Do I love him?
Disclaimer: not mine
Do I still love him?
Do I?
I ask myself a thousand times. I watch him, watch his beauty, his grace, his loveliness. I desire him. But love?
Love?
I loved him, that's for sure. I would have given my life for him. I would have done everything he told me. Just to please him. To make him love me. Love me back. Now he does. He loves me back. Well. . . he loves me.
I hate myself. For making him loving me. I don't love him anymore. It just stopped. I woke up beside him one morning and thought: 'What am I doing here?'
When he told me to leave I thought my heart would break. I loved him more than anything else. He was my world. His eyes were my stars, his skin my heaven, his breath my air. Nothing mattered if it wasn't related to him in any way.
I'm lying beside him, tired because me made love for hours. He's asleep. He's so beautiful when he's asleep. Peaceful. Young. Cute. Loveable. I should love him. What's wrong with me? Beside me is an intelligent, beautiful man that loves me and I. . . can't love him back anymore.
He's moving around a bit, his hand searching for mine. He throws an arm over my chest. Possessively. He always does when he can't find my hand. Maybe he's dreaming of me. Dreams about my confessions of love. I said so many times I loved him. I meant it. Lately it's nothing more than a lie. Three words, meaning nothing. To me. To him they mean so much.
He doesn't say it too often. He's still not used to.
I know him. I know everything one can know about him. I know his feelings.
If I left him, would I ever be able to see him again? Would I want to? I think I would. I worked so hard until he trusted me. I don't want to lose that. And he's wonderful. Really. I love watching him.
But I don't love him.
I have to tell him, I know that. But I don't dare. What would he do? Killing me? Like he killed. . . No, that's not fair. I don't think he would cry. A break-up is not something that would make him cry. He would look at me, with cold golden eyes. He would be saying: "Hai." Then he would turn around and continue whatever he did before.
That's how I imagine it. It won't be so easy.
TBC
A/N:
I need a break from This love (although I'm writing chap. 14 at the moment) and Resignation. At least once I want to make someone unhappy *smilesevilly* As BMG for this fic I recommend "In your dreams" by Natural Born Hippies. I listened to it while I was writing that. It inspired me because one line is "'cause I have to let you go".
Dedicated to Heath.
Disclaimer: not mine
Do I still love him?
Do I?
I ask myself a thousand times. I watch him, watch his beauty, his grace, his loveliness. I desire him. But love?
Love?
I loved him, that's for sure. I would have given my life for him. I would have done everything he told me. Just to please him. To make him love me. Love me back. Now he does. He loves me back. Well. . . he loves me.
I hate myself. For making him loving me. I don't love him anymore. It just stopped. I woke up beside him one morning and thought: 'What am I doing here?'
When he told me to leave I thought my heart would break. I loved him more than anything else. He was my world. His eyes were my stars, his skin my heaven, his breath my air. Nothing mattered if it wasn't related to him in any way.
I'm lying beside him, tired because me made love for hours. He's asleep. He's so beautiful when he's asleep. Peaceful. Young. Cute. Loveable. I should love him. What's wrong with me? Beside me is an intelligent, beautiful man that loves me and I. . . can't love him back anymore.
He's moving around a bit, his hand searching for mine. He throws an arm over my chest. Possessively. He always does when he can't find my hand. Maybe he's dreaming of me. Dreams about my confessions of love. I said so many times I loved him. I meant it. Lately it's nothing more than a lie. Three words, meaning nothing. To me. To him they mean so much.
He doesn't say it too often. He's still not used to.
I know him. I know everything one can know about him. I know his feelings.
If I left him, would I ever be able to see him again? Would I want to? I think I would. I worked so hard until he trusted me. I don't want to lose that. And he's wonderful. Really. I love watching him.
But I don't love him.
I have to tell him, I know that. But I don't dare. What would he do? Killing me? Like he killed. . . No, that's not fair. I don't think he would cry. A break-up is not something that would make him cry. He would look at me, with cold golden eyes. He would be saying: "Hai." Then he would turn around and continue whatever he did before.
That's how I imagine it. It won't be so easy.
TBC
A/N:
I need a break from This love (although I'm writing chap. 14 at the moment) and Resignation. At least once I want to make someone unhappy *smilesevilly* As BMG for this fic I recommend "In your dreams" by Natural Born Hippies. I listened to it while I was writing that. It inspired me because one line is "'cause I have to let you go".
Dedicated to Heath.