First Tears
The early hours of the morning began out beautiful enough. The sun rose, slowly, over the forest. Then it grew dark and it was about to storm. No doubt Lossenethir was on the balcony taking it all in.
I had had another dream and was lying in bed with Thalionlass. We were quite close and he held my hand. I know it sounds childish but it couldn't have been more wonderful. How I had craved to be that close to my twin, but still I felt ashamed to be thinking of my brother that way and embarrassed, thinking, that he didn't feel the same way. We lay there for quite some time.
Then, a particularly loud boom of thunder woke and startled me. I moved closer to my brother, accidentally pushing my buttocks into his groin. I felt him jolt awake and then a rising hardness touched me. My face was aflame with some powerful realisation and the tiniest bit of embarrassment. I wanted to make sure his reaction wasn't something I dreamed up so I rolled my hips back again. From this I received a stifled moan.
"Thalionlass?" I inquired. "Are you awake?"
"Aye, I am," was his hoarse reply.
I turned slowly, to look into his eyes. I tried not to let my eyes drift to the bulging leggings. We both stared into our mirror images, neither of us dared to speak. So, Thalionlass let his actions speak for him. He captured my lips in a tender kiss but tenderness turned into hungry need as years of pent up passion took over.
I must admit now that I didn't know what I should have. So we kissed. Thalionlass's hand wound its way down my chest, to its final destination: the burning need between my legs. It was so right and so wrong. It took all of my will to reach down and stop him. He looked into my eyes, questioning my actions.
"This is wrong," I whispered. He smiled, but concern was in his eyes as he searched for an answer. After a moment, he replied.
"I could be told a million times that to love kin is wrong, but I love you and nothing has ever felt so right."
His words were so sincere. I was nearly brought to tears by the sheer honesty that was held in that simple phrase. But, sincere as they were, I wasn't fully rid of my fears.
Thalionlass began his ministrations again. He seemed to enjoy the moans and whimpers he elicited from me. The shivering of my body meant I was near release. Then, I found the warm hand was gone from my body. I tried to protest but my protests came out as exasperated sighs. He smiled and then kissed me again.
"Would you like me to take you?" He whispered into my ear, which made me shiver. I looked at him, wondering what he meant. I had heard of a male taking a female but never a male taking a male.
"O.k." I nodded. He put a hand on my waist and gently turned me onto my stomach.
"Get onto your knees," he instructed gently.
I obeyed slightly nervous. He caressed me and kissed me. Then, I felt him run a wet finger over my entrance. This made me shiver. I could feel him smile. He steadied me with shaking hands, whether it was from nervousness or anticipation I could not tell, on my waist. I then knew what he was going to do. And it did not scare me. So, he, slowly, began to push himself into me. It hurt so much and I couldn't do it.
"Please," I begged. "Stop."
Thalionlass obeyed my plea and pulled out of me. I climbed to the edge of the bed and quietly and quickly put on some clothes. I walked to the door.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as tears poured down my cheeks. That was the first time I had ever cried. Then I opened the door to come face to face with Legolas. I looked at him for a moment, then I saw Elrohir and I ran from them. I ran to the only person I knew would understand. The only person, other than Thalionlass, I could talk to. I got to the door and I pounded on it with my fists. My brother opened the door.
"Maika?" He inquired. "What's wrong?"
"Lossenethir," was the only thing I said before I broke into sobs. He brought me gently into the room. My knees buckled and he caught me. We both sank to the floor.
"We…" I sobbed. "We started to make l-love and I couldn't and I've hurt him and I cannot bear that. Lossenethir, what am I going to do? I cannot live without him… I feel so strange and almost tormented by guilt and I am ashamed."
"It's o.k. Of course you feel ashamed. You have been told, all of us have, that it's wrong to love kin… but you love him and nothing or no one can deny love. You did as your heart dictated and you will again."
"But I don't know what to do," I sobbed. He opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by a knock on the door. We both just looked at it.
"It's me, Legolas," my youngest brother whispered.
"I cannot face anyone right now," I said with a pleading look in my eyes.
"But he only wants to know how you fare," Lossenethir pointed out. In the end I gave in. "Come in."
My youngest brother entered the room wrapped in his untouched innocence. Concern was written on his delicate features. He looked like he wanted to know what happened to make me so upset, but how could he understand? How could he possibly understand?
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns Mirkwood and Legolas… I own anything unknown…
A/N: Well, that was the explanation… It may have been a bit graphic for some of you, but it is why he was crying in 'Eight Princes'. So, if you didn't like it don't flame me because if I get flamed I can't write because it rests on my mind. Like I said before this isn't for everyone. Anyway, I gotta go… So review please. Thanks for reading, Luv Gia.