The Hermit Crab Story

"Right, then," James Herriot said cheerfully as he handed the tiny kitten back to the little girl. "She looks very healthy to me."

A huge grin spread across the girl's face. "Thank you, sir," she said, and left with her kitten.

James smiled as he watched her go, then shut the door behind her. He glanced over at the appointment book, which was lying open nearby, and saw that the little girl's kitten had been the last patient that day. It was time to close up.

James had just walked into the kitchen and was about to get a glass of water when the sudden sound of Siegfried's voice made him jump. "James!"

"Yes, Siegfried?"

"Are we still on for seven o'clock?"

"Absolutely," replied James cheerfully. That evening James, Siegfried, James' wife Helen, and Siegfried's younger brother Tristan were going to a local amateur-theatre performance of "The Mikado" in which an old friend of Siegfried's, Albert Maxwell, was starring. "I just need to get a glass of water, and then I'll get ready to go."

"Splendid," said Siegfried cheerfully. Whistling cheerfully to himself, he walked off.

Meanwhile, Tristan was lying on the couch in the living room, giggling as he read a comic book. He heard the sound of Siegfried's whistling and footsteps looming nearer. A panic-stricken expression came over his face. Thinking quickly, he stuffed the comic book inside a nearby collection of W. Somerset Maugham's stories that Siegfried had always wanted him to read. He pretended to read the thick book with what he hoped was a thoughtful, intelligent expression on his face.

Siegfried burst into the room, took one look at Tristan, and exclaimed, "I don't believe my eyes! I never thought I'd see the day when my little brother would develop an appreciation for worthwhile literature!"

Tristan smiled weakly. "Yes, it's very…uh…worthwhile."

"Are you ready to go, then?"

Tristan gave him a blank look. "Go?" he repeated.

"Yes, go."

"Go where?"

"What do you mean, go where?!" Siegfried demanded. "Go to the show, of course! Where else!?"

The show, Tristan thought frantically. The show. The show. He's probably mentioned this show to me before. Better look as though I know what he's talking about. The truth was, Tristan hadn't been listening when Siegfried had first told him.

"Oh!" Tristan exclaimed, praying that he sounded convincing. "Yes! Of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world! I...I've been looking forward to watching the…ballet for a very long time."

Siegfried's eyes narrowed.

Whoops, thought Tristan.

"IT'S NOT A BALLET!" Siegfried bellowed. "I'M TALKING ABOUT ALBERT'S SHOW! THE MIKADO! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!"

"Oh! Right! It merely, uh, slipped my mind for a moment. Well, I better go get changed!" He raced out of the room, tossing the book onto the couch behind him as he went.

Unfortunately, his aim wasn't very good. The book landed in Siegfried's lap, and something fell out. Siegfried picked it up and examined it.

I wonder what the hell The Amazing Adventures of Larry the Head Louse is.