"When Dawn Comes"
By Kimra
Part V
There was nothing to stop the tears from flooding down her face. No possible forgiveness for her own actions, although she had no idea what they where. All she knew was that he would hate her more now, that things would crumble, fall apart from what ever balance they had been hanging in. She couldn't understand why it hurt so much that even there petty fights would probably come screeching to a halt, or shift into something different, something less forgiving.
She had seen his surprise, maybe disgust, she couldn't say for certain. But there had been one emotion deep in his sea swept eyes that she knew without a doubt, regret. And she couldn't help but shudder at the memory of that expression.
Another sob escaped her trembling mouth, and her awareness shifted to the room around her. She was temporarily afraid her mother could hear her, would barge in and know. It was a stupid fear, but she couldn't overwhelm it. The soft weight of fur against her arm's and the tickle of a cold nose reminded her of company.
Serena looked down at her guardian and immediately thought off all the reactions Luna would have when she found out. She could see the disappointment and shame Luna would direct to her. But she wondered if anyone, even her constant companion could equal the sickening shame she felt burying itself in the pit of her stomach.
"It's okay. There's nothing wrong with drinking spiked drinks. It happens. I'm sorry for shouting at you this morning. I should have trusted you to get home on your own. I was just worried."
Tears slowed enough to hear the cat who had pressed her head in against her arm in an affectionately sweet manner.
"You had left the moon wand at home, and I went to give it to you, in case there was a battle. But you weren't there, you weren't at Molly's, and…" Luna wavered and Serena looked down into her cat's worried eyes. "And I didn't know where you where." Luna continued solemnly staring into her charges eyes and Serena saw the question her cat was refraining from asking.
Again she cracked, the small shield she had managed to build to listen to the cat shattered into a thousand pieces and she was crying into her hands again. She tried to not cry, but the more she fought it the louder the sobs became. She knew Luna was watching her, trying desperately to help her, to calm her down, and as the sound of Luna's distressed voice penetrated her foggy hearing Serena fought for control.
She thought she had it, control. She even had the words in her head, how to tell Luna, for surely Luna needed to- deserved to know. "I slept with Darien." She chocked it out, her voice breaking on his name and the tears rushed out again breaking down the small barrier of control she had erected. She felt like crying even when she realised how stupidly she had said it. She was sure, though she couldn't think how, she could have made herself sound less like a whore.
"What?" Luna screamed, her eyes bulging out. It wasn't the exact look Serena had been expecting, but then she hadn't been planing to shock the creature, just tell it. "What did you say?" Luna beg-demanded suddenly in a sharp but quite voice.
Serena chocked a bit, trying to fight the tears as the cat stared at her still. "I slept with Darien." She repeated drawing in a sharp breath of air to compliment the sobbing lack of it.
"I head that!" Luna shouted, agitation most evident in her voice. "B-but-" Serena felt the cat shifting her weight on the bed. "I mean- What did- When- Ho- how?" The cat managed to stutter out.
Serena didn't look at Luna at that moment, to ashamed to be able to make eye contact.
"I don't remember." She whispered, the first sentence she had managed to complete without her voice cracking since the conversation began.
"What?" Luna hissed, and Serena unconsciously shifted away from her.
"I-" Serena's voice left her once more, leaving her to sob a few times before she could continue. "I can remember him handing me a drink."
"Darien?" Luna hissed with such venom Serena was shocked and her response, however unreasonable it seemed to both of them was immediate.
"No! He- he wasn't even there! At the party. It was Molly's birthday. I meant that boy, I don't even remember who it was, someone from school I swear! Not Darien!" She was pleading, pleading his case and she didn't even know why, parts of her told her to let it go but unnameable parts leapt to his defence.
"Then how did you end up sleeping with him?" Luna demanded, her tail flicking like a whip, and Serena realised it wasn't because of her, it was what she was saying that was sending Luna into a rage.
"I don't know!" Serena cried angry, angry with herself and the situation. She was the Campion of Justice, she was meant to be responsible, not getting blind drunk and waking up in stranger's beds. "I swear. I just drank that stupid drink, and the next thing I know the communicators beeping and I was just so tired Luna! I just wanted to sleep, and I turned it off! I should have listened to you! Maybe it wouldn't have been too late, maybe that was before we…" She froze a little her voice catching, she couldn't say it. 'Made love' sounded so wrong for the situation, but anything else made her sound like more of a tramp then she felt like she was. "Before we, did anything." She managed to chock out, trying to ignore the consoling look Luna was giving her. "And then I woke up this morning and I found out! And I can't remember a thing! Not a thing." She paused, then whispered. "I'm not sure if I want to remember."
There was another pause. A pause that drew every string in the room to a tight line, a pause that made Serena's nerves pulsate with tension. And all that she could feel beyond the tension was the hot furnace of anger that radiated from the small black cat beside her.
"That fiend!" Luna screeched with pure anger, shattering the tension. And before Serena could do anything, before any response could be made the cat was jumping out of the window.
"No!" Serena shouted as she lunged after the cat, but all she could see was the black streak as it speed through the bushes. Her eye travelled the path of the cats exit carefully hoping, but she knew with an instinct akin to knowledge where the cat was heading.
"Serena! What's all the shouting about?" There was a pounding sound and Serena jerked herself back to stare at the closed door.
"What?" Serena asked the door, unbelieving, thoughts where racing through her head again and her mothers presence seemed too out of place.
"I heard shouting. And you weren't responding. Are you okay in there?" Her mother was beginning to sound a little worried and a little annoyed. Serena glanced down at herself. Still limping on one shoe, still dressed in the soiled and crumpled clothes she had come home in.
"I'm fine mum, I just had the radio on a bit loud." Funny how once you start lying they come so easily to you. Like a floodgate opened and the rest is as natural as gravity, or is it hydraulics?
"It didn't sound like music, honey are you sure you're okay? I brought some Chicken Broth up for you." It was the pleading voice trying to beg her access through the locked door.
"No thanks mum, I'm still not feeling very well, I don't think I could keep it down." Her hands were fumbling with her shoe, trying to wrench it off. She needed to change, before her mother managed to ween her way into the room. The shoe flung across the room with a crack.
"What was that dear?" Her mother called, still directly through the door.
"It was just umm…" She glanced for a second, and faltered. Funny how when you get used to the lies coming so easily they sometimes fail you completely. "What was what?" Ohhh, way to go Serena. She crinkled her face up in anticipation of the demand but nothing came. There was a soft sigh on the other side of the door but no explosion.
"I'll be down stairs if you want anything sweety, just call out." And the miracle of retreating footsteps had never sounded so appealing to her.
Problem one. Downstairs. Serena cheered for herself. Problem two- Her eye jumped back to the windowsill but there was still no cat. Her eyes closed for just a second as she contemplated the options. Shit.
She realised there was no time to change. The cat was heading for the arcade, the stupid level headed cat had just blown her top. And without contemplating the reason Serena knew she had to stop Luna. Of course there where several reasons to stop a talking cat when it was on a rampage but not one of them filtered to Serena at that moment, all she knew was it had to be stopped.
She yanked her draw open, scanning quickly for the beloved object and found the small pen. She lifted it above herself and clenched her eyes shut.
"Luna Pen Make Up. Make me look clean." And the magic swirled around her, engulfing her with the burning feeling of power and faded. She wondered when she glanced at herself if the pen knew more what she wanted then she did. She was in a pair of black jeans, with a dark pink long sleaved shirt over the top. She felt comfortable, and thankfully unexposed. But most importantly her face wasn't blotchy from crying and the vomit was no longer visible in her hair and on her clothes.
She didn't bother with a token pose before she slipped out of her window. Praying her mother didn't check on her while she was gone. And praying she could stop the cat before it did anything rash.