Disclaimer: Yeah, I think we all know who owns it and that "who" is not me.
Fifi88: Thanks
Lina Skye: Estel, Legolas, and the twins say thanks for the hugs. Elrond is still in shock. (Elrond: What. . .what happened?)
Ciria: You'll just have to. . .read on. . .to see if he is sick! Don't worry, the twins and Elrond all have roles to play. . .no spoilers, though!
Lutris: Oh yes, much talking yet to come!
Kaimelieamin: If you want the "Estel barfs on Legolas" story, I was gong to add it to "Something so Beautiful". Other than that, it will only be mentioned.
Kawaii Blue Bear: Stop abusing my main character, Kawaii!
Calcus Angel: If he were older, he might understand that he doesn't have to run away. Well, that's unlikely. . .
Thanks everyone who reviewed!
*****
Estel's face contorted. He swallowed, then observed, "Yuck!" Legolas laughed. Estel gulped the rest of the foul liquid, then wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "That did not taste good."
"Well, when young boys get sick they must deal with the consequences," Elrond said. "And having to take your medicine is the least of your worries now. Go to sleep."
Estel smiled a bit, then glanced at Legolas and smiled even more. "I'm glad I got sick!" Estel announced happily. "Elves don't get sick, you know, and I would hate to be confused for an Elf."
"Estel, what are you talking about?" Elrond was rather disturbed by this. Legolas smothered a smile.
"I'm human and proud of it!" Estel explained. "Why should I not be? I am never going to be an Elf, but /you/ are never going to be human!" At this Elrond felt his face turn red, and he might have been angry but for the giggles from the corner of the room.
"So this is your doing, Legolas? All right, you have a few questions yet to answer and Estel needs to get to sleep, so let's leave him in peace," Elrond headed for the door, then turned and added, "if you aren't asleep in five minutes you shall have to drink a sleeping potion!" At that Estel's head flopped onto the pillow and he faked a snore.
*****
"Do you have answers for me now?" Elrond asked. He and Legolas had not gone far, only pausing outside Estel's room to talk. "Will you tell me where and why my son was going?"
"These answers I have," Legolas began slyly, "in part, but they are not mine to tell. Ask your son these questions, for it was not I who ran away, and it was not I who lived the life leading to it."
"By the Valar, Elf-child, have you been reading poetry or some such thing?" Elrond asked, and Legolas blushed, but nodded. "That's all right, you are right, this is Estel's story. Hopefully he is asleep by now, as you should be."
"Me? I'm not really a child, with all due respect--" Legolas protested, but Elrond glared at him. "I was just going off to bed!"
"Much better. Good night."
*****
Legolas rose like a spirit from bed, and with no noise to follow traversed the corridor. He slowly turned the doorknob and pushed open the door. The hinges creaked and he paused, sure every elf in Rivendell had heard. When no one showed themselves, Legolas continued on, entering the room and closing the door behind him. "Estel, are you awake?" As his eyes adjusted to the darkness Legolas saw that he was not awake; most of his body was buried beneath the duvet (a/n is that the right word?), and most of his head was buried beneath a mop of black hair.
"Yes," he answered feebly, pushing himself into sitting position with the heels of his hands. Estel pushed hair out of his eyes and blinked. "What is it?"
"If you are not too tired, Estel, I wanted to tell you something that may help you understand how truly small the difference in all children is. Unless you are too tired, or those were indeed not tears I heard brimming in the words you spoke earlier."
Estel blushed guiltily. "Maybe I was still a little upset. . ." Legolas shook his head at this, well aware that Estel could not see the gesture, and sat on the edge of the bed. Estel immediately materialized in his lap.
"When I was younger, Estel, around your age, maybe a bit older, something happened to me that stayed with me all my life. The other Elves in Mirkwood forest, where I came from, then called Greenwood the Great, were teasing me for having a close friendship with Elrohir. They said--and this is not at all true, but it is what they said--that the Rivendell Elves were all sissies, and so was I for being around one of them so often. I protested this, although I am sorry to say that I never defended your brother. I told them I was not a sissy, and they said I was and ought to just go to Rivendell with the other sissy Elves.
"They told me that Rivendell was created when all the sissy Elves were banished from Greenwood, and I ought to go there. I yelled at them that I was not a sissy, and I would prove it. They smiled maliciously and I realized that I had played into their trap, and it was too late to take it back.
"They told me to sneak into an abandoned home, and bring out something from it. Everyone was afraid of it, though they never said why, and there were many stories concerning the spirits that haunted it. That night, for they insisted that this task be carried out at night, I shook with fear as I entered the house. One of the boys had dressed up as a spirit, and went into the house to frighten me. Needless to say I was scared out of my wits, and I turned away and ran.
"The worst part was the howls of laughter, which I took for spirits screaming. I was lost in that old home, and for hours I wandered through corridors and rooms. Spider webs coated everything, and rats lived there now. I ran through it as fast as I could, crying, convinced that I was a Rivendell sissy after all--even if most Elves in Rivendell are valiant and honorable.
"What felt like years was really only hours in the dark. I was so frightened I nearly wet myself. Finally I found a door, and when I managed to get through it. . .it was all light outside, and someone was hugging me-- I think it was my mother, just hugging me and crying. . .I was crying, too, of course. It was just the feeling of incredible relief because I was alive and out of that old place. . .
"Even Elves get lost, Estel, and frightened as well. Even Elves hurt and cry. Do you understand, now, how little it matters what you are?"
"Yes," Estel answered. "Thank you!" and he threw his arms around Legolas.
"Do you also understand that when people care about you, it doesn't matter what you are? You could be from Mirkwood, Rivendell, or Lothlorien, or you could not be Elf-kind at all."
"I know," Estel assured him.
"Good. Now go to sleep." Legolas tried to get Estel off him, but Estel hugged tighter. Legolas sighed and waited. When the boy's breathing was steady, Legolas lifted him and gently put him back in bed. Estel didn't wake at all.
*****
Elladan and Elrohir plodded into Imladris at noon. A few minutes had turned into a few hours as they searched for their little brother. Neither spoke, each mired in his own sad thoughts. Elladan could not get it out of his head that Estel had hidden from them. Elrohir was just hoping that he was all right and would find his way home.
The twins trudged through halls searching for their father, ready to admit defeat. "Glorfindel, have you seen Ada?" Elrohir asked, running into his blonde friend.
"Yes, he's in Estel's room," Glorfindel answered, hurrying off. The twins shrugged and plodded their way to their brother's room.
"Estel!"
"Estel, you ratbag!" Elladan exclaimed. Both the twins hugged him at the same time, and Estel felt the need to protest that he was not a pretzel. Legolas was laughing and Elrond looked as though he might smile. "You stupid, stupid person! Beag!" Elladan continued to hurl verbal abuse, hugging Estel still, despite Estel's protests and formidable defense.
"Elladan, he's turning blue," Elrohir observed, having stopped hugging-to- the-point-of-strangling his brother. Elladan drew back as well, whacking Estel on the back of the head.
"What in Middle Earth were you thinking?" he demanded. "Did you think at all?" Estel was crying again.
"Elladan, maybe you need to calm down a bit," Elrohir said, half-leading and half-dragging Elladan out of the room. Estel buried his face in his arms.
"What did I do wrong?" Estel wondered allowed.
"Estel. . ." this part of the story would be difficult for Legolas to revisit, but Estel needed to hear it. "Remember the old house?"
"Uh-huh," Estel said, looking up and trying to dry his eyes.
"Remember I told you when I came out my mother was there hugging me?"
"Yes," Estel said. "But she never hit you!"
"No, but my Ada did," Legolas answered. Estel's tears and howls ceased immediately as he stared at Legolas. Even Elrond's attention was drawn. "It was as soon as I returned home. He just. . .slapped me. I was angry for many years before I understood fully what had happened. I scared them so much when I did not come home, and he was angry because I had been gone for some petty argument, some stupid matter of pride. When some one who you love is missing, it is truly frightening, and sometimes people do things they don't mean because they're angry. Elladan was angry because he and Elrohir have spent the last few days looking for you, and they are both exhausted and were very scared."
"Oh. I messed up again. . ."
"That's all right," Legolas assured him. "Part of growing up, remember? Fixing your mistakes."
"Speaking of which, Estel, I would like to know what exactly you had in mind, running away like that."
"I was. . .I wanted to be. . ." Estel wondered how to phrase it properly. His vocabulary had only the capacity of an average seven-year-old boy. "I thought things and then Legolas told me I was wrong. Like if I thought something was black, he said it was white."
"Black. . .and white?" Elrond asked. What in Middle Earth was his son talking about? "What do you mean?"
"I mean 'cause I was wrong, and so now I know."
"Estel," Legolas said gently, "remember the stars."
Estel immediately said, "I thought if I was an Elf people would like me better. I wouldn't be a disappointment to anyone anymore. So I went to find Legolas, so he could teach me how to be an Elf. But then. . .I don't need to be an Elf."
"Why would you think you needed to be an Elf?" Elrond asked.
"Because I though the other children would accept me that way. . .and maybe I thought you and Elladan and Elrohir would like me better as an Elf. When I first got back it seemed like I was wrong, and with what Legolas told me, too, but now I feel like maybe I was right, after all."
Elrond moved to speak but Legolas was quicker. "How can you say that, Estel? After all I've told?"
"Elladan was angry. If I were an Elf--"
"It would be quite the same," Elrond supplied.
"I know that inside, but sometimes it feels like it's too difficult. . ."Estel wondered how to explain this.
"It feels good to believe that it would be better if you were different," Legolas said. "We all feel that way Estel." Again he whispered dramatically in Estel's ear, "I used to make believe I was a Man." Estel giggled at that. "So I think it's al; right to pretend, just make sure you are pretending from the safety of your own home."
Estel's eyelids began to grow heavy, for while it was only late morning he was still very sick. "Come on, Legolas, let him get some rest. We can finish this conversation later," Elrond said, and the Elves left. Legolas paused at the door and turned.
"One last lesson. Brothers always forgive."
*****
. . .or do they? Find out next chapter! (okay, so I'm lazy. Big deal.)
Fifi88: Thanks
Lina Skye: Estel, Legolas, and the twins say thanks for the hugs. Elrond is still in shock. (Elrond: What. . .what happened?)
Ciria: You'll just have to. . .read on. . .to see if he is sick! Don't worry, the twins and Elrond all have roles to play. . .no spoilers, though!
Lutris: Oh yes, much talking yet to come!
Kaimelieamin: If you want the "Estel barfs on Legolas" story, I was gong to add it to "Something so Beautiful". Other than that, it will only be mentioned.
Kawaii Blue Bear: Stop abusing my main character, Kawaii!
Calcus Angel: If he were older, he might understand that he doesn't have to run away. Well, that's unlikely. . .
Thanks everyone who reviewed!
*****
Estel's face contorted. He swallowed, then observed, "Yuck!" Legolas laughed. Estel gulped the rest of the foul liquid, then wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "That did not taste good."
"Well, when young boys get sick they must deal with the consequences," Elrond said. "And having to take your medicine is the least of your worries now. Go to sleep."
Estel smiled a bit, then glanced at Legolas and smiled even more. "I'm glad I got sick!" Estel announced happily. "Elves don't get sick, you know, and I would hate to be confused for an Elf."
"Estel, what are you talking about?" Elrond was rather disturbed by this. Legolas smothered a smile.
"I'm human and proud of it!" Estel explained. "Why should I not be? I am never going to be an Elf, but /you/ are never going to be human!" At this Elrond felt his face turn red, and he might have been angry but for the giggles from the corner of the room.
"So this is your doing, Legolas? All right, you have a few questions yet to answer and Estel needs to get to sleep, so let's leave him in peace," Elrond headed for the door, then turned and added, "if you aren't asleep in five minutes you shall have to drink a sleeping potion!" At that Estel's head flopped onto the pillow and he faked a snore.
*****
"Do you have answers for me now?" Elrond asked. He and Legolas had not gone far, only pausing outside Estel's room to talk. "Will you tell me where and why my son was going?"
"These answers I have," Legolas began slyly, "in part, but they are not mine to tell. Ask your son these questions, for it was not I who ran away, and it was not I who lived the life leading to it."
"By the Valar, Elf-child, have you been reading poetry or some such thing?" Elrond asked, and Legolas blushed, but nodded. "That's all right, you are right, this is Estel's story. Hopefully he is asleep by now, as you should be."
"Me? I'm not really a child, with all due respect--" Legolas protested, but Elrond glared at him. "I was just going off to bed!"
"Much better. Good night."
*****
Legolas rose like a spirit from bed, and with no noise to follow traversed the corridor. He slowly turned the doorknob and pushed open the door. The hinges creaked and he paused, sure every elf in Rivendell had heard. When no one showed themselves, Legolas continued on, entering the room and closing the door behind him. "Estel, are you awake?" As his eyes adjusted to the darkness Legolas saw that he was not awake; most of his body was buried beneath the duvet (a/n is that the right word?), and most of his head was buried beneath a mop of black hair.
"Yes," he answered feebly, pushing himself into sitting position with the heels of his hands. Estel pushed hair out of his eyes and blinked. "What is it?"
"If you are not too tired, Estel, I wanted to tell you something that may help you understand how truly small the difference in all children is. Unless you are too tired, or those were indeed not tears I heard brimming in the words you spoke earlier."
Estel blushed guiltily. "Maybe I was still a little upset. . ." Legolas shook his head at this, well aware that Estel could not see the gesture, and sat on the edge of the bed. Estel immediately materialized in his lap.
"When I was younger, Estel, around your age, maybe a bit older, something happened to me that stayed with me all my life. The other Elves in Mirkwood forest, where I came from, then called Greenwood the Great, were teasing me for having a close friendship with Elrohir. They said--and this is not at all true, but it is what they said--that the Rivendell Elves were all sissies, and so was I for being around one of them so often. I protested this, although I am sorry to say that I never defended your brother. I told them I was not a sissy, and they said I was and ought to just go to Rivendell with the other sissy Elves.
"They told me that Rivendell was created when all the sissy Elves were banished from Greenwood, and I ought to go there. I yelled at them that I was not a sissy, and I would prove it. They smiled maliciously and I realized that I had played into their trap, and it was too late to take it back.
"They told me to sneak into an abandoned home, and bring out something from it. Everyone was afraid of it, though they never said why, and there were many stories concerning the spirits that haunted it. That night, for they insisted that this task be carried out at night, I shook with fear as I entered the house. One of the boys had dressed up as a spirit, and went into the house to frighten me. Needless to say I was scared out of my wits, and I turned away and ran.
"The worst part was the howls of laughter, which I took for spirits screaming. I was lost in that old home, and for hours I wandered through corridors and rooms. Spider webs coated everything, and rats lived there now. I ran through it as fast as I could, crying, convinced that I was a Rivendell sissy after all--even if most Elves in Rivendell are valiant and honorable.
"What felt like years was really only hours in the dark. I was so frightened I nearly wet myself. Finally I found a door, and when I managed to get through it. . .it was all light outside, and someone was hugging me-- I think it was my mother, just hugging me and crying. . .I was crying, too, of course. It was just the feeling of incredible relief because I was alive and out of that old place. . .
"Even Elves get lost, Estel, and frightened as well. Even Elves hurt and cry. Do you understand, now, how little it matters what you are?"
"Yes," Estel answered. "Thank you!" and he threw his arms around Legolas.
"Do you also understand that when people care about you, it doesn't matter what you are? You could be from Mirkwood, Rivendell, or Lothlorien, or you could not be Elf-kind at all."
"I know," Estel assured him.
"Good. Now go to sleep." Legolas tried to get Estel off him, but Estel hugged tighter. Legolas sighed and waited. When the boy's breathing was steady, Legolas lifted him and gently put him back in bed. Estel didn't wake at all.
*****
Elladan and Elrohir plodded into Imladris at noon. A few minutes had turned into a few hours as they searched for their little brother. Neither spoke, each mired in his own sad thoughts. Elladan could not get it out of his head that Estel had hidden from them. Elrohir was just hoping that he was all right and would find his way home.
The twins trudged through halls searching for their father, ready to admit defeat. "Glorfindel, have you seen Ada?" Elrohir asked, running into his blonde friend.
"Yes, he's in Estel's room," Glorfindel answered, hurrying off. The twins shrugged and plodded their way to their brother's room.
"Estel!"
"Estel, you ratbag!" Elladan exclaimed. Both the twins hugged him at the same time, and Estel felt the need to protest that he was not a pretzel. Legolas was laughing and Elrond looked as though he might smile. "You stupid, stupid person! Beag!" Elladan continued to hurl verbal abuse, hugging Estel still, despite Estel's protests and formidable defense.
"Elladan, he's turning blue," Elrohir observed, having stopped hugging-to- the-point-of-strangling his brother. Elladan drew back as well, whacking Estel on the back of the head.
"What in Middle Earth were you thinking?" he demanded. "Did you think at all?" Estel was crying again.
"Elladan, maybe you need to calm down a bit," Elrohir said, half-leading and half-dragging Elladan out of the room. Estel buried his face in his arms.
"What did I do wrong?" Estel wondered allowed.
"Estel. . ." this part of the story would be difficult for Legolas to revisit, but Estel needed to hear it. "Remember the old house?"
"Uh-huh," Estel said, looking up and trying to dry his eyes.
"Remember I told you when I came out my mother was there hugging me?"
"Yes," Estel said. "But she never hit you!"
"No, but my Ada did," Legolas answered. Estel's tears and howls ceased immediately as he stared at Legolas. Even Elrond's attention was drawn. "It was as soon as I returned home. He just. . .slapped me. I was angry for many years before I understood fully what had happened. I scared them so much when I did not come home, and he was angry because I had been gone for some petty argument, some stupid matter of pride. When some one who you love is missing, it is truly frightening, and sometimes people do things they don't mean because they're angry. Elladan was angry because he and Elrohir have spent the last few days looking for you, and they are both exhausted and were very scared."
"Oh. I messed up again. . ."
"That's all right," Legolas assured him. "Part of growing up, remember? Fixing your mistakes."
"Speaking of which, Estel, I would like to know what exactly you had in mind, running away like that."
"I was. . .I wanted to be. . ." Estel wondered how to phrase it properly. His vocabulary had only the capacity of an average seven-year-old boy. "I thought things and then Legolas told me I was wrong. Like if I thought something was black, he said it was white."
"Black. . .and white?" Elrond asked. What in Middle Earth was his son talking about? "What do you mean?"
"I mean 'cause I was wrong, and so now I know."
"Estel," Legolas said gently, "remember the stars."
Estel immediately said, "I thought if I was an Elf people would like me better. I wouldn't be a disappointment to anyone anymore. So I went to find Legolas, so he could teach me how to be an Elf. But then. . .I don't need to be an Elf."
"Why would you think you needed to be an Elf?" Elrond asked.
"Because I though the other children would accept me that way. . .and maybe I thought you and Elladan and Elrohir would like me better as an Elf. When I first got back it seemed like I was wrong, and with what Legolas told me, too, but now I feel like maybe I was right, after all."
Elrond moved to speak but Legolas was quicker. "How can you say that, Estel? After all I've told?"
"Elladan was angry. If I were an Elf--"
"It would be quite the same," Elrond supplied.
"I know that inside, but sometimes it feels like it's too difficult. . ."Estel wondered how to explain this.
"It feels good to believe that it would be better if you were different," Legolas said. "We all feel that way Estel." Again he whispered dramatically in Estel's ear, "I used to make believe I was a Man." Estel giggled at that. "So I think it's al; right to pretend, just make sure you are pretending from the safety of your own home."
Estel's eyelids began to grow heavy, for while it was only late morning he was still very sick. "Come on, Legolas, let him get some rest. We can finish this conversation later," Elrond said, and the Elves left. Legolas paused at the door and turned.
"One last lesson. Brothers always forgive."
*****
. . .or do they? Find out next chapter! (okay, so I'm lazy. Big deal.)