Let's finish the 'Ryoga in America' Chronicles.
"Turn left, Ryo."
"Can't believe you did that. I can't remove it for three weeks without an infection?"
"At least it's small."
"It's the principle of the thing, Tony. You should have asked."
"You would have said no!"
"Still shoulda asked! You even cut my hair! You have no idea how often I try to avoid that!"
"Well, you look American now!"
"But we're going to go get your stuff and go to my country!"
"You look better, now."
"Shit." Ryoga snarled, stopping the car. "We're here."
Tony started to climb out, but held the door ajar and stood halfway up. "This isn't my house."
"You sure?"
"There's snow."
"So?"
" It's July," Tony explained. When Ryoga still looked confused, he sighed and calmly said, "Mountains. Farms in the valley down there. A decent sized city. Need I go on?"
"Yes, I'm still confused."
"We're lost. Let's check my GPS." Tony turned on the small screen in the dashboard, hitting the coordinates for his house.
"Jesus fuckin' Christ." Tony whistled. "How long have you been driving?"
"About." Ryoga checked his new watch. "Thirteen minutes."
"Jesus fuckin' Christ." Tony repeated. "In less than fifteen minutes you drove us from Hershey, Pennsylvania, to Boise, Idaho."
"Really? Is that far?"
"Yes, about three thousand miles. It was a fifteen mile drive."
"I thought I made a few too many turns."
"'A few too many turns'?! Is that your excuse? What you did is not possible, Ryo!"
"I have a pretty bad sense of direction."
"Pretty bad?! That's not possible! Where did all the gas come from? Where did the entire Midwest US go? How did you get lost going down the street with a GPS system?!"
"This happens a lot. I never really questioned it before."
"WHAT?!?!"
"Well, how do you think I got to your house in the first place?"
"You got lost? I thought you were left behind from a tour group!"
"No, I walked."
"Didn't you notice the, oh, Pacific Ocean?!"
"No, not really. When I get lost, I get lost."
"Man, how could you do that?"
"Sorry. It's kinda biological."
"Are you blaming your parents for your poor sense of direction?"
"Well, how do you think they met? They were both trying to find home, and they decided to travel together for a week."
"And?"
"Turns out they'd been neighbors their whole lives, they'd just spent so much time lost they'd never known. Think of it this way, I see my parents so rarely that not only did I avoid all parent-teacher conferences, I never got in trouble for not doing chores, I never became one of those rebellious, spiteful teens who hates his family, and I never ran away from home because I was sick of living there."
"Are you saying you're rarely ever home?"
"Yeah. But I try to be responsible when I am. Hell, half the times I've gotten lost it was looking for the lawn mower or going out for dinner or trying to buy more dog food for my dogs."
"You have pets?"
"Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have your dog make a commercial for her missing owner?"
"Shouldn't it be the other way around?"
"Shouldn't it? Idaho, Jesus! Tony, I'm real sorry. Let me treat you to dinner or something."
"Nah."
"Aw, com'on! I'll take you out for some sushi or something. Whaddaya say?"
"Raw fish?"
"Sashimi's raw, sushi's like canned tuna. Pre-cooked served cold."
"Er."
"You did want to go to Japan."
"But. how about tacos?" * * *
Ryoga was paying, so they went to a Hibachi grill, where Tony still ordered tacos and ended up with Tako, which he didn't particularly like, i.e. wouldn't touch.
They then went to a clothing store, where Tony bought two days worth of clothes and called his mom to beg her to send clothes to Ryoga's house in Japan. Then he ordered two tickets to Tokyo.
Ryoga ate a cheeseburger he got from a local That'sa Burger! and Tony's leftover, i.e. untouched, sushi.
They went back to the Durango, where Ryoga unpacked his stuff and made camp. Tony got the car, and Ryoga got the tent.
Until they saw who else was in the car.
"Carla?!" Tony yelped as he opened the backdoor.
"Yeah, it's me. I wanted to tell Dave I'll see him around but I couldn't find him. Is this Dave's brother or something?" she asked, nodding towards Ryoga.
"Nope, this is 'Dave' himself."
"Why did you keep calling him 'Ryo' then?"
"Family nickname," Ryoga said quickly.
"Oh. Where are we?"
"Boise, Idaho- Hey, don't look at me like that, it's his fault."
Ryoga sighed. "Might as well make room for one more."
* * *
The man walked down the street angrily. Where were the others?
He spat, cursing in several languages, some not even human.
He saw the make-shift campsite, smiling. "Hey, you," he called to the boy poking the fire. The boy turned.
"Give me all your stuff- including the car."
"It's not my car," the boy replied. "It's Tony's."
"Ah, well, give me the crap anyway."
"Tony's in the tent, ask him if you can. I don't think he'll say yes, though."
The man grunted, pulling Tony out harshly. "Give me your stuff, all of it, even the car."
"My car? Fuck you, bitch, I'm not giving up my car!"
"Oh?"
Tony reached to one of the key chains he had sticking on his belt loops. "Yeah." He grabbed a carabineer. "I had to work three summer jobs for that car, and I still pay insurance."
And with that, he clipped the carabineer to the man's shirt front and flipped him with a judo flip, releasing the latch as he let the man fly over the car.
"Shit." Ryoga noted. Tony pulled out some mountain climbing rods, hurling them at the man. They hit his clothing, knocking him off the car but not damaging either the car or the man. Then he grabbed the rope from one of his cargo pockets.
"Yeesh. An anything-goes martial arts?"
"Martial Arts Extreme Sports," Tony explained as he threw the rope at one of the spikes and swung with it towards the man. "Mountain climbing, bungee jumping, rafting, canoeing, sky diving, skate boarding." Tony whacked the man with the dull end of the spike, then punched him regularly with his other hand.
"I call it X-Games Jujutsu personally."
"Hmm." Ryoga thought aloud. "You never mentioned martial arts."
"Most people start going hyper when you say you know them. 'Oooh, cool! Show me some moves, teach me how to fight!'"
"Or how about, 'Wow, we could have sparred'?" Ryoga said as he unhooked his umbrella. He threw it at the man.
That's when the man struck.
It wasn't a physical blow. It was a temporary reality displacement sphere, or chaos bomb. For one minute, up became down, black became white, gravity and friction became nonexistent. For just a moment, Ryoga was not lost at all, and even knew exactly how to get back to Nerima.
And in the middle of it stood the man, who threw the umbrella back at Ryoga and walked to the car as Ryoga fell down, or up as the case was. The man glowed for a moment, then another 'bomb' went off. It was possible to tell because of the displacement of noticeably obvious characteristics of an explosion and the fact that the man stopped glowing and fell to the ground.
The other give away was that the car imploded and turned inside out.
"Shi-i-t!" Tony yelled as the bombs wore off, running towards his car. "My poor ca-a-a-a-ar!"
Carla crawled out from her new hiding place on top of the former back seat and now metal with cotton and foam padding.
"What happened here?"
"My car-! Look at it!"
"Where is it?"
"That's just it! There is no more car!" Tony put his fingers in his mouth and bit, moaning.
"It's not so bad."
"It's certainly not good!" Tony argued.
The man stood up.
"Damn. You're still here? What are you, too stupid to get mad? In that case, I'll have to get Rho to punish you. He hits hard, where it counts. You know, one time he turned an entire family of twelve into each member's opposite sex? And you think this was harsh? Now you'll be scared. And I'll even let you keep your stuff."
"What did you say?" Tony growled, mad about the car and clutching another handful of climbing poles menacingly.
The man pulled out a little box and spoke into it, speaking a foreign language. The message went through several intergalactic channels to the other side of the planet. Ironic, huh?
Ryoga revived, pissed. He leapt up, grabbing the umbrella. 'Odd,' he thought as he swung it, 'It never felt so big before...'
As he landed, his bandana slid into his face, and his clothes fell in heaps on the ground.
"Uh?" he wondered, looking down. "They fit two minutes ago."
Tony and Carla gasped. Ryoga looked at them.
"Why are you guys. So little?"
"Ryoga. You're a kid. We all are."
That's when it clicked. "Oh shit, not again."
"Turn left, Ryo."
"Can't believe you did that. I can't remove it for three weeks without an infection?"
"At least it's small."
"It's the principle of the thing, Tony. You should have asked."
"You would have said no!"
"Still shoulda asked! You even cut my hair! You have no idea how often I try to avoid that!"
"Well, you look American now!"
"But we're going to go get your stuff and go to my country!"
"You look better, now."
"Shit." Ryoga snarled, stopping the car. "We're here."
Tony started to climb out, but held the door ajar and stood halfway up. "This isn't my house."
"You sure?"
"There's snow."
"So?"
" It's July," Tony explained. When Ryoga still looked confused, he sighed and calmly said, "Mountains. Farms in the valley down there. A decent sized city. Need I go on?"
"Yes, I'm still confused."
"We're lost. Let's check my GPS." Tony turned on the small screen in the dashboard, hitting the coordinates for his house.
"Jesus fuckin' Christ." Tony whistled. "How long have you been driving?"
"About." Ryoga checked his new watch. "Thirteen minutes."
"Jesus fuckin' Christ." Tony repeated. "In less than fifteen minutes you drove us from Hershey, Pennsylvania, to Boise, Idaho."
"Really? Is that far?"
"Yes, about three thousand miles. It was a fifteen mile drive."
"I thought I made a few too many turns."
"'A few too many turns'?! Is that your excuse? What you did is not possible, Ryo!"
"I have a pretty bad sense of direction."
"Pretty bad?! That's not possible! Where did all the gas come from? Where did the entire Midwest US go? How did you get lost going down the street with a GPS system?!"
"This happens a lot. I never really questioned it before."
"WHAT?!?!"
"Well, how do you think I got to your house in the first place?"
"You got lost? I thought you were left behind from a tour group!"
"No, I walked."
"Didn't you notice the, oh, Pacific Ocean?!"
"No, not really. When I get lost, I get lost."
"Man, how could you do that?"
"Sorry. It's kinda biological."
"Are you blaming your parents for your poor sense of direction?"
"Well, how do you think they met? They were both trying to find home, and they decided to travel together for a week."
"And?"
"Turns out they'd been neighbors their whole lives, they'd just spent so much time lost they'd never known. Think of it this way, I see my parents so rarely that not only did I avoid all parent-teacher conferences, I never got in trouble for not doing chores, I never became one of those rebellious, spiteful teens who hates his family, and I never ran away from home because I was sick of living there."
"Are you saying you're rarely ever home?"
"Yeah. But I try to be responsible when I am. Hell, half the times I've gotten lost it was looking for the lawn mower or going out for dinner or trying to buy more dog food for my dogs."
"You have pets?"
"Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have your dog make a commercial for her missing owner?"
"Shouldn't it be the other way around?"
"Shouldn't it? Idaho, Jesus! Tony, I'm real sorry. Let me treat you to dinner or something."
"Nah."
"Aw, com'on! I'll take you out for some sushi or something. Whaddaya say?"
"Raw fish?"
"Sashimi's raw, sushi's like canned tuna. Pre-cooked served cold."
"Er."
"You did want to go to Japan."
"But. how about tacos?" * * *
Ryoga was paying, so they went to a Hibachi grill, where Tony still ordered tacos and ended up with Tako, which he didn't particularly like, i.e. wouldn't touch.
They then went to a clothing store, where Tony bought two days worth of clothes and called his mom to beg her to send clothes to Ryoga's house in Japan. Then he ordered two tickets to Tokyo.
Ryoga ate a cheeseburger he got from a local That'sa Burger! and Tony's leftover, i.e. untouched, sushi.
They went back to the Durango, where Ryoga unpacked his stuff and made camp. Tony got the car, and Ryoga got the tent.
Until they saw who else was in the car.
"Carla?!" Tony yelped as he opened the backdoor.
"Yeah, it's me. I wanted to tell Dave I'll see him around but I couldn't find him. Is this Dave's brother or something?" she asked, nodding towards Ryoga.
"Nope, this is 'Dave' himself."
"Why did you keep calling him 'Ryo' then?"
"Family nickname," Ryoga said quickly.
"Oh. Where are we?"
"Boise, Idaho- Hey, don't look at me like that, it's his fault."
Ryoga sighed. "Might as well make room for one more."
* * *
The man walked down the street angrily. Where were the others?
He spat, cursing in several languages, some not even human.
He saw the make-shift campsite, smiling. "Hey, you," he called to the boy poking the fire. The boy turned.
"Give me all your stuff- including the car."
"It's not my car," the boy replied. "It's Tony's."
"Ah, well, give me the crap anyway."
"Tony's in the tent, ask him if you can. I don't think he'll say yes, though."
The man grunted, pulling Tony out harshly. "Give me your stuff, all of it, even the car."
"My car? Fuck you, bitch, I'm not giving up my car!"
"Oh?"
Tony reached to one of the key chains he had sticking on his belt loops. "Yeah." He grabbed a carabineer. "I had to work three summer jobs for that car, and I still pay insurance."
And with that, he clipped the carabineer to the man's shirt front and flipped him with a judo flip, releasing the latch as he let the man fly over the car.
"Shit." Ryoga noted. Tony pulled out some mountain climbing rods, hurling them at the man. They hit his clothing, knocking him off the car but not damaging either the car or the man. Then he grabbed the rope from one of his cargo pockets.
"Yeesh. An anything-goes martial arts?"
"Martial Arts Extreme Sports," Tony explained as he threw the rope at one of the spikes and swung with it towards the man. "Mountain climbing, bungee jumping, rafting, canoeing, sky diving, skate boarding." Tony whacked the man with the dull end of the spike, then punched him regularly with his other hand.
"I call it X-Games Jujutsu personally."
"Hmm." Ryoga thought aloud. "You never mentioned martial arts."
"Most people start going hyper when you say you know them. 'Oooh, cool! Show me some moves, teach me how to fight!'"
"Or how about, 'Wow, we could have sparred'?" Ryoga said as he unhooked his umbrella. He threw it at the man.
That's when the man struck.
It wasn't a physical blow. It was a temporary reality displacement sphere, or chaos bomb. For one minute, up became down, black became white, gravity and friction became nonexistent. For just a moment, Ryoga was not lost at all, and even knew exactly how to get back to Nerima.
And in the middle of it stood the man, who threw the umbrella back at Ryoga and walked to the car as Ryoga fell down, or up as the case was. The man glowed for a moment, then another 'bomb' went off. It was possible to tell because of the displacement of noticeably obvious characteristics of an explosion and the fact that the man stopped glowing and fell to the ground.
The other give away was that the car imploded and turned inside out.
"Shi-i-t!" Tony yelled as the bombs wore off, running towards his car. "My poor ca-a-a-a-ar!"
Carla crawled out from her new hiding place on top of the former back seat and now metal with cotton and foam padding.
"What happened here?"
"My car-! Look at it!"
"Where is it?"
"That's just it! There is no more car!" Tony put his fingers in his mouth and bit, moaning.
"It's not so bad."
"It's certainly not good!" Tony argued.
The man stood up.
"Damn. You're still here? What are you, too stupid to get mad? In that case, I'll have to get Rho to punish you. He hits hard, where it counts. You know, one time he turned an entire family of twelve into each member's opposite sex? And you think this was harsh? Now you'll be scared. And I'll even let you keep your stuff."
"What did you say?" Tony growled, mad about the car and clutching another handful of climbing poles menacingly.
The man pulled out a little box and spoke into it, speaking a foreign language. The message went through several intergalactic channels to the other side of the planet. Ironic, huh?
Ryoga revived, pissed. He leapt up, grabbing the umbrella. 'Odd,' he thought as he swung it, 'It never felt so big before...'
As he landed, his bandana slid into his face, and his clothes fell in heaps on the ground.
"Uh?" he wondered, looking down. "They fit two minutes ago."
Tony and Carla gasped. Ryoga looked at them.
"Why are you guys. So little?"
"Ryoga. You're a kid. We all are."
That's when it clicked. "Oh shit, not again."