Do I love him?
Disclaimer: not mine
He opens his eyes. Despair in them. He doesn't believe me.
"You will leave me again." he whispers. "You left me and you'll do it again."
"No, Yuki, I won't. I won't leave you again. I love you."
"That's what you said before and then you left. I don't believe you, Shindou."
I nearly cry. But I understand him. He's right. I told him I loved him and then I left. And now he's a wreck. Because of me. Where is my strong beautiful cool Yuki? All that's left is a weak desperate Eiri-san. I take him in my arms again. And again, he's too weak to refuse.
"Yuki. . . Yuki, please forgive me. Please. I love you. I don't know why I said I didn't love you anymore. I was just sad that you were so cold and never said you loved me. I wanted to hurt you. I didn't realise how much I hurt myself. And now I know that I love you and. . ."
I can't talk anymore. All I can do is crying. And I cry. My head on his chest again. I hear his heartbeat. It's so soothing. I feel his arms around me.
"Shuichi no baka. . . So stupid." His voice is so quiet. I look at him through my tears. He's smiling. A rare smile. Just for ME!!! Ha!
I missed this rare smile so much.
I stop crying. I'm just lying there. In his arms. The safest place in the world.
Maybe I shouldn't be here. I'm just making him miserable.
But I see what he's without me. He's nearly dead. He needs me. Desperately. I'm afraid because of this despair. It's too much.
But I can't leave him. He would kill himself. And it would be my fault.
And don't I love him after all? Yes, I do.
What am I supposed to do? I want to stay. But is it good for him? I hope so. Really.
I look at him. He's fallen asleep. How beautiful he is. Even now, skinny and weak.
I don't want to wake him up. But I have to.
"Yuki. . . Yuki, wake up."
He yawns and smiles at me, before his face pales.
"It. . . was not a dream?"
I have to laugh. "No, it wasn't. I'm here, Yuki, and I will stay with you."
He looks away, but his arms tighten around me. I sigh. "I want to be with you again, Yuki. I love you."
"Why did you leave me? I asked you that before, didn't I? I can't remember."
I nod. "You did. You asked me and I said I didn't love you anymore."
His eyes are so sad. "What made you think you didn't love me anymore? What did I do?"
"You did nothing. You were just so. . . distant. You're always distant and I should be used to it, but I'm not. Sometimes I can't stand that, Yuki."
"So it was because of me."
"No. You were just being yourself. And that's not wrong or I'd never have fallen in love with you. So it has to be something wrong with me. You know, the whole time I thought how stupid I was to leave someone like you. You're beautiful and smart and I'll never find someone like you again. I have to be very stupid, ne, Yuki?"
He smiles again, but doesn't say anything about my last sentence. He really must be weak.
*** Later ***
We're lovers again. Of course I moved back into the apartment. Yuki's still a bit thin, but not as skinny as he was once. And he's still distant and withdrawn. But he tries to open up. I don't think about leaving anymore. I know I couldn't. Because I know what will happen to him.
So I stay.
I love him.
Do I?
Yes.
At least I hope so.
Owari
A/N:
I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired! ???!!!
I think I'll post an alternative ending as well, an unhappy one. . . ^___^ I NEED that!!!
Disclaimer: not mine
He opens his eyes. Despair in them. He doesn't believe me.
"You will leave me again." he whispers. "You left me and you'll do it again."
"No, Yuki, I won't. I won't leave you again. I love you."
"That's what you said before and then you left. I don't believe you, Shindou."
I nearly cry. But I understand him. He's right. I told him I loved him and then I left. And now he's a wreck. Because of me. Where is my strong beautiful cool Yuki? All that's left is a weak desperate Eiri-san. I take him in my arms again. And again, he's too weak to refuse.
"Yuki. . . Yuki, please forgive me. Please. I love you. I don't know why I said I didn't love you anymore. I was just sad that you were so cold and never said you loved me. I wanted to hurt you. I didn't realise how much I hurt myself. And now I know that I love you and. . ."
I can't talk anymore. All I can do is crying. And I cry. My head on his chest again. I hear his heartbeat. It's so soothing. I feel his arms around me.
"Shuichi no baka. . . So stupid." His voice is so quiet. I look at him through my tears. He's smiling. A rare smile. Just for ME!!! Ha!
I missed this rare smile so much.
I stop crying. I'm just lying there. In his arms. The safest place in the world.
Maybe I shouldn't be here. I'm just making him miserable.
But I see what he's without me. He's nearly dead. He needs me. Desperately. I'm afraid because of this despair. It's too much.
But I can't leave him. He would kill himself. And it would be my fault.
And don't I love him after all? Yes, I do.
What am I supposed to do? I want to stay. But is it good for him? I hope so. Really.
I look at him. He's fallen asleep. How beautiful he is. Even now, skinny and weak.
I don't want to wake him up. But I have to.
"Yuki. . . Yuki, wake up."
He yawns and smiles at me, before his face pales.
"It. . . was not a dream?"
I have to laugh. "No, it wasn't. I'm here, Yuki, and I will stay with you."
He looks away, but his arms tighten around me. I sigh. "I want to be with you again, Yuki. I love you."
"Why did you leave me? I asked you that before, didn't I? I can't remember."
I nod. "You did. You asked me and I said I didn't love you anymore."
His eyes are so sad. "What made you think you didn't love me anymore? What did I do?"
"You did nothing. You were just so. . . distant. You're always distant and I should be used to it, but I'm not. Sometimes I can't stand that, Yuki."
"So it was because of me."
"No. You were just being yourself. And that's not wrong or I'd never have fallen in love with you. So it has to be something wrong with me. You know, the whole time I thought how stupid I was to leave someone like you. You're beautiful and smart and I'll never find someone like you again. I have to be very stupid, ne, Yuki?"
He smiles again, but doesn't say anything about my last sentence. He really must be weak.
*** Later ***
We're lovers again. Of course I moved back into the apartment. Yuki's still a bit thin, but not as skinny as he was once. And he's still distant and withdrawn. But he tries to open up. I don't think about leaving anymore. I know I couldn't. Because I know what will happen to him.
So I stay.
I love him.
Do I?
Yes.
At least I hope so.
Owari
A/N:
I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired! ???!!!
I think I'll post an alternative ending as well, an unhappy one. . . ^___^ I NEED that!!!