The Horror of Hogwarts
By Tanzy
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Rating: PG-13
Description: FUBAR.
Warnings: FUBAR.
Ron was on his feet within seconds when Harry finally stumbled into the Gryffindor common room long after everyone else had gone to bed. Harry was dripping wet, covered in mud and seemed quite thoroughly drunk. A large dark smear of dirt and quite a bit of leaf was clinging to the side of his neck in a most distracting fashion. Ron frowned, "Harry? Where have you been? You went off to get a late snack and never came back! I was so worried."
The expression on Harry's face darkened a moment before crumpling back into a look of utter horror, "oh god, Ron, it was horrifying."
Ron had momentary fears of Voldemort storming the castle or Dementors attacking students (though, Ron admitted to himself, that depended entirely upon which student), "Harry!" He shook the other boy by the shoulders.
Harry sobbed and looked like he was going to be sick, "They...they...oh god..." And then he was sick, rather violently. All over the nice new House rug. The people in the pictures nearby cringed slightly and sidled as far away as they could get.
Twenty minutes and several cleaning charms later Ron was sure he'd never touch alcohol again. Not if that was what resulted. Harry had continually refused any sobering charms, claiming he was far better off staying inebriated. For the rest of his life, if it was at all possible.
Ron was starting to get really annoyed.
"Harry, for Merlin's sake! What the hell happened?" when Harry said nothing, Ron got even more exasperated, "suck it up, man!"
Harry broke down into dry heaves at the words. Ron was starting to feel really lost. "I'm never going to be able to hear that phrase ever again without wanting to vomit. Ever," Harry mumbled between choking breaths.
Ron just stared down at his friend helplessly.
The next morning was no better. Harry back on the sober side of things seemed to have only a marginally better grasp over his hysteria than his more drunken self. He burrowed back under the covers when Ron made a timid attempt to wake him up.
"Do you want me to get one of the house elves to get you a hangover draught perhaps?" Ron asked, trying to be helpful.
All the color drained from Harry's face, "Dear God, No! No house elves!" Harry bolted up from the bed and for the bathroom.
Ron went to find Hermione.
Hermione wasn't much help; she hadn't the faintest clue what had happened to upset Harry so much. She had a few theories once Ron had told her about his conversation last night.
"My god, Ron! Harry must have stumbled in on someone abusing those poor house elves!" Hermione exclaimed as he finished recounting the events.
"Good morning, 'mione," Harry mumbled softly as he wandered back into the room several minutes later.
"Harry," Hermione began in her all business prissier than thou voice, "did something happen last night when you went to get a snack?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"I knew it! Someone's been abusing those poor house elves! Poor Harry, I'm sorry you had to witness it! Those poor things, all that bondage and servitude…" Hermione trailed off as Harry gave a strangled gasp. "Harry! You will tell me what happened this instant or I'm marching straight up to Professor McGonagall and telling her you were out after hours last night!"
"She already knows," Harry mumbled, "she was the one who suggested I get drunk."
"A professor suggested you get drunk? That's absurd, Harry!"
"Well, she said something about a very stiff drink and ran out of the room when I told her," Harry explained. Ron and Hermione exchanged glances, this was much more serious than they thought.
Finally, after several minutes of hyperventilating, Harry recounted bits of what he'd witnessed the night before, "It was horrible. I walked into the kitchen and….and…Winky and Dobby were there. Only…oh god, house elf bondage is not something I ever want to see or think about again."
Hermione gasped in horror, "who was doing it Harry? Did you see?"
Harry gave Hermione a pained look, "Hermione, they were doing it to each other. They were having s…se.." Harry looked like he was going to be sick again.
"They were having a slave revolt?" Hermione prompted.
"Sex! They were having sex!" There was a dead silence that followed for several minutes, marred only by the sounds of several people being violently sick.
Later that morning the trio was pointedly absent from breakfast, not that it was really noticed considering most of the teachers were not present either. The only notable exception was Hagrid who could only be heard muttering to himself about some unusual mating habits.