The long ride home. Actually, it's not.
Tony laughed at the insane conversation.
"What the hell do you mean by 'How much wood could a. Wait, How much wood chuck could wood. How much wood could a wood chuck chunk if. How. Much. Wood. Could a wood. Chuck. Chuck. If a wood. Chuck. Could. Chuck. Wood," Ryoga repeated, saying it slowly and drawing out every syllable. That's not something you should be about to enunciate so fucking easily!" Ryoga snarled as the boy taunted him over the line.
"Fine, then! You, about how much does a damned wood chuck weigh!" he yelled to Tony.
"I dunno, eight or nine pounds? They're pretty little."
"Okay, then if it's a eight to nine pound animal, and it eats an equal amount six times daily, and that equal amount is enough to sustain said eight pound creature, it should be eating about 1.28333 grams a meal, or 2.282336 lbs per meal, or an equivalent of 1.590909 grams per meal, about. 3.5 pounds, roughly. Now get serious. Put Ucchan on."
Ryoga held the phone out and stared at it incredulously.
"What's up, Hibiki?"
"He hung up on me. And I even answered his damn question." He dialed the number again. The same voice answered, or at least it sounded similar, but it spoke English.
"I'm sorry," he switched to English. "Is this Ucchan's Okonomiyaki in Nerima, Tokyo, Japan?"
He listened. "Uh-huh. Well, then." Ryoga switched back to Japanese, feeling good about being able to speak it again. "Then I can speak this way for a change. Could you put Ucchan on?"
He went red as he heard the response.
"Only speak JAPANESE? What the FUCK do you think I'm speaking, CANTONESE?!"
After another round, Ryoga wailed, in English, "This is NOT Japanese, you stupid FUCK! I'm speaking in English! And so are YOU! Put me on with Ukyo Kuonji right now, it's really important! KUONJI UKYO-SAN! UCCHAN! UKYO KUONJI, YOU STUPID, STUPID BASTARD!"
Ryoga exploded in Japanese after the next pause. "THEN LISTEN TO ME NOW!!!"
Ryoga was so pissed off now he randomly alternated languages. "Look, dumb ass, put Kuonji on the phone. Kuonji! Stupid Fuck! They don't talk like that in Okinawa, I've been there asshole! Shut the fuck up! Dammit, get me Kuonji right now! Other speakers? Put me on with one of them! UKYO! UKYO KUONJI! KUONJI-SAN!!!" Ryoga again held out the phone looking at it.
"He hung up again, the little fucker!"
"I'm surprised you even know such language. In any language." Tony noted as Ryoga redialed.
".It's you again, isn't it? Your voice sounds just like that little fucker's."
Ryoga sighed. "Is this really Ucchan's Okonomiyaki? Fine, then, I would like to talk to Kuonji Ukyo in regards to formalizing an official agreement on our partnership."
Ryoga's face grew angry as he listened. "It IS you."
"Tell her it's Ryoga Hibiki and he's trapped in America talking to a moron over the phone about how he wants to help donate money and labor to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki to help create a chain across Japan."
"What do you mean, 'She doesn't want to talk to me'? Who is this? Konatsu? What are you trying to pull? I am NOT flirting! I'm being completely serious! Tell her Hibiki Ryoga-kun's on the line. Hibiki Ryoga- kun. Ryoga-san'll be fine, but- What do you mean 'I don't wanna talk to her no more'?! I've been trying for twenty minutes! No, you can't call me 'kun', don't call me Hibiki-kun, stop that- I am not flirting, she's not even my type, no don't say that! This is not a wrong number! Zûnni Kashi Shintoyoki, THIS ISN'T ABOUT LOVE!!!"
He started to launch his cursing barrage again when he heard the familiar Kansai dialect, masculine terminology and barely-but-definitly- female voice. "UKYO! I'm so glad it's you, I'm stuck at an airport in America and whenever I call you I get some idiot child- Three times, Ucchan, three times he picked up the phone. Anyway, I think we outta start a new restaurant in Azabu- That's my home district, and I can donate about. ¥490000 and promise to be there for the opening. This is going to be a good thing, Ucchan, this partnership thing could really work out."
He stopped, gapping. "N-not enough?
"But this could really work! As soon as we make more money from the Azabu branch I can give you more.
"Ukyo, I'm in America, I can't do anything right now.
"Ukyo! I know how important Ucchan's is to you, I really do-
"What, I'm not gonna call it like 'Ryo-kun's' or Hibiki's or something- It doesn't even have to change names, it's still your store, and I'll work as hard as I can when I get there-
"I'm doing the best I can!" Ryoga argued. He waited a moment, then hung up.
"Ucchan hung up on me, too."
"After all that shit you went through? No way, man, get that bastard back on and make him talk to you."
"It's okay, maybe this deal won't work."
"Why?" Tony demanded. Ryoga blinked, and Tony repeated, "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Won't it work out."
"Because Ucchan's not stupid," he sighed, sitting down on his pack. "Because I would get lost on my way to work, because I need to have more money to donate because it's an expensive project, because I rarely have time, because I want to try and get into college and need to study. It just goes on and on and on."
Ton grinned. "Aw, well, let's just go, right? Tokyo. Always wanted to see it."
"Hmn."
"Don't be so pouty, man!"
"At this rate, all I can do is construction, and even then I'd probably end up in the wrong city."
"Now that's pessimism. Why are ya acting so depressed? Don't worry, be happy. Aw, com'on, dude." Tony knudged him. "Why are you doing this, Ryoga, don't act like a pansy."
Ryoga smiled. "You just don't get it, huh? Nothing ever, ever goes right for me."
"Now that's impossible. Think back on it, what was the best thing that's ever happened to you?"
"Ha, probably the fact I ever passed my entrance exams. At least, that's the most miraculous. It took me four weeks to find the damn place, y'know? And then, I have to end up at the same damn school as Saotome."
"Now we're gettin' somewhere. Who's he?" Tony sat down next to Ryoga, smiling.
"Off," Ryoga said suddenly, pushing Tony back.
"Hmm, that's interesting. Gimme the phone, though, I got an idea."
"Gonna call your mom again?" Ryoga handed it over.
"Not quite," Tony said as he held it up and listened.
"Hi, can I please speak to a Kuonji Ukyo on behalf of a prospective partnership?" he asked politely in English, smiling.
Tony laughed at the insane conversation.
"What the hell do you mean by 'How much wood could a. Wait, How much wood chuck could wood. How much wood could a wood chuck chunk if. How. Much. Wood. Could a wood. Chuck. Chuck. If a wood. Chuck. Could. Chuck. Wood," Ryoga repeated, saying it slowly and drawing out every syllable. That's not something you should be about to enunciate so fucking easily!" Ryoga snarled as the boy taunted him over the line.
"Fine, then! You, about how much does a damned wood chuck weigh!" he yelled to Tony.
"I dunno, eight or nine pounds? They're pretty little."
"Okay, then if it's a eight to nine pound animal, and it eats an equal amount six times daily, and that equal amount is enough to sustain said eight pound creature, it should be eating about 1.28333 grams a meal, or 2.282336 lbs per meal, or an equivalent of 1.590909 grams per meal, about. 3.5 pounds, roughly. Now get serious. Put Ucchan on."
Ryoga held the phone out and stared at it incredulously.
"What's up, Hibiki?"
"He hung up on me. And I even answered his damn question." He dialed the number again. The same voice answered, or at least it sounded similar, but it spoke English.
"I'm sorry," he switched to English. "Is this Ucchan's Okonomiyaki in Nerima, Tokyo, Japan?"
He listened. "Uh-huh. Well, then." Ryoga switched back to Japanese, feeling good about being able to speak it again. "Then I can speak this way for a change. Could you put Ucchan on?"
He went red as he heard the response.
"Only speak JAPANESE? What the FUCK do you think I'm speaking, CANTONESE?!"
After another round, Ryoga wailed, in English, "This is NOT Japanese, you stupid FUCK! I'm speaking in English! And so are YOU! Put me on with Ukyo Kuonji right now, it's really important! KUONJI UKYO-SAN! UCCHAN! UKYO KUONJI, YOU STUPID, STUPID BASTARD!"
Ryoga exploded in Japanese after the next pause. "THEN LISTEN TO ME NOW!!!"
Ryoga was so pissed off now he randomly alternated languages. "Look, dumb ass, put Kuonji on the phone. Kuonji! Stupid Fuck! They don't talk like that in Okinawa, I've been there asshole! Shut the fuck up! Dammit, get me Kuonji right now! Other speakers? Put me on with one of them! UKYO! UKYO KUONJI! KUONJI-SAN!!!" Ryoga again held out the phone looking at it.
"He hung up again, the little fucker!"
"I'm surprised you even know such language. In any language." Tony noted as Ryoga redialed.
".It's you again, isn't it? Your voice sounds just like that little fucker's."
Ryoga sighed. "Is this really Ucchan's Okonomiyaki? Fine, then, I would like to talk to Kuonji Ukyo in regards to formalizing an official agreement on our partnership."
Ryoga's face grew angry as he listened. "It IS you."
"Tell her it's Ryoga Hibiki and he's trapped in America talking to a moron over the phone about how he wants to help donate money and labor to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki to help create a chain across Japan."
"What do you mean, 'She doesn't want to talk to me'? Who is this? Konatsu? What are you trying to pull? I am NOT flirting! I'm being completely serious! Tell her Hibiki Ryoga-kun's on the line. Hibiki Ryoga- kun. Ryoga-san'll be fine, but- What do you mean 'I don't wanna talk to her no more'?! I've been trying for twenty minutes! No, you can't call me 'kun', don't call me Hibiki-kun, stop that- I am not flirting, she's not even my type, no don't say that! This is not a wrong number! Zûnni Kashi Shintoyoki, THIS ISN'T ABOUT LOVE!!!"
He started to launch his cursing barrage again when he heard the familiar Kansai dialect, masculine terminology and barely-but-definitly- female voice. "UKYO! I'm so glad it's you, I'm stuck at an airport in America and whenever I call you I get some idiot child- Three times, Ucchan, three times he picked up the phone. Anyway, I think we outta start a new restaurant in Azabu- That's my home district, and I can donate about. ¥490000 and promise to be there for the opening. This is going to be a good thing, Ucchan, this partnership thing could really work out."
He stopped, gapping. "N-not enough?
"But this could really work! As soon as we make more money from the Azabu branch I can give you more.
"Ukyo, I'm in America, I can't do anything right now.
"Ukyo! I know how important Ucchan's is to you, I really do-
"What, I'm not gonna call it like 'Ryo-kun's' or Hibiki's or something- It doesn't even have to change names, it's still your store, and I'll work as hard as I can when I get there-
"I'm doing the best I can!" Ryoga argued. He waited a moment, then hung up.
"Ucchan hung up on me, too."
"After all that shit you went through? No way, man, get that bastard back on and make him talk to you."
"It's okay, maybe this deal won't work."
"Why?" Tony demanded. Ryoga blinked, and Tony repeated, "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Won't it work out."
"Because Ucchan's not stupid," he sighed, sitting down on his pack. "Because I would get lost on my way to work, because I need to have more money to donate because it's an expensive project, because I rarely have time, because I want to try and get into college and need to study. It just goes on and on and on."
Ton grinned. "Aw, well, let's just go, right? Tokyo. Always wanted to see it."
"Hmn."
"Don't be so pouty, man!"
"At this rate, all I can do is construction, and even then I'd probably end up in the wrong city."
"Now that's pessimism. Why are ya acting so depressed? Don't worry, be happy. Aw, com'on, dude." Tony knudged him. "Why are you doing this, Ryoga, don't act like a pansy."
Ryoga smiled. "You just don't get it, huh? Nothing ever, ever goes right for me."
"Now that's impossible. Think back on it, what was the best thing that's ever happened to you?"
"Ha, probably the fact I ever passed my entrance exams. At least, that's the most miraculous. It took me four weeks to find the damn place, y'know? And then, I have to end up at the same damn school as Saotome."
"Now we're gettin' somewhere. Who's he?" Tony sat down next to Ryoga, smiling.
"Off," Ryoga said suddenly, pushing Tony back.
"Hmm, that's interesting. Gimme the phone, though, I got an idea."
"Gonna call your mom again?" Ryoga handed it over.
"Not quite," Tony said as he held it up and listened.
"Hi, can I please speak to a Kuonji Ukyo on behalf of a prospective partnership?" he asked politely in English, smiling.