Disclaimer: We own none of the characters, or the tune of the songs, just what they say.
A/N: This is what happens when WeasleyGirl and Rhiannon (aka Jenn and Alicia) spend the night at Alicia's house, get on a major sugar high, and can't fall asleep at 4 in the morning. Scary? You betcha. Are we going to do this ever again? Most likely. Enjoy!
Harry Potter and the Songs of Doom
A Harry Potter Operetta
~By: WeasleyGirl and Rhiannon~
{DUMBLEDORE walks out onto the middle of the stage. A spotlight is shone on him. He begins to sing.}
DUMBLEDORE: [sing to the tune of "The Wheels on the Bus"]
A long time ago there was Voldemort
Voldemort
Voldemort
A long time ago there was Voldemort who tried to destroy the world.
Along came Harry Potter
Potter
Potter
Along came Harry Potter who refused to die.
When Voldie tried to kill him
Kill him
Kill him
When Voldie tried to kill him Lily got in the way.
Lily's loved saved Harry
Harry
Harry
Lily's loved saved Harry and banished Voldiemort.
He went to live with the Dursleys
The Dursleys
The Dursleys
He went to live with the Dursleys who locked him in the cupboard.
Until he got a letter from Hogwarts
Letter from Hogwarts
Letter from Hogwarts
Until he got a letter from Hogwarts when he was finally free.
{DUMBLEDORE bows and exits stage left. HARRY POTTER enters stage right and steps into the spotlight. He looks a little nervous.}
HARRY POTTER: [sing to the tune of "Merrily We Roll Along"]
When I came to Hogwarts I didn't know magic
Didn't know magic.
When I came to Hogwarts I didn't know magic at all.
Now I am so popular
Popular
Popular
Now I am so popular cuz I'm a Champion! Hey!
{HARRY POTTER exits stage left. RON WEASLEY enters stage right. He practically bouncing off the walls as he just ate way too many Sugarquills and is on a sugar high}
RON WEASLEY: [sing to the tune of "Hi Ho, Hi Ho" blah blah blah.forgot the name of the song, sorry!]
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Hogwarts I go.
To learn some magic and hopefully
Not be Head Boy like Percy!
{RON WEASLEY exits stage left. HERMIONE GRANGER enters stage right. She is carrying an armload of books and is holding a sign that says, "Free the House Elves!"}
HERMIONE GRANGER: [sing to the tune of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"]
Someday, House Elves will be free
And get clothes.
Maybe decent wages,
If S.P.E.W. works.
RON WEASLEY: [from side of stage] It's spew!!!!
{HERMIONE GRANGER huffs and storms off stage left, ready to kill RON WEASLEY. DRACO MALFOY enters stage right with his group of Slytherins following. He is wearing leather pants.}
DRACO MALFOY: [sing to the tune of "Greased Lighting"]
Hey all you Slytherins I am Draco Malfoy.
SLYTHERINS: Go Draco! Go Draco!
DRACO: I'm the king of Slytherin!
S: Go Draco! Go Draco!
D: If you make me mad,
S: Uh, uh!
D: I'll tell my dad!
S: Uh, uh!
D: 'Cause I'm Draco Malfoy!
{SNAPE enters from stage right and starts up a Cha-Cha line with all the Slytherins}
SNAPE: [sing to the tune of the "Cha-Cha"]
I am Potions master!
Don't make me mad!
Cuz I'm unfair with points!
And I'll make you lose,
The House Cup!
Do not melt your cauldron!
Cuz you'll find some poison,
In your pumpkin juice!
{MCGONAGALL enters from stage right. She looks mad.}
MCGONAGALL: Severus! Stop this right now! It's my turn!
{The Slytherins freeze and become deadly quiet. MCGONAGALL take center stage.}
MCGONAGALL: [sing to the tune of the "Death March" (whatever the title is for that song)}
I am Professor McGonagall.
I don't show any favoritism.
I am not afraid to take points from my own house.
Don't break the rules or you'll be sorry.
{MCGONAGALL exits stage left. As soon as she is gone SNAPE and the Slytherins start up the Cha-Cha line again.}
SNAPE: I'll give detentions!
If you break the rules!
I need to take a shower!
Cuz I am really greasy!
But I don't know how!
Cuz I am really stupid! Hey!
{SNAPE and the Slytherins make their way off stage left. WINKY and DOBBY creep caustiously out from stage right, and make their way to center stage. When they sing, they do their version of the Macarena (meaning they TRY to do it)}
HOUSE ELVES: [sing to the tune of the Stuttering Song (I forgot the name but most of you don't probably know it anyway. Just know it's a bouncy sort of song, and it's a good one to dance the Macarena to.)}
WINKY: I is Winky, w-w-w-w-winky
I is a g-g-g-good house elf
So don't sack me p-p-please.
I is Winky, w-w-w-w-winky
I don't want no paying please!
DOBBY: I is Dobby, d-d-d-d-dobby
Dobby likes c-c-c-clothes
And is liking p-p-pay.
I is Dobby, d-d-d-d-dobby
Dobby can call Dumbledore cookie!
BOTH: We is House Elves, h-h-h-h-house elves
We cook and c-c-c-clean for you
We is house elves, h-h-h-h-house elves
We don't tell masters secrets, oh no!
{WINKY and DOBBY scamper off stage left. COLIN CREEVEY (and his camera) enters from stage right. He stands in the center of the stage, looking a little nervous.}
COLIN CREEVEY: [sing to the tune of the Frosted Flakes song, "Hey Tony!"]
Hey Harry!
I like the things you do!
Hey Harry!
If I could I would be you!
Could I take your picture?
Or get your autograph?
You know how to take Hogwarts and make it ggggggggreat!
Hogwarts is so much better, WITH YOU!!!
INTERMISSION (a little break for our actors)
A/N: Well, that sounds like a good idea. Taking a break. Think we will too! Tell us what you thought! If you like it, we'll write more! We have plans already for Sirius and Remus and VOLDIE!!!!!!!!!!
~WeasleyGirl and Rhiannon
A/N: This is what happens when WeasleyGirl and Rhiannon (aka Jenn and Alicia) spend the night at Alicia's house, get on a major sugar high, and can't fall asleep at 4 in the morning. Scary? You betcha. Are we going to do this ever again? Most likely. Enjoy!
Harry Potter and the Songs of Doom
A Harry Potter Operetta
~By: WeasleyGirl and Rhiannon~
{DUMBLEDORE walks out onto the middle of the stage. A spotlight is shone on him. He begins to sing.}
DUMBLEDORE: [sing to the tune of "The Wheels on the Bus"]
A long time ago there was Voldemort
Voldemort
Voldemort
A long time ago there was Voldemort who tried to destroy the world.
Along came Harry Potter
Potter
Potter
Along came Harry Potter who refused to die.
When Voldie tried to kill him
Kill him
Kill him
When Voldie tried to kill him Lily got in the way.
Lily's loved saved Harry
Harry
Harry
Lily's loved saved Harry and banished Voldiemort.
He went to live with the Dursleys
The Dursleys
The Dursleys
He went to live with the Dursleys who locked him in the cupboard.
Until he got a letter from Hogwarts
Letter from Hogwarts
Letter from Hogwarts
Until he got a letter from Hogwarts when he was finally free.
{DUMBLEDORE bows and exits stage left. HARRY POTTER enters stage right and steps into the spotlight. He looks a little nervous.}
HARRY POTTER: [sing to the tune of "Merrily We Roll Along"]
When I came to Hogwarts I didn't know magic
Didn't know magic.
When I came to Hogwarts I didn't know magic at all.
Now I am so popular
Popular
Popular
Now I am so popular cuz I'm a Champion! Hey!
{HARRY POTTER exits stage left. RON WEASLEY enters stage right. He practically bouncing off the walls as he just ate way too many Sugarquills and is on a sugar high}
RON WEASLEY: [sing to the tune of "Hi Ho, Hi Ho" blah blah blah.forgot the name of the song, sorry!]
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Hogwarts I go.
To learn some magic and hopefully
Not be Head Boy like Percy!
{RON WEASLEY exits stage left. HERMIONE GRANGER enters stage right. She is carrying an armload of books and is holding a sign that says, "Free the House Elves!"}
HERMIONE GRANGER: [sing to the tune of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"]
Someday, House Elves will be free
And get clothes.
Maybe decent wages,
If S.P.E.W. works.
RON WEASLEY: [from side of stage] It's spew!!!!
{HERMIONE GRANGER huffs and storms off stage left, ready to kill RON WEASLEY. DRACO MALFOY enters stage right with his group of Slytherins following. He is wearing leather pants.}
DRACO MALFOY: [sing to the tune of "Greased Lighting"]
Hey all you Slytherins I am Draco Malfoy.
SLYTHERINS: Go Draco! Go Draco!
DRACO: I'm the king of Slytherin!
S: Go Draco! Go Draco!
D: If you make me mad,
S: Uh, uh!
D: I'll tell my dad!
S: Uh, uh!
D: 'Cause I'm Draco Malfoy!
{SNAPE enters from stage right and starts up a Cha-Cha line with all the Slytherins}
SNAPE: [sing to the tune of the "Cha-Cha"]
I am Potions master!
Don't make me mad!
Cuz I'm unfair with points!
And I'll make you lose,
The House Cup!
Do not melt your cauldron!
Cuz you'll find some poison,
In your pumpkin juice!
{MCGONAGALL enters from stage right. She looks mad.}
MCGONAGALL: Severus! Stop this right now! It's my turn!
{The Slytherins freeze and become deadly quiet. MCGONAGALL take center stage.}
MCGONAGALL: [sing to the tune of the "Death March" (whatever the title is for that song)}
I am Professor McGonagall.
I don't show any favoritism.
I am not afraid to take points from my own house.
Don't break the rules or you'll be sorry.
{MCGONAGALL exits stage left. As soon as she is gone SNAPE and the Slytherins start up the Cha-Cha line again.}
SNAPE: I'll give detentions!
If you break the rules!
I need to take a shower!
Cuz I am really greasy!
But I don't know how!
Cuz I am really stupid! Hey!
{SNAPE and the Slytherins make their way off stage left. WINKY and DOBBY creep caustiously out from stage right, and make their way to center stage. When they sing, they do their version of the Macarena (meaning they TRY to do it)}
HOUSE ELVES: [sing to the tune of the Stuttering Song (I forgot the name but most of you don't probably know it anyway. Just know it's a bouncy sort of song, and it's a good one to dance the Macarena to.)}
WINKY: I is Winky, w-w-w-w-winky
I is a g-g-g-good house elf
So don't sack me p-p-please.
I is Winky, w-w-w-w-winky
I don't want no paying please!
DOBBY: I is Dobby, d-d-d-d-dobby
Dobby likes c-c-c-clothes
And is liking p-p-pay.
I is Dobby, d-d-d-d-dobby
Dobby can call Dumbledore cookie!
BOTH: We is House Elves, h-h-h-h-house elves
We cook and c-c-c-clean for you
We is house elves, h-h-h-h-house elves
We don't tell masters secrets, oh no!
{WINKY and DOBBY scamper off stage left. COLIN CREEVEY (and his camera) enters from stage right. He stands in the center of the stage, looking a little nervous.}
COLIN CREEVEY: [sing to the tune of the Frosted Flakes song, "Hey Tony!"]
Hey Harry!
I like the things you do!
Hey Harry!
If I could I would be you!
Could I take your picture?
Or get your autograph?
You know how to take Hogwarts and make it ggggggggreat!
Hogwarts is so much better, WITH YOU!!!
INTERMISSION (a little break for our actors)
A/N: Well, that sounds like a good idea. Taking a break. Think we will too! Tell us what you thought! If you like it, we'll write more! We have plans already for Sirius and Remus and VOLDIE!!!!!!!!!!
~WeasleyGirl and Rhiannon