Chapter Four: The Velvet Box
/I would still know the way that would lead me back to your side. /
Even though I wasn't the one who had pulled the trigger on Ryou that morning, I felt overwhelmingly responsible for his demise. Instead of cherishing the silvery-haired child's presence, I had turned my back on him the vast majority of the time. Why I had done so was a mystery I could not even unravel myself. What was I so afraid of? Having someone love me and doing the same for them? Was I truly that egotistical and delusional enough to think that I was somehow better off alone? While questions from the past burdened my heart and shoulders, macabre recollections of all the mayhem I had put my hikari through strained my mind.
Drawing in a deep breath, I opened the door to my vehicle and stepped out onto the grass below. The weather was simply gorgeous today; puffy cumulous clouds dotted the sky as glittering rays of sunshine seeped through their snowy formations. Springtime couldn't feel any better than this, for the warm temperature and light breeze provided the perfect atmosphere for any outdoor activity. This was the kind of day that Bakura would stay outside all afternoon in, seeking the serene setting of the town's expansive park. Never failing to have a pen and paper on him when inspiration for a poem or story would come to him, the green-eyed boy would stroll along the side of the river while admiring the scenery nature presented to him. His literature was overflowing with the beauty of life and how much he treasured his existence, even though he was extremely sheltered and had me to deal with regularly. After he had returned home from his philosophical journey through the forest, he would babble endlessly about how intriguing a particular flower had blossomed or describe the interesting people he had observed around him. When he was finished telling me of all the simple wonders he had happened upon, he would throw his arms around my neck and give me a smile that was as sunny and radiant as a cherub. A stab of sadness pierced my heart since I realized that I wouldn't be able to return home and witness my hikari gazing up at me with his brilliant emerald eyes, offering me a special smile that only he could re-create.
/The North Star may die, but the light that I see in your eyes would burn there always./
Slamming the door closed to my automobile, I made my way through the overgrown plant life. Vegetation of every variety adorned the meadow I was in, proudly displaying their leaves and blossoms in a stately fashion. Among the pageantry of exquisite flowers and fascinating flora lay the remains of my young counterpart. It had only been a week since Jounouchi and Seto had laid the green-eyed boy to rest here in eternal silent slumber. The funeral service couldn't have been more extravagant, held in a grand cathedral with fragrant white roses in every corner of the building. It was clear that the blond and brunette couple wanted the best for Ryou, since they felt sympathetic towards him for always coming back to me. Only the richest food imported from Europe was allowed to be served at Bakura's ceremony, but no one seemed to have much of an appetite. In the midst of weeping friends, relatives, and acquaintances, Yugi took it upon himself to deliver the eulogy. His sensitive speech touched the hearts of everyone there; his words were extremely well orchestrated and eloquent overall. Even Mutou's Yami had arranged his own separate tribute for my counterpart, his expressions rich with superb metaphors and similes that even the greatest writers in history could not duplicate. Fearing that I would cause some sort of chaos during the somber service, Kaiba persuaded the county court to place a restraining order on me. Bitter with frenzied emotions of remorse, regret, and fury, I peered out at the lavish convention from the shadows. Not only was I strictly forbidden from reciting the sermon I had labored over ever since Bakura had perished, I was also stripped of the opportunity to be one of his coffin bearers. I was forced to stay at least fifty feet away from the quiet gathering at all times so the wealthy executive could make sure that I was removed from the guests completely. To this very day, I still carry a sickeningly high amount of hatred in my soul towards the owner of KaibaCorp for depriving me of the right to be included in Ryou's funeral. I knew I would never be able to forgive the computer-obsessed teenager for what he did to me that day, despite the fact that he had furnished everything for my hikari's memorial service. To make things worse, the dark-haired adolescent treated me like a parasite underneath a microscope, keeping a wary blue eye on me throughout the entire ceremony. Silently glaring at him from behind a wisteria tree, I saw him mimic one of my classic smirks while he signed a sentence that hurt enough to strum the strings of my heart.
/You won't be able to harm him anymore; Yami…your reign of terror has ended over Ryou once and for all. /
Furious that the spoiled technology developer had the nerve to blame Bakura's demise on me, I signed back, /It wasn't my fault, you demented little brat! I saved him from a group of rapists from that low-class high school you attend! Don't you understand that much of the matter? I saved him! /
Joey, who was standing on Seto's left, had been keeping track of our nasty duel of foul language. Letting go of the blue-eyed teen's hand, the blond ended the brutal conflict of words by constructing the one phrase that nearly broke my spirit.
/That's right, you just keep telling yourself that. In reality, we all know the truth: you can't even save yourself. /
Pushing the bad memory from my mind, I knelt down in the pasture and read the inscription on my other half's grave.
In loving memory of our friend who was a beautiful soul. We will all treasure the moments we have shared with you and you will be deeply missed by us. Heaven has already reserved a place for you behind its golden gates, so please be our guardian angel and watch over us.
His Excellency, the mighty pharaoh of ancient Egypt, was the author of the short passage on my hikari's tomb. Once gain, the master duelist had shown his softer side to the world with his artistic choice of vocabulary. He had my envy, for my compositions always seemed to pale in comparison next to his. Yami Yugi was able to win his high school equivalent's affection with romantic pieces of literature, something I was never gifted enough to succeed at. Plucking my sunglasses from my visage, I felt guilty for all the times I refused to do something sentimental for Ryou's sake. When he suggested a dreamy night concerning just the two of us, I'd decline the invitation to hear him retire to his bedroom and cry about his misfortune. Biting down on my lower lip, I sighed wistfully at my turbulent reminiscences. All I ever seemed talented at doing was making the dark-eyed youth lose his self-control.
Folding the jet-black accessory I held, I dropped it into my trench coat pocket. On my knees in front of Bakura's tomb, I fished a picture out of the inside of my jacket. As a soft wind played with my long chrome-colored tresses, I gazed expressionlessly at the photograph. Slightly torn around the edges and faded, the old image was my most prized possession. Taken at a popular arcade across from the high school, the snapshot included all of Ryou's best friends. Yugi sat on a pinball machine, smiling widely as he used the King of Games' head for an arm cushion. Unruffled by the boy's weight balancing on his tri-colored mane, the master duelist had placed his arm lovingly around his younger half's waist. Towards the back of the group stood Seto Kaiba, gazing at the camera with intense sapphire eyes. A phantom grin traced his lips, denoting that he was genuinely content at the moment. In his arms resided Jounouchi who was happy being lifted into the air by his boyfriend. Flashing a trademark peace sign, the bouncy blond added his own personality to the mix with his spirited smirk. Seated to the far right of everyone, Mai and Tea held hands, their dainty fingers twined in between one another. And lastly, in the center of the large cluster of allies was Ryou, kneeling down on his legs with the most peaceful expression on his face. He seemed more comfortable around the collection of teenagers than me…why did he always have to seek out my companionship? Did the emerald-eyed boy secretly like being a masochist? Did he honestly enjoy the occasions in which I knocked him unconscious, or was he sincerely in love with me?
"He loved you more than you will ever know, Spirit." a voice said, pulling me out of my reverie.
Glancing up to see who had answered my thoughts, I saw young Yugi hovering over me. Regarding me with a wistful look, the small adolescent appeared to be on the brink of tears. His big magenta eyes swam with unshed sadness, contradicting his normally cheerful disposition. Lengthy blond bangs of his billowed in the breeze, flapping against his face every once in a while when the wind died down. Cradled in his arms was a bunch of white roses that were still in the form of buds, fresh from the florist. He hugged the long-stemmed flowers to his chest, sheltering them from the occasional gusts of wind that blew past us.
"Maybe so, maybe not." I replied with a casual shrug in my standard flippant tone. "I guess I'll never know the extent of his feelings for me, due to h-his--"
Unable to complete my statement, I closed my mouth and turned my head to the side. Yugi probably believed the ridiculous rumors that Seto spread throughout the town about me, so I didn't dare to vocalize the events surrounding Ryou's death.
Suppressing the urgent need to cry, I whispered, "I don't care what Kaiba has been saying to you or the rest of your uninformed comrades…I don't have to live up to anyone's expectations."
Placing a consoling hand on my shoulder, the small boy said softly, "That's right, you don't."
"You mean to say you believe my story about what really happened that morning?" I asked, truly amazed that he didn't immediately condemn me to hell.
"Pharaoh and I know the truth, Spirit. We both understand that you were a hero that day and not the criminal."
"Hero?" I repeated, shaking my head in astonishment. "Not even remotely true. I was just the arrogant bystander that couldn't protect Bakura from the blast of the firearm. In the end, I proved to him that I was nothing but a--"
Lightly pressing his finger against my lips, the little child contested my speech. "Yami, you did all you could for him."
"But I wasn't able to save him!"
Nodding his head slowly, the petite adolescent let a ghost of a smile appear on his mouth. "Yes, you did save him, but not in the way that you thought he needed to be."
"I don't understand." I said flatly, eyeing the high school student closely.
"Ryou needed someone to bring him out of his own little world." explained Yugi, fussing with the roses he held. "While everyone in class was talking or amusing themselves with calculator games, Bakura would be as quiet as a sleeping kitten, studying the pages of the latest novel he checked out of the library. Other students would try to converse with him, but he was too shy to open up to anybody. Eventually, people just gave up on attempting to acquire a friendship with him."
"But he had you kids, didn't he?" I pointed out, hooking some of my hair behind an ear of mine.
"True enough." agreed the magenta-eyed teen, sighing sadly to himself. "After a while, we discovered that he would only let us get so close to him before he scampered back behind all those steel walls he had."
"Steel walls?" I repeated, my attention fixed solely on him now.
"Defense mechanisms, if you want to be precise about the matter." said the spiky-haired boy, adjusting the curling ribbon tied to the flowers. Twisting the white decoration with an index finger, he studied the texture of the ornament as if in deep thought.
Clearing my throat with a cough, I filled in the awkward gap of silence by thinking out loud. "Those so-called 'defense mechanisms' you speak of…they sound strangely familiar to me."
Giving me a sad smile, the petite child bent down beside me. Resting a small hand on top of mine, he stroked my skin in such a delicate fashion that I was instantly reminded of Ryou. Without giving my action a second thought, I jerked my limb away from the magenta-eyed boy. Appearing to be hurt by my abrupt gesture, the little teenager lowered his head in a defeatist manner.
"I'm so sorry." apologized the spiky-haired boy, staring at the ground. "It's still too soon to be discussing this sort of thing. I won't pressure you to say anymore to me."
Tenderly setting the beautiful blossoms on Bakura's burial chamber, the magenta-eyed teenager neatly arranged them. When he was pleased with the assembly of budding flowers, he gave them a half-hearted grin and helped himself to his feet. Dusting himself off with small shaky hands, the petite adolescent reached into his pants to retrieve his car keys.
Turning to face me, Yugi dangled the array of silver items while saying, "I suppose I should be leaving now, since Pharaoh is waiting for me at home. We're going out to Capital Plaza to do some last-minute shopping."
"Oh." I said, unsure of how to reply to his statement. "Have fun, Little One."
Bobbing his head forwards and backwards, the spiky-haired teenager offered me a grim smile before walking off in the direction of the sunset. Alone again in the cemetery, I basked in the eerie quietness hanging in the air and prickling my skin. Suddenly, my world evolved into a depressing, dangerous space drowning me in feelings of loneliness and misery. I had a mind that resembled a dry, cracked desert accompanied by a heart that was the same as a barren wasteland. A desperate sensation of longing filled me, the absolute need and desire to be held, to be cherished. In general, I wished to be the keeper of someone's heart, and I would hand them mine just so that I could belong to someone. Love is what I was hoping for, what my bleak soul required. Shivering in the field from my cold sense of self-worth, I whimpered into the wind. Everyone in life was passing me by with places to go and people to see while I sat in a graveyard keeping company with those in the land of the dead. Finally, I realized that I was as cold and inactive as the spirits in their catacombs. Without my cultured counterpart, I was nothing. More or less, I'm as good as dead. Grinding my teeth together painfully, I positioned one of my hands on my upper arm. As I closed my eyes, I dragged my nails over my flesh. While savoring the feeling of tearing my own tissue, I bowed my head. One of Ryou's speeches seeped through my brain, his edgy voice gnawing at the inside of my ears.
/No one…you have no one. Nobody to play with, you're all alone in the nursery up against a wall while other children pass you by with their friends and romantic interests. /
Ah, yes, the truth has a vile tendency of hurting sometimes…especially now more than ever. I couldn't stand how right he was then, how completely true his little talk with me was. Why? Why did I do every nasty thing invented to push him away from me? Why did I do that to everyone that was trying to be civil to me? Just what the hell was wrong with me so bad that I had to isolate myself from the rest of everything living on this planet? Cracking under the stress of my own thoughts, I let my fingers delve deeper into my weary body.
/Someone…anyone…save me, please./ I whimpered silently to myself like a frightened little child seeking shelter in a cold alley way at night. /Jounouchi was right, too…I just can't do it alone. I can't save myself. I couldn't rescue Ryou, and I sure as hell can't even save myself./
Suddenly, as if an angel from the heavens decided to grant me a wish that I didn't deserve, a foreign limb squeezed my shoulder. Ecstatic that my prayer had been answered, I lifted my head to see who had came to me.
"Did I startle you, Yami?" inquired the magenta-eyed teenager, his eyes full of worry.
Softly, I shook my head. "No…I was hoping that some one would appear by my side soon to grant me company."
Bewildered by my emotional response, the tiny adolescent gave me a funny look. He scratched his cheek, wondering if he heard me correctly or not. Entertained by his puzzled expression, I laughed out loud.
"What's so funny, Spirit?" he asked, a frown on his lips.
Still smiling in amusement, I replied, "Just the way you look right now, that's all."
"Oh, that's real nice to say." pouted Yugi, molding his features into an expression of unhappiness. "That's just what I wanted to hear today."
Laughing once more, I attempted to cover up my insulting sentence with a poor apology. "Come now, Little one, I meant no disrespect by what I said. Don't take my words literally."
Yugi narrowed his eyes at me, taken aback by my suddenly human nature. "Are you trying to apologize to me, Yami?"
"I guess so…in a roundabout manner, though."
He stared at me in pure amazement, dropping his hand to his side. "Oh, Ra…" he whispered, clearly astounded by my words, "is this the end of life as I know it?"
"I just said 'I'm sorry' to you, what's so wrong with that?"
"The fact that you never say that to anyone."
Smiling at him good-naturedly, I opposed his line of thought. "Yes I do."
"Since when?" asked the spiky-haired boy, arching an eyebrow as he spoke.
"Didn't I just say that I was sorry?"
Rolling his purple-red eyes, the youthful half of the King of Games rubbed his temple. "You've got me there."
"So, what brings you back here?" I asked, switching topics spontaneously. "I thought you had to go to the mall or something of the sort.
Pausing in massaging his hairline, the small adolescent said, "Oh, we're still going, but that will be later on. I forgot something here."
"What, are you going to take the flowers back with you?"
Glaring at me, the magenta-eyed teen replied, "No, I'm not a tomb robber, Yami. The roses stay here with Bakura."
"Then what else is there you could have left here?" I asked, truly at a loss. "I didn't see you drop anything on your way out."
"It's not what I left here," clarified the sorter individual, tucking his hand into his clothes. "it's what I should have done here."
Sifting through the pocket of his over-sized jacket, Yugi closed his eyes. Lines of anxiety creased his brow as he searched the inside of his coat. Muttering to himself under his breath, he dug his other hand into the opposite pouch.
"It has to be here somewhere…Pharaoh reminded me to get it while I was in my room."
After he confirmed that the mysterious object he was looking for wasn't in his jacket, he searched the contents of his pants. At last he found the item he was searching for and pulled it out into the open, concealing it within the shelter of his palm.
"Thank the gods I didn't lose it or leave it in my drawer." smiled the tiny teenager as he sighed with relief.
"I assume it is for Ryou, then?" I guessed, eyeing his small hand.
"Well, it's a little trinket he gave me the honor of watching."
"He was a sentimental individual…I know he'll be thrilled to see that you've taken care of one of his presents to you for so long."
"It's not mine."
Peering up at him in confusion, I inquired, "It's not?"
He moved his head from side to side, verifying what he had stated.
"Then whose is it?"
"Yours." the petite adolescent answered, sticking his hand out at me.
Glancing back and forth from his outstretched limb to his cherub-like features, I drummed my fingers on my legs. A gift? From Bakura to me? What was it? Why did the emerald-eyed boy want to give me something? Reaching in front of myself, I hesitated in accepting my hikari's present.
"Go on," urged the young duelist, wiggling his hand. "take it. It's yours, you know."
"I've never gotten one of these before."
"One of what?" questioned the spiky-haired child, cocking his head to the side.
"A gift. I've never received one from anyone."
"Really?"
"Don't rub it in, mortal." I grumbled, glowering at him ferociously. "I'm not fond of taunting."
"Neither am I." stated the magenta-eyed adolescent, switching his weight to his other foot. "I'm just surprised that you've never had that chance."
"Whatever." I snapped, gritting my teeth in annoyance.
"But there's a first time for everything." grinned the tiny teenager, placing the object into my waiting palm.
A velvet box lay in my open hand, the white fabric gleaming in the remaining daylight. Tied securely to the container was a silver ribbon fashioned into a bow, resting on top of the material. Bringing the little package closer to myself, I noticed that a piece of paper was caught in the coils of the trimming.
Playing with the slip of stationary, I asked, "What is this?"
"A message from him to you." explained the spiky-haired boy, gazing at the container I held. "Feel free to read it."
"Have you already seen it?"
"Nu-uh. I had specific instruction to leave it unopened. It's for your eyes only."
Finally, I gave in to my curiosity. "And how did you end up with my present, something that you couldn't open yourself?"
"Afraid of rejection, Bakura wanted me to bestow this to you on his birthday, which was--"
"The day he passed away." I finished, my vision dropping to the ground. "He was going to give me a gift on his own birthday."
Nodding sadly, the little child said, "He yearned for your happiness, Spirit. Ryou desired to help you achieve that much in your existence."
"Just how was he going to do such a thing?"
"By giving you that." he said, pointing to the box.
"How is a shred of cardboard supposed to show me the path to enlightenment?"
"Read the letter, and it will all come together." promised Yugi, turning away from me.
"Wait!" I cried, jumping to my feet. "Where are you going?"
"Back home to Pharaoh." he said, walking down the dirt path to his automobile. "Besides, I probably need to leave you alone while you pour over that--"
"Stay with me."
Freezing in his tracks, the spiky-haired boy peered over his shoulder at me. "What?"
"I'd like you to be with me…at least until I'm finished viewing what Ryou wrote."
"You wish for me to remain with you?"
"Only if you aren't too busy."
"I don't know about that, since I--I--" glancing nervously at my visage, he straightened his clothes as his voice faded off into the distance.
Waving him off, I said, "It's okay, you can go…I know your boyfriend is waiting for you to return tonight."
"I didn't say I couldn't hang around here--"
"You didn't say you could, either." I countered, fingering the string on the velvet container.
Biting his lower lip, the tiny teenager contemplated the situation before him. Sighing to himself, the magenta-eyed child thrust his hand in his coat once again. Moments later, he removed a little gray phone from his pocket. Flipping the technical device open, he dialed local number with a ready thumb. After several rings, a deep voice answered Yugi's call.
"Hello, sweetheart, it's me." I heard him say into the receiver, pacing back and forth as he carried out his conversation. Instantaneously, I knew his older counterpart was the one he was talking to. The tiny teenager was completely devoted to the master duelist, and he only used affectionate titles like the one he said previously to the love of his life. "I'm going to be a little late tonight, so don't leave without me. Yes, I know we've got a lot to do, but there's someone here who needs me right now…I just gave Ryou's millennium spirit the velvet box I've been holding for him. He wants me to stay with him while he reads the letter attached to it. No, I promise it won't be long. Alright, I'll be home as soon as possible. Kisses, darling." With a slight blush on his cheeks, the spiky-haired child added, "I love you, too, my precious fallen angel." Snapping the phone closed, he shoved the high-tech tool where he had it before. "I'm all yours now, Yami." smiled the tiny teen, strolling up to meet me once more.
Returning his grin with one of my own, I plucked the note off of the package. Yugi, who had seated himself right next to me, was eagerly waiting for me to unfold the letter. Using my nails to scrape off the tape binding the memo closed, I grew impatient. Cutting the constricting material off the sides of the letter, I threw the last section of it into a daisy patch behind us. With the note free of any sticky matter holding it shut, I sat on the brink of spreading it out before us. Exchanging an uneasy glance with the young duelist, I let my fingers pass over its smooth surface. Swallowing a hard lump down my throat, I toyed with the edges of the stationary I had in my grasp. I didn't know how I knew this, but, for some reason or another, I had the strangest feeling that my fate, my whole destiny, was outlined in the words of Ryou's letter. Something within the lines of my hikari's note would somehow alter my perception on life as I had come to understand it. In the end, my life was about to be changed forever…and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it all from happening. Desperately needing to hear the voice of my deceased counterpart, I unraveled the sheet of stationary between the magenta-eyed boy and myself, aching to feel Bakura's presence.