Disclaimer: Nope I don't own them, and if you sue me you'll have to stand in line for your money.
bPart 10
Monday, 05:30/b
Mac arrived at work early Monday morning. iBy now, Harm and Jess are in Maui, enjoying their honeymoon,/i she thought as she sat down at her desk. Shoving those thoughts aside, her eyes fell on an envelope placed in the certer of the desk. The handwriting on it was as familiar as her own, stating simply "To My Sarah." iSince when does he call me his Sarah?/i she wondered as she opened it up.
"Dear Sarah," it began,
"I suppose you're wondering why I called you "My Sarah." That is how I think of you--my Sarah, my Marine... Even though I know it isn't true, in my heart you will always be mine.
So much has happened since that day we met on the curb outside the Rose Garden. Then our partnership was tenuous at best; clouded by memories on my side and mistrust on yours. Gradually though I won your trust and you helped me put Dianne's ghost to rest, and we became friends.
Then something else began to happen, something wonderful and exciting and terrifying. What began as friendship slowly evolved into so much more. Sarah, sometime between the dock at Norfolk and the Admiral's porch one spring night I fell in love with you.
I know you're wondering why I never said anything. The truth is I was scared. Your friendship meant so much to me, could I risk that for something more? That was the question I asked myself everyday. I was questioning this on the ferry, and then the next day you showed up with Brumby's ring. At that point, I patted myself on the back for making the right choice. But as the months went by and the distance between us grew, I wondered if I hadn't lost it all.
I asked it again after I was pulled from the ocean. This time, I decided to take the chance, but fate was cruel and drove us apart once more. When we were finally together again, the distance was even greater than before. I spent the next few months debating if I simply wanted to recapture our friendship or reach for something more.
But as spring approached, I realized I couldn't risk our friendship in my selfish quest for more. I resolved to focus my energy on regaining what we used to have. I'd like to think that I accomplished that and more.
Now I suppose you're asking why I tell you this now, as I marry another woman. Honestly Sarah I hadn't planned to. But two weeks ago in the Admiral's garden you gave me reason to believe that the feelings you once had for me aren't dead... if that is true, I thought you deserved to know the truth. In a way, I hope it isn't true and that I just made a big fool of myself, because otherwise I fear I just made a huge error in judgment by marrying a woman I love instead of the woman I'm in love with.
In any case I suppose it all boils down to this: Never forget the part of me that never forgot you.
centerLove Always,/center
centerHarm/center
bPart 11
Mac's POV/b
Did he just say what I think he just said? Did my best friend, the man I love, just tell me he loves me too... three days too late? My head is spinning so fast I can't hold onto a thought... after five minutes of shocked numbness I manage to grasp one thing: I have to get out of here before the tears start. Grabbing my things, I run to the elevator and leave the building, climb into my car and drive home.
Somehow I manage to unlock my door, even though my hands are trembling so badly I can barely hold onto the key. Shoving it closed behind me, I drop my stuff on the floor and collapse on the couch. Pulling the letter out of my pocket I reread it until the tears begin to blur my vision. Dropping it to the floor I curl up into a little ball and sob, shaking so badly it almost hurts.
Finally after 57 minutes of this I realize I have to call in or I'll be UA. I pull myself together enough to pick up the phone and dial in. "JAG headquarters," I hear Tiner say.
"Tiner, this is Col. Mackenzie. Would you please tell the Admiral that I'm sick and won't be coming in today?" I ask. "Thank you Tiner," I say and hang up when he replies affirmatively. I walk to my bedroom, stripping my uniform off as I go. If I'm going to cry all day, I might as well wear comfortable clothes.
But the phone rings just as I'm pulling my soft tee shirt over my head. Picking up, I say "Yes?"
"Mac, this is Admiral Chegwidden. Are you sure you can't come in today? With Rabb gone on leave, I'm shorthanded."
"I'm sorry Admiral, you know I wouldn't do this to you if I could avoid it, but terrible doesn't begin to describe how I feel," I reply, my voice hoarse from crying.
"You sound awful. Are you going to be alright home alone?" he asked, switching from upset CO to concerned friend in a heartbeat. "Would you like someone to come by and check up on you?"
"No!" I reply instantly. "Please sir, I'll be fine alone... I really don't want to see anyone right now, plus what if they got sick as well?" I cross my fingers, hoping he buys it.
He does. "Ok Colonel, call me tomorrow and let me know how you feel," he orders and hangs up.
Whew. There's a big accident averted. I know he would have sent Harriet, and I can just imagine what she would think if she saw me like this. Her mothering instincts would go into overdrive and she would have the whole story out of me in five minutes. That is the one thing I simply cannot allow... no one can ever know about this, not even Jingo. Some things are simply too private to say out loud.
These thoughts have brought that letter back to mind. Now that the initial pain has dulled, I can think about it almost rationally... well not quite, but probably about as close as I'm going to get today.
I want to be mad at him... I iam/i mad at him! Why did he have to do this to me? These last nine months have been hell--first learning about Jess, and then seeing him learn to love her... their engagement and wedding... But I was dealing with it, damnit! Then he has to go and throw this at me. I hate him. No, I love him but I'm mad at him!
I admit part of me is glad to know. In a strange twisted way it feels good to be wanted, even if it is by someone who can never have me. At least now I have my answer to why no one wants me... they do, they just don't have the balls to say it.
Ahem... I'm getting pretty worked up about this I know, but wouldn't you? I mean really, I've given him plenty of chances to tell me how he feels and he chooses now of all times? Talk about bad timing... If he started to think this way two weeks ago why in blue blazes didn't he say it then? Although to be completely honest, I didn't break up with Mic after our engagement party, and I should have. But I didn't get married either! Not by any design of my own, that was because of Harm's crash at least indirectly... My mind is spinning again, I'm going to find some chocolate.
I'm staring at the piece of chocolate cake on my fork, cursing Harmon Rabb, Jr. with every ounce of strength I have. How can he make me not want chocolate? That settles it, I'm going to kill him. This just isn't fair... first he hits me with "I love you even though I married someone else," and now the coup de grâce... no chocolate to ease the pain. The man is pure evil, that's all there is to it.
And I love him... I love him with all that I am. Pushing the plate aside, I rest my head on the table and cry again, quiet tears this time. This time I'm crying for the might have beens and the what ifs, the if onlys and I wishes.
When I'm done, I sit up and begin to plan the rest of my life. My first question--do I let Harm know, or do I leave him to wonder? No, I have to let him know, because otherwise he'll obsess about it and it will throw a pall over his marriage. I refuse to let this break up his marriage, he made a choice, and Jess deserves better than that.
So how do I let him know? I guess I'll leave him a note, one only he will understand. Pulling out a small notepad, I write:
H~
Never.
~M
Short, simple, to the point and completely indiscernible. Perfect. That accomplished, I'm suddenly exhausted and I go into my room and fall asleep.
bTwo weeks later/b
Harm just walked into his office for the first time since he got married. Nervous, I get up and go stand near his doorway. He's picking it up, he's reading it... he looks up and sees me, the pain in his eyes is too much for me. I step into his office, close the door, and walk over to him.
"I'm sorry," he says softly, pushing my hair back from my face.
"I know," I reply simply. "I forgive you." With those few words of reconciliation, we step into each other's arms for a hug. When we pull back, I see a tear in his eye. Mimicking a gesture of comfort he has often given me, I gently wipe it away and smile. "We'll live Harm... you'll see." And with that I walk away, leaving behind the only man I'll ever love.
AN: Ok, so it's finally out in the open... Now you have to wait to find out how I put them together.
bPart 10
Monday, 05:30/b
Mac arrived at work early Monday morning. iBy now, Harm and Jess are in Maui, enjoying their honeymoon,/i she thought as she sat down at her desk. Shoving those thoughts aside, her eyes fell on an envelope placed in the certer of the desk. The handwriting on it was as familiar as her own, stating simply "To My Sarah." iSince when does he call me his Sarah?/i she wondered as she opened it up.
"Dear Sarah," it began,
"I suppose you're wondering why I called you "My Sarah." That is how I think of you--my Sarah, my Marine... Even though I know it isn't true, in my heart you will always be mine.
So much has happened since that day we met on the curb outside the Rose Garden. Then our partnership was tenuous at best; clouded by memories on my side and mistrust on yours. Gradually though I won your trust and you helped me put Dianne's ghost to rest, and we became friends.
Then something else began to happen, something wonderful and exciting and terrifying. What began as friendship slowly evolved into so much more. Sarah, sometime between the dock at Norfolk and the Admiral's porch one spring night I fell in love with you.
I know you're wondering why I never said anything. The truth is I was scared. Your friendship meant so much to me, could I risk that for something more? That was the question I asked myself everyday. I was questioning this on the ferry, and then the next day you showed up with Brumby's ring. At that point, I patted myself on the back for making the right choice. But as the months went by and the distance between us grew, I wondered if I hadn't lost it all.
I asked it again after I was pulled from the ocean. This time, I decided to take the chance, but fate was cruel and drove us apart once more. When we were finally together again, the distance was even greater than before. I spent the next few months debating if I simply wanted to recapture our friendship or reach for something more.
But as spring approached, I realized I couldn't risk our friendship in my selfish quest for more. I resolved to focus my energy on regaining what we used to have. I'd like to think that I accomplished that and more.
Now I suppose you're asking why I tell you this now, as I marry another woman. Honestly Sarah I hadn't planned to. But two weeks ago in the Admiral's garden you gave me reason to believe that the feelings you once had for me aren't dead... if that is true, I thought you deserved to know the truth. In a way, I hope it isn't true and that I just made a big fool of myself, because otherwise I fear I just made a huge error in judgment by marrying a woman I love instead of the woman I'm in love with.
In any case I suppose it all boils down to this: Never forget the part of me that never forgot you.
centerLove Always,/center
centerHarm/center
bPart 11
Mac's POV/b
Did he just say what I think he just said? Did my best friend, the man I love, just tell me he loves me too... three days too late? My head is spinning so fast I can't hold onto a thought... after five minutes of shocked numbness I manage to grasp one thing: I have to get out of here before the tears start. Grabbing my things, I run to the elevator and leave the building, climb into my car and drive home.
Somehow I manage to unlock my door, even though my hands are trembling so badly I can barely hold onto the key. Shoving it closed behind me, I drop my stuff on the floor and collapse on the couch. Pulling the letter out of my pocket I reread it until the tears begin to blur my vision. Dropping it to the floor I curl up into a little ball and sob, shaking so badly it almost hurts.
Finally after 57 minutes of this I realize I have to call in or I'll be UA. I pull myself together enough to pick up the phone and dial in. "JAG headquarters," I hear Tiner say.
"Tiner, this is Col. Mackenzie. Would you please tell the Admiral that I'm sick and won't be coming in today?" I ask. "Thank you Tiner," I say and hang up when he replies affirmatively. I walk to my bedroom, stripping my uniform off as I go. If I'm going to cry all day, I might as well wear comfortable clothes.
But the phone rings just as I'm pulling my soft tee shirt over my head. Picking up, I say "Yes?"
"Mac, this is Admiral Chegwidden. Are you sure you can't come in today? With Rabb gone on leave, I'm shorthanded."
"I'm sorry Admiral, you know I wouldn't do this to you if I could avoid it, but terrible doesn't begin to describe how I feel," I reply, my voice hoarse from crying.
"You sound awful. Are you going to be alright home alone?" he asked, switching from upset CO to concerned friend in a heartbeat. "Would you like someone to come by and check up on you?"
"No!" I reply instantly. "Please sir, I'll be fine alone... I really don't want to see anyone right now, plus what if they got sick as well?" I cross my fingers, hoping he buys it.
He does. "Ok Colonel, call me tomorrow and let me know how you feel," he orders and hangs up.
Whew. There's a big accident averted. I know he would have sent Harriet, and I can just imagine what she would think if she saw me like this. Her mothering instincts would go into overdrive and she would have the whole story out of me in five minutes. That is the one thing I simply cannot allow... no one can ever know about this, not even Jingo. Some things are simply too private to say out loud.
These thoughts have brought that letter back to mind. Now that the initial pain has dulled, I can think about it almost rationally... well not quite, but probably about as close as I'm going to get today.
I want to be mad at him... I iam/i mad at him! Why did he have to do this to me? These last nine months have been hell--first learning about Jess, and then seeing him learn to love her... their engagement and wedding... But I was dealing with it, damnit! Then he has to go and throw this at me. I hate him. No, I love him but I'm mad at him!
I admit part of me is glad to know. In a strange twisted way it feels good to be wanted, even if it is by someone who can never have me. At least now I have my answer to why no one wants me... they do, they just don't have the balls to say it.
Ahem... I'm getting pretty worked up about this I know, but wouldn't you? I mean really, I've given him plenty of chances to tell me how he feels and he chooses now of all times? Talk about bad timing... If he started to think this way two weeks ago why in blue blazes didn't he say it then? Although to be completely honest, I didn't break up with Mic after our engagement party, and I should have. But I didn't get married either! Not by any design of my own, that was because of Harm's crash at least indirectly... My mind is spinning again, I'm going to find some chocolate.
I'm staring at the piece of chocolate cake on my fork, cursing Harmon Rabb, Jr. with every ounce of strength I have. How can he make me not want chocolate? That settles it, I'm going to kill him. This just isn't fair... first he hits me with "I love you even though I married someone else," and now the coup de grâce... no chocolate to ease the pain. The man is pure evil, that's all there is to it.
And I love him... I love him with all that I am. Pushing the plate aside, I rest my head on the table and cry again, quiet tears this time. This time I'm crying for the might have beens and the what ifs, the if onlys and I wishes.
When I'm done, I sit up and begin to plan the rest of my life. My first question--do I let Harm know, or do I leave him to wonder? No, I have to let him know, because otherwise he'll obsess about it and it will throw a pall over his marriage. I refuse to let this break up his marriage, he made a choice, and Jess deserves better than that.
So how do I let him know? I guess I'll leave him a note, one only he will understand. Pulling out a small notepad, I write:
H~
Never.
~M
Short, simple, to the point and completely indiscernible. Perfect. That accomplished, I'm suddenly exhausted and I go into my room and fall asleep.
bTwo weeks later/b
Harm just walked into his office for the first time since he got married. Nervous, I get up and go stand near his doorway. He's picking it up, he's reading it... he looks up and sees me, the pain in his eyes is too much for me. I step into his office, close the door, and walk over to him.
"I'm sorry," he says softly, pushing my hair back from my face.
"I know," I reply simply. "I forgive you." With those few words of reconciliation, we step into each other's arms for a hug. When we pull back, I see a tear in his eye. Mimicking a gesture of comfort he has often given me, I gently wipe it away and smile. "We'll live Harm... you'll see." And with that I walk away, leaving behind the only man I'll ever love.
AN: Ok, so it's finally out in the open... Now you have to wait to find out how I put them together.