DISCLAIMER: We don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! and any other movie, book or any copyrighted stuff I mention or mock in this fic. Don't sue us, or we'll countersue your arse.

Mortos: Heya there!

Horus: Now's the time for another random chapter. And you'll see what we have in store.

Enigmae: Not to confuse any readers, and to satisfy the readers who prefer this or that name, we'll hand out a handy name guide of all the characters and a guide of the names we'll be using.

Because they're called differently in Japanese and in English. Here're the names:

Guide:

A) explains the Japanese name.

B) explains the English name.

C) explains the transformed name, or what we'll be using.

A) Yugi Motou

B) Yugi Moto

C) Yugi Motou

A) Pharaoh/King of Games/Yami

B) Pharaoh/YuGiOh (bad translation of Yugi-ou, which means King of Games)/Yami

C) Yami

A) Anzu Mazaki

B) Tèa Gardner

C) Anzu "Tèa" Mazaki

A) Katsuya Jounoichi

B) Joseph Wheeler

C) Jounoichi Katsuya, abbreviating as Joey

A) Hiroto Honda

B) Tristan Taylor

C) Honda "Tristan" Hiroto

A) Pegasus J. Crawford

B) Maximillion Pegasus

C) Maximillian Pegasus

A) Ryou Bakura

B) Bakura

C) Ryou Bakura

A) Tomb Robber/Yami Bakura

B) Tomb Robber

C) Yami Bakura

A) Saito Kaiba

B) Seto Kaiba

C) Seto Kaiba

A) Mokuba Kaiba

And it stays like that.

A) Ryouuji Otogi

B) Duke Devlin

C) Ryouuji "Duke Devlin" Otogi

A) Malik Ishtar

B) ???

C) Malik Ishtar

A) Isis Ishtar

B) ???

C) Isis Ishtar

A) Shaadi

B) Shadi

C) Shaadi

A) Solomon Motou

And it stays like that.

Enigmae: Missing one? Tell me.

Anubis: We've been calling the cast a lot. Sometimes they aren't home and we have to stand the answering messages. They're kinda funky, ya know...

Sekhmet: So we've decided to show you guys that read us every answering message we've got, in this random chapter we call...

CHAPTER 5: The attack of the funky answering machines

YUGI'S HOUSE:

Solomon's line:

"Hello. You're talking to the Turtle Game Shop hotline. We've got the cards and you know it. Leave your name, message and telephone or just an order and I'll get straight to you."

Yugi's line:

"Hello, this is Yugi. Leave your message after the tone. Cheers!"

Yami's line:

"Hello, Yami speaking. In this moment I'm not available, but if you leave a message after the tone, maybe I'll bother on answering you."

TÉA'S HOUSE:

Téa's line:

"Hello! In this moment Téa can't answer you, but leave a message after the tone! Hee hee hee!"

Parent's line:

"Hello. You're talking to the Mazaki house. Leave a message after the tone, or just call to the cell phone. Thanks."

MAI'S HOUSE:

"Hello there, Joey speaking. You're talking to Mai's home, leave a message after the tone. How was it, Mai?"

JOEY AND SERENITY'S HOUSE:

Joey's line:

"Greetings. You're talking at Katsuya Interdeco. If you want interior decoration, talk to da man. Leave your message after the tone!"

Joey's personal line:

"Hello, this is Joey speaking. Leave a message after the tone. Mai, come over and make my answering machine message already!"

Serenity's line:

"This is Serenity. Please leave a message after the tone!"

Father's line:

"Hello. Mr. Katsuya speaking. Please leave a message after the tone."

Mother's line:

"Hello, Ms. Katsuya speaking. Please leave-"

TRISTAN'S HOUSE:

Tristan's line:

"Hello. This is Tristan. If you're from Microsoft, please consider adding my name to the spelling checker. It AutoCorrect's to Triton in my version. If not, leave a message."

RYOU'S HOUSE:

Ryou's line:

"Hello. This is Ryou, please leave a message after the tone. And those people who flood my machine with empty messages, I'll personally track you down and eliminate you. Thanks."

Yami Bakura's line:

"Hello, this is Mistah Evil Bakura. Leave your message... after the tone. Mhmhmhmhmhmhm..."

KAIBACORP, KAIBALAND AND KAIBA MANSION:

KAIBACORP, Lines 1, 2 and 4:

"You're talking to Seto Kaiba, CEO of KAIBACORP. Please leave your message after the tone."

KAIBACORP, Line 3:

"Stop talking here, Chihuahua."

KaibaLand, Lines 2, 4 and 5:

"You're talking to Mokuba Kaiba, CEO of KaibaLand. Please leave a message after the tone!"

KaibaLand, Line 1:

"Joey, cut it off."

Kaiba Mansion, Seto's line:

"Hello there. This is Kaiba, please leave your message after the tone."

Kaiba Mansion, Mokuba's line:

"Hello there. This is Kaiba, please leave your message after the tone."

Kaiba Mansion, Computer's line:

"Hello there. This is NOT Kaiba, please DON'T leave messages after the tone. Just kidding, do what you want."

KaibaLand Lines 3 and 6, KAIBACORP's lines 5 and 6, and the other 3 lines at Kaiba Mansion are used in Internet.

"EEEEoop... groeeok... eeeeeurrurru... OHeeOHeOH- buzz- bshshshshshshshshzzzzzzzzzznyegnyegnynyegbzbzbzbshshshshshs.... EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEEEE/EEEEEE-"

RYOUUJI "DUKE DEVLIN" OTOGI'S LINE:

Ryouuji's house:

"You're talking to Ryouuji Otogi's line. Please leave a message after the tone. And Pegasus, please consider our contract, or I'll have to ask... Seto Kaiba. Ugh, that idiot gives me the cree-"

MAXIMILLIAN PEGASUS' LINES:

Industrial Illusions line:

"Hello. You're talking to Industrial Illusions. Please leave a message after the tone."

Mansion, detecting any person's line:

"This is Pegasus. Please leave a message after the tone."

Mansion, detecting Kaiba's lines:

(Funny Bunny voice):

"Hey Kaiba! Hey Kaiba! Hey Kaiba! Hey Kaiba! Hey Kaiba! Hey Kaiba! Hey Kaiba!"

ISHTAR'S HOUSEHOLD LINES:

Malik's line:

"This is Malik. Please leave a message after the tone... unless you're one o' those hairdressers who were harassing me last Friday..."

Yami Malik's line:

(Hypnotic voice)

"You are talking to Yami Malik. You are a slave of Yami Malik. You will do whatever Yami Malik will tell you to do. You'll leave a message after the tone."

Isis's line:

"This is Isis. I know who you are, I know what are you were calling for, and I know your number, so please just leave your name and I'll get to you."

________________________________________

Mortos: And someone, Kaiba hater, of course, sent us this little song:

Joy to the world, 'cause Kaiba's dead!

We're making a parade!

We got a fireworks sta-a-ash

Blowing up from Kaiba's a-a-arse

Mokuba's crying like a mutt

'Gonna kill him, 'cause he's a nut

Oh joy to the world, with all the Kaiba's dead!

Mortos: ...Oh man. We also received a rap song about Anzu "Tèa" Mazaki. But our censorship contract doesn't let us broadcast it. Wanna clue? It's called "Slut".

Horus: Next chapter continues the plot. It's called "See Me Later". Hope you like.