Do I love him?
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: not mine
Your eyes are cold like golden ice. They gleam. And your face is so indifferent. You try to pretend you don't care. I told you I didn't love you.
For a second I saw more emotions in your eyes than I thought you possessed. Disbelief, anger, pain, hate, fear, . . .
I feel so guilty. I know I'll hate myself for the rest of my life. But that's the price I have to pay. Maybe I should have stayed with you for the rest of my life. Pretending to love you is easy. Because it should be easy to love you. You're sweet and lovely and everything I want you to be.
You're still staring at me. You're raising your hand. You're slapping me.
I deserve the pain.
After the slap you lean in and kiss me on my lips. I can see the tears in your eyes. Then you turn around and I hear a quiet "Get out!"
I leave.
*** *** *** *** ***
I returned to my parents. I live in my old room. I'm still singing in Bad Luck. Hiro is still my best friend and I still adore Nittle Grasper.
But I'm not Yuki's lover anymore.
I haven't seen him in a while. Ryuichi told me he's back in Kyoto. Every new book is immediately no. 1 on the best seller's list. He released three books since I left him.
"GONE", "HATE" and "DEATH".
I'm worried. He wouldn't do something stupid, would he? He wouldn't hurt himself. I don't love him, but I care for him. He's important to me. I miss him. His sarcasm, his quiet presence, his ability to make me happy.
I'm not happy. I thought I would be as soon as I left him, as soon as I left the lie of love behind.
Maybe. . . could it be. . . do I still love him? No. I don't think so. But why is it so difficult to forget him? To get his face out of my head?
Yuki. . .
"Shuichi."
He's here. WHY?!
"Aren't you in Kyoto?"
He looks confused. Gods, how much weight has he lost?! He looks so. . . fragile! His eyes are darker than I remember them. The skin even whiter. So pale! No Armani suit. A black shirt and black jeans.
"No."
"Why are you here? What do you want?" "I want to know why." I stare at the ground. "I thought. . . I told you." "You didn't. You said you didn't love me, that was all." "Well, that was why. I don't love you, so I can't live with you." He is quiet. Then he asks: "And why don't you love me anymore?"
I don't know what to say.
"I don't know. Really, I don't." "Have I done something wrong?" I can't stand the pain in his voice. "No, it's not your fault. It's me."
"Did you ever love me?"
What? Why does he ask such a question? Of course I did.
"Yes. I loved you. More than I loved anything else."
"But love doesn't stop suddenly, Shuichi."
My name. He says my name. He hardly did that when we. . . when I was with him. It's still nice to hear it.
I look at him. His face is still so cold.
"It's not supposed to, huh? But it did, Yuki, and I can't tell you why because I don't know it."
He shrugs. "Whatever. That was all I wanted to know." He looks into my eyes and I could swear he can see into my soul.
Suddenly I'm in his arms and we share a passionate kiss.
After a few minutes he breaks the kiss. "You don't love me anymore, huh?"
He leaves without turning around a second time.
I let myself fall to the ground. All I see is the light in his golden eyes.
Do I still love him?
TBC
A/N:
Mwahahah, does he? Maybe, maybe not. . .
Dedicated to ChibiChris!
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: not mine
Your eyes are cold like golden ice. They gleam. And your face is so indifferent. You try to pretend you don't care. I told you I didn't love you.
For a second I saw more emotions in your eyes than I thought you possessed. Disbelief, anger, pain, hate, fear, . . .
I feel so guilty. I know I'll hate myself for the rest of my life. But that's the price I have to pay. Maybe I should have stayed with you for the rest of my life. Pretending to love you is easy. Because it should be easy to love you. You're sweet and lovely and everything I want you to be.
You're still staring at me. You're raising your hand. You're slapping me.
I deserve the pain.
After the slap you lean in and kiss me on my lips. I can see the tears in your eyes. Then you turn around and I hear a quiet "Get out!"
I leave.
*** *** *** *** ***
I returned to my parents. I live in my old room. I'm still singing in Bad Luck. Hiro is still my best friend and I still adore Nittle Grasper.
But I'm not Yuki's lover anymore.
I haven't seen him in a while. Ryuichi told me he's back in Kyoto. Every new book is immediately no. 1 on the best seller's list. He released three books since I left him.
"GONE", "HATE" and "DEATH".
I'm worried. He wouldn't do something stupid, would he? He wouldn't hurt himself. I don't love him, but I care for him. He's important to me. I miss him. His sarcasm, his quiet presence, his ability to make me happy.
I'm not happy. I thought I would be as soon as I left him, as soon as I left the lie of love behind.
Maybe. . . could it be. . . do I still love him? No. I don't think so. But why is it so difficult to forget him? To get his face out of my head?
Yuki. . .
"Shuichi."
He's here. WHY?!
"Aren't you in Kyoto?"
He looks confused. Gods, how much weight has he lost?! He looks so. . . fragile! His eyes are darker than I remember them. The skin even whiter. So pale! No Armani suit. A black shirt and black jeans.
"No."
"Why are you here? What do you want?" "I want to know why." I stare at the ground. "I thought. . . I told you." "You didn't. You said you didn't love me, that was all." "Well, that was why. I don't love you, so I can't live with you." He is quiet. Then he asks: "And why don't you love me anymore?"
I don't know what to say.
"I don't know. Really, I don't." "Have I done something wrong?" I can't stand the pain in his voice. "No, it's not your fault. It's me."
"Did you ever love me?"
What? Why does he ask such a question? Of course I did.
"Yes. I loved you. More than I loved anything else."
"But love doesn't stop suddenly, Shuichi."
My name. He says my name. He hardly did that when we. . . when I was with him. It's still nice to hear it.
I look at him. His face is still so cold.
"It's not supposed to, huh? But it did, Yuki, and I can't tell you why because I don't know it."
He shrugs. "Whatever. That was all I wanted to know." He looks into my eyes and I could swear he can see into my soul.
Suddenly I'm in his arms and we share a passionate kiss.
After a few minutes he breaks the kiss. "You don't love me anymore, huh?"
He leaves without turning around a second time.
I let myself fall to the ground. All I see is the light in his golden eyes.
Do I still love him?
TBC
A/N:
Mwahahah, does he? Maybe, maybe not. . .
Dedicated to ChibiChris!