Title: The Secret Life of Severus Snape
Author: Lovely Psychopath
Rating: PG
Characters: Snape, Draco, Harry, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs
Comments: This is just a dumb (funny) little fic about the secret life of
Snape. It's not my best fic, but I had lots of fun writing it. PLEASE
REVIEW! Flames will be used to set pictures of Avril on fire.
Professor Snape slowly scanned the rows of students seated before him. His dark eyes focused on each student, before moving onto the rest. 'Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws,' He thought to himself in a disdainful tone. "You are all moronic imbeciles that don't deserve the great honor of having me teach you," He said in a calm and even tone. The students simply stared at him with blank expressions. After a few minutes, understanding dawned on them as they absorbed their professor's words. No one dared to reply. "Class is over, so if you'd please leave, I have MUCH more important things to attend to," With those final words, Snape turned on his heal and quickly walked into his back office, shutting the door with a loud 'THUD'. The rather confused students simply sat there for a few minutes, before collecting their things, and running off to their next class.
*In Snape's Office*
"Dumb Hufflepuffs.." He murmured to himself, before plopping down in a rather overstuffed chair. Rubbing his temples, he slowly calmed himself down. When this ritual finished, he stared down at his desk, clear-minded. Out of no-where, his eyes seamed to gain a glittery quality, and his lips twitched into a small smile. "At last we can be alone..." Snape said in a strained whisper. He slowly wrapped his pale bony fingers around the two small brass knobs on the drawer, and gently pulled it open. His eyes widened and swelled with happy tears as the drawer opened to reveal....women's accessories?!?!?!? Snape slowly allowed his fingers to gently brush over the many pieces of jewelry, makeup, wigs, pantyhose, under garments, etc. Quickly grabbing his wand, he pointed it towards his desk, muttered a few words, and flicked his wrist. Instantaneously, a large vanity mirror appeared on his desk. With gentle hands, he lifted a strawberry blond wig out of the large drawer. "So pretty.." He muttered while putting on the wig. When it was firmly fitted on his head, he sighed and admired his new golden locks. "Something's....missing," He thought to himself, before his inner light bulb went off. With another flick of the wrist, his favorite singer began to belt show tunes. Ahh, how he loved Barbara Streisand! Searching through the desk, he found his favorite shade of lipstick----geranium. With loving care, he smeared the pink color on his lips. Sitting back, he gazed into the mirror. "I'm so...beautiful!" He said, and started crying, but he quickly stopped so as not to smudge his eye makeup. "Uh-hum." Snape nearly jumped 10 feet high as the intruder let their presence be known. In the door stood two very embarrassed students, Draco Malfoy, and Harry Potter. "Oh, um, hello boys, I was just, ah.." He fumbled, pulling off the wig in haste. "I think that we should go, bye professor!" Harry said, grabbing Draco's arm. "My god, you bloody pervert! I always knew that you were a bit off." Draco said, before Harry dragged him out and slammed the door behind them. Snape nervously munched on a finger nail. Even if they did tell, no one would believe them, he though, relieved.
*Outside of Snape's Office*
"Draco..I..I.I think I'm going to..be sick!" Harry said, holding his stomach in his hands. "Oh come on now! It was only Snape in drag!" Draco said, putting a slender arm around his boyfriend's shoulders (1). "Oh Draco!" Harry said, before fainting into Draco's arms like a maiden. Draco simply shook his head slowly, before picking up the fallen Gryffindor and exiting the potions room.
*Meanwhile*
Two pairs of large brown eyes peered through the window. One had short brown hair, a mischievous smile, and rosy cheeks. The other had a large afro, and a devious expression. They laughed feverishly and then vanished.
(1) Hehehehe...I couldn't resist adding a dose of slash...I'm addicted!
Professor Snape slowly scanned the rows of students seated before him. His dark eyes focused on each student, before moving onto the rest. 'Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws,' He thought to himself in a disdainful tone. "You are all moronic imbeciles that don't deserve the great honor of having me teach you," He said in a calm and even tone. The students simply stared at him with blank expressions. After a few minutes, understanding dawned on them as they absorbed their professor's words. No one dared to reply. "Class is over, so if you'd please leave, I have MUCH more important things to attend to," With those final words, Snape turned on his heal and quickly walked into his back office, shutting the door with a loud 'THUD'. The rather confused students simply sat there for a few minutes, before collecting their things, and running off to their next class.
*In Snape's Office*
"Dumb Hufflepuffs.." He murmured to himself, before plopping down in a rather overstuffed chair. Rubbing his temples, he slowly calmed himself down. When this ritual finished, he stared down at his desk, clear-minded. Out of no-where, his eyes seamed to gain a glittery quality, and his lips twitched into a small smile. "At last we can be alone..." Snape said in a strained whisper. He slowly wrapped his pale bony fingers around the two small brass knobs on the drawer, and gently pulled it open. His eyes widened and swelled with happy tears as the drawer opened to reveal....women's accessories?!?!?!? Snape slowly allowed his fingers to gently brush over the many pieces of jewelry, makeup, wigs, pantyhose, under garments, etc. Quickly grabbing his wand, he pointed it towards his desk, muttered a few words, and flicked his wrist. Instantaneously, a large vanity mirror appeared on his desk. With gentle hands, he lifted a strawberry blond wig out of the large drawer. "So pretty.." He muttered while putting on the wig. When it was firmly fitted on his head, he sighed and admired his new golden locks. "Something's....missing," He thought to himself, before his inner light bulb went off. With another flick of the wrist, his favorite singer began to belt show tunes. Ahh, how he loved Barbara Streisand! Searching through the desk, he found his favorite shade of lipstick----geranium. With loving care, he smeared the pink color on his lips. Sitting back, he gazed into the mirror. "I'm so...beautiful!" He said, and started crying, but he quickly stopped so as not to smudge his eye makeup. "Uh-hum." Snape nearly jumped 10 feet high as the intruder let their presence be known. In the door stood two very embarrassed students, Draco Malfoy, and Harry Potter. "Oh, um, hello boys, I was just, ah.." He fumbled, pulling off the wig in haste. "I think that we should go, bye professor!" Harry said, grabbing Draco's arm. "My god, you bloody pervert! I always knew that you were a bit off." Draco said, before Harry dragged him out and slammed the door behind them. Snape nervously munched on a finger nail. Even if they did tell, no one would believe them, he though, relieved.
*Outside of Snape's Office*
"Draco..I..I.I think I'm going to..be sick!" Harry said, holding his stomach in his hands. "Oh come on now! It was only Snape in drag!" Draco said, putting a slender arm around his boyfriend's shoulders (1). "Oh Draco!" Harry said, before fainting into Draco's arms like a maiden. Draco simply shook his head slowly, before picking up the fallen Gryffindor and exiting the potions room.
*Meanwhile*
Two pairs of large brown eyes peered through the window. One had short brown hair, a mischievous smile, and rosy cheeks. The other had a large afro, and a devious expression. They laughed feverishly and then vanished.
(1) Hehehehe...I couldn't resist adding a dose of slash...I'm addicted!