Chapter Three
"This is the right thing to do," Renee said, leaning forward in her chair as if willing Street to understand. "You can see that, can't you?"
Street nodded. She was very pale. "You've been saying that. Over and over."
Renee sighed. "And you still don't believe me." She pushed herself to her feet, the sudden pressure on her injured hand making her bite back a cry. Street noticed.
"Does your hand hurt?" Street asked, sounding almost relieved.
"No." Renee said, shrugging off the injury. "A little. It doesn't matter." She moved around the lair in small restless movements, unable to settle anywhere.
Street's eyes were fixed on her, watching her like she was a wild animal: unpredictable and maybe dangerous. "Maybe you should go back to the doctor. We can talk later."
Renee turned on her, shaking her head. "Oh no. I'm not going to the doctor again, not right now. We have too much to do." Her smile was feverishly bright.
Street took an instinctive step back and Renee's smile faded. "Street, what's wrong?"
"Oh, I don't know." Street said with a choked laugh. "What could be wrong?"
"Street…" Renee said impatiently. She moved towards her friend and Street took another step back. Renee stopped and put her hands on her hips. "Cut that out, will you?" she said with baffled hurt. "You're acting like you're afraid of me."
Street flushed but still moved futher back until there was a console between them. "Well, maybe I am. I mean, you're really freaking me out here, Renee."
"I'm sorry." Renee said calmly, spreading her hands out in a gesture of peace. "Okay? I'm sorry. Maybe I'm going a little too fast."
"Fast? Fast? Try the speed of light!" Street said. "When I got your message about Andre I thought you wanted me here as your friend, not as backup for a suicide mission!"
"You're not listening. There's nothing crazy about this. It'll work. I know it will." Renee's eyes were distant, focused on something far away.
"Yeah? Why? Because unless there's something you're not telling me, I don't see how it has a chance in hell!" Street lowered her voice. "Look, why don't you sit down? I'll get some hot chocolate or wine or something and we can just talk."
"About what?" Renee asked. "About the mission?"
Street looked at her with disbelief. "Nooo... How about we talk about feelings? Your feelings!"
Renee smoothed a hand across her face as if wiping away invisible tears. "My feelings aren't important right now."
"Have you even cried?" Street said harshly, making the words an accusation.
"Yes, I've cried." Renee snapped, hurt flashing across her face. "What do you think I am, Street? A robot? I've cried for all of them. For Liam, for Andre, for William... I'm tired of crying."
"William? William Boone?" Street fastened on to the name.
"It doesn't matter. I can fix it."
"Boone's dead?" Street's eyes were very wide. She sat down heavily in a chair. A moment passed before she asked, "When?"
"Yesterday." Renee said. She was bouncing a little on her toes, unable to keep still.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it's not going to happen. We're going to fix it. We're going to fix it all." There was fire burning in Renee's eyes, the fire of the prophet that consumes everything and leaves nothing behind.
"Listen to yourself!" Street said with sudden violence, near hysteria in her voice. "Do you hear how crazy you sound? Boone is dead! You weren't even going to tell me, were you? Or were you saving it as a trump card, something you could wave in front of my face to talk me into helping you kill yourself?"
"I keep telling you, I don't want to kill myself," Renee said impatiently. "This isn't about death, Street." She smiled suddenly, wide and glorious. "It's about life. It's about you and Boone and Andre and Liam and everyone else who's died because I was stupid enough to pry open that Pandora's box from hell."
"This is about guilt, isn't it?" Street said desperately. "You feel responsible. It's not your fault! You've done everything you can to stop the Atavus. And we'll win in the end, I know we will. But you have to keep it together, Renee!"
"But that's the point." Renee said patiently. She put her hands flat on the counter between them and leaned forward. "I haven't done everything I can to stop them. I haven't done this. And this," She drew in a long breath, "This is how we're going to win."
"You don't know that!" Street threw her hands up. "There's no way it could work. Even if you could get there, which you can't, not without me, you'd be just one person! You'd be dead in ten minutes."
"Maybe." Renee conceded. "I'm not saying that it'll be easy." She frowned. "And if I have to do it without you I don't know if I can do it at all."
"So don't try." Street said, perilously close to begging. "Stay here. We'll find something else. Another cure, or some other weapon!"
Renee shook her head slowly from side to side, holding Street with her eyes. "Oh no. I'm going to do this, Street. You don't have to help me but you can't stop me. It's going to work. I know it. I'm sorry you can't understand."
"So am I." Street said. Her hands moved on the keyboard.
The elevator doors closed.
Renee turned to look at them. She turned back and looked at Street. "You're kidding, right?"
"I'm sorry, Renee." Street said firmly. "It's for your own good. I'm going to call Doctor Page, and he's going to come over and help you."
Renee laughed. "Like he did last time? What's he going to do this time, send me to a hybrid psychologist? Maybe a weekend at a hybrid-run amusement park to relax me. That'd be a nice change of pace." Her amusement died. "Whatever he does, it's not going to change my mind. You'll have to lock me up."
"I will if I have to." Street said seriously. "I've lost too many friends already. I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe."
"Safe?" Renee repeated, raising her eyebrows. "Yeah, I'll be safe. Lock me up in a cage and when the Atavus overrun the planet I'll still be there, safe. Make sure you put a big bow on the cage." Howlyn would appreciate that, she thought with wry amusement.
"That's not fair."
"Nothing is."
Street's fingers were flying over the keyboard again. "Let me show you something,"
"Promise not to stick a tranquilizer in me if I come over there?" Renee said, only half joking.
"Deal." Street said, and it didn't sound like she was joking at all.
Renee came around the side of the counter and moved to stand beside Street, shoulder to shoulder. They stood there in silence for a moment; Renee looked at the screens while Street kept her eyes on her hands. There was the same background pattern on every monitor in sight, a mixture of black and white dots that looked like static.
"What am I looking at?" Renee asked finally.
"Look closer."
Renee took a step forward and peered at the nearest screen. Close up, the pattern resembled minute white numbers and letters on a black background. Equations covered the screen from top to bottom, crawling in endless lines like tiny white spiders.
"What am I looking at?" Renee said again, quietly.
Street's voice was empty. "My nervous breakdown."
Renee drew back and looked at her. She looked again at the screens, noticing that the pattern on each one was different.
"It started after I ran away from the hospital," Street said, still in that dry dead voice. "This is what I did for the first year. This and hundreds of files just like this one. I worked on them as soon as I had enough money to buy a computer, even before I had a place to live."
"What is it?" Renee asked again.
"Don't you know?" Street's laugh was the sound of broken glass. She stared down at her fingers, curled on the keyboard like claws. "I thought for sure you'd know."
"No."
Street tilted her head to one side and smiled up at Renee, a fractured version of her pixie smile.
"It's a time machine," she said.
"So, y'see, I do understand," she continued. "I wanted to fix everything."
"Just like you." Street said.
Renee looked back up at the equations and this time Street looked too, her eyes tracking the logic behind the numbers in a way that Renee couldn't follow.
Street's smile was far away and she lifted a hand to the screen, finger tracing an invisible line. "This was a breakthrough. I was so happy. I thought I'd finally found the key to understanding why everything happened. Then I'd know where I fit. Why I was...the way I am. Then I could control what happened. I could even control what had happened in the past."
Her hand dropped away from the screen. "I was wrong. But I didn't stop." Her eyes kept following the equations, and she tapped the down key once. Then again. The screen scrolled down, equation into equation, endless progressions of a genius brain impossibly flawed. "I never stopped." Street pushed hard on the down key and the equations started flying past, the screen a dizzy blur.
"It's not the same." Renee said softly.
"It is!" Street turned her face towards her and Renee saw tears in her eyes. "Don't you see it? You have to leave the past in the past." She looked at the monitors, her eyes mirroring the haze of light. "Or it'll destroy you."
Renee reached out and turned off the monitors one by one, plunging the screens into darkness. The dark monitors reflected images of her and Street like funhouse mirrors.
"I'm sorry, Street." Renee said carefully. She put her hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "I'd give anything to have been there for you back then."
"I know." Street's hand came up and covered Renee's. She didn't look up. "But you can be here for me now."
Renee closed her eyes for a beat. When she opened them the fire was banked, but still burning. "I will be. I promise. But I have to do this. For you. For everyone."
"It won't work."
"But what if it does?"
"What if you make a mistake? What if you destroy everything?" Street sounded tired, defeated.
"I won't."
"You might. Who do you think you are? What gives you the right to risk it?"
Renee paused for a long moment.
"I'm the person who started a war," she said. "And I'm the person who's going to stop it."
Renee felt Street's shoulder shake under her hand, and realized that she was laughing.
"I guess that makes me the idiot who's going to help you." Street said.
****
"This is the right thing to do," Renee said, leaning forward in her chair as if willing Street to understand. "You can see that, can't you?"
Street nodded. She was very pale. "You've been saying that. Over and over."
Renee sighed. "And you still don't believe me." She pushed herself to her feet, the sudden pressure on her injured hand making her bite back a cry. Street noticed.
"Does your hand hurt?" Street asked, sounding almost relieved.
"No." Renee said, shrugging off the injury. "A little. It doesn't matter." She moved around the lair in small restless movements, unable to settle anywhere.
Street's eyes were fixed on her, watching her like she was a wild animal: unpredictable and maybe dangerous. "Maybe you should go back to the doctor. We can talk later."
Renee turned on her, shaking her head. "Oh no. I'm not going to the doctor again, not right now. We have too much to do." Her smile was feverishly bright.
Street took an instinctive step back and Renee's smile faded. "Street, what's wrong?"
"Oh, I don't know." Street said with a choked laugh. "What could be wrong?"
"Street…" Renee said impatiently. She moved towards her friend and Street took another step back. Renee stopped and put her hands on her hips. "Cut that out, will you?" she said with baffled hurt. "You're acting like you're afraid of me."
Street flushed but still moved futher back until there was a console between them. "Well, maybe I am. I mean, you're really freaking me out here, Renee."
"I'm sorry." Renee said calmly, spreading her hands out in a gesture of peace. "Okay? I'm sorry. Maybe I'm going a little too fast."
"Fast? Fast? Try the speed of light!" Street said. "When I got your message about Andre I thought you wanted me here as your friend, not as backup for a suicide mission!"
"You're not listening. There's nothing crazy about this. It'll work. I know it will." Renee's eyes were distant, focused on something far away.
"Yeah? Why? Because unless there's something you're not telling me, I don't see how it has a chance in hell!" Street lowered her voice. "Look, why don't you sit down? I'll get some hot chocolate or wine or something and we can just talk."
"About what?" Renee asked. "About the mission?"
Street looked at her with disbelief. "Nooo... How about we talk about feelings? Your feelings!"
Renee smoothed a hand across her face as if wiping away invisible tears. "My feelings aren't important right now."
"Have you even cried?" Street said harshly, making the words an accusation.
"Yes, I've cried." Renee snapped, hurt flashing across her face. "What do you think I am, Street? A robot? I've cried for all of them. For Liam, for Andre, for William... I'm tired of crying."
"William? William Boone?" Street fastened on to the name.
"It doesn't matter. I can fix it."
"Boone's dead?" Street's eyes were very wide. She sat down heavily in a chair. A moment passed before she asked, "When?"
"Yesterday." Renee said. She was bouncing a little on her toes, unable to keep still.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it's not going to happen. We're going to fix it. We're going to fix it all." There was fire burning in Renee's eyes, the fire of the prophet that consumes everything and leaves nothing behind.
"Listen to yourself!" Street said with sudden violence, near hysteria in her voice. "Do you hear how crazy you sound? Boone is dead! You weren't even going to tell me, were you? Or were you saving it as a trump card, something you could wave in front of my face to talk me into helping you kill yourself?"
"I keep telling you, I don't want to kill myself," Renee said impatiently. "This isn't about death, Street." She smiled suddenly, wide and glorious. "It's about life. It's about you and Boone and Andre and Liam and everyone else who's died because I was stupid enough to pry open that Pandora's box from hell."
"This is about guilt, isn't it?" Street said desperately. "You feel responsible. It's not your fault! You've done everything you can to stop the Atavus. And we'll win in the end, I know we will. But you have to keep it together, Renee!"
"But that's the point." Renee said patiently. She put her hands flat on the counter between them and leaned forward. "I haven't done everything I can to stop them. I haven't done this. And this," She drew in a long breath, "This is how we're going to win."
"You don't know that!" Street threw her hands up. "There's no way it could work. Even if you could get there, which you can't, not without me, you'd be just one person! You'd be dead in ten minutes."
"Maybe." Renee conceded. "I'm not saying that it'll be easy." She frowned. "And if I have to do it without you I don't know if I can do it at all."
"So don't try." Street said, perilously close to begging. "Stay here. We'll find something else. Another cure, or some other weapon!"
Renee shook her head slowly from side to side, holding Street with her eyes. "Oh no. I'm going to do this, Street. You don't have to help me but you can't stop me. It's going to work. I know it. I'm sorry you can't understand."
"So am I." Street said. Her hands moved on the keyboard.
The elevator doors closed.
Renee turned to look at them. She turned back and looked at Street. "You're kidding, right?"
"I'm sorry, Renee." Street said firmly. "It's for your own good. I'm going to call Doctor Page, and he's going to come over and help you."
Renee laughed. "Like he did last time? What's he going to do this time, send me to a hybrid psychologist? Maybe a weekend at a hybrid-run amusement park to relax me. That'd be a nice change of pace." Her amusement died. "Whatever he does, it's not going to change my mind. You'll have to lock me up."
"I will if I have to." Street said seriously. "I've lost too many friends already. I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe."
"Safe?" Renee repeated, raising her eyebrows. "Yeah, I'll be safe. Lock me up in a cage and when the Atavus overrun the planet I'll still be there, safe. Make sure you put a big bow on the cage." Howlyn would appreciate that, she thought with wry amusement.
"That's not fair."
"Nothing is."
Street's fingers were flying over the keyboard again. "Let me show you something,"
"Promise not to stick a tranquilizer in me if I come over there?" Renee said, only half joking.
"Deal." Street said, and it didn't sound like she was joking at all.
Renee came around the side of the counter and moved to stand beside Street, shoulder to shoulder. They stood there in silence for a moment; Renee looked at the screens while Street kept her eyes on her hands. There was the same background pattern on every monitor in sight, a mixture of black and white dots that looked like static.
"What am I looking at?" Renee asked finally.
"Look closer."
Renee took a step forward and peered at the nearest screen. Close up, the pattern resembled minute white numbers and letters on a black background. Equations covered the screen from top to bottom, crawling in endless lines like tiny white spiders.
"What am I looking at?" Renee said again, quietly.
Street's voice was empty. "My nervous breakdown."
Renee drew back and looked at her. She looked again at the screens, noticing that the pattern on each one was different.
"It started after I ran away from the hospital," Street said, still in that dry dead voice. "This is what I did for the first year. This and hundreds of files just like this one. I worked on them as soon as I had enough money to buy a computer, even before I had a place to live."
"What is it?" Renee asked again.
"Don't you know?" Street's laugh was the sound of broken glass. She stared down at her fingers, curled on the keyboard like claws. "I thought for sure you'd know."
"No."
Street tilted her head to one side and smiled up at Renee, a fractured version of her pixie smile.
"It's a time machine," she said.
"So, y'see, I do understand," she continued. "I wanted to fix everything."
"Just like you." Street said.
Renee looked back up at the equations and this time Street looked too, her eyes tracking the logic behind the numbers in a way that Renee couldn't follow.
Street's smile was far away and she lifted a hand to the screen, finger tracing an invisible line. "This was a breakthrough. I was so happy. I thought I'd finally found the key to understanding why everything happened. Then I'd know where I fit. Why I was...the way I am. Then I could control what happened. I could even control what had happened in the past."
Her hand dropped away from the screen. "I was wrong. But I didn't stop." Her eyes kept following the equations, and she tapped the down key once. Then again. The screen scrolled down, equation into equation, endless progressions of a genius brain impossibly flawed. "I never stopped." Street pushed hard on the down key and the equations started flying past, the screen a dizzy blur.
"It's not the same." Renee said softly.
"It is!" Street turned her face towards her and Renee saw tears in her eyes. "Don't you see it? You have to leave the past in the past." She looked at the monitors, her eyes mirroring the haze of light. "Or it'll destroy you."
Renee reached out and turned off the monitors one by one, plunging the screens into darkness. The dark monitors reflected images of her and Street like funhouse mirrors.
"I'm sorry, Street." Renee said carefully. She put her hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "I'd give anything to have been there for you back then."
"I know." Street's hand came up and covered Renee's. She didn't look up. "But you can be here for me now."
Renee closed her eyes for a beat. When she opened them the fire was banked, but still burning. "I will be. I promise. But I have to do this. For you. For everyone."
"It won't work."
"But what if it does?"
"What if you make a mistake? What if you destroy everything?" Street sounded tired, defeated.
"I won't."
"You might. Who do you think you are? What gives you the right to risk it?"
Renee paused for a long moment.
"I'm the person who started a war," she said. "And I'm the person who's going to stop it."
Renee felt Street's shoulder shake under her hand, and realized that she was laughing.
"I guess that makes me the idiot who's going to help you." Street said.
****
From the local news section of the Illinois Journal:
Reports are still coming in about the break in that occurred last night at the New Haven military research center. A spokesperson for the facility issued a statement denying that anything had been taken. They ask that anyone with any knowledge related to the attempted theft come forward.
From the financial section of the New York Times:
Renee Palmer, former CEO of Doors International, has caused a stir in the last few weeks by systematically selling off all of her remaining assets. When asked the reason behind her sudden decision to leave the financial mainstream, Ms. Palmer cited ill health.
From the headlines of the Inquirer:
STRANGE ACTIVITIES SIGHTED ON EASTER ISLAND: WERE THE ATAVUS' THE MODELS FOR THE WORLD FAMOUS STATUES? PLUS: WE HAVE THE EXCLUSIVE STORY OF THE SEX-CHANGE OPERATION THAT ROCKED HOLLYWOOD! ALL INSIDE!
From the front page of the Edmonton Gazette:
SCIENTIST FOUND - Arthur Voight, noted expert on Taelon weaponry, was found last night after a three day search. The acclaimed scientist disappeared on Wednesday, two hours before he was scheduled to give a speech at the ongoing conference. Three separate terrorist groups claimed responsibility. Mr. Voight was eventually found in a public portal station. In his statement, he declares that he "bears no ill will towards his abductors." Why he was taken remains unknown. Police are still investigating.
From the personal correspondence of Hubble Urich:
Excerpts from a letter from James Taylor, acting head of the CIA:
Isolated news reports...profilers see pattern... Something big is happening...
Will continue to research.
From the personal correspondence of Juliet Street:
To: Renee Palmer
We're ready.
It's time.