Suddenly nothing else matters."

"Janine, you can't talk like that," James burst in.

"Well, then what can I do?" I blurted out, tears stinging my eyes.

James pulled the car over. "I'm sorry. You're trying to make the best of things, and I'm bringing you down."

"It's not that," I said, fighting back tears. "I won't cry anymore. I'm determined not to cry. I don't want cry about the moment that should be the happiest time in our lives."

"I am happy, Janine," he said. "I just want everyone else to be happy with us."

I brought a hand to my stomach, wondering what this experience of being pregnant and having a child would have in store for me. I was already ten weeks into the game, and it was still a secret between the two of us. I was already feeling different and even looking different underneath my sweatshirt and a pair of snug-fitting jeans that no longer required a belt to hold them up as they once had. My secret would give itself away if I waited much longer.

I thought of a line from 'I Love Lucy' that had always made me laugh. "Well if we don't tell them now, we'll have to let the baby tell them."

I said this out loud. Before we knew it, James and I both had a case of the giggles as we pulled into the driveway of my old house. Mom, Dad, and Claudia stood on the porch, awaiting our arrival. Our laughter subsided. It was time to make our announcement.

"Janine," Claudia hugged me tightly. "I've missed you. Promise not to go this long between visits anymore."

"It's a promise," I said, returning the hug. Afterawhile, we let go and I greeted both my parents the same way. Then the five of us went inside, my brain still working on a way to tell them the news. I just couldn't bring myself to say it right away.

"How's school, Claudia? " I ventured.

Her face lit up at the mention of school, something I never would have expected to see a few years ago. "Its really going great! I joined one of the academic teams. They were short on people to participate in poetry interpretation. My English teacher suggested I give it a try. So I did, and I got third place at one of the practice meets. That means I get to compete at District."

"Wonderful!" I beamed at her. "I'm so proud of you, Claud."

She blushed. "I really enjoyed doing it. Interpreting a poem is like another artform."

"We're all very proud of Claudia," Mom added. "She's growing up."

"I've noticed," I commented, as James and I took a seat on the couch.

"So Janine," Claudia began, sitting next to me. "How are things with you?"

I quickly glanced at James, who looking down at his hands.

I cleared my throat. "Well, you know I got accepted into graduate school. I've signed up to take some classes in the evening after work and then later on, I've decided to take my classes online. There are several online curriculums that appeal to me and are included in my requirements."

Dad raised his eyebrows slightly. "Oh? Getting tired of the classroom environment?"

"That's...one reason." Again, I glanced at James. His eyes were as wide as saucers.

"What else make you decide on that, sweetheart?" Mom asked.

"Well...Mom, Dad, Claudia," I began. "James and I are..."

They stared at me blankly. I swallowed hard and finished.

"...pregnant."