01/06/03
The Other Side of Despair Part6
It was nearly dawn.
Parker sat in the darkened study. Firelight from the dwindling embers in the hearth provided the only illumination. Perched on the edge of the coffee table, Parker gazed affectionately at the pair sleeping on the couch. Jarod's tall frame was longer than the sofa was wide so that his legs, crossed at the ankles, hung over one edge. His head was cushioned on a small pillow at the opposite end.
Sydney was sprawled across her father's body with her head resting on Jarod's chest. The only physical sign of her earlier ordeal was the red puffiness around her closed eyes. Parker was worried though by the fact that the little girl was sucking on her thumb. That, combined with the nightmare a couple of hours ago, was enough to cause Parker some major concern.
When the search party had returned with Sydney safely clutched in Jarod's arms, Parker had been prostrate with relief. She had hugged and kissed the little girl over and over and over. Once she had changed Sydney into dry clothes and was confident that the child was unharmed, Parker had been unable to leave her. As a result, Parker tucked Sydney into bed with her and slept with one arm wrapped protectively around her daughter's little form.
It had been just after 3 A.M. when Sydney's screams had wakened the entire household.
"MOMMY!" The child had screamed at the top of her lungs, though Parker was only a few steps away. "Mommy, don't leave me!"
Parker had held the squirming, writhing child in her arms but Sydney had screamed again.
"Mommy! It's dark!"
Jarod was the first to burst through Parker's bedroom door. Some part of her mind registered the fact that he must have been awake and not far away. He stood frozen for a moment in the doorway, as though he had lost his way and found himself in a strange place.
"Mommy! Don't leave me!" Sydney wailed.
Parker rocked back and forth. "Mommy is right here, sweetheart. I'm right here." She soothed.
Parker could hear, rather than see, those gathered behind Jarod in the hallway.
"What's wrong?" Emily's voice lilted in to the room.
Parker answered in her own soft soothing voice in an attempt to calm her daughter. "It's a bad dream. Just a bad dream."
Sydney's contortions stopped abruptly and the little girl had started to sob. "Mommy! Please, don't leave me in the dark. I don't wanna be special anymore."
Jarod flinched. A look of fierce determination came over his face. In two long strides he had entered the room and plucked the little girl from her mother's arms. "You are safe, Kitten." Jarod hushed into her ear.
Turning in his arms, Sydney weaved her hands around Jarod's neck and clung to him desperately.
"You don't ever have to go there." He told her as Jarod caressed the soft hair cascading down the child's back.
Sydney squeezed her father even more tightly. Her sobs softened into whimpers.
Without another word, Jarod turned and walked out of the room with Sydney cradled in his arms. Plowing his way through the small crowd of family that had gathered, Jarod disappeared down the hallway.
Parker had stared after him, stunned. She could hear the sounds of her daughter's distress fading as Jarod carried her further away. Parker's arms felt empty, abandoned of her maternal right to comfort her own little girl.
Her anger flashed as Parker ran after them.
By the time Parker found the two in his study, Jarod was holding Sydney one handed, propped on his hip while he rummaged through a large mahogany cabinet. Sydney was sniffling but her curiosity had finally overcome the tears as she peered at the reams of paper and ledgers at Jarod's fingertips.
Parker hesitated in the doorway. Jarod was looking for something specific, she could tell. He seemed so full of purpose. Sydney was hanging on his hip as though she had done it a thousand times. They moved naturally together, like dancers. For the first time, Parker really understood that Sydney belonged to Jarod just as much as she belonged to her.
Pulling a large long roll of paper off of a shelf, Jarod handed the tube to Sydney. "Hold this." He ordered gently before returning his attention to the cabinet.
The little girl was still studying the roll inquisitively when Jarod pulled another similar batch of papers from the cabinet. He moved to his desk and sat in the large leather chair, gracefully swinging Sydney into his lap.
Jarod unrolled the papers in his hand to reveal architectural blueprints, several pages thick. He flipped casually through several of the top sheets before moving one specific page to the top. As Jarod smoothed the curling edges down with one hand, Parker could see the drawing from her vantage point at the door and she recognized it.
"This was my room." Jarod said softly, pointing to a spot on the blueprint. "I slept there every night for the better part of thirty years."
Sydney bent curiously over the blueprints.
"Over here was the sim lab." Jarod indicated another room on the drawing.
The little girl glanced at him questioningly.
"The sim lab was where I had all my lessons." Jarod explained. With his hand, Jarod gestured toward the lower half of the page. "All this was underground. We called them sub-levels. No windows."
"That's why it was dark." Sydney added.
Jarod pushed the papers away from him slightly, leaving room on the desk for the other set of blueprints. He helped Sydney to unroll the tube she had clutched to her chest.
"This is what it looks like now." Jarod said. "Those levels are all gone. Filled in with dirt and concrete." He allowed Sydney to study the plans for a few minutes in silence.
"There is only SL-1 left now." Jarod finally said. "And we call it the basement. Nothing but machinery and dusty boxes down there."
Jarod showed the little girl where the dirt and rock had been excavated in order to build a children's oncology wing at the facility. The beautiful glass and steel addition had been built into the side of the huge hill and the earth that had been removed had been used to fill in the unwanted lower levels of the old Centre.
"It's gone, Sydney." Jarod reassured her. "All gone. You don't ever have to go there."
"I still don't want to be special anymore." The little girl whined.
Jarod smiled sadly and pulled her against his chest in a comforting embrace. "Sorry, Kitten. I'm afraid that I can't change that."
Sydney sighed forlornly. Laying her head against Jarod's shoulder, she put her thumb into her mouth.
Jarod sat back in the chair and rocked gently, tenderly caressing the back of Sydney's head. Only then had he noticed Parker watching from the door. He hesitated for a moment with a frown on his face. Then Jarod leaned forward and turned off the lamp on his desk, throwing the room into darkness.
As Parker's eyes adjusted to the light, she could see Jarod moving in the room. With the flare of a match, a small glow illuminated Jarod's face. Sydney was tucked quietly against the curve of his neck. She looked up at her father innocently, still sucking on her thumb. Jarod put the small flame into the fireplace where it caught and spread in the prepared tinder.
As the fire had begun to snap merrily, Jarod moved to the couch. He curled Sydney snugly on his lap with her back to his chest so she could watch the flames crackle.
"Pretty. Isn't it?" Jarod whispered.
Sydney nodded silently.
"Don't ever be afraid of the dark, Kitten." He said solemnly. "Without it, you will never notice the light." Jarod had spoken quietly, but he gazed straight at Parker when he talked.
Parker had known that he was trying to say something, but was unsure of his meaning. She watched the two of them for a long time from the doorway. The pair made a beautiful image sitting serenely together on the couch and Parker didn't want to intrude on this moment between Jarod and his daughter.
Long after the little girl drifted off, Jarod had stretched out and fallen asleep. Only then had Parker felt as though she could enter the room.
For nearly an hour now, Parker had been sitting less than a foot away watching the two of them. In sleep, they looked even more alike. Dark hair tumbled across foreheads and long beautiful lashes curled against high cheeks. However, Sydney had inherited her mother's nose as well as the basic shape of her face, giving the girl a less chiseled look than her father.
Parker loved this child with a depth that she had never imagined possible.
With a sigh, Parker decided it was time to put little Sydney back to bed before the rest of the family began to gather noisily in the kitchen for breakfast. She reached over to gently lift the little girl. Jarod's voice startled her so badly that she cringed.
"Leave her." He growled softly.
"I was just going to put her back in bed." Parker whispered.
Jarod watched Parker silently through unreadable eyes for several minutes.
"What would you say," Jarod asked finally. "If I asked you to go home? Go home Parker, and leave her with me."
Parker chewed for a moment on her lower lip. "For how long?" she asked.
Jarod said nothing. He only stared meaningfully at Parker until his meaning began to dawn on her.
Parker shook her head slowly in disbelief. "No, Jarod. I won't let you take her away from me."
His intent gaze never wavered.
Parker swallowed. "If you take me to court, I'll fight you." She told him.
"You won't win." Jarod vowed.
Feeling as though all the air had been sucked out of the room, Parker gasped. "I'll fight you." She repeated. Parker stared at Jarod in abject horror. She couldn't believe what he was saying.
Jarod sighed abruptly. In one smooth movement, he sat up, stood and transferred the sleeping Sydney into Parker's lap. He moved across the room to gaze blindly out the darkened window.
"I'm not going to take her from you." Jarod said flatly. "You and I both know that a child needs its mother. We know it better than anyone, don't we?"
Relief flooded Parker's soul and she began to breathe regularly again.
Jarod placed his forehead against the cool pane of glass and whispered. "Why did you have to come here?" He sighed. "I was fine. I was really doing fine."
Jarod whirled around and glared at Parker in frustration. "I had finally convinced myself that this was what I wanted. This was who I wanted to be." He said.
He leaned against the windowsill and laughed bitterly. "You once asked me, how long I could pretend to be someone else before I got lost in that person. Eighteen months. It took eighteen months to erase who I was and become the erudite businessman I was trying to be.
I just woke up one morning and realized that it didn't hurt anymore. It didn't hurt because I just didn't care."
Jarod sighed and looked forlornly at Parker. "After a point, there seemed to be things I needed to do because I was a wealthy single man. People expect me to behave in a certain way. I give them what they want to see."
"Why?" Parker asked quietly.
Jarod shrugged. "Everybody wants something from me. It seems easier to give it to them right off rather than to dance around the issue. I fought it for too long." He sighed. "Got tired of fighting I guess."
"Not everyone is after something, Jarod." Parker scolded him gently.
"Yes. They are." Jarod reiterated. "No one wants to know me because I am me. They want what I can give them, or do for them. That's the way it is. That's the way it has always been."
"That's not true." Parker denied.
"What a pretty liar you are." Jarod sighed. "When have you ever come looking for me without a reason behind it, Parker? Even when we were children, you never came to see me unless you wanted something."
"I was no more than a pet to you." Jarod continued sadly. "Something to play with when you were lonely as a child. As you grew up you ignored me. It wasn't until I escaped and became an annoyance that you even bothered to acknowledge my existence again."
Parker opened her mouth then closed it again as she realized that she had no way to disprove his impressions.
"Finally," Jarod went on. "You lured me back to my cage with a treat. Albeit, your body is a very sweet treat."
Jarod face took on a far away look. "During my last stay inside The Centre, those long painful days were spent hating you, Parker. I must have planned a dozen different scenarios to exact my revenge. But those nights," He closed his eyes and sighed like a connoisseur tasting a fine wine. "Those cold dark nights I would dream about you. I'd dream about the way you felt beneath me the way you moved and that sound you made."
Jarod looked at her with an intensity that made heat rise in Parker's cheeks.
"When I escaped, I wanted to move on with my life. But I knew I would never be able to do that until I had settled the score with you." Jarod explained. "I wanted to hurt you, frighten you, make you feel trapped. You had used your body as a weapon against me. I figured I would use it as a weapon against you in return. I never intended to foist a bastard on you, Parker."
Parker glanced quickly at her sleepy daughter. "Don't call her that." Parker hissed angrily. "Don't ever act like she was unwanted." Angry tears sprung to Parker's eyes. "She saved me, Jarod." Parker whispered passionately.
Parker hugged the little girl gently so as not to wake her.
"I was at my worst point." Parker said softly. "I was tumbling down the path toward the Parker legacy and I couldn't seem to stop. I was caught up in the fate that my father had chosen for me." She inhaled deeply and went on. "Then I realized that I was carrying your baby. Yours and mine."
Parker paused before continuing ardently. "Do you have any idea how terrified I was? My god, Jarod, there was a second Mirage Project growing inside me. Can you imagine what Raines would have done if he'd found out?"
Sydney whimpered in her sleep as if she could sense her mother's distress. Parker soothed the child with soft caresses. "My life became obsessed with protecting her."
"You love her." Jarod whispered solemnly.
Parker's head snapped up to glare at him. "Of course I do."
Jarod stared at her silently for a long moment. "Why did you have to come here?" he repeated, his voice little more than a whisper. "You make it so much harder to forget."
"What is it you want to forget, Jarod?" Parker asked sadly. "Me? Do you want to forget you ever knew me?"
Jarod frowned and with a frustrated motion of his arms he turned to look out the window once more. "I want to forget that night!" he said angrily. "I felt incredible, invincible." Jarod's voice grew very quiet. "I felt loved. And it was all a lie."
His eyes filled with shimmering unshed tears as he hissed in dismay. "When we were at the cabin, I thought you would be angry when I forced myself on you. You were supposed to yell and scream and tell me that you hated me. But you didn't." Jarod shook his head in confusion. "You didn't. Instead you started to move the way you did and you made that sound again."
Jarod shrugged. "I had to get out of there. I had to get away before I caved in and let myself believe in you again."
Parker looked at Jarod and said quietly. "It wasn't all lies, Jarod. I've always cared about you, but The Centre made it too dangerous for us."
Jarod glared out the window silently.
"The Centre is gone now. We could try starting over." Parker whispered.
Jarod laughed sadly and Parker could hear the desperation in his voice. "Do you have any idea how badly I want to believe you? Do you?" Parker could see him trembling. "I would sell my soul to have you in my arms again."
Parker smiled. But the smile did not last long.
"How long would it last? " Jarod's voice suddenly dropped into a deep menacing growl. "I know you've come back to give your child a father. You love her and will do anything for her, including letting me back into your life." He sighed desolately and Parker could see the moisture pooling in his deep brown eyes. "But children grow up, Parker. What happens to me when Sydney is all grown up and she doesn't need me anymore? Will you discard me again?"
Tears spilled down Parker's cheeks and she stared at Jarod in shock. "No." she gasped. "I never discarded you and I never will. You were the best friend I ever had, Jarod."
Jarod crossed the room and stood beside Parker, gazing miserably into her face. With one hand he gently cupped her face, wiping away a tear with his thumb.
He shrugged and said, "I don't know how to believe you." Jarod dropped his hand from her cheek abruptly and stuffed his fists into the front pockets of his jeans. Turning toward the window again he looked at the sky as it began to brighten with the dawn. "When are you leaving?" He asked gruffly.
"Tomorrow morning." Parker replied softly.
Jarod nodded. "My parents will want to visit with Sydney again. She is their only grandchild after all."
"That's fine. Sydney loves it here." Parker said.
"I'd appreciate knowing in advance when you are going to be at the ranch." Jarod said flatly.
"Why?" Parker asked, her lip trembling. "So you can make sure that you're not here?"
"Yes." He answered honestly. "The Centre is gone. I won't let the Parkers continue to torture me."
Parker looked down at her little girl, still sleeping on her lap. "What about your daughter? What will you tell her?"
Jarod stared straight ahead, his jaw clenched tight. "She's not mine." Jarod said. "Tell her that Jack is her father."
Parker gasped. "It's not true."
When Jarod turned and looked at her, his eyes were cold and flat. "Prove it." Jarod said blandly. "Every paternity test in the world will say that he is."
Jarod then walked over to a set of walnut doors along the other wall. Pulling open one of the panels revealed a refrigerator and a well stocked bar. He grabbed an unopened bottle without bothering to inspect the label.
"Now if you'll excuse me. I am very tired." Jarod said gruffly. "I will be indisposed for the next twenty four hours or so. Have a nice flight back to Delaware."
Long after he had left the room, Parker was still gaping after him in wounded astonishment.
-----
Jarod nearly knocked his mother over as he stormed through the kitchen.
Margaret was just beginning to prepare coffee when she looked up and barely avoided a collision with her oldest son. He was frowning and as he walked he was peeling the cap off of a bottle of vodka.
"Jarod," Margaret said gently. "Where are you going?"
"Out." He growled taking a swig from the container. "I'm going to find myself a hole to crawl into and then I'm going to get drunk."
Margaret serenely planted herself in front of the kitchen door, effectively blocking Jarod's escape. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
"No." Jarod gritted out through clenched teeth.
Cocking her head at him curiously, Jarod's mother said, "Why are you doing this to yourself, Jarod? This isn't like you."
Jarod suddenly turned on her with a fury Margaret didn't hadn't realized he was capable of.
"How the hell would you know?" He yelled abruptly. "Do you know what I am like? Do you even know who I am?"
"You are my son." Margaret said softly.
The bottle Jarod had in his hand suddenly flew across the room to shatter against the refrigerator door.
"Your son." Jarod hissed. "The major's son. Ethan's and Emily's brother. Jack's twin. Sydney's father." Jarod whirled as his father entered the room but his tirade went on unabated. "CEO of Paradigm. Playboy. Negotiator. Hotel owner. Pilot. Which one?" He paced excitedly as he talked. "Pretender. Killer. Terrorist. Thief. Experiment. Toy. Lab-Rat. Which one, Mother? Which one am I?"
Jarod glared at his father in anger and frustration. "Do you know, Dad? Do you know who I am?"
Major Charles stood protectively beside his wife and spoke to Jarod in a calm soothing voice. "We are each made up of the experiences of our lives Jarod. Each of us has many facets to our personalities. I am father, husband, son and soldier sometimes all at once."
Jarod stared at him in confusion. "How?"
The Major shrugged. "We just do it. It is who we are."
"But I don't know who I am." Jarod cried.
"None of us can tell you that, Jarod." The older man said kindly. "It's something you must discover for yourself."
Jarod stared morosely at the floor for several minutes, thinking. Finally, he looked up at his parents, with tears swimming in his dark brown eyes.
"Forgive me." He whispered. Jarod then walked out the kitchen door without another word.
Jarod didn't come home for dinner that night, nor did he return in time to say goodbye to Sydney, Miss Parker and her daughter when the three of them left the next morning.
He was still gone five days later when his parents filed a missing persons report with the police.
End Part 6
The Other Side of Despair Part6
It was nearly dawn.
Parker sat in the darkened study. Firelight from the dwindling embers in the hearth provided the only illumination. Perched on the edge of the coffee table, Parker gazed affectionately at the pair sleeping on the couch. Jarod's tall frame was longer than the sofa was wide so that his legs, crossed at the ankles, hung over one edge. His head was cushioned on a small pillow at the opposite end.
Sydney was sprawled across her father's body with her head resting on Jarod's chest. The only physical sign of her earlier ordeal was the red puffiness around her closed eyes. Parker was worried though by the fact that the little girl was sucking on her thumb. That, combined with the nightmare a couple of hours ago, was enough to cause Parker some major concern.
When the search party had returned with Sydney safely clutched in Jarod's arms, Parker had been prostrate with relief. She had hugged and kissed the little girl over and over and over. Once she had changed Sydney into dry clothes and was confident that the child was unharmed, Parker had been unable to leave her. As a result, Parker tucked Sydney into bed with her and slept with one arm wrapped protectively around her daughter's little form.
It had been just after 3 A.M. when Sydney's screams had wakened the entire household.
"MOMMY!" The child had screamed at the top of her lungs, though Parker was only a few steps away. "Mommy, don't leave me!"
Parker had held the squirming, writhing child in her arms but Sydney had screamed again.
"Mommy! It's dark!"
Jarod was the first to burst through Parker's bedroom door. Some part of her mind registered the fact that he must have been awake and not far away. He stood frozen for a moment in the doorway, as though he had lost his way and found himself in a strange place.
"Mommy! Don't leave me!" Sydney wailed.
Parker rocked back and forth. "Mommy is right here, sweetheart. I'm right here." She soothed.
Parker could hear, rather than see, those gathered behind Jarod in the hallway.
"What's wrong?" Emily's voice lilted in to the room.
Parker answered in her own soft soothing voice in an attempt to calm her daughter. "It's a bad dream. Just a bad dream."
Sydney's contortions stopped abruptly and the little girl had started to sob. "Mommy! Please, don't leave me in the dark. I don't wanna be special anymore."
Jarod flinched. A look of fierce determination came over his face. In two long strides he had entered the room and plucked the little girl from her mother's arms. "You are safe, Kitten." Jarod hushed into her ear.
Turning in his arms, Sydney weaved her hands around Jarod's neck and clung to him desperately.
"You don't ever have to go there." He told her as Jarod caressed the soft hair cascading down the child's back.
Sydney squeezed her father even more tightly. Her sobs softened into whimpers.
Without another word, Jarod turned and walked out of the room with Sydney cradled in his arms. Plowing his way through the small crowd of family that had gathered, Jarod disappeared down the hallway.
Parker had stared after him, stunned. She could hear the sounds of her daughter's distress fading as Jarod carried her further away. Parker's arms felt empty, abandoned of her maternal right to comfort her own little girl.
Her anger flashed as Parker ran after them.
By the time Parker found the two in his study, Jarod was holding Sydney one handed, propped on his hip while he rummaged through a large mahogany cabinet. Sydney was sniffling but her curiosity had finally overcome the tears as she peered at the reams of paper and ledgers at Jarod's fingertips.
Parker hesitated in the doorway. Jarod was looking for something specific, she could tell. He seemed so full of purpose. Sydney was hanging on his hip as though she had done it a thousand times. They moved naturally together, like dancers. For the first time, Parker really understood that Sydney belonged to Jarod just as much as she belonged to her.
Pulling a large long roll of paper off of a shelf, Jarod handed the tube to Sydney. "Hold this." He ordered gently before returning his attention to the cabinet.
The little girl was still studying the roll inquisitively when Jarod pulled another similar batch of papers from the cabinet. He moved to his desk and sat in the large leather chair, gracefully swinging Sydney into his lap.
Jarod unrolled the papers in his hand to reveal architectural blueprints, several pages thick. He flipped casually through several of the top sheets before moving one specific page to the top. As Jarod smoothed the curling edges down with one hand, Parker could see the drawing from her vantage point at the door and she recognized it.
"This was my room." Jarod said softly, pointing to a spot on the blueprint. "I slept there every night for the better part of thirty years."
Sydney bent curiously over the blueprints.
"Over here was the sim lab." Jarod indicated another room on the drawing.
The little girl glanced at him questioningly.
"The sim lab was where I had all my lessons." Jarod explained. With his hand, Jarod gestured toward the lower half of the page. "All this was underground. We called them sub-levels. No windows."
"That's why it was dark." Sydney added.
Jarod pushed the papers away from him slightly, leaving room on the desk for the other set of blueprints. He helped Sydney to unroll the tube she had clutched to her chest.
"This is what it looks like now." Jarod said. "Those levels are all gone. Filled in with dirt and concrete." He allowed Sydney to study the plans for a few minutes in silence.
"There is only SL-1 left now." Jarod finally said. "And we call it the basement. Nothing but machinery and dusty boxes down there."
Jarod showed the little girl where the dirt and rock had been excavated in order to build a children's oncology wing at the facility. The beautiful glass and steel addition had been built into the side of the huge hill and the earth that had been removed had been used to fill in the unwanted lower levels of the old Centre.
"It's gone, Sydney." Jarod reassured her. "All gone. You don't ever have to go there."
"I still don't want to be special anymore." The little girl whined.
Jarod smiled sadly and pulled her against his chest in a comforting embrace. "Sorry, Kitten. I'm afraid that I can't change that."
Sydney sighed forlornly. Laying her head against Jarod's shoulder, she put her thumb into her mouth.
Jarod sat back in the chair and rocked gently, tenderly caressing the back of Sydney's head. Only then had he noticed Parker watching from the door. He hesitated for a moment with a frown on his face. Then Jarod leaned forward and turned off the lamp on his desk, throwing the room into darkness.
As Parker's eyes adjusted to the light, she could see Jarod moving in the room. With the flare of a match, a small glow illuminated Jarod's face. Sydney was tucked quietly against the curve of his neck. She looked up at her father innocently, still sucking on her thumb. Jarod put the small flame into the fireplace where it caught and spread in the prepared tinder.
As the fire had begun to snap merrily, Jarod moved to the couch. He curled Sydney snugly on his lap with her back to his chest so she could watch the flames crackle.
"Pretty. Isn't it?" Jarod whispered.
Sydney nodded silently.
"Don't ever be afraid of the dark, Kitten." He said solemnly. "Without it, you will never notice the light." Jarod had spoken quietly, but he gazed straight at Parker when he talked.
Parker had known that he was trying to say something, but was unsure of his meaning. She watched the two of them for a long time from the doorway. The pair made a beautiful image sitting serenely together on the couch and Parker didn't want to intrude on this moment between Jarod and his daughter.
Long after the little girl drifted off, Jarod had stretched out and fallen asleep. Only then had Parker felt as though she could enter the room.
For nearly an hour now, Parker had been sitting less than a foot away watching the two of them. In sleep, they looked even more alike. Dark hair tumbled across foreheads and long beautiful lashes curled against high cheeks. However, Sydney had inherited her mother's nose as well as the basic shape of her face, giving the girl a less chiseled look than her father.
Parker loved this child with a depth that she had never imagined possible.
With a sigh, Parker decided it was time to put little Sydney back to bed before the rest of the family began to gather noisily in the kitchen for breakfast. She reached over to gently lift the little girl. Jarod's voice startled her so badly that she cringed.
"Leave her." He growled softly.
"I was just going to put her back in bed." Parker whispered.
Jarod watched Parker silently through unreadable eyes for several minutes.
"What would you say," Jarod asked finally. "If I asked you to go home? Go home Parker, and leave her with me."
Parker chewed for a moment on her lower lip. "For how long?" she asked.
Jarod said nothing. He only stared meaningfully at Parker until his meaning began to dawn on her.
Parker shook her head slowly in disbelief. "No, Jarod. I won't let you take her away from me."
His intent gaze never wavered.
Parker swallowed. "If you take me to court, I'll fight you." She told him.
"You won't win." Jarod vowed.
Feeling as though all the air had been sucked out of the room, Parker gasped. "I'll fight you." She repeated. Parker stared at Jarod in abject horror. She couldn't believe what he was saying.
Jarod sighed abruptly. In one smooth movement, he sat up, stood and transferred the sleeping Sydney into Parker's lap. He moved across the room to gaze blindly out the darkened window.
"I'm not going to take her from you." Jarod said flatly. "You and I both know that a child needs its mother. We know it better than anyone, don't we?"
Relief flooded Parker's soul and she began to breathe regularly again.
Jarod placed his forehead against the cool pane of glass and whispered. "Why did you have to come here?" He sighed. "I was fine. I was really doing fine."
Jarod whirled around and glared at Parker in frustration. "I had finally convinced myself that this was what I wanted. This was who I wanted to be." He said.
He leaned against the windowsill and laughed bitterly. "You once asked me, how long I could pretend to be someone else before I got lost in that person. Eighteen months. It took eighteen months to erase who I was and become the erudite businessman I was trying to be.
I just woke up one morning and realized that it didn't hurt anymore. It didn't hurt because I just didn't care."
Jarod sighed and looked forlornly at Parker. "After a point, there seemed to be things I needed to do because I was a wealthy single man. People expect me to behave in a certain way. I give them what they want to see."
"Why?" Parker asked quietly.
Jarod shrugged. "Everybody wants something from me. It seems easier to give it to them right off rather than to dance around the issue. I fought it for too long." He sighed. "Got tired of fighting I guess."
"Not everyone is after something, Jarod." Parker scolded him gently.
"Yes. They are." Jarod reiterated. "No one wants to know me because I am me. They want what I can give them, or do for them. That's the way it is. That's the way it has always been."
"That's not true." Parker denied.
"What a pretty liar you are." Jarod sighed. "When have you ever come looking for me without a reason behind it, Parker? Even when we were children, you never came to see me unless you wanted something."
"I was no more than a pet to you." Jarod continued sadly. "Something to play with when you were lonely as a child. As you grew up you ignored me. It wasn't until I escaped and became an annoyance that you even bothered to acknowledge my existence again."
Parker opened her mouth then closed it again as she realized that she had no way to disprove his impressions.
"Finally," Jarod went on. "You lured me back to my cage with a treat. Albeit, your body is a very sweet treat."
Jarod face took on a far away look. "During my last stay inside The Centre, those long painful days were spent hating you, Parker. I must have planned a dozen different scenarios to exact my revenge. But those nights," He closed his eyes and sighed like a connoisseur tasting a fine wine. "Those cold dark nights I would dream about you. I'd dream about the way you felt beneath me the way you moved and that sound you made."
Jarod looked at her with an intensity that made heat rise in Parker's cheeks.
"When I escaped, I wanted to move on with my life. But I knew I would never be able to do that until I had settled the score with you." Jarod explained. "I wanted to hurt you, frighten you, make you feel trapped. You had used your body as a weapon against me. I figured I would use it as a weapon against you in return. I never intended to foist a bastard on you, Parker."
Parker glanced quickly at her sleepy daughter. "Don't call her that." Parker hissed angrily. "Don't ever act like she was unwanted." Angry tears sprung to Parker's eyes. "She saved me, Jarod." Parker whispered passionately.
Parker hugged the little girl gently so as not to wake her.
"I was at my worst point." Parker said softly. "I was tumbling down the path toward the Parker legacy and I couldn't seem to stop. I was caught up in the fate that my father had chosen for me." She inhaled deeply and went on. "Then I realized that I was carrying your baby. Yours and mine."
Parker paused before continuing ardently. "Do you have any idea how terrified I was? My god, Jarod, there was a second Mirage Project growing inside me. Can you imagine what Raines would have done if he'd found out?"
Sydney whimpered in her sleep as if she could sense her mother's distress. Parker soothed the child with soft caresses. "My life became obsessed with protecting her."
"You love her." Jarod whispered solemnly.
Parker's head snapped up to glare at him. "Of course I do."
Jarod stared at her silently for a long moment. "Why did you have to come here?" he repeated, his voice little more than a whisper. "You make it so much harder to forget."
"What is it you want to forget, Jarod?" Parker asked sadly. "Me? Do you want to forget you ever knew me?"
Jarod frowned and with a frustrated motion of his arms he turned to look out the window once more. "I want to forget that night!" he said angrily. "I felt incredible, invincible." Jarod's voice grew very quiet. "I felt loved. And it was all a lie."
His eyes filled with shimmering unshed tears as he hissed in dismay. "When we were at the cabin, I thought you would be angry when I forced myself on you. You were supposed to yell and scream and tell me that you hated me. But you didn't." Jarod shook his head in confusion. "You didn't. Instead you started to move the way you did and you made that sound again."
Jarod shrugged. "I had to get out of there. I had to get away before I caved in and let myself believe in you again."
Parker looked at Jarod and said quietly. "It wasn't all lies, Jarod. I've always cared about you, but The Centre made it too dangerous for us."
Jarod glared out the window silently.
"The Centre is gone now. We could try starting over." Parker whispered.
Jarod laughed sadly and Parker could hear the desperation in his voice. "Do you have any idea how badly I want to believe you? Do you?" Parker could see him trembling. "I would sell my soul to have you in my arms again."
Parker smiled. But the smile did not last long.
"How long would it last? " Jarod's voice suddenly dropped into a deep menacing growl. "I know you've come back to give your child a father. You love her and will do anything for her, including letting me back into your life." He sighed desolately and Parker could see the moisture pooling in his deep brown eyes. "But children grow up, Parker. What happens to me when Sydney is all grown up and she doesn't need me anymore? Will you discard me again?"
Tears spilled down Parker's cheeks and she stared at Jarod in shock. "No." she gasped. "I never discarded you and I never will. You were the best friend I ever had, Jarod."
Jarod crossed the room and stood beside Parker, gazing miserably into her face. With one hand he gently cupped her face, wiping away a tear with his thumb.
He shrugged and said, "I don't know how to believe you." Jarod dropped his hand from her cheek abruptly and stuffed his fists into the front pockets of his jeans. Turning toward the window again he looked at the sky as it began to brighten with the dawn. "When are you leaving?" He asked gruffly.
"Tomorrow morning." Parker replied softly.
Jarod nodded. "My parents will want to visit with Sydney again. She is their only grandchild after all."
"That's fine. Sydney loves it here." Parker said.
"I'd appreciate knowing in advance when you are going to be at the ranch." Jarod said flatly.
"Why?" Parker asked, her lip trembling. "So you can make sure that you're not here?"
"Yes." He answered honestly. "The Centre is gone. I won't let the Parkers continue to torture me."
Parker looked down at her little girl, still sleeping on her lap. "What about your daughter? What will you tell her?"
Jarod stared straight ahead, his jaw clenched tight. "She's not mine." Jarod said. "Tell her that Jack is her father."
Parker gasped. "It's not true."
When Jarod turned and looked at her, his eyes were cold and flat. "Prove it." Jarod said blandly. "Every paternity test in the world will say that he is."
Jarod then walked over to a set of walnut doors along the other wall. Pulling open one of the panels revealed a refrigerator and a well stocked bar. He grabbed an unopened bottle without bothering to inspect the label.
"Now if you'll excuse me. I am very tired." Jarod said gruffly. "I will be indisposed for the next twenty four hours or so. Have a nice flight back to Delaware."
Long after he had left the room, Parker was still gaping after him in wounded astonishment.
-----
Jarod nearly knocked his mother over as he stormed through the kitchen.
Margaret was just beginning to prepare coffee when she looked up and barely avoided a collision with her oldest son. He was frowning and as he walked he was peeling the cap off of a bottle of vodka.
"Jarod," Margaret said gently. "Where are you going?"
"Out." He growled taking a swig from the container. "I'm going to find myself a hole to crawl into and then I'm going to get drunk."
Margaret serenely planted herself in front of the kitchen door, effectively blocking Jarod's escape. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
"No." Jarod gritted out through clenched teeth.
Cocking her head at him curiously, Jarod's mother said, "Why are you doing this to yourself, Jarod? This isn't like you."
Jarod suddenly turned on her with a fury Margaret didn't hadn't realized he was capable of.
"How the hell would you know?" He yelled abruptly. "Do you know what I am like? Do you even know who I am?"
"You are my son." Margaret said softly.
The bottle Jarod had in his hand suddenly flew across the room to shatter against the refrigerator door.
"Your son." Jarod hissed. "The major's son. Ethan's and Emily's brother. Jack's twin. Sydney's father." Jarod whirled as his father entered the room but his tirade went on unabated. "CEO of Paradigm. Playboy. Negotiator. Hotel owner. Pilot. Which one?" He paced excitedly as he talked. "Pretender. Killer. Terrorist. Thief. Experiment. Toy. Lab-Rat. Which one, Mother? Which one am I?"
Jarod glared at his father in anger and frustration. "Do you know, Dad? Do you know who I am?"
Major Charles stood protectively beside his wife and spoke to Jarod in a calm soothing voice. "We are each made up of the experiences of our lives Jarod. Each of us has many facets to our personalities. I am father, husband, son and soldier sometimes all at once."
Jarod stared at him in confusion. "How?"
The Major shrugged. "We just do it. It is who we are."
"But I don't know who I am." Jarod cried.
"None of us can tell you that, Jarod." The older man said kindly. "It's something you must discover for yourself."
Jarod stared morosely at the floor for several minutes, thinking. Finally, he looked up at his parents, with tears swimming in his dark brown eyes.
"Forgive me." He whispered. Jarod then walked out the kitchen door without another word.
Jarod didn't come home for dinner that night, nor did he return in time to say goodbye to Sydney, Miss Parker and her daughter when the three of them left the next morning.
He was still gone five days later when his parents filed a missing persons report with the police.
End Part 6