Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any recognizable people and
characters.
Words like "When you're older
Must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams. . .
~Joni Mitchell, Circle Game
*****
Both hands on the ground, Estel gently rested his feet against the tree. 'I will not fall over,' he told himself, 'I will not fall over.' But this was likely not true, he had already fallen over seventeen times trying this same stunt on previous occasions. Up in another, nearby tree, unseen voices whispered.
"Why does he bother? He'll never manage."
"Maybe this time he will. He's come close before."
"Yeah, and maybe Nimrodel will come jumping out of that tree." The Elven children snickered. Estel looked around as best he could from his awkward position, hearing their chuckles.
"I'll show them," he said to himself, "this time it'll work." He moved one foot off the tree, slowly balancing it in the air. Then he moved the second foot. All his weight rested on his wrists. For a few glorious seconds he stayed that way, feet in the air, hands as feet--and then he tumbled.
He flipped over and landed rather painfully, legs at odd angles, arms dangling uselessly. Dirt and pine needles clung to his disheveled head. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he did not cry them. Instead he stood, legs shaking, and leaned against the tree, trying not to hurt his wrists further. He knew he would be bruised by the next day, but his wounded flesh was nothing to his wounded pride.
"Way to go, Hope-less!" One of the Elvish children shouted from her perch in the tree.
"Some Elven grace!"
Estel gritted his teeth. He would not get angry, and he would not cry. They were not worth that.
"If you're the last hope for anyone, Estel, let's pray that it be the dwarves!" They all cackled, as it is the nature of Elves to dislike and distrust dwarves.
"You're definitely *well-grounded* hope!"
"What did I do to you?" He called to the treetops. "Just because I'm not an Elf--"
"Exactly. Just because you're not an Elf. You're not one of us, Hope, you're a human, and Men are always disappointments," an Elf girl explained calmly, climbing down through the branches. "It's just how it is." She shrugged sympathetically, then stood on her hands and walked off.
"If you don't believe her, ask Lord Elrond. He'll tell you. Ask your *Ada* what happened in Orodruin."
*****
Estel swiped furiously with his sword, attempting to stab at Elladan. The Elf only laughed, blocking the thrusts gleefully. "Estel, you wouldn't hit a cow with that sort of offense!"
"Shut up! You always say that!" Estel yelled, hurt by the old taunt. He had been so absorbed in the spar that it had overtaken him, but he had become angry and hardly thought before acting. Now again he lashed out, so forcefully that Elladan's block had to be partially offensive.
"What are you doing, Estel?" Elladan asked. "That's not--" he stopped as Estel wildly swung his practice weapon towards his older brother's face. "Estel, stop it!" He did not, instead he sped up his attacks. Elladan moved his defense to offense, hitting Estel's practice weapon so hard it crash sharply to the left, taking the boy's wrist with it.
"Ouch!" Estel cried, dropping the blade and grabbing his wrist. Elladan set his own weapon down.
"Are you all right, Estel? Let me see." He moved the boy's good hand away and felt the wrist, which was swelling. Estel bit back cries and tears. "Come on, let's go see if Ada can fix it. It's not too bad." Estel sniffed and nodded. "Come on," Elladan repeated, taking his younger brother's good hand in his.
Elladan led Estel down a series of corridors, trying not to pull him along and hurt his wrist even more. Estel sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve, letting Elladan tug him along and trying to be brave. They found their father in his study. "Ada, Estel's hurt his wrist," Elladan said. Elrond looked at the two, exasperated. Estel thought he might burst into tears. Elladan saw this and felt guilty about it. "Ada, I hurt Estel's wrist," he amended.
"All right. Estel, let me see it." Estel went through the process of biting back tears a second time, determined not to be a disappointment as the Elven girl had called him. "This isn't too bad, Estel, don't worry. What happened?"
"We were sparring. . .I got hurt," Estel said, humiliated by the rest of the story. Elrond looked at his son, and Estel looked away.
"There, you should be fine. Try not to hurt it again until it has fully healed."
Estel nodded, not even having noticed that his wrist was now wrapped in bandages, and left the room. "Elladan, what happened?" Elrond asked.
"I don't know," Elladan said, "we were sparring and Estel just started to be. . .rather offensive. It just got to a point where defensive blocks had to be offensive blocks. That's all that happened."
"Why did he start to attack you? Did you say something to him?"
"No. Well," Elladan added, as Elrond gave him a look of utter disbelief, "nothing I've never said to him before, but he's never gotten so upset about it before."
*****
That night, Estel was awake long after he had gone to bed. He raised and lowered his wrist, wondering how long it would take to heal. "I am a disappointment," he whispered. "Why would anyone want me around? All I ever do is mess up and break things. I'm useless. The twins never get hurt like that, or get into trouble like I do."
Inside his head, a voice answered him. "That's true. You are useless. The twins are better than you, they are Elves. Why not just leave? Go find someone who cares."
"No," he told the voice, "I don't have to leave. Because Ada cares, and my brothers care, and--"
"And what? Are they really your Ada and your brothers? No. They're Elves, something you will never be. You can't act like an Elf, and you don't look like an Elf. You are not an Elf."
"I will be an Elf! I'll learn how to be! That way, when I am an Elf, no one will be disappointed with me. I can watch them, and do what they do!"
In his head, the mocking voice answered, "You said the same thing about standing on your head."
"Then I shall find an Elf to teach me!"
"Who would want to teach you?" the voice sneered. "What Elves have ever been kind to you without some request?"
For a moment Estel thought about this. The voice was right, his mother had asked Elrond to look after him, Elrond had probably asked the twins to be nice to him, and the other Elves in Rivendell were not nice to him at all. "What about. . .what about. . ." what was his name? That one Elf, the twins' friend, the one who was always nice. "Legolas, that's his name! I'll find him!"
"In Mirkwood? A little boy like you? You don't even know where Mirkwood is!"
"No, but I'll find it. I'll show them, I'll show all of them! They'll be sorry they ever questioned me! I'll be more Elf than the Elves!" And with this proclamation he yawned, and fell asleep.
The next morning, Estel was not so sure. He went to the library to find a map to Mirkwood. There was a map, a good map, in one of the smaller books. It showed Mirkwood as being almost three hundred miles away. "All right. I shall have to ride to the forests is all."
"You think you can make it? Boy! Child! You'll be back here within a week!" But this only strengthened his resolve.
"Legolas has always been nice to me. Surely he will teach me to be an Elf. Finding him will not be difficult, then everyone will be pleased with me."
"And this would not break your Ada's rule? Are you not forbidden to cross the Bruinen?"
"I. . .I. . .my brothers cross it!"
"They are older than you, are they not?"
Estel thought back to the day this ban had been put upon him. He had asked the other children if the had ever crossed the Bruinen. Most of them said yes, and a few had not. That day Estel and some younger Elves wandered to the Bruinen, and each Elf crossed over it. When it came to Estel's turn they jeered at him for being a sissy, and a wuss, and other names he could not recall. Finally he could no longer take it, and he stormed across the Bruinen and back.
"Ada knew," Estel said, "I know he did. How did he know? I always wished he would have just been angry and shouted or something, anything but that disappointed look in his eyes. . .no more! When I'm an Elf, no one will be disappointed with me!"
And the voice did not speak again for quite some time.
Words like "When you're older
Must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams. . .
~Joni Mitchell, Circle Game
*****
Both hands on the ground, Estel gently rested his feet against the tree. 'I will not fall over,' he told himself, 'I will not fall over.' But this was likely not true, he had already fallen over seventeen times trying this same stunt on previous occasions. Up in another, nearby tree, unseen voices whispered.
"Why does he bother? He'll never manage."
"Maybe this time he will. He's come close before."
"Yeah, and maybe Nimrodel will come jumping out of that tree." The Elven children snickered. Estel looked around as best he could from his awkward position, hearing their chuckles.
"I'll show them," he said to himself, "this time it'll work." He moved one foot off the tree, slowly balancing it in the air. Then he moved the second foot. All his weight rested on his wrists. For a few glorious seconds he stayed that way, feet in the air, hands as feet--and then he tumbled.
He flipped over and landed rather painfully, legs at odd angles, arms dangling uselessly. Dirt and pine needles clung to his disheveled head. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he did not cry them. Instead he stood, legs shaking, and leaned against the tree, trying not to hurt his wrists further. He knew he would be bruised by the next day, but his wounded flesh was nothing to his wounded pride.
"Way to go, Hope-less!" One of the Elvish children shouted from her perch in the tree.
"Some Elven grace!"
Estel gritted his teeth. He would not get angry, and he would not cry. They were not worth that.
"If you're the last hope for anyone, Estel, let's pray that it be the dwarves!" They all cackled, as it is the nature of Elves to dislike and distrust dwarves.
"You're definitely *well-grounded* hope!"
"What did I do to you?" He called to the treetops. "Just because I'm not an Elf--"
"Exactly. Just because you're not an Elf. You're not one of us, Hope, you're a human, and Men are always disappointments," an Elf girl explained calmly, climbing down through the branches. "It's just how it is." She shrugged sympathetically, then stood on her hands and walked off.
"If you don't believe her, ask Lord Elrond. He'll tell you. Ask your *Ada* what happened in Orodruin."
*****
Estel swiped furiously with his sword, attempting to stab at Elladan. The Elf only laughed, blocking the thrusts gleefully. "Estel, you wouldn't hit a cow with that sort of offense!"
"Shut up! You always say that!" Estel yelled, hurt by the old taunt. He had been so absorbed in the spar that it had overtaken him, but he had become angry and hardly thought before acting. Now again he lashed out, so forcefully that Elladan's block had to be partially offensive.
"What are you doing, Estel?" Elladan asked. "That's not--" he stopped as Estel wildly swung his practice weapon towards his older brother's face. "Estel, stop it!" He did not, instead he sped up his attacks. Elladan moved his defense to offense, hitting Estel's practice weapon so hard it crash sharply to the left, taking the boy's wrist with it.
"Ouch!" Estel cried, dropping the blade and grabbing his wrist. Elladan set his own weapon down.
"Are you all right, Estel? Let me see." He moved the boy's good hand away and felt the wrist, which was swelling. Estel bit back cries and tears. "Come on, let's go see if Ada can fix it. It's not too bad." Estel sniffed and nodded. "Come on," Elladan repeated, taking his younger brother's good hand in his.
Elladan led Estel down a series of corridors, trying not to pull him along and hurt his wrist even more. Estel sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve, letting Elladan tug him along and trying to be brave. They found their father in his study. "Ada, Estel's hurt his wrist," Elladan said. Elrond looked at the two, exasperated. Estel thought he might burst into tears. Elladan saw this and felt guilty about it. "Ada, I hurt Estel's wrist," he amended.
"All right. Estel, let me see it." Estel went through the process of biting back tears a second time, determined not to be a disappointment as the Elven girl had called him. "This isn't too bad, Estel, don't worry. What happened?"
"We were sparring. . .I got hurt," Estel said, humiliated by the rest of the story. Elrond looked at his son, and Estel looked away.
"There, you should be fine. Try not to hurt it again until it has fully healed."
Estel nodded, not even having noticed that his wrist was now wrapped in bandages, and left the room. "Elladan, what happened?" Elrond asked.
"I don't know," Elladan said, "we were sparring and Estel just started to be. . .rather offensive. It just got to a point where defensive blocks had to be offensive blocks. That's all that happened."
"Why did he start to attack you? Did you say something to him?"
"No. Well," Elladan added, as Elrond gave him a look of utter disbelief, "nothing I've never said to him before, but he's never gotten so upset about it before."
*****
That night, Estel was awake long after he had gone to bed. He raised and lowered his wrist, wondering how long it would take to heal. "I am a disappointment," he whispered. "Why would anyone want me around? All I ever do is mess up and break things. I'm useless. The twins never get hurt like that, or get into trouble like I do."
Inside his head, a voice answered him. "That's true. You are useless. The twins are better than you, they are Elves. Why not just leave? Go find someone who cares."
"No," he told the voice, "I don't have to leave. Because Ada cares, and my brothers care, and--"
"And what? Are they really your Ada and your brothers? No. They're Elves, something you will never be. You can't act like an Elf, and you don't look like an Elf. You are not an Elf."
"I will be an Elf! I'll learn how to be! That way, when I am an Elf, no one will be disappointed with me. I can watch them, and do what they do!"
In his head, the mocking voice answered, "You said the same thing about standing on your head."
"Then I shall find an Elf to teach me!"
"Who would want to teach you?" the voice sneered. "What Elves have ever been kind to you without some request?"
For a moment Estel thought about this. The voice was right, his mother had asked Elrond to look after him, Elrond had probably asked the twins to be nice to him, and the other Elves in Rivendell were not nice to him at all. "What about. . .what about. . ." what was his name? That one Elf, the twins' friend, the one who was always nice. "Legolas, that's his name! I'll find him!"
"In Mirkwood? A little boy like you? You don't even know where Mirkwood is!"
"No, but I'll find it. I'll show them, I'll show all of them! They'll be sorry they ever questioned me! I'll be more Elf than the Elves!" And with this proclamation he yawned, and fell asleep.
The next morning, Estel was not so sure. He went to the library to find a map to Mirkwood. There was a map, a good map, in one of the smaller books. It showed Mirkwood as being almost three hundred miles away. "All right. I shall have to ride to the forests is all."
"You think you can make it? Boy! Child! You'll be back here within a week!" But this only strengthened his resolve.
"Legolas has always been nice to me. Surely he will teach me to be an Elf. Finding him will not be difficult, then everyone will be pleased with me."
"And this would not break your Ada's rule? Are you not forbidden to cross the Bruinen?"
"I. . .I. . .my brothers cross it!"
"They are older than you, are they not?"
Estel thought back to the day this ban had been put upon him. He had asked the other children if the had ever crossed the Bruinen. Most of them said yes, and a few had not. That day Estel and some younger Elves wandered to the Bruinen, and each Elf crossed over it. When it came to Estel's turn they jeered at him for being a sissy, and a wuss, and other names he could not recall. Finally he could no longer take it, and he stormed across the Bruinen and back.
"Ada knew," Estel said, "I know he did. How did he know? I always wished he would have just been angry and shouted or something, anything but that disappointed look in his eyes. . .no more! When I'm an Elf, no one will be disappointed with me!"
And the voice did not speak again for quite some time.