Disclaimer: The only thing I own is interesting Harm dreams... nothing else.
Part 17
Same place, immediately after
Harm's POV
Nervously, I look her in the eye. Well, she doesn't look mad, that's something, I try to reassure myself. Actually, she doesn't really look anything... that could be a bad thing. I open my mouth up to speak, but she holds her hand up. "I want to go first Harm," she says firmly.
Uh oh, that doesn't sound promising. You can take it Harm... she's talking now.
"Harm... I need to know something. What do you think I've been doing these last five, almost six years?"
Huh? This was not a question I expected, and believe me I went over a list so I'd have answers ready. I haven't studied that hard since finals at the Academy. "I... uh... being a Marine?" I stumble for an answer.
She smiles slightly, so at least I know I'm not saying something awful. "Funny Harm... I mean do you think I've been waiting here in this apartment, praying for you to come back to me? Because if you think that I've lain awake at night thinking only of you and that your being here is the only thing I need then you need to turn around and walk out that door."
Suddenly I understand the question, and it's one I know how to answer. "No Mac," I begin, purposely using her nickname so she knows I remember the tough Marine as well as the tenderhearted woman, "I don't think you've been pining over me. I think you're a strong, independent woman who has enjoyed her career and her friends, and who doesn't need a man to complete her. I know you haven't seen anyone seriously, although you've dated, but I never thought it was because you were nursing a broken heart."
I must have said the right thing, because she's smiling at me. I've missed those smiles... they used to light up my life, oh who am I kidding? They still do.
Focus Harm, she's talking again. "Well then Harm, I think I can safely tell you that I never forgot you either." Without realizing it, I reach out for her and pull her into my arms. Just before my lips settle on hers, I whisper, "I love you Sarah."
Part 18
2 months later
iThe end to another long week,/i Harm though to himself as he walked toward the elevator. The office was silent except for two female voices coming from the opposite direction.
"Yeah, but did you see how quickly she snapped him up?" one asked.
"Well I heard that the Colonel was in love with him before he got married and has just been waiting for him all these years," the other replied as they rounded the corner and came face to face with Harm. Chagrined, the both saluted him as the elevator arrived. He nodded in acknowledgement and they all stepped inside.
The two j.g.'s looked at each other nervously as they rode down to ground level, waiting for Harm to say something. When they got off and he was still silent, they breathed a sigh of relief. Then without turning around to face them, Harm said, "Lieutenants, if you're smart, you'll never let me hear you talking about a senior officer's private life behind her back again, are we clear?"
"Yes sir!" they exclaimed and scurried to their vehicles.
As Harm drove home, their words were still echoing in his mind. iIs that what people are saying about us?/i he wondered. iMaybe it was a little too easy.../i These thoughts were bothering him all evening, even when he and Mac were eating dinner at her place.
Finally Mac had had enough. "Ok Harm, what's wrong?" she asked in frustration after he muttered a one word answer to another of her questions.
"Nothing's wrong Mac," he said with a strained smile.
"I've known you too long to buy that Harm. You've been ignoring me all evening, something's bothering you. Now either spill it, or go home and sort through it."
Harm stood from the table and for a moment, Mac thought he was going to leave, but then he sat down on the couch and looked over at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Looking over at Mac, he said, "Ok, I'll try to talk about it, but it's still pretty jumbled in my mind, so be patient with me." Taking in her nod, he began.
"Today as I was leaving work, I heard a couple junior officers discussing our relationship. I don't know exactly how the conversation started, but the part I overheard was when they said that we'd gotten together pretty quickly after I got here, and that must be because you were waiting for me all these years. Now I know you've said that isn't true, and I believe you," he said, cutting off her objection.
"Then what's the problem?" she asked, confused.
"I'm not sure, that's the part I'm still working through. I guess to begin with it bothers me that people are saying things like that about you because of me. And then I suppose there's the part of me that wonders how I managed to be so lucky that in 5 years, not one of the men you dated realized how wonderful you are."
"Who said they didn't?" Mac replied.
"But then why..."
"Because I wasn't about to settle. I was ready to do that once, but after I learned what it means to love someone I refused to take anything less than the real thing. I never fell in love with any of those men I dated, or I would have married them and we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."
"If I'd had half a brain six years ago, we wouldn't have to be having this conversation," Harm said ruefully.
"Don't Harm," Mac said quietly.
"Don't what? Apologize for being stupid?"
"Don't kick yourself for something you can't change. Besides, I told you then that I forgave you, and I meant it."
"How could you let me off the hook so easily Mac?" he questioned intently.
She looked him in the eye and then looked away as she gathered her thoughts. iNow we're getting to the heart of it, /i she realized as she turned back to him.
"I didn't Harm. It wasn't easy at all. When I read your letter, I was so mad at you I wanted to scream. Here I was, in love with a married man, and I'd just found out he loved me too. Not only that, but he'd suspected that maybe I returned his feelings before he got married and he chose not to say anything. It seemed so unfair of you to wait to say something until there was no way we could do anything about it.
"I was still mad at you when I wrote my reply, but I knew I had to let you know or you would obsess about it, and that would cause problems between you and Jess--that was the last thing I wanted. So I left the note on your desk, and watched for your reaction.
"It wasn't until I saw the look in your eyes after you read it that I forgave you. You were devastated Harm... I realized then that even though I was hurt and mad, and with reason, you were hurting too. I chose to let the consequences of your actions be enough punishment, instead making you suffer under my bitterness and anger. Besides, once you left, the only person my bitterness would hurt would be me."
"I'm sorry, Sarah," he said after she'd been quiet for a moment.
"Harm, it's over. We don't need to talk about it, and you don't need to apologize for it. Besides, you're not the only one who did something stupid to our relationship. Or have you forgotten that I was engaged to another man?"
"But you didn't get married," Harm protested.
"Not through a lack of trying on my part. After that evening on the Admiral's porch, I should have gone inside and told Mic it was over. I knew then that I didn't love him enough to marry him, but I was holding out for a declaration from you."
"I couldn't Mac... I couldn't say anything more than I did, not while you were engaged to another man."
"I know that now, I realized that after your engagement party. And when I read your letter and I wondered why you hadn't said anything then, I was forced to realize that when I was in the same situation, I hadn't. And don't try to tell me it's different Harmon Rabb, because you know it isn't."
"Ok, I promise I won't hate myself for this if you promise to give me a swift kick in the rear if I ever start acting that stupid again," Harm proposed with a smile.
"Oh, I don't plan on waiting until you get that stupid Harm... I'll be kicking you way before then!" she teased.
AN: Thank you once again to all my feedback giving minions... Mae, from one minion to another I just have to say no, you can't give short feedback. But that's the way we like it! And when are you planning to write another part of yours? Hm?
Part 17
Same place, immediately after
Harm's POV
Nervously, I look her in the eye. Well, she doesn't look mad, that's something, I try to reassure myself. Actually, she doesn't really look anything... that could be a bad thing. I open my mouth up to speak, but she holds her hand up. "I want to go first Harm," she says firmly.
Uh oh, that doesn't sound promising. You can take it Harm... she's talking now.
"Harm... I need to know something. What do you think I've been doing these last five, almost six years?"
Huh? This was not a question I expected, and believe me I went over a list so I'd have answers ready. I haven't studied that hard since finals at the Academy. "I... uh... being a Marine?" I stumble for an answer.
She smiles slightly, so at least I know I'm not saying something awful. "Funny Harm... I mean do you think I've been waiting here in this apartment, praying for you to come back to me? Because if you think that I've lain awake at night thinking only of you and that your being here is the only thing I need then you need to turn around and walk out that door."
Suddenly I understand the question, and it's one I know how to answer. "No Mac," I begin, purposely using her nickname so she knows I remember the tough Marine as well as the tenderhearted woman, "I don't think you've been pining over me. I think you're a strong, independent woman who has enjoyed her career and her friends, and who doesn't need a man to complete her. I know you haven't seen anyone seriously, although you've dated, but I never thought it was because you were nursing a broken heart."
I must have said the right thing, because she's smiling at me. I've missed those smiles... they used to light up my life, oh who am I kidding? They still do.
Focus Harm, she's talking again. "Well then Harm, I think I can safely tell you that I never forgot you either." Without realizing it, I reach out for her and pull her into my arms. Just before my lips settle on hers, I whisper, "I love you Sarah."
Part 18
2 months later
iThe end to another long week,/i Harm though to himself as he walked toward the elevator. The office was silent except for two female voices coming from the opposite direction.
"Yeah, but did you see how quickly she snapped him up?" one asked.
"Well I heard that the Colonel was in love with him before he got married and has just been waiting for him all these years," the other replied as they rounded the corner and came face to face with Harm. Chagrined, the both saluted him as the elevator arrived. He nodded in acknowledgement and they all stepped inside.
The two j.g.'s looked at each other nervously as they rode down to ground level, waiting for Harm to say something. When they got off and he was still silent, they breathed a sigh of relief. Then without turning around to face them, Harm said, "Lieutenants, if you're smart, you'll never let me hear you talking about a senior officer's private life behind her back again, are we clear?"
"Yes sir!" they exclaimed and scurried to their vehicles.
As Harm drove home, their words were still echoing in his mind. iIs that what people are saying about us?/i he wondered. iMaybe it was a little too easy.../i These thoughts were bothering him all evening, even when he and Mac were eating dinner at her place.
Finally Mac had had enough. "Ok Harm, what's wrong?" she asked in frustration after he muttered a one word answer to another of her questions.
"Nothing's wrong Mac," he said with a strained smile.
"I've known you too long to buy that Harm. You've been ignoring me all evening, something's bothering you. Now either spill it, or go home and sort through it."
Harm stood from the table and for a moment, Mac thought he was going to leave, but then he sat down on the couch and looked over at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Looking over at Mac, he said, "Ok, I'll try to talk about it, but it's still pretty jumbled in my mind, so be patient with me." Taking in her nod, he began.
"Today as I was leaving work, I heard a couple junior officers discussing our relationship. I don't know exactly how the conversation started, but the part I overheard was when they said that we'd gotten together pretty quickly after I got here, and that must be because you were waiting for me all these years. Now I know you've said that isn't true, and I believe you," he said, cutting off her objection.
"Then what's the problem?" she asked, confused.
"I'm not sure, that's the part I'm still working through. I guess to begin with it bothers me that people are saying things like that about you because of me. And then I suppose there's the part of me that wonders how I managed to be so lucky that in 5 years, not one of the men you dated realized how wonderful you are."
"Who said they didn't?" Mac replied.
"But then why..."
"Because I wasn't about to settle. I was ready to do that once, but after I learned what it means to love someone I refused to take anything less than the real thing. I never fell in love with any of those men I dated, or I would have married them and we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."
"If I'd had half a brain six years ago, we wouldn't have to be having this conversation," Harm said ruefully.
"Don't Harm," Mac said quietly.
"Don't what? Apologize for being stupid?"
"Don't kick yourself for something you can't change. Besides, I told you then that I forgave you, and I meant it."
"How could you let me off the hook so easily Mac?" he questioned intently.
She looked him in the eye and then looked away as she gathered her thoughts. iNow we're getting to the heart of it, /i she realized as she turned back to him.
"I didn't Harm. It wasn't easy at all. When I read your letter, I was so mad at you I wanted to scream. Here I was, in love with a married man, and I'd just found out he loved me too. Not only that, but he'd suspected that maybe I returned his feelings before he got married and he chose not to say anything. It seemed so unfair of you to wait to say something until there was no way we could do anything about it.
"I was still mad at you when I wrote my reply, but I knew I had to let you know or you would obsess about it, and that would cause problems between you and Jess--that was the last thing I wanted. So I left the note on your desk, and watched for your reaction.
"It wasn't until I saw the look in your eyes after you read it that I forgave you. You were devastated Harm... I realized then that even though I was hurt and mad, and with reason, you were hurting too. I chose to let the consequences of your actions be enough punishment, instead making you suffer under my bitterness and anger. Besides, once you left, the only person my bitterness would hurt would be me."
"I'm sorry, Sarah," he said after she'd been quiet for a moment.
"Harm, it's over. We don't need to talk about it, and you don't need to apologize for it. Besides, you're not the only one who did something stupid to our relationship. Or have you forgotten that I was engaged to another man?"
"But you didn't get married," Harm protested.
"Not through a lack of trying on my part. After that evening on the Admiral's porch, I should have gone inside and told Mic it was over. I knew then that I didn't love him enough to marry him, but I was holding out for a declaration from you."
"I couldn't Mac... I couldn't say anything more than I did, not while you were engaged to another man."
"I know that now, I realized that after your engagement party. And when I read your letter and I wondered why you hadn't said anything then, I was forced to realize that when I was in the same situation, I hadn't. And don't try to tell me it's different Harmon Rabb, because you know it isn't."
"Ok, I promise I won't hate myself for this if you promise to give me a swift kick in the rear if I ever start acting that stupid again," Harm proposed with a smile.
"Oh, I don't plan on waiting until you get that stupid Harm... I'll be kicking you way before then!" she teased.
AN: Thank you once again to all my feedback giving minions... Mae, from one minion to another I just have to say no, you can't give short feedback. But that's the way we like it! And when are you planning to write another part of yours? Hm?