A/N: Yay... still stupid and now longer. p.q;;;; please review. sorry i've been gone so long. been working obscene hours, and then my aunt and cousin had a car accident and were killed. argh. i really didn't mean to take this long a break from writing. I'm also going to throw all the uncensored versions of my fics together in one collection on here, stuck full of warnings of their uncensoredness. p.q;; hopefully i won't get booted from ff.net again. XD;;; *hates that*

for now, here j00 go. All for u, pink. XD;;;;; lmfao

Vile's Puppy Massacring Adventures!!

The rest of the night went by rather uneventfully, or so X thought. Zero and himself had dragged the sleeping cow back over to the fire, he'd gone over to a nearby pond to take a bath, wash his clothes and get changed, and when he got back, the cow had left, and Zero had managed to order Macdonald's from... somewhere.... Although all they had been able to bring was burgers, no fries, which were his favourite. Not wanting to be a wet blanket, however, he ate his hamburgers graciously, then turned in for the night.

"Well, X..." Zero mumbled after they had crawled into their sleeping bags in the hay. "What do you want to do for the rest of vacation? We already went cow tipping." He stretched, yawning loudly. "Personally I'd like to laze around and kick Vile's ass for-"

"You mean X-kun?" X interjected with.

"No, the one on his body. Anyway, though," he continued with, used to X's sudden and frequent interruptions, "You're not into that whole ass kicking-"

"I like Vava-chan's donkeys."

"-thing unless it's for a higher cause, so what do you plan to do with yourself?" Slowly he began to slide his sleeping bag across the straw, toward X. "You know, we could always-"

X sat up suddenly, and dragged himself over to the window, sleeping bag still covering his legs. "I forgot to say goodnight to Vava-chan!" He exclaimed.

"Yes, but X, listen."

"I'd better not forget about him!"

"Well, yes, but-"

"I can't believe I almost forgot!!"

"-I really like you, y'see-"

"How could I forget?!"

"-and I'm really horny-"

"That's so terrible of me!!!"

"-so I was thinking maybe we could-"

Alas, X already had the upper half of his body sticking out the barn window. "NIGHT VAVA-CHAAAAN!!!!!" He cried out into the night.

With a sigh, Zero fell back onto the hay, his question having fallen on deaf ears. He rolled his eyes, hearing a distant, 'Night Sex-Kitten' and turned over, closing his eyes.

Turning from the window, X settled down next to him. "Oh, sorry. What were you going to say?" He asked, smiling brightly.

"Night, X." Zero grumbled, burrowing into his sleeping bag.

"Niight!" X exclaimed in a happy, sing song voice, curling up and falling asleep.

Elsewhere, stretched out in Vile's bed, lay X-kun, the donkey. He stared at Vile as he slept, and began to plot. Oh how he plotted. He'd get rid of that.... X character, right away. No one would stand between him and his master's happiness. He'd keep Vile at the farm if it was the last thing he ever did. No one would ever seperate them again! With a haughty snort, he flopped onto his side and fell asleep, kneading Vile's back with his paws as he slept.

Yawning heavily, X opened his eyes, met with a yellow slash across his vision. Reaching up lazily, he plucked a piece of straw out of his bangs, then looked around at his surroundings. Window to his right, Zero to his left.... and... well, what was this? Something grey rested just above where his head lay, tilting toward him slightly. At a closer glance, he noticed a set of hooves at the base of the object, which was held up by what looked like grey table legs. Eyes widening slightly, he rolled over quickly, as the grey object tilted further, then fell, landing right where his head would have been.

X let out a yell, crushing himself against Zero as water spilled onto the floor, sweeping over the area. The trough. Someone had tried to drop the trough on his head. Looking up quickly, he came face to face with X-kun, who had a sinister glint in his eyes, and screamed.

Zero snorted awake, X laying half on top of him, screaming bloody murder. "huh.. wha?" He mumbled, yawning. " 'Nother maverick attack?"

"Zero!! Help! He's trying to kill me!" X shrieked, pointing at X-kun quickly. "He tried to drop the trough on my head!!!"

Zero sat up quickly, and stared at X-kun, who was hee-hawing loudly and pawing at the trough indignantly. "Uhh... X.... I think he was just trying to get a drink. Aren't you overreacting a little?"

X only shrieked more, then got to his feet quickly, running out of the barn. "HEEELP!!!!"

Yawning loudly, Zero got up quickly, grabbing a bucket and filling it with water. "Here ya go, you hairy beast. I'd better go find X." That said, he ran out of the barn, looking for X.

X-kun simply stared at the water for a few moments, before trotting over to Zero's bed and nosing through his blankets. After a moment of searching, his head emerged, Zero's beam saber in this mouth. Looking around carefully, to make sure he wasn't seen, he trotted off quickly, heading off into a field, to hide his newfound weapon.

X breathed the in the fresh country air deeply. So sweet and clean, compared to the air he was used to. Looking around, he poked at the odd corn stalk, feeling much better, now that he had gotten away from X-kun, and had a chance to think. Perhaps Zero was right, maybe X-kun had just been thirsty and had knocked the trough over in his rush to get a drink. That look he had been giving him was just creepy, however. Ah well. No need to waste a beautiful day such as this on thoughts like that.

Suddenly something cold and wet bumped into his ankle, nuzzling it slightly. Looking down, X saw a small brown puppy staring up at him, with large, watery eyes. "Hi puppy!!" he exclaimed happily, smiling down at it. "What's your name?" Kneeling down, he checked the puppy's tag. "Cupcake." His smile widened. "You look a lot like Muffin, that dog from an entirely different storyline having nothing to do with this, therefore I shouldn't even recognize you. Come to think of it, she went to a farm not too far from here. You must have been one of her puppies. Do you want to play?"

The puppy yipped happily and bounded off into the field happily, X quickly at his heels, giving chase with a laugh. "Wait, Cupcake!!!!!"

Zero happened by at that moment, lugging more water with which to appease X-kun, and sighed, shaking his head slightly. X and his puppies. X with a puppy always spelled disaster. It was an unwritten rule, of sorts. Grumbling, Zero continued on his way, angered by the sun, which beat down heavily on his beautiful hair. "Stupid sun... Going to fade my hair... Don't want to look like Cain." He muttered, carting the water right past Vile, who was doing three-sixties in the field with his tractor, making a point to not look up at his bucket helmeted rival. "Stupid mavericks." He continued up the road, toward the barn they were staying at.

X laughed happily as he chased the puppy between stalks of corn, weaving in and around them happily. He stopped finally, realizing he had lost Cupcake. "Puppy? Cupcaaake!!" He cried, looking around, confused. Suddenly the plants in front of rustled, and the dog's small head emerged. He stared up at X, panting and practically grinning his puppy grin. X beamed happily, and patted the dog's head happily. "Good Cup-"

Suddenly Vile came barreling through the plants, still in his tractor, and milled over the puppy with his tractor, puppy blood and inards spraying over X as Cupcake was fed through the tilling claws attached to the back of his tractor. He screeched to a halt and got out quickly, walking over to X, who stood, covered in blood and guts, intestine hanging over his shoulder. His eyes were wide and tear filled and he was bent over slightly, hand still held out where he had been petting the small dog only moments ago.

"Hey X!!!" He exclaimed happily, grabbing one end of the intestine and throwing it over X's shoulder like a scarf. "You're looking wonderful today, as usual." He exclaimed cheerfully, giving him a pat on the back. "Out and about, I see. Well, it was nice seeing you! Maybe you can come over for dinner tonight? I've got to go put this back before ol' farmer Jack sees I stole his tractor again, and I have to kill him. See you then, I suppose!"

X simply stared ahead, eyes wide. Finally, he let out a small whimper. "Cup...cake..."

Zero was just putting the finishing touches on the love nest he had made for X and himself, when X came trudging into the barn, looking stunned, still covered in puppy guts. "Hey, X!" He exclaimed, walking over to him. "I just finished making our bed, wanna try it.... uhh...... What's that all over you?"

X merely whimpered.

"Right, so where have you been all this time? I've been waiting for you, so we can go catch a meal. Anything you'd like?" Zero asked, flopping down on the love nest.

X whimpered again. "Cup.. cake.."

Zero stared at him for a long minute. "....... Where the hell am I supposed to find a cupcake, in the middle of a farmer's barn?!" He exclaimed, hungry and agitated.

X whimpered louder. ".. Cup... cake.." With that, he began to sob loudly.

Zero jumped to his feet, putting his hands up defensivly. "Okay, okay!! We'll get you a cupcake, I promise!" Grabbing the crying X by the wrist, he began to drag him toward Vile's. "Maybe Vile has some laying around.. Goddamn useless maverick.."

And so Zero dragged his sobbing friend to his rival's house, in hopes of obtaining a cupcake, to settle X down. Reaching the house, he knocked on the door loudly, not really expecting Vile to even be there.

Suddenly Vile swung the door open, wearing his best farming clothes, and the bucket helmet. "Sex kitten!! you ma-.... Zero?! What the hell is he doing here, X?! I thought it was just going to be us..." With a grumble and a sigh, he walked away from the door, into the house. "Might as well come in. A friend of X, is a guest.... I suppose." Walking past the table, which was loaded with food, he grabbed a bottle of KY and tossed it into his room, dreams crushed. "Well, take a seat and have a bite."

Zero stood in the middle of Vile's dining room, still dragging X behind him. "Actually, X was just hoping you'd have a cupcake."

X whimpered, eyes filling with tears. "Cup...cake..."

Vile blinked. "A cupcake?"

More whimpering.

"Why would I have a cupcake?!"

"Cup.... cake.."

"I'm a maverick, not Betty Crocker." Vile began to look through the kitchen for one. "The best I could do is a muffin."

At the mentioning of the word muffin, X was thrown into hysterical sobs.

Zero gave X a strange look, shaking his head slightly. "Guess he doesn't like them. Ah well, X, you're out of luck. Well, see you around then, Vile."

Vile slammed the door shut, locking and bolting it. "Hell no! I promised X dinner, and here it is! You're not leaving until you have dinner!"

Hearing the word 'dinner', X suddenly looked up. "Look, Zero, chicken!"

Zero sighed loudly. This was going to be a long night.

X-kun the donkey walked through the field he had previously dropped Zero's beam saber into, nosing through the plants and dirt in search of it. His target was in his house, eating his food, something unacceptable. So he had to be destroyed. Finding it, he picked it up in his teeth and began toward the house, a malicious gleam in his eye.

Vile sat at the table, wolfing down mouthful after mouthful of food. ".. And then there was this stray, one time, who came to me looking for some scraps... Blew his head RIGHT OFF!!" He broke into loud and maniacal laughter. "God I hate puppies."

X normally would have been crying endlessly over such cruelties to his beloved puppies, but he wasn't really listening, too busy eating vigorously.

Stretching, Zero reached over and poked X lightly on the shoulder. "Hey, X, I don't suppose you've seen my beam saber, have you?" His saber had gone missing that morning, and X had a knack for swiping it whenever he thought Zero was dead, although normally he was just sleeping.

X shook his head slightly, still devouring chicken. "Nope. Haven't seen it. Wonder where it went off to."

The sound of glass shattering was heard throughout the house, and a brown blur streaked through the kitchen, igniting something green halfway through, and lunged at X, swiping a beam saber at the startled and unprepared hunter.

X jumped out of the chair quickly, used to acting on less than a second's notice, and a loud tearing noise was heard, has the beam saber cut through X's shirt like butter. "X-kun?!" He screamed, horrified.

The donkey hee-hawed, furious at his prey's refusal to die, then dropped the saber and ran into Vile's bedroom quickly.

X turned quickly to Zero and Vile, shirt sliced open to reveal his uninjured yet bare chest, pointing toward Vile's bedroom. "You see?! I told you he was trying to kill me!!! Look at what he did!! He's evil!!!" He stopped his rant, noticing that both Zero and Vile were staring open mouthed at him, saying nothing and staring at his chest. "What, did he get me?!" He cried, opening his shirt more to check for gashes along his chest.

At this, Vile's nose gushed blood, right onto his food.

X looked back up, noticing the mess on Vile's plate. "Ewww... ketchup on chicken? How can you eat that?" Snatching Zero's saber off the floor, he exclaimed, "I'm getting out of here before he kills me!" and ran toward the barn quickly.

Both Vile and Zero simply stared at where X once stood, well into the night.