Disclaimer: Oh, I wish! In point of fact, I own nothing in any way related
to the rights to any recognizable people and places. Actually, I own a copy
of the book and a copy of the DVD.
Karate Elf: Thanks and this is as soon as I could post it, sorry!
Kaimelieamin: Estel would probably not see him that way, although Aragorn and Legolas slash is something I could consider writing. . .I'm working on the "Estel pukes on Legolas" story, but it's taking a while, should be up soon though. Thanks for reviewing and have fun putting off till tomorrow what could be done today!
Kawaii Blue Bear: No fair! You can't have Legolas AND Estel! CHEATER!! Just kidding, you can claim ownership any time you want to (because they're MINE)! Thanks for reviewing an all, and stop trying to out-do the twins as far as Estel-abuse goes! **hugs Estel, because everyone's beating up on him**
Lutris: Legolas was just trying to make Estel feel better (presumably he told the truth though). And maybe they will, maybe they won't. . .
Elanor: Legolas is wise, but not an Istari. Mithrandir can stop worrying for now! Where do you think chapter five is? Scroll down. . .
Daylight: Thanks and okay!
"Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way"
~Joni Mitchell, Both Sides, Now
*****
Estel grasped the wooden pole as he peered around it, watching his brothers compete against each other at archery. Elladan was winning, as he usually did, but Elrohir was close behind. Estel still had not spoken to the twins, partially because he was afraid, and partially because he was ashamed. He was afraid because the last time he had seen them, they had hit him and yelled at him. He was ashamed because he knew he deserved that.
Elladan turned to Elrohir and said a few words that Estel did not hear. Elrohir shook his head, but as Elladan continued he nodded. The two began to head back up to Imladris. Estel, hiding amongst the spare archery targets (the twins generally preferred to shoot through leaves on trees), could not see them. He was just about to step out from behind the target when he felt himself caught and lifted off the ground. By nature, he struggled.
"Stop that! Estel, quit kicking me!" Although he could not see, Estel knew by the voice that it was Elladan who had caught him. This only increased his fear and he struggled harder. "Estel! What are you trying to do? It's me, Elladan, your brother! I'm not going to hurt you!"
"Why do you care what I do? Let me go! You hurt me before, I don't want you to hurt me now! This time I didn't do anything!" Estel managed to shout all this while putting up a decent fight. Elladan held him at arms' length. Elrohir had heard the commotion and was just coming to see what had happened when Estel managed to bite Elladan's hand, and in recoil (and on accident) Elladan let go of him. Estel smacked the ground hard, then looked to Elladan in utter shock and betrayal. Elrohir stared at both of them, then Estel, noticing his brother, ran over and clung to Elrohir, who lifted him up, as it was easier to walk carrying Estel than with Estel hugging your legs.
"What happened, Elladan?" Elrohir asked.
"I just saw Estel hiding over there, and I thought he was running away again," Elladan said, walking over to his brother. "He bit me. I didn't mean to drop him." Elladan held up his hand, where small pools of blood grew from tiny teeth-marks. Elrohir cringed.
"Estel?"
"He hurt me again!" Estel cried. "I wanted to apologize and he hurt me again!"
"Estel, stand here for a minute," Elrohir said, kneeling and setting Estel on the ground. Estel snivelled, but he was not crying. He may have been moments before. "Tell me exactly what happened."
"I was trying to wait until I could talk to Elladan alone, because he was so upset, but when I tried to apologize he dropped me!"
"Estel, Elladan thought you were running away," Elrohir informed him quietly. "He picked you up so you wouldn't, and when you bit him he was no longer capable of holding you. So do you understand how Elladan is not at fault here?"
"I was scared. The last time I talked to him he hit me. I deserved it then, but now I don't. I haven't done anything wrong today," Estel pleaded his case. Elrohir backed up.
"This is between you and Elladan. I'll leave you now, and see you back in Imladris." With that Elrohir turned and strode swiftly away. Estel wanted to bolt but he didn't. Elladan stood oddly.
"I wanted to say sorry for being so dumb and for running away," Estel said, "or maybe just because you were hurt."
"It's all right, Estel. I suppose I partially blamed myself for that, which was why I was so angry," Elladan offered.
"How come you blamed yourself?"
"You don't remember?" Elladan was shocked. He thought for sure Estel had memory of when he was younger, it had been hardly a year ago. . ."I hated you when you were younger. Which was my fault, not yours, but the fact remains. It seemed that when you ran away. . .I felt like you were running away from me. You hid from us, Estel. Why did you do that?"
"I wanted to be better," Estel said. He had not yet fully explained this to Elrond, explaining it to Elladan seemed more proper. "I thought if I were an Elf that everyone would like me better. Legolas says that it's a. . .juvenile nature to believe that perhaps things would be better if you were different."
Elladan laughed. "Well, Legolas is right, but perhaps he should have used easier words for you. Would you like me to explain?" Estel nodded eagerly, thinking that this was what big brothers ought to be. "When you're little, like you are now, sometimes bad things happen and you think that if you were different--Elven, Dwarvish, red-headed--things would be better."
"Oh! Now I understand! Thanks, Elladan," Estel exclaimed, hugging Elladan in his usual thank-you manner.
"You're welcome," Elladan said, lifting Estel off the ground. "Don't kick me this time, because no matter what you do there is no way I'll let you go!" he joked. Estel giggled.
*****
"There he is! Estel, you had best find your Ada about right now!" Legolas exclaimed as Estel and Elladan entered Imladris. "I said I knew where you were, but you shouldn't go running off like that. Anyway, Elrond wants to know why you decided to run away in the first place. . ." he trailed off. Elladan set Estel down on the ground, having some trouble in prying the child off of him.
"Good luck, little brother," Elladan said, mussing Estel's hair and heading off. Estel stood still.
"Go on," Legolas prodded, and Estel jumped up and ran off. Crashing through all of Imladris, Estel fell over quite a few times, each time laughing and getting up, just to take off running again. Estel had taken a running leap off a low railing when he nearly crashed into Elrond, who luckily managed to catch Estel mid-flight.
"What in the name of the Valar are you trying to do, Estel?" Elrond asked, mired somewhere between humor and anger.
"Flying!" Estel exclaimed, wriggling happily.
"From now on, try not to fly when anyone's around, all right?"
"That's what Glorfindel said, too," Estel informed Elrond. "But I didn't listen to him. . ."
"Quite clearly. But, Estel, you and I do have something to discuss."
"Oh. . .right. . ." now he remembered what he had been doing rushing around Imladris in the first place. "I thought I explained to you. . ." Estel, like all young boys, thought that tears were for girls, but if he had to recount the story again he doubted if he could keep from crying.
"Not that. I just wanted you to know that it doesn't matter at all to me or to your brothers what you are. You could be a sheep for all we care, what matters is who you are on the inside. Your brothers are not full Elves, either. They are half-Elven, as am I."
This news was a shock to Estel, who stopped wriggling for a full minute to contemplate. Finally he asked, "Elladan said something I did not understand. . .may I tell you what he said? Perhaps you can explain it to me."
"Yes, Estel, what did he said?"
"That he used to hate me. I wanted to know why. He said it was his fault, but. . .why?"
Elrond sighed and closed his eyes in thought. Finally he answered, "I never did know why, but when you were brought to Imladris Elladan hated you right away. He tormented you, and would not talk to me about it." Inwardly, Elrond thought that Elladan never should have told Estel that. He would have to speak to Elladan about it later.
*****
Estel could not sleep. He felt as though if he closed his eyes he would have a bad dream, like the one he had just awoken from, which he had had far too many off lately. After a while he got up and wandered about, quietly as possible. Creeping along, he heard raised voices and saw a bit of light from beneath a slightly open door. He sidled up to the door and listened.
". . .I think he is!" Elrohir was saying. Who is what? Estel wondered.
"No, Elladan, he is far too young. You are not to tell your brother these sorts of things without first consulting me, is that understood?" Elrond asked, angry himself. Oh, Estel thought, they mean me. Anything Elladan knew Elrohir knew, so it had to be him.
"It is far from understood. You cannot coddle him all his life, sooner or later he shall have to learn all of this," Elladan returned.
"Elladan, you will listen to me--" Elrond began, but Elladan muttered something so low neither Elrond nor Estel could understand it. "What was that?"
"I said I wished Mother were still here!" Elladan shouted. "She would understand, not like you."
"Do not ever," Elrond was beyond mad now, "use her in your defense like that."
"She left all of us, Adar, not just you. Why do you think I hated the stupid little brat? We weren't enough for you but he was!" The door was shoved open as Elladan strode through it angrily.
"Elladan, come back here! You cannot leave things unfinished like that!" But Elladan was gone. Estel couldn't move for a moment, then he tore off down the hall in tears. "Estel?"
*****
"Elladan?" Legolas said, knocking softly on Elrohir's door. He knew well enough where to find Elladan when he was not in his own room. "Estel is crying. . .I think you should go and speak with him. He talks of you, saying that you really hate him, after all. He is just a child, Elladan, please."
"Is he that upset?" Elladan asked, opening the door.
"He is," Legolas confirmed. "I would speak to him, but he would not let me. He needs you, Elladan."
A look covered Elladan's face of torn confusion. He looked back into the room, then stepped out into the hall.
*****
"Estel. . ."
"Go away! You hate me!" Estel shouted, muffling his words and his sobs in his pillow.
"I don't hate you, Estel," Elladan said, placing his hand between Estel's shoulder blades. Estel softened a bit, then shook violently.
"You hate me! You said that I'm a stupid brat!"
"I didn't mean it. The things I said tonight were not for you to hear. What were you doing wandering the corridors? It is far past your bedtime."
Estel blushed. "I had a bad dream, and I was too scared to go to sleep. Why don't you go away?"
"Listen, Estel," Elladan said, lying down beside his brother, and pulling Estel into a hug. "The reason I said such awful things about you was that when you first came here, my mother had gone recently to Valinor, and my father had been very upset. Elrohir and I were unable to reach him, hardly able to comfort ourselves. When you came it was as some enchantment were lifted, and Elrond was happier than before. I felt rejected by this, and that is why I said those things, none of which are true. I love you very much, little brother, but sometimes when I get angry I say things I don't mean, hurtful things. I'm sorry you were hurt, but I cannot take back what I said." When Estel did not respond, Elladan began to pull away from him. "I'll leave you alone now."
"No," Estel said softly, clinging to Elladan's arm. Elladan humored him, deciding to stay until Estel fell asleep. Estel knew this, and waited for Elladan to fall asleep first.
I think that'll be all for this one. Anyone wanting to know the full story (Elladan's story) of that night can read "Something So Beautiful", it should be up in a few chapters. Hope you liked this story and thanks for reading!
Karate Elf: Thanks and this is as soon as I could post it, sorry!
Kaimelieamin: Estel would probably not see him that way, although Aragorn and Legolas slash is something I could consider writing. . .I'm working on the "Estel pukes on Legolas" story, but it's taking a while, should be up soon though. Thanks for reviewing and have fun putting off till tomorrow what could be done today!
Kawaii Blue Bear: No fair! You can't have Legolas AND Estel! CHEATER!! Just kidding, you can claim ownership any time you want to (because they're MINE)! Thanks for reviewing an all, and stop trying to out-do the twins as far as Estel-abuse goes! **hugs Estel, because everyone's beating up on him**
Lutris: Legolas was just trying to make Estel feel better (presumably he told the truth though). And maybe they will, maybe they won't. . .
Elanor: Legolas is wise, but not an Istari. Mithrandir can stop worrying for now! Where do you think chapter five is? Scroll down. . .
Daylight: Thanks and okay!
"Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way"
~Joni Mitchell, Both Sides, Now
*****
Estel grasped the wooden pole as he peered around it, watching his brothers compete against each other at archery. Elladan was winning, as he usually did, but Elrohir was close behind. Estel still had not spoken to the twins, partially because he was afraid, and partially because he was ashamed. He was afraid because the last time he had seen them, they had hit him and yelled at him. He was ashamed because he knew he deserved that.
Elladan turned to Elrohir and said a few words that Estel did not hear. Elrohir shook his head, but as Elladan continued he nodded. The two began to head back up to Imladris. Estel, hiding amongst the spare archery targets (the twins generally preferred to shoot through leaves on trees), could not see them. He was just about to step out from behind the target when he felt himself caught and lifted off the ground. By nature, he struggled.
"Stop that! Estel, quit kicking me!" Although he could not see, Estel knew by the voice that it was Elladan who had caught him. This only increased his fear and he struggled harder. "Estel! What are you trying to do? It's me, Elladan, your brother! I'm not going to hurt you!"
"Why do you care what I do? Let me go! You hurt me before, I don't want you to hurt me now! This time I didn't do anything!" Estel managed to shout all this while putting up a decent fight. Elladan held him at arms' length. Elrohir had heard the commotion and was just coming to see what had happened when Estel managed to bite Elladan's hand, and in recoil (and on accident) Elladan let go of him. Estel smacked the ground hard, then looked to Elladan in utter shock and betrayal. Elrohir stared at both of them, then Estel, noticing his brother, ran over and clung to Elrohir, who lifted him up, as it was easier to walk carrying Estel than with Estel hugging your legs.
"What happened, Elladan?" Elrohir asked.
"I just saw Estel hiding over there, and I thought he was running away again," Elladan said, walking over to his brother. "He bit me. I didn't mean to drop him." Elladan held up his hand, where small pools of blood grew from tiny teeth-marks. Elrohir cringed.
"Estel?"
"He hurt me again!" Estel cried. "I wanted to apologize and he hurt me again!"
"Estel, stand here for a minute," Elrohir said, kneeling and setting Estel on the ground. Estel snivelled, but he was not crying. He may have been moments before. "Tell me exactly what happened."
"I was trying to wait until I could talk to Elladan alone, because he was so upset, but when I tried to apologize he dropped me!"
"Estel, Elladan thought you were running away," Elrohir informed him quietly. "He picked you up so you wouldn't, and when you bit him he was no longer capable of holding you. So do you understand how Elladan is not at fault here?"
"I was scared. The last time I talked to him he hit me. I deserved it then, but now I don't. I haven't done anything wrong today," Estel pleaded his case. Elrohir backed up.
"This is between you and Elladan. I'll leave you now, and see you back in Imladris." With that Elrohir turned and strode swiftly away. Estel wanted to bolt but he didn't. Elladan stood oddly.
"I wanted to say sorry for being so dumb and for running away," Estel said, "or maybe just because you were hurt."
"It's all right, Estel. I suppose I partially blamed myself for that, which was why I was so angry," Elladan offered.
"How come you blamed yourself?"
"You don't remember?" Elladan was shocked. He thought for sure Estel had memory of when he was younger, it had been hardly a year ago. . ."I hated you when you were younger. Which was my fault, not yours, but the fact remains. It seemed that when you ran away. . .I felt like you were running away from me. You hid from us, Estel. Why did you do that?"
"I wanted to be better," Estel said. He had not yet fully explained this to Elrond, explaining it to Elladan seemed more proper. "I thought if I were an Elf that everyone would like me better. Legolas says that it's a. . .juvenile nature to believe that perhaps things would be better if you were different."
Elladan laughed. "Well, Legolas is right, but perhaps he should have used easier words for you. Would you like me to explain?" Estel nodded eagerly, thinking that this was what big brothers ought to be. "When you're little, like you are now, sometimes bad things happen and you think that if you were different--Elven, Dwarvish, red-headed--things would be better."
"Oh! Now I understand! Thanks, Elladan," Estel exclaimed, hugging Elladan in his usual thank-you manner.
"You're welcome," Elladan said, lifting Estel off the ground. "Don't kick me this time, because no matter what you do there is no way I'll let you go!" he joked. Estel giggled.
*****
"There he is! Estel, you had best find your Ada about right now!" Legolas exclaimed as Estel and Elladan entered Imladris. "I said I knew where you were, but you shouldn't go running off like that. Anyway, Elrond wants to know why you decided to run away in the first place. . ." he trailed off. Elladan set Estel down on the ground, having some trouble in prying the child off of him.
"Good luck, little brother," Elladan said, mussing Estel's hair and heading off. Estel stood still.
"Go on," Legolas prodded, and Estel jumped up and ran off. Crashing through all of Imladris, Estel fell over quite a few times, each time laughing and getting up, just to take off running again. Estel had taken a running leap off a low railing when he nearly crashed into Elrond, who luckily managed to catch Estel mid-flight.
"What in the name of the Valar are you trying to do, Estel?" Elrond asked, mired somewhere between humor and anger.
"Flying!" Estel exclaimed, wriggling happily.
"From now on, try not to fly when anyone's around, all right?"
"That's what Glorfindel said, too," Estel informed Elrond. "But I didn't listen to him. . ."
"Quite clearly. But, Estel, you and I do have something to discuss."
"Oh. . .right. . ." now he remembered what he had been doing rushing around Imladris in the first place. "I thought I explained to you. . ." Estel, like all young boys, thought that tears were for girls, but if he had to recount the story again he doubted if he could keep from crying.
"Not that. I just wanted you to know that it doesn't matter at all to me or to your brothers what you are. You could be a sheep for all we care, what matters is who you are on the inside. Your brothers are not full Elves, either. They are half-Elven, as am I."
This news was a shock to Estel, who stopped wriggling for a full minute to contemplate. Finally he asked, "Elladan said something I did not understand. . .may I tell you what he said? Perhaps you can explain it to me."
"Yes, Estel, what did he said?"
"That he used to hate me. I wanted to know why. He said it was his fault, but. . .why?"
Elrond sighed and closed his eyes in thought. Finally he answered, "I never did know why, but when you were brought to Imladris Elladan hated you right away. He tormented you, and would not talk to me about it." Inwardly, Elrond thought that Elladan never should have told Estel that. He would have to speak to Elladan about it later.
*****
Estel could not sleep. He felt as though if he closed his eyes he would have a bad dream, like the one he had just awoken from, which he had had far too many off lately. After a while he got up and wandered about, quietly as possible. Creeping along, he heard raised voices and saw a bit of light from beneath a slightly open door. He sidled up to the door and listened.
". . .I think he is!" Elrohir was saying. Who is what? Estel wondered.
"No, Elladan, he is far too young. You are not to tell your brother these sorts of things without first consulting me, is that understood?" Elrond asked, angry himself. Oh, Estel thought, they mean me. Anything Elladan knew Elrohir knew, so it had to be him.
"It is far from understood. You cannot coddle him all his life, sooner or later he shall have to learn all of this," Elladan returned.
"Elladan, you will listen to me--" Elrond began, but Elladan muttered something so low neither Elrond nor Estel could understand it. "What was that?"
"I said I wished Mother were still here!" Elladan shouted. "She would understand, not like you."
"Do not ever," Elrond was beyond mad now, "use her in your defense like that."
"She left all of us, Adar, not just you. Why do you think I hated the stupid little brat? We weren't enough for you but he was!" The door was shoved open as Elladan strode through it angrily.
"Elladan, come back here! You cannot leave things unfinished like that!" But Elladan was gone. Estel couldn't move for a moment, then he tore off down the hall in tears. "Estel?"
*****
"Elladan?" Legolas said, knocking softly on Elrohir's door. He knew well enough where to find Elladan when he was not in his own room. "Estel is crying. . .I think you should go and speak with him. He talks of you, saying that you really hate him, after all. He is just a child, Elladan, please."
"Is he that upset?" Elladan asked, opening the door.
"He is," Legolas confirmed. "I would speak to him, but he would not let me. He needs you, Elladan."
A look covered Elladan's face of torn confusion. He looked back into the room, then stepped out into the hall.
*****
"Estel. . ."
"Go away! You hate me!" Estel shouted, muffling his words and his sobs in his pillow.
"I don't hate you, Estel," Elladan said, placing his hand between Estel's shoulder blades. Estel softened a bit, then shook violently.
"You hate me! You said that I'm a stupid brat!"
"I didn't mean it. The things I said tonight were not for you to hear. What were you doing wandering the corridors? It is far past your bedtime."
Estel blushed. "I had a bad dream, and I was too scared to go to sleep. Why don't you go away?"
"Listen, Estel," Elladan said, lying down beside his brother, and pulling Estel into a hug. "The reason I said such awful things about you was that when you first came here, my mother had gone recently to Valinor, and my father had been very upset. Elrohir and I were unable to reach him, hardly able to comfort ourselves. When you came it was as some enchantment were lifted, and Elrond was happier than before. I felt rejected by this, and that is why I said those things, none of which are true. I love you very much, little brother, but sometimes when I get angry I say things I don't mean, hurtful things. I'm sorry you were hurt, but I cannot take back what I said." When Estel did not respond, Elladan began to pull away from him. "I'll leave you alone now."
"No," Estel said softly, clinging to Elladan's arm. Elladan humored him, deciding to stay until Estel fell asleep. Estel knew this, and waited for Elladan to fall asleep first.
I think that'll be all for this one. Anyone wanting to know the full story (Elladan's story) of that night can read "Something So Beautiful", it should be up in a few chapters. Hope you liked this story and thanks for reading!