Anthony "Tony" Gets Ryoga "P-Chan" Hibiki
Ryoga stared at the cheeseburger some more. The boy smacked his forehead. "Okay, man, you don't look at it. It's a cheeseburger. Eat the damn thing already."
"I have never had one before."
"I've! I have is long for I've! You got to learn English contractions."
"I believe you mean 'I must learn'-"
"No, no, no! Americans don't use correct grammar!"
"Do not, but it should be 'use improper'-"
"Ehnt! Wrong! I live here, I know! We should speak it properly, yeah, but we don't! That's one of the many things that separates us from the U.K., y'know?"
"Y'know? Should it not be-"
"Shouldn't it be, and you don't have to say the 'oo' part there. Jus' 'Yuh'."
"Y'know. Shouldn't. I've. This is tricky."
"Yep. Eat your burger."
"It is a cheeseburger."
"Nah, it's, (that would be one of those contractions, pal, you're, you are, going to have to start making notes on this,) a burger. Anything shaped like that's a burger. Ham, cheese, bacon and cheese, mozzarella- swiss, veggie, don't matter- What the hell are you drawing on that napkin?"
"I am- I'm taking notes."
"With a paintbrush? Here, ballpoint pen, welcome to America. Funny, it says 'Made in Japan'."
"I like calligraphy."
"With a paintbrush?" Ryoga shrugged.
The boy laughs. "If you don't eat that burger, I will."
Ryoga picked it up and took a bite. "Hey, this is good."
"Yep! That'sa Burger! makes the best hamburgers in America."
"That'sa?"
"That is a. But it's improper on purpose."
"That'sa." He made a few more strokes on his napkin. "To think, I was top of my school district in English class! Of course, I was a little poor at everything else."
"Top? And you don't even know slang?"
"I know some."
"Boy, are you gonna learn!"
"Gonna.?"
"Going to, Goin' to, Goin' ta, Gon' ta, Gonna."
"So there is a method to the madness, after all." And he made a few more notes, eating his burger as he did so.
* * *
"It's, it'sa, he's, she's, we're, we'll, he'll, she'll, I'll. Wow, this is really tricky. This's, no, that does not, doesn't!, work."
"Hey, dude, you've been pouring over that for half an hour. You don't have to cram it all in now."
"Sh!" Ryoga took a sip of soda and kept going, muttering the contractions of 'have'.
"Fine, dude, whatever. But, jeez, you're obsessed now. Can you even read English?"
"I know the letters, but not how to say them aloud, so. Sort of."
"Okay, we're gonna learn reading now. You can speak well enough. Then we can work on slang, then accent. You sound Asian still. Can't say 'l' and 'b' right, trouble with consonants at the end of words."
"Hmm." Ryoga took another bite.
"'Kay, you can come home with me. I'll tell my Mom I took a foreign exchange student over summer for extra credit. My name's Tony, by the way. Tony Gets. And yours?"
"I'm Hibiki Ryoga."
"Hibiki? What kind of name is that?"
"Family name. Sorry, Americans do names backwards. I'm Ryoga."
"Again, what the hell does that mean?"
Ryoga didn't even look up as he bit into his cheeseburger. "Fang. Plural, sorry, Fangs."
"You're telling me your parents named you 'fangs'?"
"Uh-huh," he said calmly as he slurped his soda.
"Why? I mean, what kind of crazy-" Ryoga interrupted by shoving a fry in Tony's mouth, than used his other hand to open his and point at them.
"Moh," Tony said around the fry.
Ryoga smiled. "No problem." And the two of them laughed at the stupidity of it all.
Ryoga stared at the cheeseburger some more. The boy smacked his forehead. "Okay, man, you don't look at it. It's a cheeseburger. Eat the damn thing already."
"I have never had one before."
"I've! I have is long for I've! You got to learn English contractions."
"I believe you mean 'I must learn'-"
"No, no, no! Americans don't use correct grammar!"
"Do not, but it should be 'use improper'-"
"Ehnt! Wrong! I live here, I know! We should speak it properly, yeah, but we don't! That's one of the many things that separates us from the U.K., y'know?"
"Y'know? Should it not be-"
"Shouldn't it be, and you don't have to say the 'oo' part there. Jus' 'Yuh'."
"Y'know. Shouldn't. I've. This is tricky."
"Yep. Eat your burger."
"It is a cheeseburger."
"Nah, it's, (that would be one of those contractions, pal, you're, you are, going to have to start making notes on this,) a burger. Anything shaped like that's a burger. Ham, cheese, bacon and cheese, mozzarella- swiss, veggie, don't matter- What the hell are you drawing on that napkin?"
"I am- I'm taking notes."
"With a paintbrush? Here, ballpoint pen, welcome to America. Funny, it says 'Made in Japan'."
"I like calligraphy."
"With a paintbrush?" Ryoga shrugged.
The boy laughs. "If you don't eat that burger, I will."
Ryoga picked it up and took a bite. "Hey, this is good."
"Yep! That'sa Burger! makes the best hamburgers in America."
"That'sa?"
"That is a. But it's improper on purpose."
"That'sa." He made a few more strokes on his napkin. "To think, I was top of my school district in English class! Of course, I was a little poor at everything else."
"Top? And you don't even know slang?"
"I know some."
"Boy, are you gonna learn!"
"Gonna.?"
"Going to, Goin' to, Goin' ta, Gon' ta, Gonna."
"So there is a method to the madness, after all." And he made a few more notes, eating his burger as he did so.
* * *
"It's, it'sa, he's, she's, we're, we'll, he'll, she'll, I'll. Wow, this is really tricky. This's, no, that does not, doesn't!, work."
"Hey, dude, you've been pouring over that for half an hour. You don't have to cram it all in now."
"Sh!" Ryoga took a sip of soda and kept going, muttering the contractions of 'have'.
"Fine, dude, whatever. But, jeez, you're obsessed now. Can you even read English?"
"I know the letters, but not how to say them aloud, so. Sort of."
"Okay, we're gonna learn reading now. You can speak well enough. Then we can work on slang, then accent. You sound Asian still. Can't say 'l' and 'b' right, trouble with consonants at the end of words."
"Hmm." Ryoga took another bite.
"'Kay, you can come home with me. I'll tell my Mom I took a foreign exchange student over summer for extra credit. My name's Tony, by the way. Tony Gets. And yours?"
"I'm Hibiki Ryoga."
"Hibiki? What kind of name is that?"
"Family name. Sorry, Americans do names backwards. I'm Ryoga."
"Again, what the hell does that mean?"
Ryoga didn't even look up as he bit into his cheeseburger. "Fang. Plural, sorry, Fangs."
"You're telling me your parents named you 'fangs'?"
"Uh-huh," he said calmly as he slurped his soda.
"Why? I mean, what kind of crazy-" Ryoga interrupted by shoving a fry in Tony's mouth, than used his other hand to open his and point at them.
"Moh," Tony said around the fry.
Ryoga smiled. "No problem." And the two of them laughed at the stupidity of it all.