"When Dawn Comes"
By Kimra
Part XVII
Serena stared out the class room window, watching the rain that spat against the glass sheets and slid down into oblivion, oddly fascinated. It wasn't often that she found a storm of interest, usually she was too terrified that lightning would emerge in the storm to spare a thought for the beauty of it all. However somewhere between sleep and reality where her mind seemed to linger these days, she managed to find the beauty in it.
"All right class, remember to read chapter eight in your English text books, we have a test tomorrow." Miss Haruna's continued to ramble, ignored by the blond who's unfocused eyes remained fixated on the window.
It wasn't until the rest of the class began to move that Serena realised the school day was over. Tiredly she stood. The knowledge that she could recognise Justin had lost all it's appeal in less then two seconds, and once more her insomnia riddled mind hazed and returned to more troubling thoughts.
It had been easy, at first. Being happy about clearing matters with Darien up. It had been so easy. She had returned to the arcade chirpy and buoyant. She had ordered a fresh Sunday, played a couple of Sailor V games, and even had an animated conversation with Andrew. Then she had left the arcade and made her way home. But there was something nagging still, too many unanswered questions.
"Serena."
Serena looked up at the familiar voice, and met Amy's soft blue gaze.
"Oh, hey Amy." Serena mumbled looking down at her table. She pushed the nagging thoughts aside, taking a measure of control over her sleep dishevelled mind.
"You don't have detention today Serena." Amy said carefully. Serena frowned at the words and looked back up at her friend. There was concern obvious in Amy's expression, and Serena remembered that class had been dismissed already. Her eyes flicked about the room to find it still had one or two students lingering.
Serena gave a half laugh, not meeting Amy's eyes. "I know that." Her voice came out a little mocking, but she didn't cringe at her friends possible reaction, she couldn't slip now. She pushed herself away from the classroom desk, gathering her things haphazardly and threw them into her bag. Then walked to the exit.
She knew Amy was by her side as she left the classroom, and knew there was nothing she could do that change that. No matter how many secrets she had, Amy was still one of her best friends. So she kept a casual pace as she made her way home, her eyes flicking to her friend every few seconds to try and fathom what she was thinking.
She appreciated the silence between them, hoping that it would remain for the entire journey but knowing it wouldn't.
As if on que, Amy began. "Your not avoiding us are you Serena?" It was asked so earnestly Serena was prompted to respond immediately.
"No of course not!" It came out indignant, and immediately Serena scolded herself, this was her friend and she had responded as if asked something sinful.
Amy didn't seem to mind the sharpness in Serena's tone, instead she watched her friend with sincere blue eyes. "So your coming tonight?" There was a tinge of pleading and uncertainty in the softly spoken girls voice but the words made Serena reel.
Was she coming tonight? In the back of her mind Serena processed that Amy was referring to a sleep over at the temple. She had heard Lita mention it early when passing her, but had already decided against it. Just as she had decided against the last three sleep overs.
But after her indignant response to the question of avoidance she knew she would need a good response. Unfortunately any response failed her, especially good ones.
"I…" Serena breathed to give herself time to think. Amy's puppy dog eyes watching her with innocent hope. Serena's mind froze up again. She couldn't keep avoiding them as she had Darien, they didn't do anything wrong, it had all been her. "I don't know." She managed to croak out weakly.
A small frown marred Amy's expression, her lips pursing in determination. Then she looked ahead at the path her pace never faltering, her expression calming to normal.
"Lita's going to cook a feast." It was a soft comment, a random mention but Serena could help but feel it was a bargaining chip being used against her.
Desperately Serena tried to dig up her customary response to such a mention, but didn't thinks he could falsify that much cheeriness. "She always does." Was the only response she managed. She felt Amy turn back to look at her but didn't catch the expression before Amy was looking ahead again.
"Raye's not going to turn it into a scout meeting either." Another pause.
Serena didn't trust herself to speak.
"And I don't really feel like studying tonight, so maybe we can watch a movie and catch up" Amy continued gently.
Serena's heart sank at the words, her conscience pressing down on her body like lead. "Sure Ames I'll be there." She replied quietly all the while drowning in the sinking feeling of inevitability.
Serena was late. It was as simple as that. Nothing out of the ordinary, but she was still flustered about her lateness. She had asked her mother for permission, and the lady had been so ecstatic that Serena was doing something it had scared her. Luna had been missing, but Serena assumed the cat would be able to find her if she needed to. But all up, trying to calm her hyper mother and find her errant cat had taken a lot more time then she had expected.
She hadn't been in much of a rush to go to the sleep over, but she didn't want to be late. Didn't want to give Raye something to hate her for.
A lump formed in her throat at the thought of her friend as she continued her sprint for the temple. She tried to remind herself that she'd spoken to Darien, that nothing would ever be said about it again, and that Raye would never discover the extent of her betrayal, but it did nothing to remove guilt.
She stumbled up the temple steps, not sparing a thought for them except to curse when she tripped once. Usually they would require a good few grumbles but she was to distracted to volunteer such a reaction.
It was at the top of the stair's half way across the grounds to Raye's room when she heard the voice's of her friends. Again she marvelled at their volume, knowing that if she where inside she would have probably doubled it. It amazed her once more that more people didn't know their secret. Especially since they chose the tranquil grounds of a temple to have their loud discussions in.
Serena walked up to the door, but as she reached for the handle the words caught her attention, and she realised with fatalism they where talking about her.
"I'm worried. She'd been avoiding us." Came skittered through the silent grounds.
Serena's hand jumped back from the door and she stepped back frowning in thought. She knew it would be easy to interrupt their conversation, to pretend she hadn't heard that last sentence, just as easy as it would be to confront them about it. But a confrontation of them would be turned around on her, and she feared that.
"Has anyone noticed how often she's been wearing the Luna Pen? She usually carry's it around, but she doesn't wear it." Amy soft voice filtered through the thick wooden door.
"What do you mean?" Raye asked wearily.
"I think she's using it, but I couldn't tell why because she looked normal."
Serena lent against the wall by the door, her head titled as she debated with her conscience and curiosity. Wasn't this what she wanted? To know what they where thinking, to know if they had noticed.
"No way! Luna would never let her." Came Lita's chagrin response.
"I think their both hiding something from us." Raye muttered darkly. Serena bit into her bottom lip at the words, Raye sounded if nothing else angry at the thought.
"I tried to talk to Serena today. She said she would come, but I don't think she would have even considered it if I hadn't spoken to her." Amy's admittance stung Serena to the core, because more then anything else, she was right. Her body told her to run, she didn't want to hear any more, but for some reason she was rooted to the spot.
"Yeah well, has she told anyone about the Rainbow Crystals yet? Luna's not talking at all." Lita demanded roughly.
"I don't even know how to ask. Especially after his actions towards her."
"We all know Serena's gone on Tux-boy, but…" Raye snapped sharply, a loud sound of movement followed the outburst and Serena stiffened, wondering if Raye was heading for the door. "But why didn't she tell us?" The voice was closer tot eh door, and Serena shifted away from it silently, now she had been eavesdropping she didn't want to be caught for it.
"We're her best friends, we're Sailor Scouts. She should have volunteered the information the moment it happened."
"Oh yea? I asked her about it. You guys. When you went home after that battle I followed her, and do you know what she said?" There was a dramatic pause, and Serena frowned at the memory of that meeting. "She said she klutzed out!" Lita's voice spoke of disbelief and even slightly fear, a tone Serena was not used to hearing in her tall friend.
"So what's new?" Raye drawled
"Serena never klutzes out." Lita defended. Then hurriedly growled "Not when it's important."
A pause shifted through the air, and Serena moved her weight uncomfortably, staring at the silent door, trying to decide if the conversation was done.
Raye's voice came softly and filled with uncertainty. "So maybe their lying? So we wont attack Tuxedo Mask?"
Serena was indignant at the thought, and clenched her fist's in anger. Only Pyro would think she would keep things from them to protect him. After that last performance she would have told them everything to do with Sailor Moon if she could only remember it.
"I scanned the entire city of Tokyo, there isn't a single trace of rainbow crystal energy anywhere. I've broadened the scan, and it should be finished Japan tonight."
"Why didn't we do that before?"
"We had to know their energy signatures to search for them. Having managed to scan most of the crystals during battles, I now know what to look for now." Amy gave an exasperated sigh. "We had to find them before I could look for them in this way." Another pause and Amy sighed louder. "Just 'because' okay!"
Raye gave a laugh. "Honestly Lita, your as bad as Serena some times."
Serena listened to them as they went on discussing scout business, discussing all sorts of things, but she didn't approach the door until the conversation had moved away from Scout business entirely and she had calmed herself. She knocked on the door and walked in with out a word of excuse for her lateness which she knew was now substantial. And none of them said anything, all conversation seeming to die away with her entrance.
Serena's mind fazed from the video as it went by, she wasn't even sure what it was called, but it didn't hold her attention. Her eye continued to flick from one friend to another. They where trying, trying so hard and she wasn't do anything to help. She had come, but had been silent and withdrawn until they put a movie on in an attempt to break the silence. She could feel their attention was also not on the movie, but she wouldn't say that, it would be an opening for a conversation she did not want to have.
Someone on the screen was giving a dramatic speech the other scouts pretended to be enthralled by. And maybe, in other circumstances they would have enjoyed it. Lita looked a little bored, Amy's expression was studied attention, and Raye, she looked worried. Serena bit into her check at the worry in Raye's expression, considering how that expression would shift if she knew what was really bothering her.
But it was settled, it wouldn't be mentioned, she would forget it. Then why wont you stop thinking about it idiot! She hissed at herself, tiny tears beginning to sting her eyes. She realised she was going to cry, something she had managed to avoid over the last few days.
Sharply she stood, not looking at the startled expression on her friends faces. "I'm going for some air." Serena whispered and was out the door before they could register her expression. She hoped they didn't see the vestiges of tears in her eyes.
Her stomach crushed in on her, her body shaking as she collapsed on the temple stairs, staring out at the night, watching the pinpoint moon high above her. She tried to push thoughts about Darien away, she honestly did, but there was nothing else to occupy her. Her friends where of no use, conversations had come to a dead halt between them, and she couldn't even escape from it all by getting angry with someone because the only person who ever did that with skill was the one person she was trying not to think about.
She tried not to think about things she had successfully avoided that entire day. A nagging at the back of her mind began to play, and all in all she had no idea what was causing the change of mood.
She was happy, she knew inside she was happy, although a frown drew on her face. She was happy that everything was back to normal. Happy the strange division between enemy's had been patched up and hidden. Happy that she hadn't flung herself into Raye's arm's and cried the truth out because the guilt was eating her up. Yes she was happy, but it wasn't all right still.
She wanted to know, as she stared up at the moon, if she was so happy, why was she crying, again. But she never got an answer, because the tears drew her down into sleep.