Hermione the Hair-flicking Vampire Slayer
In
Colin Creevy goes down
Disclaimer:- I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I own any of the Harry Potter characters. Harry Potter belongs solely to the wonderful JKR, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon. I think. OK?
A/N:- What happens when I 'borrow' the Harry Potter characters and turn them into Buffy characters?
Hermione plays Buffy Colin Creevy plays himself. Harry plays Xander Ron plays Willow Percy plays Giles Draco plays Spike
Scene 1
Colin Creevy: [holing his camera, taking photos of everybody. He is standing on a viewing gallery that runs around three sides of the room that they are all in]
Percy / Giles: Buffy slash Hermione! It's a photo demon! Argh! Quick, you slay it while I sit down, give useless instructions, read some books on nothing in particular, oh, and have a cream tea.
Author (that's me :o) ): Percy slash Giles, you're an idiot.
Percy / Giles: I'm not. I went to the finest university! I went to Oxford. Oxford? I went to Hogwarts. Oxford! Hogwarts! Oxford damn you! Hogwarts, Hogwarts, HOGWARTS!
Harry / Xander: Who's he talking to?
Draco / Spike: I don't know, let's just back away slowly..... [hits the wall] DAMN!
Ron / Willow: I don't know ho he was talking to first, but now he's having an argument with himself.....
Hermione / Buffy: He's gone cuckoo.
Harry / Xander: Totally crackers.
Hermione / Buffy: [grumbles] Anyway, why does he get tea? He's insane, for God's sake! Fine, I'll slay it. Let me brush my hair first. [brings out a hairbrush] Why was I cursed with a bush head?
Percy / Giles: [recovers from his little argument with himself. Neither side has won.] I don't know why you were cursed with a bush head. Let me just read about it over my cream tea. Because, people, let's face it I don't do much else around here.
Harry / Xander: You got that right.
Ron / Willow: Why do I have to play the girl part? It's 'cos I'm a ginger, isn't it? [looks down his/her top] Actually, I withdraw that comment. I am fine with playing the girl. [goes off set, probably to admire himself some more]
Draco / Spike: [talking to Hermione / Buffy] Hello? Demon over there? Have you forgotten?
Hermione / Buffy: No, duh. It's just that fashion comes first. All the time. It's a priority, particularly over saving the world. Anyone knows that. [flicks hair]
Harry / Xander & Draco / Spike: Go save the world already!
Ron / Willow: [returns from off-set] Sorry, I was in make-up. I was checking if my bum looked big in this dress. Was I supposed to come in there? Have you said my line? Excuse me, my line has been said! How rude. [screaming] YOU STOLE MY LINE, YOU STOLE MY LINE! [Starts a fight with Draco / Spike and Harry / Xander]
Percy / Giles: Boys! Boys! And, um, you..... Stop fighting or I'll read to you!
[Ron / Willow, Draco / Spike and Harry / Xander stop fighting and run away screaming like girls.]
R/W D/S H/X: NOOOOO!
H/B: Ooooook then..... Let me just flick my hair [Flicks her hair.] There. Let's go save the world. Isn't it amazing how me and Buffy can fight all the forces of darkness, and save the world countless times without messing up our hair? Come on, when was the last time you saw me with messed up hair after a huge fight? Oh, God. I'm talking to myself. Cool.
[Colin Creevy stops clicking because his film has run out.]
Colin: Damn!
H/B: Excuse me? All those shots, all those hours in make-up and all those hours getting my hair to look like this and I can't even save the world from the photo demon? Argh! [charges at Colin, wrenches his camera from his pitiful grasp and throws it to the floor in a mad frenzy] I will bloody save the world. I WILL SAVE THE WORLD. Whether the demon is a threat or not I WILL SAVE THE WORLD! [Stamps on the shattered piece of plastic, repeatedly grinding the high-heel of her black boots into it.] There. I saved the world. Wohoo!
Colin: Nooo! My camera! The source of all my power! Nooo! Argh! I'm melting! I'm melting.
P/G: Um, sorry Colin, but you can't say that. It's copyright from the Wizard of Oz.
Colin: [mutters] Know-it-all.
P/G: I heard that! The only reason I know it all is because I do sod all else but read. It's my way of 'helping' Hermione slash Buffy to save the world.
Colin: Ooh! I'm not melting. Go me! I thought I would melt when my camera was destroyed, because I've only ever had it pried from my grasp once, when I was petrified. My camera! [sobs]
H/B: How pathetic. [Punches him.] He falls over the railing, and then disappears before he hits the floor.
Author: There you go Hermione slash Buffy. That took care of him Why didn't I just do that before?
H/B: Argh! I hear voices too! I'm going insane like Percy slash Giles. Oh no!
[Screen fades to black]
Director: Cut!
H/X: Thank God that's over. I don't think Hermione slash Buffy hearing voices was in the script, but you played it well.
H/B: I did! I really did hear voices.
D/S: Yes, Hermione slash Buffy. Of course you did. The important thing is that you believe that.
H/B: But.....
D/S: No buts. You're not going insane like him [jerks thumb towards P/G]
P/G: You know, I think I've read about a hearing voices demon.
All (except, of course, P/G): Shut up!
R/W: Do I have to get rid of these boobs yet?
Disclaimer:- I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I own any of the Harry Potter characters. Harry Potter belongs solely to the wonderful JKR, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon. I think. OK?
A/N:- What happens when I 'borrow' the Harry Potter characters and turn them into Buffy characters?
Hermione plays Buffy Colin Creevy plays himself. Harry plays Xander Ron plays Willow Percy plays Giles Draco plays Spike
Scene 1
Colin Creevy: [holing his camera, taking photos of everybody. He is standing on a viewing gallery that runs around three sides of the room that they are all in]
Percy / Giles: Buffy slash Hermione! It's a photo demon! Argh! Quick, you slay it while I sit down, give useless instructions, read some books on nothing in particular, oh, and have a cream tea.
Author (that's me :o) ): Percy slash Giles, you're an idiot.
Percy / Giles: I'm not. I went to the finest university! I went to Oxford. Oxford? I went to Hogwarts. Oxford! Hogwarts! Oxford damn you! Hogwarts, Hogwarts, HOGWARTS!
Harry / Xander: Who's he talking to?
Draco / Spike: I don't know, let's just back away slowly..... [hits the wall] DAMN!
Ron / Willow: I don't know ho he was talking to first, but now he's having an argument with himself.....
Hermione / Buffy: He's gone cuckoo.
Harry / Xander: Totally crackers.
Hermione / Buffy: [grumbles] Anyway, why does he get tea? He's insane, for God's sake! Fine, I'll slay it. Let me brush my hair first. [brings out a hairbrush] Why was I cursed with a bush head?
Percy / Giles: [recovers from his little argument with himself. Neither side has won.] I don't know why you were cursed with a bush head. Let me just read about it over my cream tea. Because, people, let's face it I don't do much else around here.
Harry / Xander: You got that right.
Ron / Willow: Why do I have to play the girl part? It's 'cos I'm a ginger, isn't it? [looks down his/her top] Actually, I withdraw that comment. I am fine with playing the girl. [goes off set, probably to admire himself some more]
Draco / Spike: [talking to Hermione / Buffy] Hello? Demon over there? Have you forgotten?
Hermione / Buffy: No, duh. It's just that fashion comes first. All the time. It's a priority, particularly over saving the world. Anyone knows that. [flicks hair]
Harry / Xander & Draco / Spike: Go save the world already!
Ron / Willow: [returns from off-set] Sorry, I was in make-up. I was checking if my bum looked big in this dress. Was I supposed to come in there? Have you said my line? Excuse me, my line has been said! How rude. [screaming] YOU STOLE MY LINE, YOU STOLE MY LINE! [Starts a fight with Draco / Spike and Harry / Xander]
Percy / Giles: Boys! Boys! And, um, you..... Stop fighting or I'll read to you!
[Ron / Willow, Draco / Spike and Harry / Xander stop fighting and run away screaming like girls.]
R/W D/S H/X: NOOOOO!
H/B: Ooooook then..... Let me just flick my hair [Flicks her hair.] There. Let's go save the world. Isn't it amazing how me and Buffy can fight all the forces of darkness, and save the world countless times without messing up our hair? Come on, when was the last time you saw me with messed up hair after a huge fight? Oh, God. I'm talking to myself. Cool.
[Colin Creevy stops clicking because his film has run out.]
Colin: Damn!
H/B: Excuse me? All those shots, all those hours in make-up and all those hours getting my hair to look like this and I can't even save the world from the photo demon? Argh! [charges at Colin, wrenches his camera from his pitiful grasp and throws it to the floor in a mad frenzy] I will bloody save the world. I WILL SAVE THE WORLD. Whether the demon is a threat or not I WILL SAVE THE WORLD! [Stamps on the shattered piece of plastic, repeatedly grinding the high-heel of her black boots into it.] There. I saved the world. Wohoo!
Colin: Nooo! My camera! The source of all my power! Nooo! Argh! I'm melting! I'm melting.
P/G: Um, sorry Colin, but you can't say that. It's copyright from the Wizard of Oz.
Colin: [mutters] Know-it-all.
P/G: I heard that! The only reason I know it all is because I do sod all else but read. It's my way of 'helping' Hermione slash Buffy to save the world.
Colin: Ooh! I'm not melting. Go me! I thought I would melt when my camera was destroyed, because I've only ever had it pried from my grasp once, when I was petrified. My camera! [sobs]
H/B: How pathetic. [Punches him.] He falls over the railing, and then disappears before he hits the floor.
Author: There you go Hermione slash Buffy. That took care of him Why didn't I just do that before?
H/B: Argh! I hear voices too! I'm going insane like Percy slash Giles. Oh no!
[Screen fades to black]
Director: Cut!
H/X: Thank God that's over. I don't think Hermione slash Buffy hearing voices was in the script, but you played it well.
H/B: I did! I really did hear voices.
D/S: Yes, Hermione slash Buffy. Of course you did. The important thing is that you believe that.
H/B: But.....
D/S: No buts. You're not going insane like him [jerks thumb towards P/G]
P/G: You know, I think I've read about a hearing voices demon.
All (except, of course, P/G): Shut up!
R/W: Do I have to get rid of these boobs yet?